Early Saturday morning, Melody was in her rocking chair going over her plans. Monday morning, she would sneak into her parents’ room and put the money, photographs, and Becky’s half of the silver heart into her backpack. This could easily be done with her father back on the road and her unsuspecting mother downstairs. Then, after leaving the house, she would withdraw all her money, close her bank account, make her way to the bus station, and purchase a ticket to Florida. Once in Florida, she would mail her suicide letter and end her life. Melody rocked herself and was content to just wait until Monday. She sat by herself with her thoughts for another two hours.
Melody drifted in and out of consciousness. She was weak from hunger and felt lethargic. She wondered if she would be too weak to swim and considered alternate ways to die. She considered buying a small raft and paddling out to sea or jumping overboard from a cruise ship. She also thought of simply jumping off the tallest bridge she could find. Melody hoped her ticket would not be too expensive, she would need to eat. She thought again about Becky’s money and knew she would definitely need it. As she sat worrying about expenses, Melody heard footsteps come up the stairs and approach her door. Acting quickly, she mentally withdrew from reality and hid behind a blank stare.
The door opened and a loose fist rapped on the wall. Barbara peeked in and saw her daughter in her usual spot. “Melody?” she said in a soft voice. “Melody Dear, you have a visitor.”
Melody hardly took notice of the figure entering her room, though she was aware it was carrying something. The person then sat on her bed, facing her. Melody’s mind ignored any further visual input and resumed its dream of the ocean. Melody’s body relaxed as she imagined the salty mist moistening her face. She flew low, just over the waves, like a bird, happy and free.
“Melody?”
Melody heard her name but did not respond. She remained still as stone in her trance-like state.
“Melody, Honey. It’s me. What’s the matter?”
The familiar voice was gentle and soothing. It was not the voice of her mother; it was someone else. Someone she remembered. Someone she loved. Melody found herself back in her room again as the blurry image repeated her name. Melody’s eyes focused slowly as she began to stir. Then, Melody recognized familiar features, long red hair and a beautiful face, lined with worry.
“Melody, Honey. It’s me.”
Recognition returned to Melody’s ice-blue eyes as they came to life. As her lips trembled, her knees began to quiver. Melody temporarily forgot the sea, Becky, and even God’s anger as a glimmer of hope entered her heart. The mercy and comfort she longed for had finally arrived in the form of her beloved aunt. Holly saw she had broken through and encouraged her further.
“That’s right, Honey. It’s me. It’s Aunt Holly. Dear, please speak to me.”
Without warning, Melody launched herself from the chair and fell before her aunt’s knees. She placed her head in Aunt Holly’s lap and wrapped her arms around her waist. The tears came first, followed by small sobs. Then, without warning, Melody released everything bottled up inside her and screamed. It was a sound so terrible her mother jumped back. It was loud enough to startle her father downstairs who came running. When he got to the bedroom door he was witness to a terrible sight. Melody was screaming uncontrollably as she beat her fists like hammers on the mattress, barely missing her aunt’s hips. Wailing in agony, her back arched and fell violently. As the tears poured from her eyes, Melody’s sobs caused her chest to convulse erratically as the rest of her body trembled. Standing next to his wife, Douglas heard Melody speak for the first time in weeks.
“It hurts!” Melody screamed. “It’s hurts! It hurts and I can’t make it stop! It hurrrrrrrts!”
Melody buried her face in her aunt’s lap and began screaming all over again, determined to blow her voice out. She slammed her face down onto her aunt’s thighs and started punching the mattress again. Melody had lost all control, but Holly just sat there, patiently riding the storm out, waiting for her niece to exhaust herself.
Barbara, embarrassed for both herself and her daughter, stepped forward. She intended to grab Melody by the shoulders and pull her off of her aunt. Holly quickly leaned forward, laying protective arms atop Melody’s back.
“No, Barbara! You let her be!”
Barbara stepped back. She looked helplessly at her daughter as Melody continued to scream in anguish. Barbara left the room but returned shortly with a glass of water and a box of tissues. Not knowing what else to do, she set them both on the floor and exited, shutting the door behind her.
Three minutes later, the screaming finally ceased. Melody had become dead weight in her aunt’s lap, breathing very slowly and heavily. The steady rhythm was only interrupted by random fits of sudden shuddering. Melody reached around her aunt’s back and held her tightly as Holly ran her fingers through Melody’s tangled hair.
“I’m sorry,” Melody finally whispered.
“Nothing to be sorry about,” Holly answered. “You can’t hold all that in. You’ll do great harm to yourself.” After a few moments of silence, she added, “Come. Sit next to me.”
