Growing up in Jamaica, every child is told Anansi stories: these amazing tales about a talking spider and his animal friends, usually containing some moral. Before, these stories seemed to serve only one purpose - educate children about the ways of the world in a palatable manner. However, after seeing a talking bull, is a talking spider really that far off? Growing up, I would hear stories of all kinds of wonderful monsters, beasts that lurk within the shadows. The Rolling Calf is one of the more popular ones, and everyone has heard duppy* stories, but then there are stories about Ol' Higue, the monster who sucks the life from babies; River Mumma, a mermaid-like creature, with her comb and golden table to lure victims to their death. If I saw a Rolling Calf, what stops all the others from being true? What's to say I won't discover a talking spider in the bathroom?643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkAasEO5yu
This is how I've spent the entire day, questioning everything. In my lab session today, I jumped back in fright when I saw a spider under my stool. I stared at it for a full 30 seconds before concluding that it is, in fact, a normal spider, and not Anansi. I was distracted for the entire day, and for the first time, I actually didn't know what to do; I ended up asking a classmate for help, which took him by surprise. He blinked at me, before answering. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdH7Wha3vc
"Okay, so you pipette the acid into the beaker... and add a drop of phenolphthalein, and titrate the base drop wise-"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPVsqBTUqa
"I know that part." 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqzyq6tz5D
"- but the acid concentration is unknown, and the base concentration is stated here, so..." 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA9UCQgdLB
It was actually a fairly simple lab, something that I'm sure I did in *upper six, something that I should have been able to grasp, but somehow was able to make me feel like an imbecile. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkvS8OU82H
Yeah. So much fun. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBBp1Mhi9X
I stopped at Sovereign on my way home, and picked up some *oxtail and rice and peas, which I had to fry plantain for once I got home. It was while soaking the food in BBQ sauce that I realised that I was about to eat the very thing that Kwamé is. Even though he isn't an actual bull, I still felt guilty - feel guilty - but not enough to stop me from eating it. I did spend a *thousand dollars on it, after all. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzXZqybS49
On the topic of Kwamé... I realise that my multitude of questions will not stop plaguing me, and that I should probably give asking him a second try. Be more insistent this time. Currently, I'm sucking the life out of an oxtail bone, trying to decide my next move. I'm sure he's somewhere outside, despite the fact that he was nowhere to be seen when I left home for school. On one hand, I'll get some answers. On the other hand, talking to a bull, real or not, can't be good for my sanity. In the end, curiosity wins, and I get up to wash my hands before going outside, the stones rough against my bare feet. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXckKzmNzN
"Kwamé!" I whisper-yell before as I walk down the steps, not wanting to alert the other neighbours.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsm89OyECWC
"Yes, darling?" I hear a familiar male voice asks, warmth wrapped in every syllable. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDXIPpAj4r
For some reason, I didn't see him when I came home from school either, although I knew that he was there, just like this morning. Just then, something occurs to me. Why am I the only one in the complex to have seen Kwamé? 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK18zLuJYTm
"Are you invisible to other people? I mean, why is it that no one else sees a gigantic bull with fire balls for eyes walking about our complex?" I'm sure if anyone else noticed, thew would have called a pastor or an obeah man to cast him out. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFs5AneoxT
"Because I've been careful. Haven't you noticed that the fire balls are gone?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfwlPRGvdX
Now that I look, and actually think about it, his eyes look normal, although if you look closely, you can see the humanity in his eyes. You'd never know that he's not an actual bull. The only outstanding thing is his size. How did I not notice that change? 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6wEMP4n6E
"Why were they fire balls in the first place?" I ask curiously. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEll7VwhOuV
"Whenever I feel any strong emotion, they naturally turn to fire, or at the very least, red." So both the legends of the rolling calf - the one with the red eyes and the one with the fire eyes - are real then. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UoPV7K5Uy
"What did you feel when you saw me?" I can't think of anything that would have caused him to react that way. "And when I looked through the window that time?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VL81eOhsk
"Nothing," he tells me, and even as an animal, I can hear the smirk in his voice. "I was just screwing with you." I scowl at him. What an ass. He probably reads the words in my expression, or maybe he's just ready to shift the conversation, because he clears his throat, then gets serious. "Anyway, we're talking so low, to the point where no one can hear us," he points out. "So what they'll see is you talking to and playing with a bull. This is Jamaica; they probably think a farmer let his cattle loose and one ended up here. No one cares."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuzPIBXZGg
He has a point. I often times see loose cattle grazing on my way to school. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeS0hYLMCzl
"I look mental, don't I," I say, my face turning a reddish hue once I realise how I look to the rest of the world. I'm talking to a cow. Even though it's less insane than talking to a rolling calf, it still makes me look ever so slightly touched in the head. "Just tell me how you know my name," I whisper under my breath, trying not to move my lips. Hopeless, I know, because even if no one sees me talking, they still see my hostile body language, showing that I am, in some way, trying to communicate with an oversized bull. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3fDQ8bS3E
"I've thought things over," he responds. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduP4R6GiOX
"And?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKFrTSxbyT
