Wind makes dresses flicker and other miracles
It was a bright fall's day with a blue sky and a gentle, cool breeze. The gusts flicked at Tess' short bright yellow sundress in a way that made me want to just stare at it forever and laze in the sun. It was a warm day for that late in the year, very unseasonable. The big puffy clouds billowed by, and again I was drawn to how her dress flickered. Whenever I caught her eye she would give me a quick and happy smile, and then she would duck back behind her canvas. Since she hid her painting from me, I hid mine from her. On her head I could see the big straw hat bob around behind the picture, and I imagined her bright freckled face. She didn't like her freckles; when she wore her makeup she acted so much more confident, but I loved her freckles. Every now and again her bright auburn hair would fly up in the wind like a flame flying in the breeze.
We were outside with our easels painting away the day, occasionally drinking a little wine and eating some of the fried chicken she brought. Katniss wandered about, observing the birds and animals in a way no living person could. She loved how she could get right next to them without scaring them. Sometimes Katniss would come by and share what she found in the field here and there. She was starting to sound like a budding naturalist.
Katniss suggested the subject of my painting: she wanted me to do something nice for Tess for all she had done for us. I thought the idea was odd, but only because Katniss suggested it. Once I got into it I found myself driven by the idea. So the time passed well. I forced all my serious thoughts away and concentrated on my painting and Tess's yellow sundress.
My curiosity about Tess's painting crept up on me slowly. She seemed so proud of herself over there—what could it be? "What is it you have over there?"
With a joking tone she replied, "None of your business! What are you doing over there?"
I reflected her tone, "None of your business!"
We continued on, but every couple of minutes she peeked out from behind her easel, until finally she whined, "Come on, Peeta, show me!"
I gave her a grin and turned my easel to show her my picture. She saw herself in a little black dress looking back at her. In the painting she looked so sexy with her long legs accented by the short dress and high heels. All around her are people dancing, but they were all a blur. She had a little smile, which looked so inviting. Those eyes of her just drew you in, and you knew she was looking at someone she loved.
"Oh, Peeta! I love it! I must have it!" She grabbed me and gave me a big hug and a quick kiss on my cheek.
I could feel a blush fill my cheeks, and I pushed her back. I put on a joking smile. "And you think you can get it with just a hug and a kiss? No, this is going to cost you. How about it cost you your painting?"
With a small chuckle she turned around and ran to her picture. "Ready!"
She turned the picture around, and it was me. It was me at the party. I was there with the rosy cheeks of too much alcohol, but my eyes are fixed on something fascinating. At that moment our pictures were looking at each other with love, just like we did that night. Noticing the proud look in her eyes, I felt an incredible urge to hold her hand.
I gathered what wits I could and said, "I love it—very well done. But you could have picked a more interesting subject."
She shook her head with a big smile. "No, I couldn't have—no way!"
I felt again like I did that night. Why am I doing this again? I was in trouble; she was my weakness. I felt like there was a huge weight on my chest, and I thought to myself, Peeta, you know how to sink this. Tell her the truth and watch her run away—then you won't ever have to torture yourself anymore.
I stopped smiling and went as stone-faced as I could, and slowly walked over to her. Katniss deliberately turned away to watch nothing in particular.
Tess started to get a nervous look. She knew something big was about to happen. When I grabbed her hand she did a tiny jump. I just held her hand to give her time to let it sink in what was going on. I started to see a light in her eye, and her head tilted with an inaudible question. Her eyes said, Are we to be a couple? I gave her a tiny, almost invisible nod, and her eyes started to get really big and excited; I stopped her by putting my finger on her lips. "Tess, if you are going to be with me, there are some things you should know. You are walking into a crazy mess."
"And with me you are walking into a byzantine political drama. Hell, I have President Snow in my extended family! I can match you for messy life any day of the week."
My mouth went dry. "I am still in love with Katniss, and I don't think that will ever change."
She tightened her grip on my hand. "I know that! I have always known that! We all carry people with us. I still talk to my dad every day, and sometimes I hear his voice come out of other people's mouths. When you really love someone, they never truly leave you."
Katniss was still trying to pretend that she didn't hear us and was just gazing into the distance. I gave her a hand sign to come close. "No, you don't understand. She isn't a memory—she lives with me!"
Tess got an embarrassed look on her face. "Oh, you mean the way you talk to her?"
"You know about that?"
"Peeta, I think everyone does. You have been caught many times talking to her. It's okay, really. Listen, you've been through a lot. No one expects any more from you."
"You still don't understand. Just close your eyes."
She paused, and I saw a hint of anxiety in her eyes, then slowly she closed them. I hated doing this to her, but it was for the best.
I reached over and grabbed Katniss' hand, putting it into Tess' hand. At first she smiled as if I told her a joke, and then slowly her face grew serious. "That's a girl's hand I feel!"
An ill feeling overtook me. I think that was one of the meanest things I had ever done to anyone. "Yes, that is Katniss." She shook with a delicate quiver, and she paled.
"Can I see her?" she managed.
I couldn't believe my ears—she should have been running. "Aren't you scared?"
Her whole body trembled as she said, "I'm terrified! Peeta, I'm a Stone—we don't run from our fears. Can I see her?"
I pushed hard and said, "Open your eyes."
The two girls gaped at each other. Tess' eyes searched Katniss' whole face, and then she reached up and pets her cheek. Both girls had tears running down their faces. Katniss ran her hand over Tess' shoulder. For what seemed to me to be forever, they admired each other.
"Hello, Katniss."
"Hello, Tess."
I tried to get their attention back. I needed explanations. "How is this possible? Why aren't you running away?"
Without taking her eyes or hand off Katniss, Tess said, "It's not as surprising as you think."
"What?" I yelled.
Tess continued, "We have never met face to face, but she has been talking to me, preparing me for this for a month. Every day she has come to me, slowly edging away my fear and doubts; she was very patient with me. She and I, we understand each other so well now, and you know I love her too."
". . . what?" is all I could manage.
Katniss was still crying as she said, "I have to go now. We will talk later—you two have a lot to talk about." And with that, she turned and started walking away.
I called to her, "I love you!"
She turned around and began to dissolve into the wind. "I love you too!"
I turned to Tess again. "You and her have been plotting behind my back!"
Instead of being mad at my accusation, Tess just wiped her tears and went back to a big happy smile. She looked up at me with anticipation. "I think you were about to ask me a question."
My mind seemed stuck. "What . . . I was . . . I don't know . . ."
Tess grabbed me, wrapped me in her arms with her hand around my neck, and gave me a long kiss; my thoughts all melted away. She pulled back and said, "Yes, most emphatically, yes."
"You two set me up, didn't you?"
She pulled my head down to merge her lips with mine, and I felt her melt into my arms again. I pulled her close, fusing her body into mine, exploring that wonderful yellow dress.
She was my weakness, and all I wanted to do was completely give in to her. How long had I needed living arms around me and denied myself of them? How long had I needed someone to both love and understand me, to know my struggles? How long had I wanted to run my hands down that yellow dress, knock off that straw hat, and run my hands through that fiery hair?
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