Warning! This story contains suicidal thoughts and contemplations of killing.
____________________________________
Rain pounded over the trees sheltering the mud trail I sat on, overlooking the trees staggered below into thier valley.
They rustled thier leaves and swayed under the beating wind. Mud ran under my body to trickle over the cliffside.
Even though the freezing rain ate away my strength and threatened to drag me into the sleep I fought, I remained here.
My tears had been lost in the cold rain long ago. Now, I didn't even have the strength to cry. I just stared at the trees blankly.
My true form was for anyone unfortunate to see. Disgusting olive green skin glistened like the mud itself. My sickly thin body was only covered in my baggy green pants that hung off my waist and drowned in the rain.
There was nothing plesent about this form. It reaked of stewing rot, it frightened anyone who saw it; it was too repulsive to be compared to my other form of a little ginger cat.
The Sohma's had thier little support circle. For me, they didn't see me as a zodiac. I still had to suffer the curse, but that wasn't good enough.
Thats why I sat here alone. While others ran to the zodiacs in thier time of strife, life was determined in making sure i didn't drag anyone anywhere near my repulsiveness.
I left my beads behind too, the ones that kept this monster contained. There was no use in trying to stop the inevitable.
I could hear them all laughing at me now. Barely able to sit here and go through with letting myself slip over the edge.
I didn't have Tohru to rush after me and pleed that everything was going to be OK.
She'd say something silly like how no-one can see thier own beauty, or that it was us against the world.
I looked down the trail, expecting to see her clambering up it, clothes torn and soaked in mud. She had done the same thing when my adopted father had forcefully tore off my beads all those years ago. Tohru was the one who ran for me, despite my desperate, dangerous attempts to keep her from being hurt like I was.
I should have known not to have hope of seeing her again.
Akito was savage. She could make anything disappear with just her hands.
When Tohru went to the estate to meet our God, she just didn't come back.
I searched for her everywhere. I clawed my way through the estate, begging.
There was a desperate side of me I refused to show that came out that day. I even cried and clutched to the clothes of the damn Rat and Dog who turned from me in silence.
No-one told me where she was. With Akito involved, I wouldn't see her again regardless.
That was years ago now. I was now a man, still living the same cursed life as the shunned Cat.
Other zodiacs had moved on with thier lives. A few of them even started families and spread further from the grip of Akito inside the estate.
Kureno managed to free himself too. As her loyal Rooster, he now resided somewhere in the countryside; as his nature called of him to. He was the closest thing to my own trapped zodiac that the others witnessed.
But, unlike him, the Cat was destined to be alone. I even promised myself to be locked away at Akito's side if she would let me love Tohru.
The one thing I selfishly wanted. I saw a future with her. We'd be happy with our own curseless children. I'd cook her favourite meals...
Things should have run smoothly. I did everything right.
But, here I was. Only the damned rain held me back.
What more was there that it wanted me to live for? One last sunset? A trip to my father's Dojo? Another useless search for my Tohru?
There was something. The moment my claws scraped the forest floor and picked my way to the dirt track along the cliffside, the rain had started.
But what?
Hauling myself to my feet, I decided to try and find shelter where I could sleep away the exhaustion dripping from me.
When the sun returned, I could have the strength to return here and find peace.
Dragging my hands and feet through the mud, I barely inched forward with each movement. I was sapping my energy just by trying to conserve it.
I snorted to myself at the irony as I kept up my slow pace along the trail.
At least it was nice up here. No-one could see my form or smell the stench bleeding from my skin. My purple eyes pierced through any darkness, so even that couldn't shield me.
No screaming. Just silence.
Until I heard it.
Somewhere ahead was a wail. It rose and wavoured, breaking to bawl through the pelting rain.
I tried to find whoever had seen me, but didn't spot anyone.
It didn't sound like anything from a grown adult. This was too weak.
A kid? Maybe one straying from a whole family?
I cringed at the thought and searched again as I pushed myself forward along the empty path.
I couldn't be seen by kids. Not like the first time...
My gut clenched when I quickened my pace and marched on. Mud slipped me and rain froze my gigantic hands that were swallowed up with every step.
The bawling returned to ring down my ears flattened down from the wind.
I saw a moving bundle on the path in the distance that the noise was coming from. The cloth was darkened in the mud that stained it almost through.
