Both Melody and Becky had a wonderful summer. In late June, the Mivsheks invited Becky on a trip to Grand Rapids to watch a minor league baseball game. In early August, Douglas took the girls fishing. After returning home with two catfish and three trout, Douglas taught them how to clean their catch. No sooner were the fish ready, when Barbara gave the girls a cooking lesson. That night at dinner, Becky took pride in eating the trout she had caught and cooked herself.
“When I was little, I never thought I’d do anything like this,” Becky said in between bites. “You’d have to be suicidal to eat anything out of Lake Saint Clair.”
“Oh, I know what you mean,” Douglas agreed. “I’ve done my share of loads in and out of Detroit. It’s worse than Chicago, dirtiest, filthiest city I’ve ever seen.”
“Do you still miss home?” Melody asked.
“Some things,” Becky answered truthfully. “But right now, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.”
As Melody and Becky smiled at each other, Barbara eyed Becky suspiciously.
***
Like all good things, the summer ended too soon. On the first day of school, Melody groaned as her alarm went off for the first time in almost three months. Her lazy, carefree days were over, and instead of running downstairs with her skateboard, Melody rolled out of bed with a sigh. Despite herself, she smiled at her rocking chair. Set in the corner, it held her new jeans and purple blouse, clothes she had specifically selected to wear on her first day as a sophomore. As she began to dress, she wondered which rock T-shirt Becky would choose to wear.
For both girls, the first week of school had gone well. They were in the same Spanish, English, and Biology classes, but more importantly, they again had lunch together. Though they were happy to have their time together, Melody and Becky both had their separate interests. While Melody was happy to catch up with Coach Heucke and her volleyball teammates, Becky returned to the lacrosse team and also signed up to join a fledgling photography club. On the surface, everything seemed perfect for both girls, but after finishing their second week of school, both Becky and Melody had developed serious issues which they kept hidden from each other.
***
On Friday, Becky walked home after getting off the bus. She had been troubled for some time and wanted to speak with her mother before Walt got home. Though she dreaded the upcoming conversation, Becky believed there were things that had to be said. As soon as she walked through the front door, Becky saw her mother in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a wine glass in her hand. An open bottle of white wine sat on the counter next to her.
“Mom?” Becky asked as she approached cautiously. “Can we talk?”
Susan rolled her eyes at the sight of her daughter. “How much do you need now?” she asked. “That school is always asking for money. What is it? School lunch? Field trip? What?”
“It’s not school, Mom,” Becky answered nervously. “It’s about Walt.”
“What about him?” Susan snapped.
“He’s looking at me.”
Susan scoffed upon hearing something so unimportant. “He lives here. We’re all stuck looking at each other in this dreadful house.”
“No, Mom,” Becky said. “He leers at me like a creep, especially when he drinks. Whenever he was home this summer, I wore oversized shirts and sweatpants. I won’t even wear shorts around him. I don’t like the way he looks at me.”
“Is that all?” Susan answered. “What law is he breaking? What am I supposed to do? Call the police and say he’s looking at you?”
“Just talk to him!” Becky pleaded.
Susan turned her head and grabbed the wine bottle. After pouring herself another drink, she took a sip and looked at her daughter with a smirk. “Walt, stop staring at Becky. If you’re thinking about her when you beat your meat, knock it off.”
The look of shocked disgust on Becky’s face only made Susan laugh. After another gulp of wine, she said, “If he’s looking at you, it’s your own fault.”
“How?”
“Because I had to marry the son of a bitch to get us out of that shelter! It’s all because of you I was there in the first place!” Upon seeing her glass was empty again, Susan grabbed the bottle by the neck and drank directly from it.
“You can’t be serious!” Becky exclaimed. “It’s my fault you married that pervert?”
With slurred speech, Susan answered. “Pervert? Try pathological liar.”
“What?” Becky asked.
“Do you know he lied to me about his age? After we got married, I found out he was twelve years older than what he said he was! Now he’s fat, losing his hair, and I’m stuck in this town with nothing to do.” Susan raised the bottle again and chugged more wine as Becky watched the bubbles rise to the bottom of the bottle. After drinking such a large amount at once, Susan released a belch and wiped her lips with her finger. “Do you know why we’re really here?”