"I will tell you some of what you want to know" he says, but I can clearly hear the "but" in his voice. "... if you tell me this: why did my mother name me Kwamé?" Why does he want me to figure that out? 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwDRLlG9rs
"Give me a sec," I say, shamelessly pulling out my phone to look it up.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaV5Ige3Uu
"You don't get to do that."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxPBhFJeK3
"Well how the hell am I supposed to know?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uTFqGTBHV
"Guess," he says. While I'm usually good at guessing and using my intuition, my game has been off lately. It showed in the lab. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6prxS5JQn
"What month were you born?" I ask.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVCUq7XGFS
"July. That's not it." Huh. We share the same birth month. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLMppy4A84
"Can't we talk about this later?" I beg him. I think that my question is a much more pressing issue.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxmTJ0aRuo
"No. Think."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSwuyeJUFk
I exhale heavily in frustration, letting out some of my irritation so that I can think.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9u3ymemw7
"It sounds West African," I begin. "Probably Ashanti." I remember the name being mentioned at least once in a history lessen. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OYdY8yiub
"Yes," he responds, nodding. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqqBxLwsaR
"And they name their children based on seasons."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYjizHAlMm
"And?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOokX0eF46M
"Order of birth." 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f6o3QYNa8
"And?" His voice has raised in pitch, letting me know that I'm close to the answer. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhFvJDopLJ
"...day of the week?" I guess hopefully. It's the only other thing that I can think of. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZiteVamJF
"Yes."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2lZYvrAY3
"So your mother named you after a day of the week? The day you were born?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2Slj1A7l2
"Yup."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJyRxOwgwY
"What day?" It's a question that comes rather naturally. I'm not trying to be overly inquisitive, but with the way the conversation has been going, it only seems natural that I find that out next. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJXoE5QE9z
"That's enough about me, isn't there something you wanted to know?" he asks expectantly.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzhGDwGSCY
"Yes, there is," I answer, getting back to my original quest. "Several things, actually. How do you know who I am? Do you have a purpose here? How long will you be here? Have you ever-"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3yY7j23Lv
"One at a time, Nya," he chides.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrEsrjwS5e
"Fine." I cross my arms and roll my eyes, much like a child. Strange how over the past day, my fear of him has pretty much disappeared. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnkiVCccHN
"I'm here, because someone who loves you very much sent me." I almost snort. I've been living alone for the past 20 years of my life, and suddenly I have loved ones? 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos2k9rWZ1q
Hilarious. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBnuI7qh2H
"I have no loved ones," I state, my voice holding no sadness, just certainly. I'm used to the idea of this. In a way, it kind of worries me that I don't mind it. It makes me question my humanity sometimes.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33H6LCeHIv
"Oh, don't be so sure, darling," he says playfully.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqI6zSveQS
"Who, then?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtusaV89LaN
"Someone who you'd probability never imagine," he murmurs. Anyone could be someone I'd never imagine. So why say that? Is he trying to irritate me? 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY9B5fjyhc
"Can you please just tell me who it is?" I shout, but quickly compose myself once I remember where I am. "I don't know, okay? No one cares about me. So just tell me, or do you want me to guess that too?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vjOCHYbND
He gives me what I'm guessing is a shrug - one large movement of his beefy shoulders, but just as I'm about to scream, he laughs lowly.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p4SDklPTF
"It's your mother, Nya." I blink, saying nothing, having no idea how to feel. Probably taking my silence as a lack of understanding, he continues. "Your mother wants you to come home."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyRWmd4VpG
What?643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAyvzAizwn
"I don't have a mother," I state lamely. Or I do, but she's either dead, or indifferent towards my existence. If ur was anyone else -- a sibling, cousin maybe -- I'd be willing to accept it. Not a parent. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsZNbHzVus
My entire life, I've pushed everyone away, and used a lot of energy doing it, too. The concept of having a mother is not just foreign to me, it is completely unwelcome. I would rather have Anansi, Br'er Rabbit* and Kwamé the friendly rolling calf gather in my house and have dinner with me than accept the idea of having a mother.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpFqKo6FAE
"Yes, you do."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuG1bOwk8ci
"And what does this woman want? She didn't show me much love when I was growing up. You see, I kind of don't know who the hell she is." I don't want anything from her. The only thing that I'd want to know is why she gave me up, what happened to me as a baby. Under what circumstances could you possibly abandon your own child and never come back? No letters, no birthday presents, nothing? 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPcyWHeQl3
He inhales deeply, and then exhales.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NbdQTr4CI
"It's complicated," he states, then visibly cringes, obviously hearing just how ridiculous his excuses sound.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7L1eLvCNc1
"Now, I have heard that excuse so many times in my life, it has grown utterly tiresome."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MxqSHSdMm
"Nya, your mother isn't normal." His voice and words carry a certain weight to them, but I don't care. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0feAk5RAnE
