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Families were starting to visit us and this should have excited me. However, I was in a sad mood. This was despite that Niki tried to cheer me up. I was told that these puberty blockers would stop me from becoming a teenage boy. My male genitalia would not grow and would not even work. I would not get a deep voice. I would not get hair stubble on my face. The puberty blockers and the medicine would keep me looking like a little child for a long time. One thing was the petticoat treatment. I could deal with that. These blockers and other medicines made it so final. I would never be able to decide that I wanted to be a normal boy. The only logical conclusion is that they did this without my parents knowing.
Niki tried to cheer me up like he usually does. He also got the same blockers as me. It was then that I realized that none of the boys here were tall. They must all have visited the doctor. Niki tried telling me that we were the sissy version of Neverland. We were like a sissy version of Peter Pan. We would never grow up. We could be children forever. I could see some advantages in never growing up. A part of me also wanted to be an adult. I appreciated that Niki did try and cheer me up. Blake did the opposite. He told me that the next step was that I would get an operation that would give me a girl's body. That gave me the shivers.
My family came. They would be staying at a nearby hotel. My dad wanted to have a quiet visit, but mom wanted this to be covered by the media so the media thought that they still loved me and supported this place. We hugged each other for ages. My Dad did not know what to say, so he said that I looked taller. I told him that this was not true and explained what the doctor did to me. I could see my Dad give my mom one of his angry looks. I showed them around the institute and introduced them to the other boys. Julia made me laugh when she commented that the house was like one of her Barbie houses. She also said in a loud voice that the other boys looked just as much like a girl as I did. It was soon time for them to go back to the hotel Julia was upset that she had to go. So after she showed her puppy eyes and a few tears, my parents asked Madam Criben if she could sleep in my room. Madam Criben told me that a guest bed would be put in our bedroom, as Julia was now a big girl and did not need a crib.
Everyone else family came except Niki's parents. He was told that his parents did not have time to visit him. I felt so sorry for Niki. It must have been hard for him to see other families here. I wonder if he felt unloved. How can a boy who was not loved have so much happiness and compassion for others? Niki was smiling and his usual chirpy self. However, I have got to know him over the last few weeks and I know he must have been hurting inside. I did not know what to say, so I asked him if he didn’t mind hanging with me and my family. Julia and I could pretend that he was our brother. Niki was so happy when we said that and joked that he is now a princess.
Julia loved the Barbie house. She told me we had the best things and the nicest dresses. She did not understand why girls were not allowed to come here. I remembered that Julia wrote to me that she was confused as to why I was here at the institute. So I showed her where Niki and I painted. I told her that this was my new hobby. I loved painting as it meant I could be in my own world. I could create pretty things and could be proud of what I have done.
“Let me explain why I am here,” I started explaining to Julia. “Everyone thought that I was a boy who was spoiled, rude and arrogant. They were afraid that I would end up being a bad person. I was sent here. They treat boys like girls. Sometimes they treat us like babies. They think that by doing this, we will be more compassionate, gentle and nice. We are sissies. I hope you are not embarrassed by me that I am now a baby sissy. Thats what worries me, is that you will be ashamed of me.”
Julia hugged me and told me that she would never be embarrassed by me. The only thing that bothered her was that I had nicer dresses. She reminded me of how mean I was before I came here. Now I was nice to her and I did not mind being with her. Julia did not care if I was a sissy or not. She did not care if I wore diapers or not. She did not care what I wore. What she cared about was that I was a sibling that loved her. What she said to me next surprised me. Julia said she could see how happy I was here and how much I liked it here. She thought that I was brave that I decided that I wanted to be here. To my sister, I was her hero and she could never be ashamed of me.
My parents were fighting with each other. Dad did not approve of this place and he was disappointed that he was never consulted about the doctor giving me blockers and medicine that would stunt my growth. To him, it was unforgivable that a future king would be turned into a sissy and some doctors experimenting with my body. My mother did her best to defend the actions of the institute, reminding my dad that I now had a chance to be a king that the people would love.
I hated it when my parents argued and told them to stop. Then I told them that I liked it here. I do not know if that makes me a sissy or not. The thing is that I was very happy at the institute and had some good friends. I know the whole country was thinking that I could be a sissy and some think that the word was a derogatory term. I did not think that a sissy is a bad word. It just means that gender is not important. If boys want to wear dresses and do the things that girls do, then why not let us?
I was now finding out who I was and who I was meant to be. I emphasised that I did not want to be a girl. I was happy being a boy. I did not want any operation that would change my body to a girl's body. I did not want my parents to fight about me. Mom and Dad apologised to each other and they both promised me that they were proud of me and still loved me.
It was fun sharing a room with Julia. She would joke and say that she was now the older sister. I could understand why she thought that. Niki and I were older than her but we were treated like babies. Julia thought that the ghost in the bedroom was annoying at times. I laughed and told her that there was no ghost. Julia explained that Granny told her that there was a ghost. My sister could hear the same whispers that Granny heard. This confused both Niki and me, as we could not hear any whispers. Niki tried to explain it to me. “With all due respect, the Queen is old and could be hearing things and your sister is small and has a good imagination.”
Mom admitted that she had some royal engagements while she was visiting us. She wanted me to accompany her to a flower show in a town nearby. My mom sure had some obsession with flower shows. I refused to go to the flower show. I explained that the last public appearance did not go well. The public and paparazzi were like vultures. I was so afraid. I pleaded to my parents that I was not ready for a public experience. The media does not care that I am at a flower show. They just want to see me in a dress. The media wants to tell the world that the prince is now a sissy. My mother listened and insisted that I attend the flower show. She reminded me of the last time I was at a flower show and how I lost my temper there and ruined the experience for many people. Now I have an opportunity to fix the damage I did that time against the Royal family.
