School started and Melody was excited to finally be an upperclassman. She not only had volleyball to look forward to but was eager to begin her third automotive mechanics class. Best of all, her days of riding the school bus were over. After receiving her parking permit from the administration office, Melody was able to drive the Aspen to school. Although she would suffer through trigonometry, English III, and chemistry, she began her first day with confidence, believing this would be her best year yet. She was disappointed Spanish III was the only class she had with Becky but was thankful they were again scheduled for the same lunch period.
The relationship between Melody and Becky had strengthened since going to the next level. Though they were happy with their decision to become a couple, it was not as easy as they thought it would be. They could not hold hands or kiss in the hallways like the straight couples did, and they had to be careful whenever they spoke. Spending time together even had to be handled discreetly. Boys from both school and McDonald’s still asked for dates, so the girls had to come up with excuses why they could not go out. Melody would say she had to study for a test, had a volleyball game, or was not feeling well. When she had nothing else, telling the boy she was grounded always worked. Melody and Becky did not keep up their charade because they were ashamed, nor did they care what people thought. In fact, Becky would have told the world if she had her way. They kept their relationship a secret because if word got around, it would eventually get back to Melody’s mother, ending Melody’s life as she knew it.
Becky had fallen hard for Melody, and it frightened her. For years, Becky had feelings for Melody, but it was only now she could begin to express them openly to her. A few times, Becky almost let ‘I love you’ slip out, but always caught herself. Becky did love Melody, she always had, but refused to tell her. One reason was because she did not want Melody to think she just wanted sex. Becky knew from experience that boys would say it during their unsuccessful attempts to get into her own pants. The main reason, however, was no one had ever said those words to her. Susan Olsen never once told her daughter that she loved her. Becky accepted it a long time ago, but never got over the fact that her father never wanted her either. Becky knew her heart would break if she told Melody she loved her, only to receive a blank stare in return. Becky refused to put herself through that, not even for Melody. All she could do was wait patiently, hoping one day, Melody would say the three words she needed to hear.
Meanwhile, Melody had challenges of her own. In order to spend time with Becky, she had to lie to her parents which she found unsettling. Sometimes she would leave the house in her McDonald’s uniform, but pick up Becky for a date instead. Other times, Melody would say she had a date with a boy that had no car. Barbara never questioned her but considered it odd for a girl to pick up a boy for a date. Barbara naturally assumed it was just another modern phenomenon she was too old fashioned for. In order to keep their relationship a secret, Melody and Becky became rather inventive at times. Occasionally, at the drive-in, Becky would wear a baggy shirt with her hair up in a ball cap. Other times, Melody and Becky would drive to nearby Decatur to look for things to do, or park in an isolated area so they could make out. However, out of convenience, the girls spent most of their time on a secluded bench in Burke Park. It came to be known as ‘their spot’ after Becky used a knife and screwdriver to carve ‘B-n-M’ into the wood.
***
At the park, sitting close together on the benchtop with their feet on the seat, Becky and Melody held hands. After a long week of school, they were happy to finally have some real time together. Except for some moonlight coming through the leaves, their secret rendezvous was safe under the cover of darkness.
“What are we going to do when it gets too cold to come out here?” Becky asked.
“I suppose we could have our sleepovers again,” Melody suggested.
“Honey, we talked about this,” Becky groaned. “We got to make your mom think we spend less time together. Besides, you know I can’t trust myself behind a closed door with you anymore. Even if you were willing, if your mom caught us…”
“I know,” Melody said. “I hope you understand it’s just as frustrating for me. I want to make you happy. I want to do what the girls in your magazines do. I’ve even thought about dressing up like them for you, but…” Melody couldn’t finish her sentence, she just sighed with her elbow on her knee and her chin in her palm.
“Melody, it’s OK,” Becky assured her. “I can wait.”
“But you’re ready now.”
“So what?” Becky said. “I’ve actually learned a lot from Hustler. I keep myself satisfied.”
Melody sat silently, deep in thought. One of the things she liked about Becky was that they could be so open and honest with each other. Melody appreciated how Becky always answered her questions patiently as she tried to better understand herself.
“Becky, when did you know?” Melody finally asked. “I mean, when did you really know you were this way?”
“I don’t know,” Becky admitted. “Maybe I always did. Hell, I don’t know. I had such a fucked up childhood. I remember the first girl I was attracted to though. I was in sixth grade. Her name was Stacy.”
“Did she know?” Melody asked.
“Oh, God no,” Becky answered. “I never spoke a word to her. I guess after that there were girls here and there who I thought were hot, but you’re the first girl I was ever open with. You’re the first girl I ever kissed.”
Melody nodded.
“Well, what about you?” Becky asked. “When did you first start to question yourself?”
“I never paid attention to anyone when I was little,” Melody answered. “I spent most of my childhood by myself. No reason, I just chose to. I was either reading books or skateboarding. That’s all I did.”
“Was I the first girl you were attracted to?” Becky asked.
Melody didn’t answer. Instead, she dropped her head in embarrassment and looked at her feet. Her silence caused Becky to become immediately enthralled.