Dragging myself to it, I looked over the bundle that I saw a baby had been swaddled within.
The thing was frozen from the rain my face now shielded it from. It could barely open its eyes from the amount that had tried to drown it.
Other than the blanket, I could see a pale yellow onesie clinging to it like plastic.
There was only a few whisps of dark hair on its deathly pale face.
The baby wailed and squirmed beneath my surprised expression checking the area.
No-one was here but me.
It was hours from the estate too. None of the Sohma's would have been careless enough to leave one of thier prized children this far from protection.
Still, it was odd. Not even the townspeople abandoned babies in the woods. They had fire stations with purpose-built boxes for that; hospitals even.
This was a death sentence for something that looked newborn.
Still, I wanted to leave it here. The mud was already halfway up its little body. Only a little longer until it was choking in it or swept over the side of the cliff.
It couldn't be with me. I wasn't the one to look after a baby like this. I was a monster, not a mother.
The baby smelled as repulsive as myself. The mud hid the stain of feces bleeding through the blanket.
Well, we both smelled somewhat the same at least.
I placed my hand over it that dwarfed the little body beneath. I could feel the fluffiness of the onesie against its shivering belly. It created a thick, saturated layer that reminded me of mochi.
Doughy outside, hard, squishy inside. The baby was basically a giant mochi ball.
I could easily end it's suffering. Press down just a bit too hard and give it peace. Split it like a stuffed mochi....
Its little fingers grabbed onto mine to hold tight. Arms wrapped around the hand pressed over it.
There was an explosion of white smoke as the body disenegrated. I lifted my hand before it could crush into the mud, checking underneath cautiously.
Instead of a bawling baby, something else was huddled inside the onesie that blanketed it. Peeling back the soaked fabric, I looked down at a black baby rabbit huddled there, shivering furiously. It had blonde tips on its ears in a reversal of an annoying rabbit I had seen amongst the Sohma's so long ago.
Was this another rabbit zodiac?
Momiji was the last one I knew that was cursed with it. Even though I knew he could be a touch manipulative when we were teens, he would never abandon his own child. His mother had done the same to him when he was born. He wouldn't repeat that onto his own family.
Using a nail to scrape the baby into my hand I loosely curled around it, I searched the area again on what to do.
I couldn't take it back to wherever it was. I hadn't seen Momiji in years, let alone knew where he lived. I only heard through whispers he had found himself a partner and was going to start a family with her somewhere quiet.
Maybe she had abandoned it? Repeated history because of the fear of birthing an animal before it turned into a baby?
Gender didn't matter with birth. Zodiac forms were always born first before thier human selves shielded them. Some were much easier than others; preferred.
Now that I could feel the rabbit desperately clinging to life on my palm, I couldn't leave it. My own mother was terrified of me because of what i was. She killed herself because she couldn't bring herself to live with the abuse from having me and the terror of my true form she kept hidden behind my beads she checked every day.
It took me too long to stop blaming myself and others for what she had done. The scar of knowing a train was what she saw in her final moments still buried deep within me.
I couldn't be like that. I may have been a monster, but I wasn't going to abandon this baby for someone else to blame the existence of. 179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1ZdjssKa2
I was so scared I was going to crush the little thing. I had to get it cleaned up while I figured out what to do.
I could take it home to my little hut disguised under the foliage of trees. It could live with me away from the eyes of the family surrounding us. I didn't have much, but it was enough to get by.
Being a cat, I could steal the supplies I needed. I'd keep us fed and warm.
Or.... I could just leave with it. Find somewhere new out there for the both of us. The zodiacs and thier children didn't spread all across Japan. I'd find someplace that wasn't touched by them.
I didn't have money to my name. With this baby being newborn, I had a good year where I could rough it in the wilderness in this form before the baby would get too old to be sustained only by that alone.
A sudden surge of protectiveness swelled through me when I pressed the trembling rabbit to my chest and pushed the blanket with its tangled onesie and diaper over the edge of the cliff.
It would look like it had died somewhere down there. Might buy me some more time with this whole confusing situation.
It really did feel like a mochi ball under there. So delicate.
"Mochi" I smiled at the name that growled through my sharpened teeth "my little Mochi."