“Walt got laid off,” Becky answered.
“Ha!” Susan replied. “He lied about that too! He got fired for stealing, and he’s lucky he did. There was a sexual harassment case being brought up against him. Guess he dodged that bullet.”
“What?” Becky cried. “And you’ve left me alone with that guy all these years?”
“What are you bitching about?” Susan asked. “He only looks at you. I have to sleep with that slob.”
“You’re unbelievable,” Becky said with a scornful look. “You’re my mother! I’m scared to be in the same room as him! You’re supposed to protect me!”
“Calm the fuck down! I am protecting you, ya little slut!” Susan barked. “You’re lucky I stick around at all! I should be out there looking for someone else!”
Regretting she ever started this conversation; Becky returned her mother’s glare with hate-filled eyes. Unfortunately, she spoke without thinking as her anger got the best of her. “I’m not a slut! You are!” Becky bellowed. “Unlike you, I keep my legs closed and I’m going to graduate!”
Becky did not attempt to duck as she saw her mother’s fist coming at her. Determined to stand her ground without backing down, she stood defiantly as her mother’s knuckles connected with her jaw. Becky was knocked off balance as she fell sideways towards the kitchen table. She tried to grab a chair to keep from falling further, but as her back was turned, Becky took a blow to the head. As the sound of shattering glass filled the room, Becky’s hair and shirt became soaked with wine. The next thing she felt was her cheek on the cool linoleum.
“Get up!” Susan yelled. “Get up or I’ll stomp your face into the floor!”
Becky slowly rose to her feet. Still unwilling to admit defeat, she locked eyes with her mother, despite the stars that continued to streak across her field of vision. “Dad didn’t leave us,” she said. “You drove him away!”
Susan crossed her arms and glared at her daughter with contempt. “I shouldn’t be here, and neither should you. I should have paid someone to punch me in the stomach until I miscarried.”
Having now reached her limit for both physical and emotional pain, Becky turned away. There was only so much she could endure. Knowing she had lost again, Becky surrendered and walked out of the kitchen without a word. As she entered the hallway, her mother called after her. “It’s Friday! You going over to your little friend’s house? Why don’t you stay there? Move in with them so I can get the hell out of here!”
Becky kept her mouth closed as she climbed the stairs. Her head hurt and she was seeing strangely colored shapes floating in front of her eyes. After turning left in the hallway, Becky stumbled past her room and entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Without looking at herself in the mirror, Becky sat on the toilet and placed the wastepaper basket between her feet. Placing her head between her knees, she carefully picked through her hair, removing shards of glass with her fingers. After removing the smaller pieces with a hairbrush, Becky crawled to the bathtub. Without standing up, she stripped off her wet clothes and got into the tub after turning on the shower. As Becky sat with her chin on her knees, she tried to forget what her mother said as the water washed over her. Looking down, she saw a thin line of red water making its way toward the drain. Using her hands to explore the top of her head, she located the cut as well as a bump. Dropping her hands, she sat motionless with her head down. Though she tried not to cry, the tears eventually came. Becky reached for the knob and made the water hotter.
***
Sunday morning, Melody stepped out of the family car and walked through the parking lot with her parents to the church. Like Becky, Melody’s mind also weighed heavy with her own problem, but it was not her mother she needed to talk to, it was the Almighty. After the family entered the church and selected their usual pew, Melody sat with her eyes lowered, refusing to look at anyone. She did not even sing the opening hymn, she merely stood with the hymnal in her hands and followed the words silently. Ashamed of herself, Melody did not feel worthy to have her voice heard in God’s house. As the standard service progressed on schedule, it appeared to be a normal Sunday morning. However, when Reverend Featherstone began his sermon, the subject frightened Melody to the core. As the reverend spoke out against the sins of homosexuality, he brought up AIDS, the relatively new and highly misunderstood disease.
