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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uE8lceF8l
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPOCSnJxmU
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3QvV9CB5I
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ8vgcLQ6j
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdVIeTxlFo
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0DfQH5aLJ
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0bzti9nNT
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgUUYJ6HyE
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAeDB8k0vc
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUW4QCrJT8
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztwg86UOPc
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SCFVF483p
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0rvyolaIp
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRV0S5M2yE
Then I cried for what felt like forever.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIoUcia6ze
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uefDgGIkK
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDRpSkp7KV
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMFN1nI2ah
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq2kdOr5CV
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFbCUlwUOl
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPi7nIv6BY
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmrxigGwIR
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeZJrFfCgu
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWKtDH4NnX
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OAuW7IGcS
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA64jTCPA0D
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWzRWs4Y2Y
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDXmruM9e5
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsyNXqexnQ
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtH0UfWvcj
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmztqdhqDyP
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymxIfvyUPY
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7Tu0tEBIb
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVVZOHQchi
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBS4u1X3We
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxtxsqtZD3
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpgumWuLwW
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjGBylC0Bd
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm679wcObPI
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOsUYSK79p
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujkabGp06s
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlYarRfF2d
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPE8YlalaL
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpmhhKppdS
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgCV9nC9tu
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSmkqXwQQ9
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbymnWw43xS
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEredM5X3Ao
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv42W7OiGdT
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIlnWHi0pC
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsFZvcut9w
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2wTQAVM96
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPTx1jxtyS
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDck2mHWFyt
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVANUZeqEC
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMG1u06spj
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRca33ZLO1D
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Mx90FFEdk
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoRdwVcv5z
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwuccmUvj5
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeK6oFscUQp
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoevxvJmtDe
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8ytZdM6MG
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNxi2AuHdd
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB01ONJTio
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRAzAb79A0
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQouDAACBZ
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk9omhEEcn
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqhLJZO4Kl
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTzMKtC555
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uqsHKvXgM
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55y1NLurvg
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBVZValUlW
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknAA5CN0Jf
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSrTA3F6Vw
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFh8ojHOCU
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJX3gAQgbj
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kdwspGY4W
But that’s another story.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcRDvjn2KR
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVHytj5czH
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfT4e3Q0OE
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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