“Oh my God! I wasn’t the first!” Becky exclaimed. “Who was it? Who was the first girl you liked?”
“Becky, please.”
“C’mon, Melody!” Becky said excitedly. “Was it Dawn Tunstil? No… Alicia Skolnick?”
“Becky, stop.”
Becky frowned for a moment as she concentrated, determined to guess the right girl. “I got it!” she finally said. “You love legs! It’s gotta be Kristen Matala! That girl doesn’t wear anything but miniskirts! It’s Kristen, right?”
“Ugh,” Melody replied, covering her eyes with her fingers. “Why is it so hard for me to lie? It’s hard enough lying to my parents when we go out, but I can’t lie to you. Can we drop this, please?”
Perplexed, Becky could not understand what Melody had to feel uncomfortable about. She wasn’t jealous, just curious. In fact, Becky thought she could use the information to help Melody. Suddenly, fear struck Becky’s heart like a bullet as her face went pale.
“Oh my God,” Becky said as her face took on a twisted, disgusted look. “Melody, please lie to me if it’s true. Melody, please… Please don’t say it was my mother.”
With her face hidden behind her hands, Melody finally answered, “Coach Heucke.”
For the next two seconds, the clear night air was still and not a sound could be heard, not even a cricket. Then, without warning, the roar of Becky’s laughter filled the park. When Melody turned to look at her, she saw Becky lying on her back, laughing uncontrollably with both hands on her tummy. Trying to catch her breath, Becky gazed at Melody and only snorted as she continued laughing like a woman gone mad.
“Becky!” Melody cried. “You want the whole town to know we’re here?”
Becky’s only response was more laughter as she rolled onto her side.
Placing her hand on Becky’s thigh, Melody said, “Becky! It’s not funny!”
“Oh my God, yes, it is!” Becky said as she sat up and put a hand on Melody’s shoulder. “Holy shit! I should have known!”
“So why is it so funny?” Melody demanded.
“Because!” Becky snorted. “You were never interested in women until you saw Coach Heucke. I wonder how many girls have turned gay after seeing her. I’ll bet your whole volleyball team is in the closet!” With that, Becky bowled over and continued laughing. Despite herself, Melody began laughing too, relieved that Becky was not making fun of her.
“God, she is so freakin’ hot!” Becky finally exclaimed.
“Yeah?” Melody asked.
“C’mon, Melody,” Becky said. “I still remember volleyball tryouts when we were all lined up as she introduced herself. All I wanted was for her to march us into the shower and spank us.”
“Becky!”
“Melody, you’re my girl, but what I wouldn’t do to take a look under her shirt.”
Melody turned her head away and said, “I wanna see her ass without those shorts.”
“Melody!” Becky said, slapping her playfully on the shoulder. “I knew you weren’t as innocent as you act! Tell you what, if you ever get a chance to sleep with her, go for it.”
“What!” Melody said facing Becky with a look of shock.
“Melody, look who we’re talking about. You’d be a fool to pass that up. If she wants you, she can have you, but she’s got to go through me first. You can have what’s left when I’m done with her.”
“Becky! What are you saying? How could you?” Melody asked, visibly upset as her sensitivity again got the best of her. She began to tremble. “I don’t want to be with anyone else, do you?”
“Honey! Honey!” Becky exclaimed compassionately as she put her arms around her. “Baby, don’t you know when I’m pulling your leg? This is just bullshit girl talk. You understand that, right?”
Melody could only nod in response. Knowing she would immediately cry if she spoke, she kept silent. Melody did not want to cry in front of Becky tonight, not over something so silly.
“Melody, be serious,” Becky said as she hugged her tightly. “How old is she? Thirty-four? Thirty-five? She’s twice our age! We’re jailbait to her. It’s OK to make jokes and fantasize about shit that will never happen. If you want the truth, I’d sit in a corner and cry until I died if you were ever with her, or anyone else.”
“You would?” Melody asked over Becky’s shoulder, holding her tightly.
“Of course I would!” Becky said. “I’m not sharing you with anybody. Now admit it. You can tell me, it’s OK. Have you ever had fantasies about Coach Heucke?”
Melody’s only answer was the tensing of her back muscles.
“Honey, it’s alright,” Becky said. “I’ve fantasized about a lot of girls before we got together. I’ve thought crazy shit too. Who doesn’t?”
“I’ve thought about doing things with her that I could never say out loud,” Melody mumbled. “I always stopped myself because I felt guilty. I knew I was wrong to do it. I never should have thought about her in that way. I have so much respect for her.”
Becky released Melody and held her shoulders as she looked into her eyes, amazed that even in the dead of night, she could still tell Melody’s eyes were the color of frozen pond water. “Melody, don’t beat yourself up over it. You first saw her two years ago. You were practically a kid. You felt an attraction for her, and you just did what came naturally. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I don’t do it anymore,” Melody assured her. “Not since you and I… I can’t think of anyone but you now. I can’t fantasize about you because it’s not pretend make-believe… With you it’s real. I want it to be real. I need to explain to you what’s wrong with me, why I can’t give in to what I want… What we want… You understand all this better than I do. I want to be where you are. I… I…”
Speechless, Becky held Melody’s cheeks in her hands and kissed her. With her heart pounding, Becky was overwhelmed as her own feelings unleashed. Kissing Melody now, at this moment, was all Becky needed to be content. Every time she thought Melody could not surprise her, she was proven wrong. Becky never thought it possible that a girl could be so sensitive, honest, and deep on so many levels. Becky had a lifetime to learn about her, and she didn’t intend to waste a day.
