Home Again
In the morning I awoke to the porter knocking on my door. When I opened my eyes there was Katniss sleeping right next to me and my heart just melted. She looks so lovely and calm just sleeping on top of the bed right next to me.
"Mr. Mellark, we'll be in the station in about an hour," the porter said through the door.
"Thanks," I said. That woke Katniss, who smiled at me. "Good morning," I said.
She smiled as she said, "Good morning. What are you staring at?"
"You, you're just so beautiful and …. well I love waking to your face." That made Katniss blush. I asked Katniss to turn around and I got dressed. When I turned around she was dressed in the same simple blue dress she had worn on reaping day.
"Katniss, your promise to stay was me was a little hollow, wasn't it? You can't leave me, can you?"
Katniss shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe I can, maybe I can't, but I do know I don't want to."
Waking to Katniss and hearing that she wanted to stay put the first real smile on my face since the end of the games. I pushed away all thoughts of what I had to do today for a while, and just tried to live in that moment. When I finally turned to go for the door Katniss disappeared and I struggled to keep the image of her in my head.
After a quick breakfast I noticed that we were a full hour and half early, so my train engineer friends had done well. Looking out the window I saw the familiar green hills of home and for the first time I noticed how much I had missed them. For my whole life these green hills have looked down on me and somehow I had always thought they were protecting me, so I was so glad to be in their company again.
When the train stopped I jumped off and quickly hobbled across the train yard, afraid someone might recognize me. I flagged down a truck leaving the station.
"Could you give me a ride into town?" I asked old man in blue work clothes driving an old truck.
"You're Peeta!" he says.
"Yeah, I need to get down into the seam. Do you know where the Everdeen's house is?" I repeated.
"You aren't supposed to be here till 2. They all got a big party planned for you," the old man said.
"Don't worry, I'll get back for their party. Do you know where the Everdeen's house is?"
"Sure, I can take you there. You want to talk to Katniss's mother and sister, don't you? I'm so sorry for you. We all cried here about Katniss. I knew her father, you know. He saved my life along with 4 others guys the day he died. Yeah, I can take you."
He drove me down into the seam. Out the window I saw all the familiar images of District 12, and somehow after seeing the Capitol the sheer poverty seemed overwhelming. So many people walking around in old clothes and they all were far too skinny.
The old man just started talking, it seemed he have to get this off his chest. "I was there when we broke through to the cavern, Katniss's father, Evon was on lead that day, and he noticed the methane levels going up and ordered everyone out until the gas levels went down. After the first set of elevators we were met by the supervisor who said to go back down. The supervisor told Evon that he was risking the quotas, and Evon said the supervisor was threatening the whole mine. They had a huge argument. Evon fought all he could with the supervisor knowing that each minute they wasted arguing the gas was getting thinner. The supervisor was about to call the PeaceKeepers on Evon, so we went back to the elevators to go down. On the way there he tripped himself and blamed us, said we tripped him, and telling the supervisor we had to be punished. So they took us 5 guys up to get our lashes and before they laid a hand on us the whole mine blew up. Evon did that on purpose to save us, he knew what was going to happen, I could see it in his eyes as we parted. He saved my life and I won't forget that."
Soon we were in front of the Everdeen's shack of a house and I bid my driver goodbye.
I was almost to the door before I thought of what I was going to say. I felt my nerves creep up and I felt the urge to run away. To steady myself I pictured Katniss asleep in my bed this morning again, and I knocked on the door. When the door opened I saw the shocked face of Gale.
A shocked Gale said, "Peeta!".
"Can I come in?"
From inside the house I heard a woman's voice, "Who is it?"
"It's Peeta Mellark", Gale said as he moved aside and I came in.
Inside I found Katniss's mother and sister sitting around a small wooden table holding hands. Both their eyes have bags and are very red. As I entered their eyes widened with surprise. I sat at the table and grabbed Katniss's mother's hand.
I stared into Katniss mother's eyes and said, "I'm so sorry. I did everything I could think of to bring home Katniss. Please forgive me."