"You're right. Normal people don't put their children in the foster system, and then pop in when they're twenty. I'm not judging her for giving me up. God knows what she was going through. But she had so much time to come find me, have some kind of relationship with me. Yet, she waits until I'm 20 to send a rolling calf after me? Who does that?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdqUKIQmvL
"She was trying to-"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHx1egBHTw
"-"protect me?"" I ask him sarcastically. "You have to come up with something a little bit less cliché, for the sake of a good story, if for nothing else."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GEooAqs5F
We stand there in silence before he lowers his shoulders, almost as if he's slouching. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKS0K4xdh6
"This is why I didn't want to tell you," he says with a sigh.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcK3zo0AAQD
"Why? Because I wouldn't understand?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC8ki4biy5
He looks at the ground and starts to grind hid right front hoof into the dirt. A sign of nervousness. Or frustration.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwYicR6wrt
"I wish it were that simple. I've been watching you, looking at your habits, your mannerisms. You're quite content with your life the way it is. You don't want it to change. It's not so much that you don't understand, as if is that you don't want to."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gplFLUV6M
"You're right," I say with newfound realisation. I regret coming out now, regret asking him questions. I expected him to say something like "I've chosen you to go on an adventure," definitely not this. "I don't want to understand. I just want my life to stay the way that it has always been."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOMYDPlu1j
"Well, she told me not to come back without you, so I guess I'm staying."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiSnmdcNFx
"Why are you taking orders from this woman?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lDUtOKO8r
"She's my friend and she wants the best for you. And I can empathise with her." 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdJ80MVmJc
"Well, I can't," I reply stubbornly. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoRG08cqcJ
"Additionally... she's not a normal woman," he says as if I didn't make that comment. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mqLS0hOX4
"We've established that her particular style of parenting makes her far from normal." I'm sure that that isn't what he's talking about. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL8BBIeQDo
"She's an obeah* woman."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5il5uzADJn
"I'm going to bed." 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03SXNVrwSR
I've had enough. Enough of being toyed with, enough of being made to believe stupid crap that should in no way shape or form exist - just enough. I don't want to face this anymore. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhD12GBzWtF
"Wait," he calls after me as I make my way to the stairs.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADXP6ODFYv
"Just... leave me alone, Kwamé." Inside, however... inside, I am becoming really, really scared.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEjihIxb9t
I've questioned the existence of Rolling Calves, but I don't remember the last time that I've wondered whether or not obeah is real. That's because I know that it is. And it can be very, very dangerous. Now, if I am standing here, talking to a rolling calf, then the idea of having an obeah woman as a mother seems very plausible.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iU3GihNIo
"You must have noticed that your life has been... luckier than others. If you want to control that quote unquote luck, turn it into something greater, then come to your mother."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSnT1oLg1m
"You really think that that will convince me?" I don't want to be convinced. I don't want to know. Please stop.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3QJWzm9Am
"You've never been curious of the identity of your true mother?"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gU7Fc1LMv
"Yes, but as I grew, I learned to resent her."643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ6MKaKx19
"There is so much that you don't know-"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMOxEpln4w
"-and don't want to so please leave me, Kwamé!"643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBHvctlTt0
"Okay, I'm sorry," he says, backing down with the realisation that he won't change my mind tonight. He walks out of my field of vision. When I look up, he's gone. It's in his absence that I feel the full effect of the cold wind of the first time. In this moment, I have never felt more alone.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXs56PwanGH
***643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgajxXEmBMB
For the record, obeah isn't the only thing that causes Nya to be the way she is. Obeah isn't this simple. At all. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvy9gvCkqx
*Duppy - ghost643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJphJTQxJl
*Anansi - a troublesome spider that is the star of many Jamaican stories. The stories originate from the Ashanti people, where Anansi is actually a god in the form of a spider.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomr1qXneer
*Br'er Rabbit - Anansi's best friend643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmDImRnrK5
*Bellevue Hospital - hospital in Jamaica for the mentally ill643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloX8f5Aw2P
*Ward 21 - psychiatric ward at the UWI Hospital, Jamaica643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkUaYZmdlZ
*Obeah - a type of witchcraft, similar to voodoo, practiced in the Caribbean.643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnO0yIc4vM
*Upper Six: the highest grade in a high school, grade 13. Both lower and upper six (grades 12 and 13) are optional, and considered as college/tertiary education. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUi3fxDRIR6
Oxtail - the tail of a cow, cut into little pieces, each disk separated from the others. It is seen as gourmet food in Jamaica, and is relatively expensive. 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYo2Uu8J05
Sovereign Centre - a mall in Jamaica 643Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw0zvemXOK
A thousand dollars - we have a weak dollar, about 1 USD to 124.52 JMD at the moment. It's actually getting better, because it used to be 127.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