***
Becky naturally assumed Melody was going through the same uncertainty and confusion she had, but for Melody, it went beyond that. Melody knew exactly what was wrong with her but chose not to talk about it. Instead of trying to work it out with Becky, Melody hoped the dilemma would somehow solve itself. However, as another school week progressed, Melody found it difficult to concentrate on her schoolwork while preoccupied with her problem. As her internal conflict continued to fight in an endless stalemate, Melody’s hand was forced to find a quick solution. After Friday afternoon’s volleyball practice, Coach Heucke blew her whistle. “Hit the showers ladies! Mivshek! My office!”
As the volleyball team left the court and exited through the east doors towards the showers, Melody nervously followed Coach Heucke to her office. Stopping just short of the door, Coach Heucke stepped to the side and motioned for Melody to enter first. Then, the coach followed her inside and closed the door behind her.
“What is it coach?” Melody asked uneasily.
Ingrid walked past Melody and surveyed the team roster, written on a large dry erase board hanging from the wall. After a moment, Coach Heucke faced her.
“Melody,” she began. “In the last two years, I do not believe you’ve ever missed a practice. You’ve worked hard and have improved tremendously since your freshman days. The season is about to start, and our first match is next Wednesday against Edwardsburg. I don’t think I have to remind you how important this first game is.”
“No, Coach.”
Referring to the whiteboard, Ingrid continued. “For the first match, I planned on starting only two juniors, yourself and Claire Thompson.”
“Yes, Coach.”
Coach Heucke folded her arms under her breasts and frowned slightly. “For the last three days, I’ve considered taking you out of the starting lineup.” Coach Heucke paused here to see Melody’s reaction. Upon seeing her shudder, Coach Heucke continued.
“Melody, what’s the matter? Your performance this week has been far below your standard. Do you have an injury? I don’t want you playing through pain. Tell me honestly, are you hurt?”
“No, Coach,” Melody answered with a slight tinge of nervousness.
“Then what is it, Melody?” Ingrid asked as she lowered her arms and took a less authoritative posture. “Is there a problem at home?”
“Coach, I… No, Coach.”
Ingrid said nothing but walked to her desk and sat on the edge. She studied Melody closely as her player purposely diverted her eyes away. Clearly, something was bothering her, and it was serious enough to affect her adversely. “Melody,” she began again. “I’m concerned. No one can help you if you keep your problems to yourself. Whatever it is, you can trust me. Is it abuse? Drugs? Melody, I’m not asking as your coach. I’m asking as a woman, offering to help a young lady.”
Melody did not want to start shaking, so she breathed slow, deep breaths while attempting to remain calm. It was too late to deny she had a problem, because, as always, her body language gave her away. With Coach Heucke’s eyes studying her intensely, Melody knew she had to answer. Though Melody was very fond of her coach, she could not tell her the complete truth. After deciding it would be both inappropriate and dangerous to reveal her lesbian relationship, Melody took another deep breath and looked Coach Heucke in the eyes.
“You’re right, Coach,” Melody began. “I have a problem, but it’s personal. I’m not in any danger, but I’ve been letting this go for too long. I need to take care of it. I’m gonna end this tonight. I can’t take anymore.”
Coach Heucke gave her a puzzled look.
“I want to start, Coach.” Melody continued. “I’m ready. I want a piece of Edwardsburg after what they did to us last year. Coach, please. I promise, everything will be OK on Monday.”
Ingrid said nothing, but Melody felt the weight of her stare. After a moment, Ingrid nodded. “OK, Melody,” she said. “I won’t pry into your personal life, but I want you to know my door is open if you ever need to talk. For now, I am going to leave your spot open. You have a week to prove to me you deserve to be on the court with the starters.”
“I’ll be ready, Coach. I promise.”
“Hit the showers, Melody. Have a good weekend.”
After excusing herself, Melody retrieved her belongings and left the gym without showering. Instead of going directly to the parking lot, Melody headed to the administrative building where the pay phones were. Stopping in front of one, Melody fished a quarter out of her purse. After dialing Becky’s number, she listened to the ring tones impatiently. Finally, Walt answered.
“Hello?”
“Hello, sir. This is Melody. May I speak to Becky, please?”
“Hold on,” Walt said. Listening closely, Melody heard him say, “I’m expecting a call. Don’t tie up the phoneline all goddamn afternoon. See what she wants and hang up!”
“Hello?” Becky answered.
“Becky, it’s Melody. We need to talk.”
“What? Now? What’s wrong?”
“I work tonight and tomorrow afternoon,” Melody said.
“I’m off tonight. I work tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night at seven,” Melody said.
“Is everything OK?”
“No.”
ns 18.68.41.148da2