Melody stood up as her aunt scooted over. Melody sat down next to her and asked, “Aunt Holly, what are you doing here?”
“Your father called,” she explained. “He told me everything that has happened since you came back from Virginia and asked if I could call the house to talk to you. I told him I would book the first available flight and get here as soon as soon as possible. Now, Melody, what’s wrong? Tell me, what is really going on?”
Melody shook her head. “I can’t. You’ll just tell everything to Mom and Dad.”
“No, Sweetheart,” her aunt assured her. “Everyone is concerned about you. I will have to talk to them later, but your parents don’t need to know everything. You can trust me.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Don’t be so sure about that.” Holly paused for a moment before confessing a secret of her own. “Melody, when I was twenty, I had a girlfriend too.”
Melody turned to her aunt with an expression of shock. “You did?”
“Yes, in San Diego,” Holly answered with a smile. “We waited tables together at a little café on the beach and became roommates. One thing led to another, and well... it just happened. I didn’t love her; I was just going through a phase. I was experimenting. It lasted about a year.”
“How did it end?” Melody asked.
“We both found boyfriends,” Holly laughed. “Now tell me about Becky. Who is she? I was so surprised you never once mentioned her to me.”
Melody looked down by her aunt’s feet and saw the package that Becky had mailed her. She reached for it and retrieved the photo album. She placed it on her aunt’s lap and opened it to the first page. There was a single picture. It was the first photo Becky ever took with her new camera. It showed them standing together in a parking lot, wearing their McDonald’s uniforms. Becky was flashing her wicked little grin with her arm draped over Melody’s shoulder. Under the photo Becky had written, ‘Our first job’.
“Oh Melody, she’s lovely,” Holly commented. They turned the pages together as Melody told their story about how they met, how their friendship grew, and how close they became. She talked about the matching silver charms, and how they decided to go to Florida together. Melody was uncomfortable at first, but then told Aunt Holly how they secretly dated and fell in love. Melody further explained to her aunt the urges and confusion she experienced. It was then Aunt Holly interjected.
“OK, Melody, let’s see if this helps,” she began. “Think of the other girls at school. The pretty girls on your volleyball team or maybe in some of your classes. Do you find them attractive as well?”
“Yes. I like girls. Once high school started, I always caught myself staring at girls. But after I fell in love with Becky, I could never look at anyone else that way.”
“Well, what about the boys?” Holly asked. “You went out with some boys. Did you like them? Did you like kissing them?”
Melody thought for a moment. “They were OK,” Melody admitted. “But I never felt anything when I kissed boys. It never felt real. The first time Becky kissed me… It was like kissing fire.”
“In that case, I suppose you would never consider sneaking a boy into your room?” Aunt Holly asked.
Melody immediately shook her head. Her aunt patted her shoulder and let Melody continue where she had left off.
Melody finally got to the root of her problem and confessed her sins as Aunt Holly listened patiently. It was sinful to fall in love with Becky and do the things they did. After all her praying and abstaining, she finally decided to ignore God, succumb to the devil’s temptation, and lose her soul. Melody confessed that by seducing Becky, she had brought God’s anger down upon them, and He took Becky away. God had cursed Becky with the awful events that finally drove her to suicide. Then, her own punishment began. The guilt had eaten away at her, never allowing a moment’s peace. Melody spoke of her dreams in great detail, claiming God was revealing the special place in hell that awaited her. She was helpless and could no longer pray. She could not be forgiven, because even after all that had happened, she still loved Becky in that evil way. Melody vowed she would refuse forgiveness even if Jesus Christ himself appeared before her, because she would never allow Becky to suffer alone.
“I can’t take it anymore, Aunt Holly,” Melody wept as she dropped her face into her hands. “God won’t stop punishing me and every day He makes it worse. I don’t want to die, but I deserve it for what I did to Becky. I’m leaving on a bus Monday. I’m going all the way to Florida and I’m throwing myself into the ocean. I just want to get it over with. I hate myself for killing Becky. It’s all my fault. I wish I had died first… I hope it’s quick.”
Melody rolled forward and collapsed on the floor, with her hands still covering her face. She shook violently as she tucked her legs into a fetal position at her aunt’s feet. Holly looked down at her niece in stunned silence. She had never heard such devotion nor seen so much fear. She watched Melody with pity as tears filled her own eyes. She now understood why she felt so compelled to call the airport after telling Frank there was an emergency. Aunt Holly took a deep breath, reached down, and helped Melody get back on the bed. The poor girl was exhausted and at her wits end. Aunt Holly went over to the rocking chair and brought it close to the bed to face Melody. She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully, knowing she was the last line between Melody and her suicidal plan.