"Why do you need to be forgiven?" she asks.
"She died trying to save me. If she had just killed me you would have your daughter today."
Katniss' mother was obviously speechless and just gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. On the other side of me I heard Gale pull up a chair and sit at the table.
"You loved her didn't you?" Katniss's mothers asked.
"Yes, I've loved her for years. I always dreamed I would one day marry her."
"Did she really love you?"
I turned to Gale and said, "I believe in my heart she did, but I know she herself was never sure of her feelings." And I was glad to see Gale accept what I say.
"I've a letter Katniss wrote before the game." I handed the letter to Katniss's mother. "The letter will explain that I promised to Katniss to adopt you two if I survived. I plan to do just that. As far as I'm concerned you two are family now, and I want you to come live with me in the Victor's Village, and help me deal with all of this."
"I don't know," Katniss's mother said.
"Read the letter and think about it, but no matter what you decide I already consider you family. Everything I have is yours. I'll need to get back to the train station soon. I'm afraid many other people here expect to see me at 2. Here, Prim, is the mocking jay pin,." I said as I handed Prim the pin. Prim said nothing. She seemed to be in shock.
As I was about to exit the front door I grabbed Gale by the arm. "Gale, go to the bakery and ask for a job and I will make sure my dad hires you and teaches you how to be a baker."
Gale seemed surprise as he says, "I don't know about being a baker."
"Think of your family. You will make enough money to take care of them all and never have to enter those coal mines. My father will need you because he is losing me. I know Katniss loved you too. I spent years being jealous of you, but that is all over and I want the best for you, because that is what Katniss would have wanted."
As I turned to leave Gale grabbed my arm. "Those interviews, you're playing some kind of game with the Capitol, aren't you?"
"Yes. I can't say much now, but with the Capitol things …. are, well, complicated. When things don't go the way they expect other people must pay a price."
Gale showed some fear as he said, "You sure you want to bring them into the middle of that?"
"Physically close or not everyone I know or care about is going to have a target on them. My fame is the only reason you or they are still alive. If I thought putting them far from me or ignoring them would make them safer I would do just that." I replied.
When I left the man with the truck was waiting for me.
"You waited all that time for me?" I said.
"You said you had to go back to the train station. How are they doing?"
"They are built of strong stuff, these Everdeens, but they are suffering. Don't you have some work you're supposed to be doing?"
The old man's face went grim as he said, "I also have some debts to pay to the Everdeens and to you too, I think."
He drove me back and when I got there I could see the crowd already forming around the train. I sneaked into the front of the train, made my way back to my cabin and changed into one of my black suits. I didn't need the cane anymore, but I'd gotten use to carrying it. I grabbed Effie on the way out and asked her to stand beside me as I greeted the people. Effie and I made our way to the back of the train. If I had thought Haymitch was awake I would have grabbed him too. At 2 Effie and I walked out the back of the train to greet the people. It looked like the whole district had shown up. There were thousands of them. Way up in front I noticed the mayor, my parents, and my brothers Adrian and Breen. My old group of friends stood near the front: Thomas, Ray, Alfie, Madge, and Delly. Out in the crowd I saw old teachers, fellow students, old customers, and so many others. I waved to them all and called many of them out by name. The mayor got up and made a short speech and then I went forward to speak.
The crowd roared and I could really feel their excitement. These people have suffered through so much they deserve a few moments of celebration. After many waves of my hands I finally get the noise down enough that they might hear me. "I don't think I can say how great it is to be back here in District 12. I have seen a lot, but nothing compares to having people who know and understand you around. The Capital has its grand granite peaks, but none of our gentile green giants. The Capital also has its towering buildings, but here the people tower. I consumed a lot of great food there but I am really looking forward to some District 12 home cooked meals. I really want to hear about your lives and all that happened since I left you. I want to hear about all the engagements now the reaping is over. I want to hear all the gossip. But I must warn you the games left me wounded, so please if you must ask me about what I went through, please let it be late at night, after we have raised many glasses in honor of Katniss. I miss her so much." At that the whole crowd went silent. During the silence everyone put up the three finger salute, and I was so proud of these people. I spent the next couple of hours shaking the hands of as many of the people as I could. I was determined to charm them to death. A few of the dumber people told me they had always thought I would be the Victor. I was proud of myself for not saying anything back. Most gave me condolences for Katniss. None of them told me that they had bet on Katniss, though I expect a lot of them did.
