Keegan
I hear the distant sound of thunder as I lower myself to the roof.
It's become my favorite spot in the house. Over the last two weeks, I've come out here every night, journal in hand.
It's where I write down the day's thoughts, look up into the stars and think about my life.
A lot of nights, I can hear Blue playing his guitar or listening to music in his room. Sometimes I hear him singing.
Sometimes the deep, gravelly sound of his voice makes me ache all over.
Ever since the morning Kendra barged in on us—after Blue ignored my obvious invitation to pick up where we left off—I've tried to avoid him.
I've also been thinking about Kendra's reaction when she saw us on the bed. Her rage. The hatred on her face.
I'd scrambled back into my clothes as she stood there glaring at us. Then I beat a quick retreat to my room. I figured Blue should deal with her. I seem to set her off just by existing.
But I was still on fire from his touch. So when I heard him in the hallway a little later, I decided to let him know I was ready to continue what we'd started.
I was embarrassed when he pretended not to notice.
And that's when it finally dawned on me that Kendra wasn't acting like just an irritated roomie. She was acting like a jealous lover.
Maybe Blue and Kendra are a couple, and I've been too clueless to catch on. Maybe Blue has feelings for her.
Or maybe he's just a total douche. Does he bag every girl who moves into the house? Does he have a different girl every weekend?
That's what's been running through my mind the last couple of weeks.
It shouldn't matter to me. Blue and I are not dating. We barely know each other.
I'm pressing the pen into the doodle I've been drawing in the margins of my journal so hard that I tear the page in half.
Sighing, I close the journal with the pen tucked inside and look out into the darkness, feeling the electric static of the coming storm. The cicadas that are usually buzzing in concert have gone silent.
It's been another hot day. At 9 PM, it is still warm.
My phone vibrates, and I grab it as it starts to slide toward the roof's edge.
It's Megz, texting a picture of herself with some hot guy. They're entangled on a dorm room bed, each holding up a shot glass, each grinning from ear-to-ear.
"So Megz is having a grand old time," I say out loud, wishing yet again I could be more like her.
She just strings guys along, getting exactly what she wants out of them and then moving on to the next one. All while keeping her heart locked up safe and sound.
Megz doesn't seem to catch feelings. Not like I do, anyway.
But that's why I need to be careful around Blue Daniels. Even if he and Kendra are not together, I don't think I can do a casual hookup thing with him.
I already feel too much around him, and we haven't done anything more than make out once. We haven't even spent that much time together.
The problem is I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop dreaming about him.
I sigh again as my thumbs hover over the phone. I text Megz an eyeroll emoji, and she responds with a middle finger. That makes me smile.
I'm still clutching the phone because I want to send another text. To Blue, of course.
I want to reach out to him. It's not realistic, I've been telling myself, to ignore him. We live in the same house.
And maybe it's not fair, either. Maybe I'm completely wrong about him and Kendra. Maybe he's not a player.
Hunter is a player. And Blue is nothing like Hunter.
So maybe I need to at least talk to Blue. That would be the adult way to handle things.
My thumb opens a new text, and I select Blue's number from my Contacts. He gave it to me the day I moved in, but I've never texted him before.
I don't know where he is, but I know he's not at home.
A gust of wind ruffles the pages of my journal. I see a flash of lightning in the western sky.
Hey, I type.
Almost immediately, the three dots that signal a response pop up on my phone.
Hey roomie. What's up?
My thumbs hover again as I debate what to say next.
Just sittin in my favorite spot, I type.
I'm pretty sure Blue knows I'm talking about the roof. He's seen me up here before.
I insert a thundercloud emoji. Looks like it's going to storm.
I'm texting about the weather. Lame.
I blow out a breath and start typing again: So do you have some time tonight to talk?
The three dots seem to scroll forever.
"Jesus, Blue," I mutter, feeling like a fool, "just say no already."
Finally, his response appears: I'm just leaving the gym, will be back in five minutes. OK if I use the door this time to get to you instead of the tree?
He adds an LOL emoji, and I shake my head at my silly sense of relief.
Sure, I type, adding some random smiley face.
I clutch my journal to my chest for a second, then inch over to the open window and toss it on my bed.