I went up to the attic to my hiding place. I felt a bit bad that my family came to visit me and it was wrong of me to hide. I should be with them and show them how happy I was here. This being said I have only been crying since my mother demanded that I go to the stupid flower show. The only thing that could comfort me was my stuffed unicorn and pacifier. In a way, this was a protest. I hoped Mom would come up and say that I did not have to go. This did not happen. Why could she not understand that I was so scared of crazy people and the paparazzi? What if the Royal bodyguards could not protect me? Why did she not understand that I still needed my privacy? My life has recently been turned upside down and it's like I have a new identity. I needed to get used to all this and needed time to accept that I was changing.
Julia and Niki found me and for a while, nothing was said. Then Julia told me being a royal member is hard at times, as people expect that we are public property. She thinks as a child, it is very hard. “You can't go to the toilet without the whole country knowing. Of course, Niki turned this into a joke by saying no one knows when he and I use the toilet, as we wear ours. Julia scolded him and told him to be serious. She told me that she spoke with Dad and suggested that we do something worthwhile, like visiting a children's ward at the hospital. Dad agreed with this and said Mom can go to the flower show and we could go to the children's ward. I told them that I was still afraid. Julia said I would not be alone as she and Niki would be with me. Niki said that everyone would be looking at him anyhow. This made us all laugh.
I left my hiding place. When we were trying to find my parents, I saw Blake's parents. I told them that they should allow Blake to go home. He was not happy here. Everything that happened here was torture for him. This place is only making him unhappy and he is getting more grumpy and bitter every day. His parents did look worried when I was saying all this. Unfortunately, Madam Criben told me to be quiet. She warned me that she would deal with me later. As I walked away, I could hear her tell Blake's parents that he was doing well and the petticoat treatment was a success.
That night, we could not sleep. I was thinking out loud. I told Julia and Niki that one of the worse things about being a sissy was having long hair. It took time to brush, and ages to wash. It got in my eyes and a few times it was in my mouth when I slept. Julia smiled and said that maybe I needed a different hairstyle. A ponytail would help a lot but pigtails would look cute. I could not believe that we were talking about putting my hair in pigtails. I decided to change the subject and asked Niki if he ever would want to be adopted into our family. Niki thought about this for some time and said he always considered himself a princess, but he already has parents. It may be true that they often forget that he exists but they are his family. Niki admitted that he thinks it would be hard for any parent to like him as their child. This made me so sad that Niki did not feel that he deserved to be loved.
The next day we were driven to the hospital. In the Royal car, I was wearing a dress and a long coat that hid it. Julia suggested that I give everyone a show I should show them myself in a dress. Let them use that picture then they won't be hunting me down for a picture in a dress again. She thought that I should take control. So this is what I did. Once again, there was a media circus with thousands of pictures being taken and lots of people standing there screaming. I was not afraid this time as Julia and Niki were at my side. We were quickly ushered to the children's ward. I only planned to be there for a short time. It was sad seeing so many sick children. However, they were so brave and did their best to smile. We spent all afternoon there until we were told that the children had to rest.
The media coverage was extremely positive the next day. There was of course news that I was in a dress. However, there was a lot of coverage that we spent time with the sick children. We were very privileged but the media thought that we showed a lot of compassion on the visit. One Royal commentator said it made no difference if I wore a dress or shorts, the country could now see that I was becoming a better person and was a gem in the Royal family. My mom was disappointed and jealous that we got more coverage than she did. It was hard for me to sleep that night. The experience with children that had real problems taught me a lot. I now knew what sort of royal that I wanted to be.
My family would be going home the next day, so I decided to talk with Julia.325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBHuHww9Ur
“Did you enjoy your visit here?” I asked.325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4YrYLjIgg
“ You live in a Barbie house, who wouldn't like it?”325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXZpgpeZNE
“ You don’t think its strange that we get treated like baby girls?”325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSM217IFIJ
“ Well yes, but you seem so happy”325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ff98epscs
“ The truth is that I do like it here. Sometimes I am afraid that I am a sissy and always was. Maybe thats why I was rude and arrogant. Maybe I was unhappy before I came here. The thing is what will happen when I become a king. Who wants a sissy as their king?”325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0yiobUpK4
“Do not put a label on yourself,” my sister replied, “you would be doing what we did at the hospital. You will be sunshine in peoples lives. You will try and make a difference.”325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZMCjWuuPY
“You know sister, for a 7 year old, you are very wise.”325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhuqVs99wZ
“ I am not 7. I am 7½”
The morning that my family was about to leave and go back to the palace. Julia was sitting in her guest book and looked confused. She told us that she wet the bed. Niki and I tried to console her by explaining a hundred reasons why she could have had an accident. Julia did not seem to mind. She just sat on the bed as if she was meditating, then she announced that “it was ok for a sissy to wet the bed and be like a baby. It's just a step of the journey to becoming a good sissy.” Niki and I gave each other a strange look when she said this. Later when we talked about it, I said maybe she was trying to support me as my sister. Niki said it sounded like she thought she was a sissy like us.
When my parents were leaving, Dad took me aside and told me that he was so proud of me, that I was sent to a weird place and shown nothing but braveness. He admitted it would take him time to accept if I was transgender, but told me that it is important that I discover who I am and accept it myself. The secret of life is accepting who you are and not hurting others. There is no such thing as being normal. I had to love myself and not care what others thought. My Dad hugged me and told me that he would love me no matter what.
Then he told me that he had news that he thought I should hear. His press office told him that a book was soon being released about me. These Royal books sometimes reveal secrets and even things that are not true. This book would make me the talking point of the nation.
I had to be brave again. Never complain or explain.
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