Stretching as the morning sun peeks through the blinds in my room, I smile feeling extremely rejuvenated from the church service last night. Sitting up, I turn the television on and flip to the 'man-hating' channel LMN or that's what Mossi calls it. After watching a little of a show called Don't Look Back, I decide to get up, shower, and make breakfast for myself. I take my time with the shower and breakfast because I do not have to go to work until 2:30pm. I look up and silently thank God for the afternoon shift I am scheduled for today. I normally work mornings to get it out of the way and have the rest of the day to myself, but due to one of the cashiers quitting, I have volunteered to pick it up until someone else is hired on.
As I am enjoying breakfast, the phone rings and I answer it. Of course, the automated voice informs me of the same thing and puts Mossi through.
"Hey, baby."
"Hey, Mossi."
"I tried to call you last night and you didn't pick up. Where were you at?"
"I was at church with Yakira." I put some eggs in my mouth.
"Since when do you go to church?"
I can hear the judgement in his voice. "I have always gone to church, I just stopped due to having to work weekends sometimes."
"Oh," I can hear the smile now. "I remember now. So, are you going to work today?"
"Yeah, around two. What's up?"
"I was thinking about our future together and I wanted to talk to you about that."
"We can talk now."
"Okay. I just want you to know that I really do love you and I want to have a future with you."
As he is yammering on about a future with me, something that we have already discussed before he got locked up, something in my heart begins to burn. I am not sure what it is but I place my hand over my chest and push my plate away. I just it's heartburn and nothing serious. I don't have time to be going to the doctor.
"Azaireyah, are you listening to me?"
"Yes, Mossi." I push the pained tone down. "I am." I exhale slowly to try and reduce this burning sensation in my chest.
"Yeah, so. Even if you get in some trouble and land in here, I want you to know I will hold you down."
The burning sensation begins to fade, I look at the phone and ponder what Mossi just said. "What do you mean?" I ask putting the phone back to my ear.
"You know...if you get charged for a crime."
My heart begins to beat a little faster than normal. I have never been in any kind of lawful trouble like Mossi has. I do not plan on it either. "Why would it go there?"
"I don't know. I was just saying. Unexpected things happen."
I shake my head and begin to put two and two together. He was the one who sent those cops to my place. Why, though? Maybe he cut a deal with them. It must have been a damn good deal for him to name me a suspect.
Finally realizing this is not the first time he has tried to implicate me in some kind of bullshit drama or crime, I hang up the phone. His years of lies and deception are seriously taking a toll on me mentally and physically. My phone rings again and I look down at it to see Mossi's name blinking. I push the phone away, grab my plate, and put it in the sink.
Leaning against the sink, my mind begins to wonder about if anything about my relationship with Mosi is true. Maybe this is the sign, I needed to move on, realizing Mossi ain't shit and probably never been shit. But, because he flashed stacks and rode in an expensive, nice car, I was automatically impressed and drawn to that. Susceptible, I let him do what he wanted and treat me how he wanted. I played the role of the ditzy girlfriend for too long now.
Looking at the clock on the microwave, I decide to go ahead and get dressed for work in order to take my mind off the crap I have gotten myself into. My phone, however, continue to ring and ring, I continue to ignore it. I grab my keys from the key bowl by the door, my phone, and head to my car. I get in, crank it, and zoom off to work. Though, I am going to work a little early, I just want to take my mind off this until I can get a better time to sit down and go over everything.
Driving down the street, I know I have a lot of time to think since my job is twenty minutes away, but it is not enough to go over my whole life. I feel as though I need to hire a shrink in order to figure this out, to help me figure out my own life. I shake my head knowing that a shrink is not needed.
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