I'll have to finish writing in it later.
A few minutes go by. Then Blue pulls his Mercedes Coupe into the bricked front yard.
The car is several years old, but it was still surprising the first time I saw him driving it. He'd said he doesn't get any money from his wealthy family. But that's an expensive car. I haven't asked him about it.
Blue gets out of the Coupe and leans against it. His face is in shadow, but I see the flash of his teeth as he smiles up at me.
"You do realize," he drawls, raising his voice, "that sitting under a tree in a thunderstorm is pretty crazy."
I glance at the nearby oak and shrug. "I guess I like living dangerously," I quip, realizing too late that I sound more flirtatious than I meant to.
Blue laughs softly, then pushes himself away from the car and heads for the front door.
"I'll be up in a sec," he calls.
I feel my heart speed up.
When I hear him at my door, I pivot to watch him come in. He's got a red cup in one hand, and another sloshing cup of what I assume is beer clutched in his teeth.
Blue pulls the cup from his mouth with his free hand and grins at me as he kicks the door closed and strides to the window.
"No sense wasting that keg," he says cheerfully, stretching the cup through the window. "It's a day old, but what the hell."
"Thanks." I take the cup with a hesitant smile. Drinking beer is probably not the wisest thing I could do right now. But, as Blue said, what the hell.
I take a sip as he climbs on to the roof. He's dressed for the gym in a tight white shirt that highlights his well-developed arms.
I scoot a little further from the window to make room for him.
He settles next to me and takes a long drink.
"Hey there," he says as lightning again illuminates the horizon, followed several seconds later by the rumble of thunder.
Then he starts singing.
"Come listen to the story of Keegan and Blue. Struck by lightning, left behind just a shoe. Old folks said they was crazy in the head. And all it got 'em was good and dead."
I burst out laughing. I love Blue's sense of humor. And his singing.
"I was going to go in before it got too close," I assure him.
He gives me a look. "Yeah. Famous last words of every single person who's ever been struck by lightning."
He shrugs, then continues, "But, hey, if you're up for it, so am I. It's beautiful out here. We'll ride the crazy train together."
He toasts me with a deepening smile, and my breathe snags as I watch that smile melt into his unbelievable eyes.
Jesus. So far, this is not going as planned.
I swallow hard and look away. I need to steer the conversation around to Kendra. But all I want to do is be playful and seductive. Or be seduced.
When I turn back to him, Blue is pulling at the sleeve of his T-shirt. He seems to be trying to subtly sniff it.
"I was going to shower at the gym," he admits when he realizes I've noticed. "But when you called, I forgot all about that."
He runs a hand through his black hair. "I guess I should've hit the shower here before I came in," he adds, sheepishly. "Sorry if I'm smelly."
I sit there staring at him for a moment.
"You smell just fine to me." Again, I sound like I'm flirting with him. It gives me a rush to think of him hurrying back here to join me.
But then I wonder if this is all just part of his seduction routine: pretending to be all eager and boyish and desperate to be with me. Did he do something similar with Kendra?
"What's the deal with you and Kendra?" I ask abruptly. " Are you, you know, dating?"
Pretty sure no one else my age says dating anymore, but whatever. I'm old-fashioned.
"'Cause she's acting like you're a lot more than roomies," I add.
Blue looks nonplussed, like he didn't expect the conversation to take this turn. And that irritates me.
"Oh come on," I say, spreading my hands in frustration. "This can't be that much of a surprise. I mean...we've been..."
My words falter at the pained expression on his face.
"When she saw us making out the other day," I make myself go on, "she was pissed. Like girlfriend pissed.
I take another sip of beer, gathering my courage.
"I know nothing has really happened between us," I say. "We just made out a little. I know sex at college is supposed to be, like, super casual and stuff. But if you and Kendra are a couple or just hooking up, I want to know."
Exactly why do I need to know? I push that thought away.
Blue's Adams apple bobs up and down as he swallows hard a couple of times. He looks away from me, his jaw tense.
He's squeezing the red cup so the liquid is brimming almost over the top.
"Keegan," he says after a moment, "I'm not with Kendra."
He shakes his head and looks up into the threatening sky. "We did have a...I can't even call it a thing. We just hooked up. For a few weeks, after she moved in."
