Keegan
It’s like I’m underwater. My arms and legs feel heavy, barely able to move.
“What are you…” I stammer. “Did you…did you read my...”
I want to lunge at Megz, get my hands around her throat. I want to pull her hair out. But I can’t seem to do anything.
It’s taking my brain a minute to catch up, to fully understand what my so-called best friend is saying to me with that infuriating, gut-turning sneer on her face.
“Yes, Keegan.” Megz rolls her eyes. “I read your pathetic diary.”
In high school, I used to correct Megz every time she called my journal a diary. I knew she was doing it on purpose, just to yank my chain. But it stung my pride, every time. Like she was dismissing it as something childish.
“Are you…” I huff, the fog in my head slowly lifting and the reality of what she’s saying hitting me like a sledgehammer, “…are you blackmailing me, Megz?”
My voice is sqeaky, pathetic, and I can’t make my lips stop trembling.
One question keeps richocheting through my mind: How could you be so stupid? How could you be so fucking stupid?
Megz doesn’t immediately answer. Instead, she makes a show of flipping through the journal’s pages.
“You know,” she finally drawls, “when I came up here and saw this stupid thing on the bed, I thought ‘I’ll just check to see if she’s been writing about me.’ I wanted to see if you were being your usual judgy self.”
She closes the journal with a snap and grasps it by one corner, holding it up and shaking it at me.
“But holy fucking balls of fire, KeeKee,” she goes on. “I did not expect to find what I did.”
How could I have been so unbelievably fucking stupid?
I lunge toward her, trying to snatch the journal out of her hand. But Megz twists it away from me and springs off the bed.
“Oh, no you don’t,” she says, moving toward the door to put distance between us before opening the journal again. “I’m not done reading. Let’s see, what do have we here?”
She turns the pages until she finds what she’s looking for, then starts reading, her voice soaked with acid, mocking what I wrote.
“ ‘Poor Blue. I wish I knew how to help him. How to make him see what happened over there is not his fault.’ ”
Her eyes, full of rage and contempt, lock onto mine. “Not his fault?” she sneers, flecks of spit flying out of her mouth. “Not his fucking fault? He got three guys killed, Keegan. Three American soldiers. And then he lied about it! How could you even think about saying it’s not his fault?”
I step toward her, the breath I inhaled faltering before it can reach my lungs, my heart pounding in my ears.
“But you judged me for shoplifting a few things?” Megz goes on. “Seriously, Kee? You judged me?”
My eyes fall for a second to the scars on Megz’s forearms. She told me once during high school she used to scratch herself with safety pins, especially each time she got sent to a different foster home. It relaxed her, she said, gave her a sense of control.
I remember feeling sorry for her.
“He’s the son of a goddamn billionaire.” Megz is still talking. “And yet you make excuses for him. But you look down your nose at me. What a total hypocrite you are.”
Her words are like a punch to the gut. Maybe because some part of me feels a little truth in them. For a moment, my rage falters.
“You do nothing to help me,” she goes on. “I bet you’d be able to get that old bitch to save your coward of a boyfriend if he needed it.”
“That’s not true!” I hiss, any sympathy I felt for Megz vanishing. “I tried to get Virginia to help you. I did everything I could! She wouldn’t—”
“Oh bullshit, Keegan! You’re a goddamn liar!”
She snaps the journal shut and again waves it in my face.
“Yes, I am absolutely blackmailing you,” she says. “Let’s see if this time, you’ll make more than a half-assed attempt to help me.”
“Virginia will never go along with this, Megz.” I’m trying to keep my voice calm and even. “In fact, she’ll probably go to the police and have you charged with extortion.”
I’m hoping to scare her into retreating. But it doesn’t work.
“Then I’ll go public with all of it,” she says, raising her chin and staring me down.
“I’ll tell everyone all about what Blue did. All it will take is a couple of posts on social media. How long do you think it’ll be before the U.S. military shows up at his door?”
“You. Monstrous. Bitch.” I have to force the words out; it feels like they’re clogging my throat.
Megs shakes her head, scoffing at my gritted- out insult. “You going to wait for him to get out of prison, Kee? Years and years of waiting? I doubt it. You are not that loyal.”