“Melody,” she began. “You are wrong, Darling. You are not to blame for any of this.”
Melody did not answer but kept her face in her hands and shook her head.
“I am going to prove it to you,” Holly continued. “Give me your hands.”
Holly pried Melody’s hands away from her face and placed them over Melody’s heart. She then held Melody’s overlapped hands in place with her own.
“Listen to me now, calm down,” Aunt Holly instructed. “Think of Becky. Concentrate on her. Think of what she really means to you. Picture her in your mind and listen to what your heart says.”
Aunt Holly sat back as Melody kept her hands in place and bowed her head. Soon, Melody’s face contorted. Agony shown through her clenched eyelids as her mouth opened, releasing a silent scream. She clutched her chest and finally opened her tired, bloodshot eyes.
“Oh, Aunt Holly!” she cried as her body trembled. “I love her! I love her so much! I just want her back. Nobody understands how much I miss her. Why did you make me do that?”
Melody reached for her aunt who accepted her embrace. Holly put a hand on the back of Melody’s head and explained softly. “What you feel is love, Melody. Real love. Don’t you know love can only come from God? God put that love in your heart and it is a wonderful gift. Satan only knows hatred, lies, and deceit. He can’t put anything evil in your heart and disguise it as love. After he was banished from God’s presence, Satan was forbidden to ever understand love again. It’s never a sin to love someone. Melody, you and Becky loved each other with all your hearts, and hearts don’t have genders. Your souls touched in ways most people will never experience. Everyone searches for a love you and Becky shared, and most will never find it.”
Melody slowly pulled away. She pondered this as her aunt continued.
“You know when you are doing something wrong, Melody. Haven’t you ever lied, or made up a story about someone? Did you ever steal anything? Those are sins and your heart tells you when you’re sinning. Did you ever feel you were sinning when you were with Becky?”
Melody shook her head.
“Of course you didn’t. You’ve been bringing this all upon yourself. Melody, there are so many ways to express the love we feel for someone. Sex is only one way. It’s how we express our love physically. There was so much more to you and Becky than that. The two of you shared so much and were so close. You loved each other on many levels. If it was only lust you felt for her, you would not even miss her.”
“I still feel responsible for what happened to her while I was gone,” Melody protested. “I should have stayed home and been there for her!”
“Melody, what happened to Becky had nothing to do with you, and it’s not your fault. You had no idea what was going on. From what I understand, Becky was very secretive about her homelife. She should have gotten help on her own. I’m not blaming her. She was a scared, desperate girl who didn’t know what to do. If you had known the truth, you would have done everything in your power to help her. We both know that.”
“Nobody understands how wonderful she was,” Melody sighed. “No one knew her like I did. Everyone at school calls her a killer. She doesn’t deserve that. Becky went to hell after being abused all her life. It’s not fair!”
“Becky is not in hell,” Holly scolded. “Get that thought out of your head right now. I won’t listen to such nonsense. Your dreams are nothing more than recycled images from all those monster movies you’re always watching. No living person has ever seen hell, such a sight would instantly kill you.”
Melody wiped her eyes as her aunt continued.
“God is an all-powerful, all-knowing, omnipresent being that has existed since the beginning of time and will continue to be so for all eternity,” her aunt explained. “Becky’s life cannot even be measured against a length of time such as that. What could a sixteen-year-old girl possibly do to deserve an eternity in hell? I would refuse to serve any god cruel enough to cast a child into such a place. Becky was not a mistake; God loved her and took pity on her. She is in a better place now. Melody, you have to believe that.”
“Then why did God let it happen? Why did God watch and do nothing while she was raped?”
“Melody, that is an age-old question that I can’t answer. The greatest philosophers with the most brilliant minds have asked that same question for thousands of years. No one will ever know why God allows terrible things to happen. I can’t explain to you why there is so much evil in this world, because there are some things we are not yet meant to know. However, I can assure you of this, God is here among us and He works through us. When your father called me, God’s grace filled my heart. I knew I had to come here. God ensured that I got on that plane and arrived here safely. He knows exactly what you are planning to do Monday, and He knows you intend to go through with it. Melody, He sent me to stop you. God is not ready for you yet.”
“I miss her so much, Aunt Holly. We had everything planned out.”
“I know you did, Dear, and I know it hurts. There is nothing slower than a heart trying to heal itself. You will not believe this now, but gradually the pain will go away. That’s just the natural way of things. One day you will be able to look back and smile as you remember her. All the hurt will be gone and only the happy memories will remain. True love never dies, Melody. Wherever Becky is, she still loves you, just as much as she ever did, even more. All the questions she ever had have been answered. You will get your answers too, but not until it is your time.”