“Like the frogs and locusts in ancient Egypt, God has sent a new plague to punish the wicked among us,” the reverend continued. “Do not fool yourselves into thinking we are safe in our small, tucked away town. No sinner goes unnoticed and there is nowhere to hide from the eyes of God! Homosexuals have chosen to cut themselves off from God’s grace by living a deviant lifestyle that spits in the face of His very design! This is nothing new, dear people. Satan has been playing this game since the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. Young, impressionable minds are led away from God as the devil rips their innocence away while providing them with perverted pleasures of the flesh! There is hope, dear people, but it comes at a terrible price. God hates sexual deviance so much that He has unleashed a disease aimed specifically at sodomites! AIDS cases have been reported not only in Kalamazoo and Grand Rapids, but also in Decatur and Niles. Those who oppose God’s will, shall die horrible deaths, as horrible as those who suffered in the burning city of Sodom!”
As members of the congregation nodded in agreement and randomly shouted “Amen!”, Melody sat in her seat with her head bowed and eyes closed. She was convinced that God had singled her out and was using the reverend’s voice to speak directly to her. Melody’s first impulse was to leave her seat, run up the aisle, and exit through the back door. However, she remembered the story of Jonah and kept her seat. She could not risk further punishment. Wishing now to show the Lord her humility, Melody brought her hands together and interlaced her fingers. With trembling lips, she prayed silently.
“God. I am so sorry. Please forgive my sins. I need Your strength because I cannot help myself. The devil is too strong. In health class, I stare at Kristen Matala’s legs. Forgive me. After volleyball practice, I look at girls in the shower and I want them to look at me. Forgive me. At night, as I lay in bed, I still think about Coach Heucke. Forgive me. Dear God, please forgive both Becky and I. We don’t do anything when we lay in bed together. We just talk. I fall asleep easier when I hold her. Her arms comfort me. Is that a sin? I don’t know! Forgive me when I look at Becky in ways I am not supposed to. I am sorry, Lord. Please forgive me! I need Your help!”
As Reverend Featherstone continued to preach fervently, Barbara looked at her daughter. With her head bowed, Melody was shaking uncontrollably as tears fell from her eyes. Unsure what to do, Barbara turned helplessly to her husband and nudged him. Douglas watched his daughter for a moment, then met his wife’s eyes. The concern on his face mirrored her own. When the reverend finally finished, he invited the congregation to stand as the choir began the closing hymn. Melody remained in her seat and continued to pray.
Once home, Melody went straight to her room. As she rummaged through her dresser drawer for a change of clothes, she heard her mother’s voice.
“Melody?”
Turning around quickly, Melody saw both her parents standing in the doorway. As they walked into her room together, Melody became frightened. Though both their faces were lined with worry, Melody felt her mother’s suspicious eyes burning into her. She was not prepared for a confrontation with her parents. As Melody tried to hide her fear, she stood perfectly still.
“Would you care to explain what that display was all about?” Barbara asked.
“What display?” Melody asked, stalling for time.
“You know what I’m talking about,” her mother answered with a hint of annoyance. “You’re an open book, Melody. Whenever you’re extremely upset, your entire body quakes and quivers. It always has. You’ve been moody all week, but something set you off this morning. Was it the sermon? What did the reverend say that affected you so?”
“I was just praying,” Melody answered.
“Praying about what?” Barbara demanded.
“What I pray is between me and God!” Melody said defensively without crossing the line of disrespect.
When Barbara had no answer for Melody’s reply, Douglas stepped in. “Melody, we’re not ganging up on you. We saw you praying, and it was obvious something had upset you greatly. We are not prying, but if you were praying for help, perhaps God is sending your mother and I to do just that. Whatever it is, we can get through it together, as a family.”
Standing before her parents, feeling defenseless, Melody wept. As the tears rolled down her daughter’s cheeks, Barbara took hold of her husband’s hand and squeezed tightly. Prepared for the worst, Barbara’s face went pale as she held her breath. Though she suspected what Melody was about to say, Barbara was not sure if she was ready to hear the actual words come from her daughter’s mouth. As she waited for an answer, Barbara watched Melody’s trembling lips with fear in her heart.
With both her parents’ eyes now fixed intensely on her, Melody blurted out the first lie that came to her mind. “I have a gay friend!”