Tohru would like that name. She'd think it was cute and sweet.
If we had our own children, I think she would want to name one Plum. Her little warming tale of the plain Onigiri with a plum in its back stuck with me and made me realise the heart-warming meaning of it.
In a way, wasn't a mochi the same? Plain on the outside and filled with all sorts of surprising possibilities?
Mochi was now what our Plum was going to be. Something had made sure I was going to be here to appreciate it.
Nothing was taking this baby from me.
For the first time since Tohru, there was a spark of happiness within me. I could feel my body-heat burning through the rain to keep my little Mochi warm.
The family couldn't steal this from me. I had failed to keep Tohru safe, but I wasn't going to fail twice.
Once this baby drained its zodiac form and turned back, it'd need more than a hand to keep it warm.
I'd have to take it home to keep it from freezing to death. Then, I could use my dark house as a hideaway to hunt for food for my Mochi until she was strong enough to endure the trip to somewhere safer.
I'd build a new house swamped in the leaves of a tree and overgrown into the thickets behind it. No Sohma would find my front door or my baby without dragging themselves through my teeth and claws first.
My baby.
My gut bubbled at the title at the realization that this meant I was actually a father. Something so impossible was now snuggled against my body that kept it alive.
Tears ran down my face while I staggered on in the direction of my concealed home.
Tohru, you'd be so proud. You always saw the best in the zodiacs in thier most vulnerable forms.
A little black rabbit. Who knew that's what would make me shed silent tears?
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu47CLb143
Mochi turned back when I approached the door to my overgrown home and forced my way through the door. Scraping my large body around the walls, I turned on the hot water to the sink and let it spill while I placed Mochi down and dug out a towel for her.
I didn't own any baby clothes, so one of my own shirts from my room was what I decided to substitute. Feeling my legs finally give out on me, my own grotesque form peeled away into my human one. I spotted my abandoned beads thrown onto the bed that I snatched up.
I couldn't stop now. The sink was getting dangerously close to being too hot for my Mochi.
Sliding the beads on and pulling on some crisp pants for my reaking human form, I swooped down to gather up the screaming baby, level out the sink with cold water, and dip her just below the surface.
I only had a cloth hanging over the tap to wash her body with. Mochi wailed and squirmed the whole time through her first bath in my arm desperately keeping her steady.
I used dishwashing liquid to try and give her a more pleasent smell that didn't remind me of my own still coated to my skin. My measely cake of soap was way too old and crusted to use on her.
"Well..." I lifted her up to smell her soft stomach, her dark eyes blinking up at my orange hair falling over her "...it's flowery."
We still needed food. I had to snag some formula, new nappies, and clothes too.
Tonight would be a long one. With my beads, I could force the ginger cat from me and use it to be quicker. Mochi would have to be moved to my bedroom and laid in a nest of towels to keep her warm. She'd be too cold in the bathroom, and the living room beside me was too open for my liking.
The bedroom was small and dark. Every part of me enjoyed the space I practically lived out of whenever I had the chance.
It smelled familiar in there, like my human form. It'd get the little zodiac used to my more pleasent scent while I wasn't with her.
It twisted my gut to have to leave her so soon, but there was no other choice if either of us wanted to eat tonight.
She started to whimper and sob, so I obliged and finished up so I could wrap the towel around her and hold the bundled Mochi in my arms.
Her little hands neared dangerously close to my skin as I took her to my bedroom and placed her on the futon to begin making my circle of towels.
"Now, you silly rabbit" I chuckled at her when I picked her up again, laying on the futon over the towels "come here."
I peeled off the layer between us and pressed Mochi to my chest. Resting my head against hers as I hugged her, I smiled when I felt the smoke around me shift my body into the little cat.
Wriggling from around the baby rabbit, I dragged over the towel to partially cover the nest it curled within.
"I'll be back soon, Mochi" I peered down to it, rubbing a paw over the little creature for comfort.
I couldn't waste time. I was racing against the clock now.
Taking one last look at my baby, I slid out of the room and rushed out the ajar front door.
Feeling the rain pelt over my fur, I shook it off and sprinted towards town.
Today was the start of a brighter future for us both. Soon, we'd be someplace better together.
It was just you and me, Mochi, and that's how I would make sure it remained.
ns 15.158.61.50da2
