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I do not understand why anyone would write a book about me. I was only 10 years old so it was limited to what people could write. I spent all my life being me and I do not think that I could write a book about myself. Dad told me that the book would reveal secrets and some bits of the book would not be true. If secrets were revealed, it meant that some people who knew me would have to speak to the author. This made me think of who would spill the beans. It worried me about who I could trust and who I could not trust. I was afraid that after reading the book, I would be wondering who told this author about me? This was very scary as it meant that everyone around me would be a suspect.
Shortly after my parents left, I woke up in the middle of the night and heard Niki crying. Niki never cried. He did not even cry when his family did not visit him. I tried whispering to him and asking him why was he crying. I tried asking him if I should get help. Niki just sniffled and told me that he just wanted to be alone. I wanted to go over to him and help in any way that I could. This was hard as I was trapped in a crib. I just listened to Niki sob and tried not to bother him. Niki was always smiling and optimistic. I had never seen this side of him before. It just shows that Niki is human and his feelings could be hurt. Everyone is capable of being hurt in some way. We can put on our best smiles, but when someone hurts us, the pain will always be there.
My Grandmother was worried about me. She was not worried that I wanted to be at the institute, she was more worried about my privacy. The Royal palace sent a statement from the Queen that “The prince is at the Victorian Virtue Institute where he is discovering his identity and place in this world. The Prince has found the feminine side of himself and could be transgender. This is the same for the other boys at the institute. However, the other boys are lucky that they are not in the public eye as the prince is, where the prince is being judged and at times even mocked. The Queen will support the prince even if he discovers that he is transgender. The Queen also reminds us that the prince is a child, and deserves privacy and time to discover who he is. This is a challenging time for the prince and his family, and the Royal palace hopes that the media will give the 10-year-old prince the space and time that he needs.”
I was so proud of my grandmother. She disagreed with this institute and the way we were treated. She considers it a form of child abuse. Still, she knows that I like it here and that I am happy. I also think that Granny can see a feminine side of me that has nothing to do with the petticoat program. She just wants me to find my identity and not have to do it in the public eye. I have a grandmother who loves me and wants to protect me. This made me one lucky boy.
Madam Criben gave us another class and told us that she noticed that many of us thought that we were still boys. We referred to ourselves as boys and used male pronouns. She said that this had to stop. We are no longer boys. We are not girls either. We are sissies. Being a sissy is not bad and it is not a punishment. It means that we are like we are genderfluid. We are not afraid of showing our feminine sides. We are not afraid of being girly. The world may think that this is wrong and we are just freaks. The world may think that we are being forced to be girly, but we know that this is not true. Madam Criben wanted us to be proud of who we were. She did not want us to refer to each other as “boys”. If we were to use pronouns about each other, we would now have to use the term “she”.
Blake was mad about this. He asked me why no one could see that this was another step to get rid of any masculinity that we had. I did not respond. All I thought about was now that everyone would call me “she” or “her”.
Julia sent me a letter. She loved the visit to the institute. It was still hard for her to understand why the institute was allowed to do what they did. However, she was relieved that I was so happy. The problem my sister had was that everything seemed so empty when she went back to the palace. She wrote that she missed me. To be honest, I also miss Julia. She may only be 7 years old, but she is fun to be with and in many ways wiser than me.
Niki showed me the essay he was doing on the female that influenced us the most. He was writing about Shirley Temple. She was a child actress in the 1930s. She was the same age as we are now. She was the most successful Hollywood star at the time and only a little girl. Niki likes Shirley Temple because she made movies that made people smile during hard times. There was a depression at the time and when people went to see her movies, she made them forget how bad things were. Besides all this, Niki liked the dresses that she wore. It was no surprise that Niki picked Shirley Temple as he also liked to make others smile and forget the things that made us sad.
I do not know if Shirley Temple influenced me or the visit to the sick children at the hospital. I wanted to be a Royal member that served the people. I wanted to bring some sunshine into people's lives. As a Prince, I could do what I can to make this country a better place and a happier place. It would be nice if we had a country where people helped each other and everyone was like one big family. This was a big change to how I felt months ago. I was just a rich privileged boy who thought of no one besides myself. The whole country probably thinks that it's the petticoat treatment that is making me nicer, but who knows? Maybe it is or maybe I am just becoming more mature. Maybe it's the influence of others, such as Niki or Julia. The thing is that I like myself more now.