When I got through talking to everyone, I pulled Effie aside.
"Effie, I want you to talk to the Mayor and get the keys for my house in the Victor's Village."
"Which house?", Effie said.
"When I was a kid I would sneak into the Victor's Village sometimes, so I've already picked the Victors Village house for me. There is a brick house with a veranda two doors down from Haymitch on his left. Get the keys and put all my stuff in the house. If you want you can stay there too. I myself will not get there until late tonight."
Soon my mother, father, and brothers join me and wait at my side for me to finish with the crowd. My father, and brothers waited patiently but my mother was moving in that agitated way she had. She obviously was tired of the whole thing and just wanted to go home.
Mom interrupts whatever my Dad said about to say with, "Oh dear, I have missed you so. You had us so worried. We need to get away from these people and get you home, my legs are so tired."
I try and calm her down with, "Soon, very soon. Some of these people have been waiting a long time to shake my hand."
My father and brothers stepped back knowing they wouldn't get a work in when Mom was in a mood like this and she said "All these people avoided us the whole time you were gone. We have lost so much business the last couple weeks."
I starting to getting annoyed with dealing with her mood, but simply said. "They likely didn't know what to say to you, and assumed you wanted to grieve quietly. Don't worry now I'm back I sure business will boom. You all are going to be celebrated."
She finally smiled with, "Your right with our winnings we will be able to double the bakery."
I finally lose my temper and say as emphatically as possible "My winnings!" Maybe because of all the people around maybe because she felt I had changed she didn't answer.
As we traveled home my mother did most of the talking, about how much she had suffered with worry over me. When we got home I told my whole family I was moving into the Victor's Village that night. This started an argument with my mother about how unkind I was. She tried to draw my dad into the argument and he tried to disappear into the wallpaper, as did my two brothers. I hugged my Father and apologized for the troubles I was causing him, and told him I loved him. I told my two brothers the same, but I added they were welcome to all the possessions I didn't take that night. Finally I tell my mom what I had been waiting my whole life to say, "I love you, from you I received life and from you I learned a lot about how fear can ruin a life." Her face turned deep red with anger, as it had so many times before, but this time she didn't hit me. Somehow she knew I would hit back today. And before I went upstairs to pack what I would take, I told them all they are welcome in my house, as long as they understand it is my house and I'm its master. As I went upstairs I felt a great weight being lifted from me as I would at last be free of the drama my mother presents.
Back in my old room I started packing up all my personal items in a few small boxes. It was amazing how little stuff there was. I picked up a baseball and thought, tomorrow is Saturday, which means baseball with my friends normally. What do you think are the chances they will show up tomorrow and ask if I can play? And here are my school books Do you think anyone is going ask where I am if I don't show up Monday in school? Will they ask for the books back? I had been making straight 'A's this year in school. Do you think anyone is going to ask for the homework? And all these work clothes, ready for me to work in the bakery, should I bring them? And here is my best outfit, which likely is worth less than the socks I am currently wearing. Every month there was a dance at the school and I would wear this each time. I don't think I will go to any more school dances. In my mirror I see a 16-year-old boy and it shocks me as my mind tells me my youth has just disappeared.
There were hundreds of pictures I had drawn around my room and many of them were of Katniss. My dream was always that I would figure some way to talk to her, she would fall madly in love with me, and we would marry. In my fantasy we would have a long and peaceful life with me having my own bakery and many kids. Well I guess she and I might have a long life together, but there will be no marriage, no children, and I guess no physical love.
Who is this boy in the mirror? I don't recognize him. Does this boy have a dead girlfriend he talks to every morning? And did this boy just get through killing several people? And is this boy taking on the whole government and President Snow? Who the hell is this boy and what is his relationship to me?