He turns his gaze back to me. "It was just sex," he goes on. "I thought Kendra understood that. I thought that's all it was for her, too. I wasn't trying to hurt her. Nothing's happened between us for months. But she won't let it go."
He places his hand over mine, squeezing gently. One part of me wants to weave my fingers into his. But another part wants to pull away from him.
I stretch toward the window and carefully place my cup on the sill.
"Blue..." I start.
"It's different with you, Keegan," he cuts me off. "What there is between us. It's different."
Another flash of lighting makes his eyes glow.
"It's been like that since the day we met," he says. "I know you feel it, too. I know it's crazy fast. But it's real."
A loud thunderclap follows almost immediately. A couple of drops of rain hit my face.
Blue lets out a derisive laugh. "God, that sounds like such a line, doesn't it?"
He drains the rest of his beer and twists around to place his cup on the windowsill next to mine.
"But it's true, Keegan," he adds. "For me, anyway. It's fucking true."
I roll my eyes, more as a protective mechanism than anything else. It did sound like a cheesy line. Blue is right though. I do feel the connection we have.
But I don't want to acknowledge that. Not yet anyway.
"So I'm not just another in a long line of girls?" I ask, skeptically, gesturing between us. "This isn't some roomies-with-benefits thing?"
I cringe inwardly at the wounded look on his face, but I hold up my hand as he starts to protest.
"Just be straight with me, Blue. I mean, we haven't even..."
I'm blushing, which is pathetic. "We haven't had sex," I push on. "We just fooled around a little. No harm done."
I see his chest rise and fall as he takes a deep breath and curls his fingers around mine.
"I'm not judging you," I continue. "That's what college is, right? It's just...casual. It's what everybody does, right? But it's not me."
I'm struggling with what to say next. I probably sound like a prude. And what I told him is not exactly true. Casual sex might be fine for me, with somebody else.
But not with Blue. I already know that.
So I decide to just come out and say tell him how I feel. See how he responds.
"I think I've got a major crush on you." I say the words fast before I can change my mind.
"I know it's only been two weeks," I go on. "Like you said, it's crazy fast. I know that. And it's okay if you don't feel the same. But I don't want to get hurt. So I need you to be straight with me. If there's someone else. If you only want something casual. You've got to tell me."
Blue's smile has faded. He's holding my gaze with an intense look that's hard to read. He lifts a finger and trails it down my face, then lets it linger on my lips.
"Keegan," he whispers, then kisses me gently. "Holy shit, Keegan. There's no one else. I've haven't even gone out with anybody seriously since..."
He doesn't finish the sentence.
And I don't even have time to wonder why before he grabs my face and starts devouring my lips with his, thrusting his tongue into my mouth and running it all over the insides of my cheeks. He kisses my lips again, then my chin, nose, and forehead.
His body is pressed into mine, pinning me to the roof. I don't want to think about anything else.
My hands find their way down his shoulders, over his arms, and back to his face.
It's crazy-train kissing: up on the roof, out in a storm.
I want it to go on forever.
I open my eyes in time to see lightning blazing above me, and Blue's eyes lit up with lust. He trails kisses down my neck and chest as thunder answers the lightning.
His hand cups my breast, and his mouth swiftly follows, his tongue tracing a pattern along the top of the cami I'm wearing.
I'm panting and arching my back, pulling Blue closer and closer. My whole body is on fire.
I open my eyes again just as Blue lifts his mouth to mine. His kisses are rougher now, more insistent.
After a few moments, he pulls back, holding his body just above mine, his arm muscles flexing as I trail my fingertips over them.
My lips are burning. I moisten them with my tongue, then lift my face toward Blue. I want him to kiss me some more. A lot more.
But he breaks into a soft smile, his breathing still heavy. "You okay? You're good, with this, Keegan? We don't have to go any further."
I nod and pull him toward me. I don't want to talk. I want him to press his body hard against me, plunge into me, consume me.
But then a bolt of lightning, followed by an ear-splitting crack of thunder, explodes right above us.
I scream, and we scramble to sit up. Blue reaches for me just as the sky opens and it begins to pour.
ns 18.68.41.175da2