Melody nodded. “It’s going to be so hard to go on without her. It’s been so terrible already.”
“I know it has Melody, but you are a strong girl. Much stronger than you think. You will get past this. I promise to help in any way I can. Now, look at me.”
Holly took Melody by the shoulders and looked her square in the eye.
“Killing yourself is never the answer. God is not commanding you to do this. You cannot even imagine the devastation you would cause. Your parents, your uncle, and I would never recover from such a thing. For the rest of our lives, we would live with broken hearts and all our days would be filled with sorrow. We would never get over you. Look at the pain Becky’s death has caused you and think how we would feel. Would you do that to us? Suicide is a selfish, empty thing, Melody. It does nothing but hurt the people who care about you. You of all people should know that now. Melody, you are only sixteen years old with a long life ahead of you. Wonderful things are just waiting to happen for you. Be patient and be strong as you go through this. You call me, Melody. I don’t care what time it is. If you ever feel this way again, you call me.”
“Becky never meant to hurt me,” Melody said. “She wrote me and told me she was sorry. She asked me to forgive her. I did, because I love her. She committed suicide in the back of a car. You must think she was wrong too.”
“Melody,” Holly answered softly, putting her hand on her niece’s cheek. “I read the letter Becky sent you. Honey, what that girl went through was indescribable. God only knows what really happened in that house, but it was too much for her. I don’t believe she was in her right mind after such trauma. She couldn’t even accept help from the one who loved her. Melody, herpes is not fatal. You and Becky could have stayed together if you both accepted the risk. It broke my heart to read her experience. That first outbreak terrified her. I think it was the final straw that drove her to do what she did. Honey, I don’t even know what I would have done in her shoes. How could any of us know? Becky was not wrong for killing Walt, or herself, but only because she was not totally in control of herself anymore. Considering the rapes, her pregnancy, the herpes, and her mother abandoning her, Becky must have suffered some sort of madness. That is why I believe God granted her His mercy.
Melody touched her aunt’s hand and pressed it firmly against her cheek. The fog was clearing, and she began to think clearly again. Melody was coming back.
“None of this is your fault,” Holly repeated. “Becky had a short, tragic life, but you were the best part of it. Because of you, Becky had a chance to know what love was, and for that she is eternally grateful. Her love for you did not die, she took it with her, and when it’s time, you will see her again.”
Melody smiled as a fresh tear formed in her eye.
“Melody, you will fall in love again. I promise you will. When your heart is ready and you meet the right person, you will know. Do not feel guilty about loving someone else. Becky does not want you to spend the rest of your life alone. There is a special place in your heart that is only for Becky, and no one will ever push her out. As long as you live, Becky will always be a part of you.”
“Thank you, Aunt Holly,” Melody whispered.
“Listen, when it’s just you and me, drop the aunt and just call me Holly. Deal?”
Melody nodded.
“And Melody,” Holly said affectionately. “You cannot control who you fall in love with, it just happens. Relationships don’t always work out though. One day you may like someone who doesn’t like you back, or you may find yourself uninterested in someone who likes you very much. That’s how life is until you find the right person. If your heart leads you to another woman, and that woman loves you back, it’s OK. Don’t fight it. Your heart knows the truth before you are even willing to accept it yourself. Becky taught you that.”
“Holly?” Melody asked nervously. “I don’t want anything between us to change. You wouldn’t ever be ashamed of me because I’m a lesbian, would you?”
“Melody!” Holly answered with compassion. “I don’t care what you are! You’re not just a niece, you’re one of my best friends! If anything, I have a new respect for you. Being different is never easy at your age. My love for you does not depend on your sexual preference. I accept you without question!”
Understanding now that she was not required to sacrifice herself to make atonement for her actions, Melody reached out to her aunt. The blackness that had clouded her judgement was gone, leaving Melody renewed in spirit. She wanted to live. Feeling Becky’s presence in her heart, Melody promised to accept herself and embrace all the qualities that made her special. Melody wrapped her arms around her aunt and placed her cheek on Holly’s collarbone.
“I love you, Holly, and I’m grateful. Thank you for coming. I want my life back.”
“I’m so happy to hear that. I love you too,” Holly said as they slowly released each other. “Now, I need to go downstairs and talk with your parents. There is no way around that, but they will only hear what they need to hear. You were completely honest with me and I will not betray your trust. In the meantime, I want you to take a shower and put on some clean clothes. You and I are going out.”
“Where are we going, Holly?” Melody asked.
“We are going out to eat. You have wasted away. Where we go is up to you, as long as it’s fattening and unhealthy.”
ns 18.68.41.137da2