Greatly relieved, Barbara sighed as she released her husband’s hand. Breathing easily now, she realized the fear that had garnered within her since church, and all her suspicions, were unfounded. Barbara blamed her imagination for allowing herself to think such terrible things. Looking at Melody now, Barbara felt shame for almost believing her own daughter could possibly be a deviant. After taking another deep breath, Barbara asked, “Who is your friend?”
To Melody’s credit, she could read her mother just as well and knew what the repercussions would have been if she had told the truth. It had been difficult enough spilling her guts out to God all morning and she was not about to proclaim that she was attracted to girls and had nighttime fantasies about her volleyball coach. Melody continued with the lie, hoping to quickly end the conversation.
“I can’t tell. It’s a secret. He’s only told a few people that he trusts.”
“Tell me his name, Dear,” Barbara pleaded. “How can I pray for him if I don’t know his name?”
Melody said the first name that came to her mind, a boy in her Spanish class who she had never spoken to. “Derek.”
“Derek who?” Barbara asked.
“Derek is all you need to know,” Melody said. “If you are going to pray for him, God knows who he is.”
“Are you close friends?” Barbara asked. “Melody, I don’t know if you should…”
“He’s not a monster, Mother!” Melody cried as fresh tears welled in her eyes. In that instant, Melody realized that as she defended Derek, she was, in actuality, defending herself. “He’s tearing himself apart and has nobody to talk to. You can’t imagine what it’s like to be unable to accept yourself! He knows he’s different and he’s confused. He’s too terrified to tell his parents, and if word does get out, his life will be ruined!”
“Melody, listen to me,” Barbara said as she approached her daughter. However, before she could take another step, Douglas grabbed her wrist.
“Barb!” Douglas said. “That’s enough.”
“Douglas!” Barbara said with hurt in her voice.
“We wanted an explanation and we got it,” Douglas said. “Melody is afraid for her friend. Honestly, that sermon was enough to scare the hell out of anybody. I can’t blame Melody for the way she reacted. In fact, I think the reverend was out of line and spoke inappropriately.”
“Douglas!” Barbara said, repeating herself mindlessly.
“Go make lunch, Barbara,” Douglas said. “I think we’ve all had enough of this subject for today.”
Reluctantly, Barbara turned toward the door. Before exiting, she turned her head to address Melody one more time. “Dear, if Derek is a homosexual, make sure you don’t touch him or share any food with him.”
After Barbara left the room, Douglas listened to her footsteps as they descended the staircase. When he has sure his wife was out of earshot, he turned to his daughter.
“Look,” Douglas began. “This AIDS thing has a lot of folks on edge. It’s all over the news. People are scared and jumping to conclusions. Some say it’s a gay disease, some say it’s a blood disease. Other people claim the military or CIA developed it. No one knows for sure and I don’t think the doctors know yet what they are dealing with.”
“How do you know all this, Daddy?”
“Sweetheart, I’m a truck driver,” Douglas smiled. “I’m on the road all day listening to the radio.”
Melody smiled.
“Don’t let Reverend Featherstone or your mother upset you,” Douglas continued. “I’m sure Derek appreciates your understanding. Don’t turn your back on him.”
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“Now,” Douglas said with a grin as he clapped his hands together. “After you change, come down for lunch, then I’ll meet you on the couch. It’s that time of year, we got football and baseball today.”
After kissing his daughter on the forehead, Douglas departed and closed the door behind him. As soon as she was alone again, Melody flung herself on the bed and buried her face in her pillow. As she gripped the pillow tightly against both sides of her head, Melody screamed as she slammed her face down on her bed repeatedly. Then, just as suddenly, she stopped. As Melody lay still, she relaxed her hands and began praying again.
“I’m sorry, Lord. Forgive me for lying to my parents but You saw my mother. How could I ever tell her the truth? Please help me, Lord. Make me normal. I’ll try to be good. Please don’t punish me with AIDS. I don’t want to die!”
Raising her head, Melody wiped her eyes. Though still troubled, she knew her problem would not solve itself that afternoon. After changing into her Sunday afternoon clothes, Melody went downstairs to join her parents for lunch.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
