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I was once again back in the school uniform and wearing a dress. Granny came back to the institute and wanted to speak with Madame Criben. I was also told to come into the office so I could listen to the conditions that Granny had for me coming back. I know how hard it was for Granny to allow me to come back here. She hated everything about the Victorian Virtue Institute, and I know she did not want me to be there. I think it was for Granny's state of mind that she wanted to speak to Madame Criben.
“I do not want Prince Taylor here," she started. “He has told me in great detail what happens here and how the boys here are treated. The VVI does not offer support and love to boys who have gender identity problems or feel they are a gender that is betrayed by their body. You force boys to be sissies through manipulation, humiliation, and the fear of being punished. When Prince Taylor came to you because he was confused about his identity, you ignored him and told him that his thoughts did not matter.”
“Prince Taylor is a sissy; we have experience showing boys who they truly are." Madame Criben tried to defend herself.
“That is totally rubbish,” Granny responded. “The insitute deals with petticoat discipline, and this involves forcing boys to be sissies and babies. It has nothing to do with love, understanding, or support. Let me tell you that you did not help Prince Taylor one bit. It was Niki's grandmother who showed Prince Taylor the understanding and support he had not had since he came here. She allowed my grandson to wear boy clothes and decide himself.”
“That is against school regulations.”
“Who cares? The thing is that Prince Taylor tried being a boy again and was not comfortable being a boy. Prince Taylor may be transgender or a boy; who knows? The thing is that my grandson is the one who will decide his identity. He told me he wanted to come back here. My grandson has friends here. I am allowing this, but I will not allow things to be the way they were before. My grandson will not be punished if he does not comply with your so-called petticoat program. He will not be threatened or humiliated. He will not get medicine, hormones, or anything done to his body without telling him and his parents. My grandson will explore and discover his identity, and your job is to support him in finding who he is and not who you want him to be. Prince Taylor has a bodyguard, and the bodyguard will be reporting to me if my grandson is being mistreated as he once was.”
Later, when I was in my room, I thought of how hard this was for Granny. I think Granny loved me so much that she would allow me to come back while keeping an eye on me to make sure I was happy and not being abused. As for me, I was happy . I felt as if I had won a victory, and it was funny seeing Madame Criben shaking in fear behind her desk when Granny gave her conditions. I could now discover who I was. I knew that I was not like other boys. I also knew I was not a girl. I did like being treated like a toddler. Maybe I didn’t want to grow up. It was very confusing for me not knowing who I was , but I could smile because it was not my parents or the institute that would decide my identity. I would decide it.
Niki was also so happy that I came back. He confided in me that I was his first real friend, as no one ever understood him. I realised that Niki was in a different situation than I was. Niki admitted that he was always a sissy. In a way, Niki was lucky, as he knew who he was. Still, he had parents who did not love him and only had his grandmother. The VVI was a place where he could feel safe, be accepted, and be the person he wanted to be. My thoughts were disturbed when Niki told me he had something important to say to me. He told me that he did not fancy me or that he was not in love with me. He did not want to be my boyfriend. There was some silence for a bit, which worried him. Then I responded that we were best friends, and as he said once, we were sisters. Besides all that, I did not think that I was gay.
Social media had me as a gossip point once again. Someone took a picture of me in boy clothes when I was at Niki's grandmother's . I was now getting used to the media. They were good at speculating and coming to their own conclusions. According to some, I was rebelling against the institute , while according to others, I was now being forced to wear boy clothes. What could I do? I could only smile at it.
Niki loved doing my hair, so I let him style it every day . Once, when he was braiding it, he asked me if I would continue getting the puberty blockers. This made me think, and after a bit, I admitted that this would be the wisest thing to do as if I were transgender, I didn’t want to look like a bearded woman. This made Niki laugh and tell me I would look like an ape. We laughed so much and ended up wrestling on the bed. When we were exhausted, Niki told me that he knew he was a sissy, but who was I? This made me smile at him, and I replied, “I am me.”
The next part of our petticoat treatment was sewing classes. To be quite honest, I did not like this. However, I participated. It was funny watching the other boys try to put a thread through a needle. I could not even do this. Niki was the only one who looked like a pro. Then it was fun to sew. I think I stuck the needle in my finger more than the fabric. Madam Eva would laugh at this, and tell us not to sew our fingers together. Despite that I did not like sewing, it was a fun class.
Not everything was rosy. I spoke with my mom on Discord. It was not a two-way communication; it was her writing and venting at me. She wrote that she did not like that I did not go on the national tour with her. She did not like that I wore boy clothes. She did not like that I got Granny involved. Mom told me that she was my mother and that she was responsible for my upbringing. I tried to reply, but it was as if she was not listening.
