Keegan
Hot air is blasting out of the car’s vents, but I can’t stop shivering.
I’m waiting for Virginia to call me back. She said she needed time to think.
Time to think. Exactly what I don’t want.
I called my grandmother minutes after Blue’s bus pulled away from the station. I started to just follow the bus, planning to confront Blue again when he got off in Lawton. I got halfway across the parking lot. But then I stopped the car and burst into tears.
If I could pick him up and forcibly carry him to my car, I would have done it. But I can’t. And I didn’t know what good it would do to make another scene if I couldn’t persuade him the first time to forget about turning himself in and come home with me.
Why would he do it in Lawton when he wouldn’t do it in Percy? Would me crying another bucket full of tears make him change his mind?
I just didn’t know what to do. So I called my grandmother.
I could barely control the anguished torrent of words that spilled out as I told her about Blue’s note and my drive to Percy and the bus ticket and his refusal to come back to Ikana with me.
I tried hard not to cry, but I couldn’t help sobbing out parts of it. I was shaking with fear and sadness and humiliation. And anger, if I’m being honest. How the hell could he have gotten back on that bus?
I talked so long my voice got hoarse, and I kept coughing. It was like I thought if I applied enough words to the problem, I could massage it into something more hopeful and manageable.
Virginia didn’t say a word the whole time I was talking, although I did hear her gasp a couple of times as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
Then, for what seemed like an eternity after I finally stopped speaking, there was an awful silence. I detected a faint wheezing sound in her breathing. Buick told me at Thanksgiving that Virginia was recently diagnosed with emphysema, years after she stopped smoking.
I hadn’t asked her about it.
When she finally did speak, I couldn’t understand the first couple of words. They were guttural, more of a croak than the beginning of a sentence. I lowered the heat so it wasn’t quite so noisy in my Nissan.
Virginia cleared her throat and tried again. “I’ll call you back in a few minutes. I don’t even know what the hell to say to you right now. I need to get my head around this.”
So here I am, staring at the glowing numbers on the dashboard clock, replaying her words while I wait on her call, hearing again the harsh, superior tone that is classic Virginia and that has always driven me crazy.
Inside the car at the now-deserted bus station, my heartbeat is thrumming through my ear drums. I notice I’m gripping the steering wheel, stretching the skin across my knuckles until they show white, just like Blue’s knuckles did when we drove back from his mother’s house.
It shocks me to realize that was only a few days ago. It seems like a lifetime.
Thinking about Blue’s hands makes me think about Blue’s arms and chest, his eyes and mouth. I think about every inch of Blue’s body. He’s only been gone for half an hour, and I am already beyond desperate to see him again, to feel his touch again.
I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and feel the hot air hitting my cheek. “What the hell, Virginia?” I mutter, “Call me back, dammit.”
Almost as soon as I stop speaking, my phone starts ringing. I snatch it out of the center console.
“Hello?” I gasp.
Again, the sound of my grandmother’s slightly labored breathing comes over the phone before she speaks. “Keegan, here’s what I can do.”
Usually that crisp, take-charge tone irritates the shit out of me. Now, I’m grateful for it.
“And it may not do any good,” she goes on, sending my hopes plummeting from where they’d just been soaring. “But we’ll try.”
“Okay?” I say in an expectant tone, taking a deep breath.
“The first thing,” she says, “is to stop Blue from turning himself in. Once he does that, there’s not much I can do to help him.”
My heart starts beating even faster. “But isn’t it too late for that?” I ask.
“I have an old friend who lives in Lawton,” Virginia says. “His name is Robert Harcrow. He’s a Vietnam veteran, and he serves in the state senate. I’ve already called him and explained the situation.”
“But—”
She keeps talking over my objection. “I trust Robert. He’ll keep his mouth shut. And we need him right now. The bus will be arriving in Lawton in a couple of hours. Blue must be planning to take a cab or Uber from the bus station to the base. It’s not very far.”
