Without a doubt, I could easily say the service here is much better than the service at the other church I and Yakira spoke about an hour ago. From the upbeat band to the preacher's word, I felt the Holy Ghost in the room with me a few times, or maybe that was just the air conditioner. As the preacher was preaching, I was partly paying attention and partly glancing at the young man sitting at the drums. Only because he kept glancing in my direction. You know that feeling you get...that weird and awkward feeling you get when you feel as though you're being watched? That's how I was feeling. When I would glance at him, he would look away. But when I would not look, he would look; according to my peripheral vision.
The pastor ended the service with a heartfelt message, "God is watching you and planning your life. He would not give you what you can't handle,".
With that, the church members disperse and begin to mingle before leaving. As Yakira is speaking with an elderly female about her daughter, I tapped Yakira on her shoulder.
"Excuse me," Yakira tells the female. She turns to me, "Yes?"
"I am going to make friends."
"Alright. Please behave."
I press my lips together, "Yes, mama." I straighten up my jeans, shirt, and start to saunter my way to the drummer. Just as I am almost there, two ghetto females cut me off and stop me in my tracks, as they decide they wanted to talk to the drummer too. I swear they did that on purpose.
"Damn, bitches," I mumble then look up at the cross and slap my forehead.
"Sorry, lord,". I almost forgot where I was as I watched the two females hang all over the drummer as if they have forgotten that this is a church and not a strip club. I guess they treat it as such.
I walk away to Yakira; she's still talking to the elderly lady. I look back at the two females still holding a conversation with the drummer, the one with the ugly, short, brown, nappy front lace wig continues to hang all over him. He looks very uncomfortable, just as I am about to go try again, Yakira grabs my forearm.
"You ready to go? I'm starving."
"Yes," I sigh. Maybe another time.
"Great."
As we walked through the crowd of people who seemed unwilling to make room for us to get through, Yakira told me, "I thought we would never get out of there alive,".
We get in the car; she cranks it, and carefully pull out of the church parking lot. Ten minutes into the trip to my house, Yakira says, "You are mighty silent, hun. What's wrong?".
"Just thinking about what the pastor was saying,". Well, that and those two ghetto bitches cock-blocking me.
"Yeah, I get goosebumps when he preaches. I feel like he is talking about my life and stuff. You know?" Yakira smiles.
I can see the goosebumps appearing on her forearm. "Yeah, I guess."
"You guess?" She arches her brow. "He is amazing and you know it. Stop tripping."
I press my lips together, "I suppose so."
We finally make it to my place after stopping for a quick bite to eat at the Cook Out. Just as I am about to get out of the car, Yakira stops me by touching my arm, gently. I turn to her.
"You need to get your life right, Azaireyah. If not for anyone else, for yourself. You owe yourself that much."
All I could do was smile. What am I supposed to say to that? I thank her for the ride and dinner. I mosey into the house. Once I get in, I strip off all my clothes and get the shower running. I haven't been to church in a long time but something about the preacher's sermon kind of threw me for a loop. It was actually a saying he said.
"The devil is alive! He is here to put each and every one of you down! Don't let him. Keep your heads to the Lord and Savior. Keep them up high and accomplish everything your heart wants. Going to school, building your credit, not beating your children." That gets a chuckle from the parents.
With shower ready, I make sure I have my towel, wash cloth, and underwear. I get it and let the warm water cascade down my body. I can see my reflection on the side of the shower wall. My dark pecan brown complexion, slender body makes me a target for the thugs. I want to be able to change my life and the way I do things, but I know that it is going to be hard. The hardest thing I will ever have to do. I can't keep doing this to myself. I pour my body wash on my washcloth and begin to scrub myself.
I can't keep doing this to myself, I can't keep this up. I know I am better than that, better than they are. But, I don't know where to start with bettering my life and myself. Do I get rid of Mossi first? Do I make amends with my father? Do I go to college? If I could get some kind of guidance, that would be great.
A sign is all I need.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