I clench my fists, so angry I can’t speak.
“That’s why I’m pretty sure this time you’ll get Granny dearest to help me out. This time, you’ll try a little harder.”
Her eyes shift away from me for a second and then snap back to mine.
“Besides,” she says with a smile, “Virginia Cooke will not want it known that her family is covering up a crime against three soldiers. Not with an election coming up.”
“Get the fuck out of my room!” I shriek, rushing at her and finally managing to snatch the journal away.
I clutch it tightly in both hands, prepared to hold on to it at all costs.
Megz shakes her head, laughing as she pulls her phone out of her jeans pocket and jiggles it in my face.
“You really think I’m stupid, don’t you, Kee? First thing I did, when I realized what I had, was take pics of all the good stuff in there and email it to myself. So you can have your diary back. I don’t need it now.”
“How could you do this to me, Megz?” I’m blinking back tears, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“Why would you do this? I thought we were… I thought you were my best friend.”
I hate the despair and hurt so obvious in my voice, but I keep going.
“You think things have been easy for me? My mother died, my dad fell apart, my brother went to prison. You think that was easy?”
Megz stares bitterly at me, and for just a moment, I think I see regret pooling in her eyes. Her mouth trembles. But only for a second.
“I’m sorry your mom died, Kee” she says. “I really am. But at least you had a mother who gave a shit about you. I’ve been a charity case my whole fucking life.”
I shake my head, dismissing her self-pity with an angry wave of my hand.
“And you know what?” Megz goes on. “If the situation were reversed, and it was you who needed my help, I would’ve moved heaven and earth. I’d have done whatever it took to help you. You know I fucking would. And I wouldn’t have judged you.”
“What utter bullshit,” I scoff, feeling the tears slipping down my face. “What a completely disgusting, garbage lie.”
Again, for just a second, I think I see a flash of regret on Megz’s face.
But then her expression hardens as she turns toward the door. “You didn’t give me much choice,” she says, her words cutting into me. “You have no idea how some of us have to live, do you, princess? What some of us have to do?”
Enraged, I lunge at her, bringing us both crashing to the floor. I straddle her before she can get up, smashing my fists into her face.
“You’re just making excuses, you fucking thief!” I scream, pinning her arms to the floor as she tries to claw at my face. “You fucking criminal!”
Megz wriggles one leg free and brings her foot up to my stomach, shoving me off her and then grabbing me by the hair.
We roll around, alternatively flailing and kicking and shrieking. I manage to get my legs free and try to shove a heel into Megz’s stomach.
But my foot hits the nightstand instead, sending the lamp on it crashing to the floor.
By now, my robe has come open. Megz jumps on me, again sinking her hands into my hair as I aim my fingers at her eyes.
And then we’re both being lifted off the floor.
Blue is restraining me, and Hunter has Megz. Kendra’s standing in the doorway, her jaw practically on the floor.
“Yee haw!” Hunter chortles, grinning as he ogles my naked body visible through the open robe. “A catfight!”
He tightens his grip on Megz as she steps forward and tries to take a swing at me. We stand there, panting and glaring at each other.
Hunter is still chuckling. “Okay, I like a good catfight as much as anybody,” he says, running his eyes over me. “But what the fuck is going on here?”
Blue sends Hunter a menacing look, then blocks his view as he hastily reties my robe. He cradles my face in his hands.
“Keegan,” he says in a low, somber voice, “are you okay?”
My breathing has slowed a little. Megz jerks her arm out of Hunter’s grasp but otherwise doesn’t move. She’s still trying to catch her breath.
Blue pulls me against him, crushing me into his chest; I can feel his heart beating.
“What’s going on?” he whispers in my ear.
Burrowing into his body for a moment, I spot my journal on the floor near my bed. I dropped it when I pounced on Megz.
Oh, God.
The journal. All the stuff I wrote in it about Blue. About his secret. All the stuff that Megz read. That she’s now using against me. Against us.
Blue lifts my face up, and his eyes search mine. “What’s going on?” he asks again.
My mouth bobs open twice, but nothing comes out.
How am I supposed to tell him what’s happened? What I’ve done.