On the other hand, I was in discord with Emma every day. Niki would be in discord with Blake. I loved speaking with Emma. She was a nice girl. We would talk about everything under the sun. She liked talking about school and her friends. Emma also liked doing art, so we had a lot in common there. There was one big difference between us, and that was that Emma liked doing homework. I think she must be the only one in the world, and even in history, who liked doing homework. Being on Discord and chatting was something new for Niki and me. However, we figured it was part of getting older. Niki could also multi-task when he was chatting on Discord. He would be talking with me, as well as chatting with Blake. Niki would also be knitting something, a new hobby he picked up from the sewing class. I admired Niki for the way he could multitask. This was not something I could do.
After Granny laid out her conditions, Miss Eva changed. At the therapy affirmation, she told me we would be doing things differently. She would not follow the institute's guidelines or do all the talking. She wanted to do things her own way. That meant she wanted to listen to me, how I felt, and if I had any struggles. It was strange, as it was now me that was doing all the talking, and I found myself telling Miss Eva things that I had never told anyone else. Miss Eva would listen and tell me she understood. When I left the therapy affirmation sessions, I would feel like there was no weight on my shoulder. The sessions seemed like they were helping me. I wonder if Miss Eva listened to the other boys.
Madam Criben was different. One day when I was wearing these girly leggings, she told me that this was against school regulations as only skirts or dresses were allowed. I expected she was going to punish me or give me a long speech. This did not happen, as she saw the look on my bodyguard and walked away, grunting. This made me think about how lucky and privileged I was. What about the other boys? They did not have a grandmother who cared so much that she placed conditions on the institute. These boys were my friends, and this was the first time in my life that I had good friends. The other boys were still manipulated and forced to do things. It made me feel bad that I was excluded from this, as I felt like a spoiled sissy. At the same time, I wished that all the boys had a grandmother like mine who would lay down the law with Madam Criben.
I still did art, and my art tutor, Julian, was great at helping me become a better artist. Julian was a former student here. You could not tell that he was a former student as he dressed as a male. His body was a bit feminine, like he did not have any facial hair, and his body was slender and delicate. Julian never told me about his time at the institute until today. He thought that I was ready to hear about it now.
“I was sent here when I was seven." Julian started, “I did not want to come here. The reason I was sent here was that mom caught me trying on my sister's clothes and panicked, thinking I was transgender. I was not transgender and did not want to be girly. I just wanted to see why girls wore different clothes and whether they felt better. I was sent here because my parents thought I was transgender and did not know how to deal with it. I experienced the same thing as you. They manipulated me and brainwashed me. They threatened and punished me. I did not want to be a sissy, but I was told that I was one. As soon as I could, I left the institute. I have not seen my parents since, as I cannot forgive them. The institute has harmed me. I feel like my childhood was full of abuse and sadness. I now get a lot of anxiety, and I cannot be social. The only reason I came back to tutor you was to hope things had changed. It has not. The only good thing is that I am happy that I saw you stand up for yourself. That gives me hope.”
I felt sorry for Julian. What would the future be like for the boys who were here?
Niki and I continued doing ballet. Niki was always the optimist, as he told me that maybe I did not see any unicorns or fairies in the magical forest , but when I danced, I danced like a fairy. At first, I did not know if I liked this, but after I thought about it, I had to laugh and smile. I suppose it's better to dance as a fairy than a snail. I imagine that the staff here wanted the boys to be little fairies. I am sure that Niki would love to be a fairy in the magical forest.
In the next therapy affirmation with Miss Eva, she told me she would like to apologise. She is guilty of the way that she has treated me and noticed that I was happier and more comfortable when I could decide for myself. Miss Eva told me her story. When she was a little girl, she had a little brother who was transgender. Her parents did not respect this, and her little brother was forced to be someone he was not. When Miss Eva came to the VVI, she believed that Madame Criben knew what she was talking about. Miss Eva followed the institute's petticoat treatment to the letter and never questioned it. Even with boys like me who were brats, she thought this was because the boy was frustrated with his assigned gender at birth. Miss Eva told me she would no longer be part of the VVI ideology that adults knew better than boys. From now on, Miss Eva will support and let boys decide their identities themselves . This did not just include me; it also included the other boys who live here.
Miss Eva showed me a newspaper with headlines that made my jaw drop. The headline was “Victorian Virtue Institute hypnotises its students.”
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