“Um...okay?” I’m not sure exactly how to react to this. But at least it’s a plan. At least it’s something to do before Blue gets to the base.
“I gave Robert a physical description of Blue and asked him to meet him as he gets off that bus,” she goes on. “He’ll try to talk him out of this.”
“Okay.” This time I’ve drawn out the word.
“Robert said he’d be happy to have Blue stay at his house overnight, and he’ll give him a ride back to Ikana tomorrow. Assuming Blue listens.”
I’ve finally got my brain working again. “Well, I should probably be there, too, right? I should leave now and get to Law—” I’ve already clicked my seatbelt into place and shifted into Drive.
“No!” She cuts me off harshly, then goes on in a slightly kinder tone. “You’ve already tried, Keegan. You followed him halfway across the state in the middle of the night, and he still wouldn’t listen. Blue thinks he’s protecting...”
She doesn’t finish that sentence, but I know what she means. Blue thinks he’s protecting me. From her unreasonable demands.
“Let Robert try to get through to him,” she continues. “He was a soldier himself. He works with other soldiers who need help.”
There’s a long moment of silence. I’m trying not to get too hopeful. But I do feel better.
Another soldier to talk to him. Yes, good idea.
Another bus lumbers into the station. I open my mouth to express my sincere thanks to my grandmother.
“And if Blue still decides to turn himself in,” she says before I can speak, “then you’re going to have to accept it. Do you understand?”
I swallow the bile that’s suddenly in my throat and turn the heat down again; where I was cold a minute ago, now I’m burning up.
“If he still makes that choice,” Virginia goes on in the scolding tone I despise, “the only sensible thing you can do is honor it by doing what he asked you to do...get on with your life.”
I don’t say anything; I just squeeze my eyes shut.
“And if Blue does turn himself in,” she adds, “there’s no way I’m going to get the charges dropped against that girl. Thankfully, nothing’s been signed yet.”
She won’t even say Megz’s name at this point. Not that I blame her.
“I wouldn’t want you to,” I say, stiffly. I’m not going to worry about Megz at this point. All that matters is keeping Blue away from Fort Sill.
“Go back to school, Keegan.” Now Virginia sounds tired and sad. “And for God’s sake, get rid of that stupid journal.”
And there she is, the woman I know and have a complicated love/hate relationship with. I swallow the biting response that springs to mind. It won’t help.
“Thank you, Vir—Grandmother. I really do appreciate it.” Yeah, I’m sucking up by calling her that. Now that I need her help, I’ve got no problem giving her what she wants.
Pathetic.
Virginia lets out a dry chuckle. “I will let you know what I hear from Robert. Drive carefully.”
After we hang up, I drop my phone into the console and notice the thumb drive I’d placed there, the one containing the songs Blue wrote for me. I stare at it for a second, then pick it up and kiss it like it’s some kind of good luck charm.
I’m not going to listen to the songs until I can do it with Blue by my side. And that will hopefully be very soon.
Tearing out of the bus station parking lot, I turn on to the highway heading back to Hickory Flat. It’s after midnight, and I see only a few cars on the road.
I’m back to shivering, even though I’ve turned the heat up again. And my thoughts are swirling. How will Blue react to Virginia’s friend? Will he change his mind? Will he be angry at me for getting my grandmother involved?
You damn well better listen, Blue.
I grip the wheel, willing my thoughts to race across the miles and somehow knock sense into this boy I’ve fallen so hard for. This boy who became the most important thing in my life right before he decided to walk out of it.
For a second, I consider calling him. He should still have his phone with him. He told me they would probably take it away from him when he got to the base and made his confession.
But I’m afraid that if I tell Blue about Virginia’s friend, he’ll avoid him, slipping away before Robert gets a chance to talk to him. I can’t take that chance.
So I’m left sending my thoughts out into the darkness, my prayers up to the heavens.
You better come back to me. Please, Blue. Please come back to me.
~~~
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