I was a good kid.
Did my homework, didn't backchat, got good reports, and never misbehaved to the extremes.
I was 8 at the time and obsessed with animal shows. I still love animals to this day.
Anyway, pokemon and general shows about animal rescue were my thing. Saddle Club was my jam.
Since we didn't have a TV, I watched it whenever I was at my dad's for the weekend, and had stacks of books about anything animal.
I loved how someone could save an animal and be the hero. They'd get applause and the whole town talked about how awesome they were.
Cue the darkness.
We had a cat named Cuddles. Not an old cat, but not a kitten either.
Our house was on a property right beside a dirt road that led to a floodway that you had to cross to get to the dirt on the other side.
That was our boundaries Mum said. Don't go past the 'bridge'.
I had the smart idea that week (after trying to take Cuddles to school for show and tell by stuffing her in my backpack she jumped out of; that's another story) that I would take Cuddles to the floodway and have her 'accidentally' fall in.
I'd rescue her, bring her back to Mum, and I'd be the hero.
I grabbed Cuddles and took off down to the water.
My idea was to lower her right beside the concrete bridge (a few centimeters off the water. It was more of a slab you drove over) and she would be swept down the stream like in the shows.
The water was shallow. It barely came up to my knees. At the time, I didn't realise how much worse that would be for a cat.
If it wasn't deep for me, it wouldn't be for her.
The creek had a fallen tree a few meters ahead. Nothing could get through it since it was so huge and had so many branches on it. There was no strong current, so I don't know how younger me thought she'd be swept away dramatically.
The creek was filled with huge rocks. At the most, Cuddles would have bobbed for a bit and swam for one of them, I thought.
Cue me getting to the water.
I get on my knees and lower Cuddles down.
Of course, she freaks when she sees the water. She's yowling and trying to claw her way back up me.
I'm grabbing onto this cat, trying to put her in the water so my plan can work.
Just get her wet enough so I can rescue her. I'd say she fell in.
What I didn't account for was my brother and sister coming over. She was 6, he was 5.
We usually all went to the creek together, and they had the great timing of turning up when I was trying to force Cuddles into the creek.
From thier point of view it must have looked like I was drowning her.
I loved animals and never did anything to hurt them. I was the one my family got when they found a cute one or fun bug. I saved lice-ridden baby birds on our verandah and watched them fledge the nest because we helped pick all the lice off.
Seeing me with the cat at the water must have been pretty confronting because they rushed over to me straight away.
"What are you doing?!"
I had to think quick. My brother and sister wouldn't understand my silly dream of playing hero to almost drowning the cat.
"She was dirty" I said when I lifted her up and put her back on the block.
Cuddles ran off back for home.
"You can't do that! You can't wash a cat!"
I played with it, on the verge of crying because of how badly they were yelling at me.
"But, she was dirty!"
We went home and Mum was told all about me trying to wash the cat in the creek.
I never told her about wanting to rescue her in my dramatic way. She'd be even angrier at me. She already didn't like me going down there without telling her.
So, my family still believes now that when I was little I tried to wash the cat.
Looking back on it now, it was very stupid and cruel of me.
Obviously, I never wanted to hurt her, but I never did anything that dumb with her like that again. It was honestly an eye-opener in what my little mind saw wasn't acceptable and that it would make me into a very cruel person if I thought it was ok.
Again, it's my darkest and worst thing I've ever done.
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