Niki was my best friend and he has been a good influence on me. I could not get the memory of him crying himself to sleep. Niki would not talk about it and made me promise I would not try and talk about it. I know he wasn't sad about the petticoat treatment because he was the boy here who liked it the most. The only reason that I could see that would make Niki sad was his parents. Every child wants to feel loved and wanted. Niki must have felt that his family did not want him. So I told Niki one day that I considered him like a brother. I hoped that he would visit me at the palace during Easter break. Niki smiled and said I was the best friend ever, although he would be more like a sister than a brother. I should not let Madam Criben hear me call him a brother, as that was now forbidden.
We went on a field trip. We went to the swimming hall. I always loved swimming. The only thing I hated was when chlorine got in your eyes. We were, of course, wearing a one-piece girl's swimming costume, which was a bit strange to get used to. The good thing was that the media were not there. It would be embarrassing being on the front page of tabloids with a girl's swimming costume on. There were some moans and complaints from the other boys when we were told to wear the girl's swimming costumes, especially from Blake. However, after some time we forgot all about what we were wearing and were having a lot of fun. I was even having fun when Niki kept splashing water at me.
When we were getting changed, Blake thanked me for sticking up for him to his parents. I told them how unhappy he was with all this petticoat treatment. It does not seem as if it worked. He was still here. However, he appreciated that someone was on his side.
Madam Cribem showed me the latest poll about the Royal family. I was no longer the most unpopular member there. That was my uncle, but let's face it, he liked alcohol a bit too much. Madam Criben wanted me to think that this institute and its program meant that I was no longer hated by the country. I did see that the poll showed that I was also the most controversial Royal member. That was understandable. Their prince was now wearing girl clothes. Many would have thought that this was wrong.
Miss Eva wanted us all to try something else. She called it relaxation therapy. We were told to lie on the mats and close our eyes. While we were doing this, some classical music was being played. Once in a while, Miss Eva would tell us to remember when we were boys and how unhappy we were. Then she would tell us to think how happy we were now that we were no longer boys. I do not know if I listened to much of what she was saying. I just thought that it was so relaxing and it felt as if I was on a pink cloud. I was a bit disappointed when we were told that it was over, I hoped that we would try this again.
Later that day, I was with Blake and Niki. Blake has started to hang around with Niki and me. It was a question that he did not like being alone and needed some friends. At times, he made me smile. Like when he would come up with some conspiracy theory. Blake would tell us that he was sure that the institute was trying to brainwash us. Blake had no clue as to how they were doing it, but he said the results were clear. When boys started here, they would fight the idea of becoming girly but after a while, they would accept it for some strange reason. Blake was worried that it would only be a matter of time before he became like one of us. I do not think we were being brainwashed, as my parents would never allow that to happen. It does not sound so legal. Blakes's comments made me think that I changed a lot since I came here. I remembered when I first came, that I promised myself that I would fight the petticoat program all the way. Now look at me!
Niki asked me one day if being a sissy meant that you were gay. I think that Niki was thinking about that rumour that Blake started before. It was a hard question for me to answer. I did not understand everything about this petticoat treatment. It was still hard for me to stop thinking about us as boys. I will also be honest, I had no clue what being gay meant. Being 10 years old, romance was never anything that I thought a lot about. At my old school, I heard some older boys call each other gay and this did not seem nice. Being called a sissy was also a bad thing. So I always thought that being called gay or sissy was just an insult. I told Niki that as far as I knew, being gay was when two men fancied each other. I did not fancy anyone, so that must have meant that I was not gay. Niki had to figure out if he fancied anyone. The way I looked at it, we had a lot of time to think about this as it would be 8 years until we became adults.
The essay on the woman who inspires me the most was finally done. I wrote about Madonna. She was a singer and a very controversial one at that. She did not have the best singing voice and yet is considered a legend. I liked that she did not care a lot about what others thought of her. She did not do the music people expected her to do or dress in a way that people expected her to do, she just did what made her happy. At the same time, she talked a lot about tolerance and respecting each other. Madonna pushed many boundaries and showed the world that people are different, but there is a place for us all. She was one of the first people who told us that AIDS victims needed compassion and not judgment. After I studied Madonna, I think she used what talent she had to its potential and at the same time did her bit to make the world a better place to live in.
As for me, I was born a prince. This was not because I had qualifications or talents. It was the family that I was born into. Being a prince also meant that everyone wanted to know everything about me. This could be seen when Madam Criben gave me a copy of the book that was written about me. I looked at the title: “From Prince to Princess”
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