"Katniss, if you're here I so wish you would just give me a hug. I feel so alone here," I said. It crossed my mind to get drunk and try and cry this sadness out of me, but I tried to remember I must be strong, I must be strong for my dead girlfriend is watching. The things I do for my dead girlfriend.
I took the boxes outside, called some kids from down the street, gave them a little money, and told them to take the stuff to my new Victor's house.
Later that night I attended a big party in my honor in the center of town. There was food, drink, music, and dancing. I sat in the middle of a big table, in the center of it all, and did my best to be charming to all the people who came to congratulate me and give their condolences. I was the subject of many toasts and speeches, and I answered each with as much wit as I could muster.
When I finally left the party it was very late. Someone I didn't know drove me to the Victor's Village, which was good. I'd had too much wine. In front of the house I saw what a handsome house it is. It is huge, mostly brick, surrounded by a large wood veranda, two stories tall, and all lit up. The house was built over 74 years earlier on orders of the Capitol and constantly maintained even though no one had ever lived in it. Several times I had sneaked around this house over the years, so I knew it was fully furnished and ready to go. Years ago I had fantasized about owning this house, but now my mind was racing about all I had to do. The door was unlocked and I entered. I saw the huge living room with its beautiful natural stone fireplace on one wall and a stairs off to one side. I didn't see Effie, I was not sure if she was there or not. My guess was the master bedroom was upstairs, so I went up and looked around until I found a large bedroom. It had the largest bed I'd ever seen, with four huge dark wood posts which reached the ceiling. I just turned off the lights and flopped into bed. There I lay for hours, unable to sleep. The last time I looked it was 5 am and I was still awake.
"Peeta, morning," Katniss said, so I guess I did fall asleep.
I opened my eyes and Katniss was lying in my bed in her blue reaping dress.
"Did I do good?"
"Yes, Peeta you did good. Seeing my family tore me apart, but I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."
"You never did much for me, just save my life a couple of times and give me a reason to live," I said.
Katniss got a smile that just filled her face, and slowly gave me a long, lingering kiss.
We spent the next couple of hours planning what we could do together. I explained to her how I planned to stay in people's minds and hearts to keep Snow from touching us. Part of the plan would be to use my art to promote her as a great tragic heroine. Katniss didn't like the idea because she couldn't imagine anyone would go for it. Then I suggested that she could be the ultimate spy.
Katniss finally got excited, "Yes, I can walk right into the mayor's office or the peace keepers building and no one can stop me!"
"With the knowledge you get we'll be able do all kinds of things no one else can. How far can you travel from me?"
"I'm not sure. When you were in the hospital I tried to go up to the 12th floor once and I started to feel very weird."
"So maybe I'll have to get near the buildings we want to spy on, but still I think this is great idea!"
Also, I thought I should be able to control when she could appear. I just had to figure out what state of mind I needed to be in. So I resolved to meditate on this as often as I could.
The next day my doorbell rang for the first time and when I got to the threshold there was Effie. I welcomed her in with my best manners, because I knew how much it meant to her. We sat in the living room and I offered to make her some tea or coffee.
"Peeta, I'm sorry but I'm being called back to the Capitol. I don't know why. Normally after the games I'm given some time off, but this year they want me back right away." Effie's voice started to crack as she said, "You and Katniss were just great, you were my little pearls."
I gave her a hug and promised to stay in contact. When I held the front door, the morning sun shown in my eyes, and I squinted to see the day. I watched her walking away until she disappeared around the bend. I watched and waited not knowing what to do. Behind me was my house, in front of me was the Victor's Village, and for the first time I was alone and without anything in particular to do. I could feel some huge emotions building in me, I felt my tears gathering. I knew I had to do something now. I think to myself "It is a wonderfully bright summer's day." and then knew what I need to do. I said to myself "I need paints, oil paints, and some large canvases. Where in District 12 does one find such things?" So I get my cane and start off to town.
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