Megz barks out a harsh laugh.
“Hey Blue,” she says, straightening her cashmere sweater. “Did you know your girlfriend writes absolutely everything in her diary?”
It’s a journal. Not diary, you fucking bitch.
Some stupid part of my brain is actually making that correction. As if that matters.
Blue looks bewildered, his gaze shifting from Megz to me and back again.
I glare at her, my teeth clenched so tight it sends a painful jolt through my jaw.
My expression is probably alternating between a murderous death stare and a desperate plea for Megz to keep quiet.
Please, don’t say anything.
It feels like I can’t breathe. I need time to figure out what to do. How to explain this to Blue.
My eyes stay locked on Megz’s.
“What are you talking about?” Blue answers Megz, his dislike for her obvious in his tone.
Any bit of decency I may have detected earlier has vanished from her face. She gives us a cold, defiant stare.
“Oh,” she says, her tone brittle and fake, “it’s just something Keegan doesn’t want anyone else to know. Something she was stupid enough to write down.”
The air seems to leave the room. My heart is pounding in my ears again. Blue’s eyes narrow as he looks down at me.
“Blue,” I whisper, unable to say more.
I’m terrified Megz is going to pick up the journal and start reading it aloud in front of Blue. In front of Kendra and Hunter.
“Okay, well, as fun as this has been,” Hunter says, turning toward the door, “I’ve got shit to do.”
I twist out of Blue’s arms and, still barefoot, move toward the bed, trying to avoid stepping on the shattered pieces of lightbulb. Snatching my journal off the floor, I slide it under my pillow. I just want to get it out of sight.
I can feel Blue’s eyes on me and feel his thoughts spinning toward the obvious conclusion.
God, what do I say? How do I tell him what I’ve done?
I throw a hateful look at Megz, which just makes her laugh.
If I could kill the bitch right now, I’m pretty sure I would.
“Wait up, Hunter,” she calls. “I’m going to need a ride home tonight.”
Hunter, already halfway out the door, turns with a groan.
“You can’t be serious. I thought you were staying here tonight.”
“Change of plans,” Megz snaps. “I’m leaving now.”
“Aw, come on,” Hunter whines. “You’re leaving over some stupid chick drama? Really? You girls can’t work it out? I’m tired.”
“No. We can’t. ” Megz pauses at the door and turns back.
“I’ll text you,” she says to me. “Don’t forget what I said.”
She shifts her gaze to Blue and has the gall to give him a mocking little wave. “Bye, soldier boy.”
I’d like to break every bone in her hand.
Megz and Hunter brush past Kendra, who is staring at all of us like we’ve lost our minds.
“Well,” Kendra drawls, eyes narrowing as they dart from me to Blue and back again, “I guess the excitement is over for now.”
She turns slowly and gives us a thoughtful look as she pulls my bedroom closed behind her.
I just stare at the door for what feels like a long time, not wanting to meet Blue’s gaze. My guilty-as-fuck expression is probably telling him everything.
Finally, I force myself to look at him.
He is staring at my bed, at the pillow hiding my journal. His jaw muscles are working overtime.
And then I see it: the moment he puts it all together. The moment he realizes what I’ve done. What it might mean for him.
His eyes cloud over, and his face goes pale; his mouth falls open.
“Blue,” I swallow hard, struggling to speak, “I…I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
He holds up a hand to stop me; he’s standing there looking stricken, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
“Blue…” I say urgently, hearing the squeal of tires as Hunter’s BMW tears out of the driveway. “We need to talk.”
“Not right now, Keegan,” he responds, his words careful and slow, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just give me a few minutes. Or a few hours.”
Then he turns and walks out the door.
I’m trying to try to catch my breath; I feel light-headed, with black spots popping up in front of my eyes. It feels like I’m going to faint.
I slump down on the bed as my phone, knocked to the floor when I kicked over the nightstand, buzzes with a text.
I reach to pick it up.
It’s from Megz: I’ll give you 3 days. All I want is for the charges to be dropped. Considering I could probably get a shit ton of money from your rich ass boyfriend, I think I’m being pretty fucking generous. 3 days.
I throw the phone into the wall.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
