I'm currently driving down the road, a passed-out drunk girl in my backseat and a nervous gargantuan redhead right next to me.
"Where did you find Ollie?" I asked him.
"After you left me to go to the bathroom, I stood in the hallway, alone. Realizing that I was looking like a creep, I moved along. That's when I went to the living room and saw Teddy fighting with Kam, and you guys tried to stop him. Ollie then came down the stairs, declared herself, and started the party again. I stood against the staircase, just watching everyone. She came over to me, telling me to bring her to you."
"How would she know you, though? You guys have never met." I stop at a red light, turn around and look at Ollie. She's curled up in herself, my jacket draped over her shoulders as she sleeps soundly.
I press the gas and drive.
He laughs to himself, "She saw the UC Berkeley football on my jacket and knew that I knew you somehow."
I laugh also.
"You know what's crazy?"
"What?" I ask.
"Before coming to the car, when I was walking her out of the building. She started asking me questions about myself, which no girl since I've been in college has asked me before. Yes, she was drunk and may not have remembered anything, but she listened to me. It was nice."
"That's Ollie for you, she may be popular here on campus, but she cares for people. Deeply."
"Yeah, she's cool."
I hear shuffling in the backseat, "Andreas, is that you?"
"Yeah, baby, it's me." She tries to sit up but falls back down. "Don't get up, Ollie, just lay down." I lean a hand back, rubbing it smoothly on her thigh. She puts her hand on top of mine, rubbing the top of my hand.
"The carrot found you, I told him to find you for me." She says groggily.
I laugh, "I'm assuming the carrot is you?"
"Andreas! My head hurts." She groans, holding her head.
"It's fine, we're almost to your dorm. Jasmine is going to take care of you, ok? I already texted her." Jasmine is Ollie's roommate, she's the more responsible one out of the two. They're basically sisters, growing up together before coming to college.
"She's going to be so mad. She told me not to go out."
"I'm sure she'll get over it, just lay down." And she does, my hand is still on her thigh.
Topolski eyes me, "What's wrong with you?"
"What?" I say, obviously thrown off by his question.
"It's just- you seem so tense. I just wanted to know if you were ok. In practice, you're the only person that checks up on me, the other guys walk by as I throw up all over the place, but you look in on me. It's the least I can do and check on you."
Topolski and I aren't that close, we have had conversations here and there, and most of those times I'm checking up on him, but right now, I think he may be the only person I can talk to right now. I can't talk to Teddy, mostly because he'll probably tell Bridget, who may already know about Elizabeth and me. Also, he might be fucking Bridget right now, she gets turned on when he's angry. Jace is in the hospital recovering.
Topolski it is.
"You know Bridget Pratt?"
"Teddy's girl?" I nod. "What about her?"
"I've been sleeping with her sister, Elizabeth Pratt." The look on his face tells me he's shocked and may understand my current predicament. "We had a good thing going on at first, it was just us playing around, trying to seduce the other, but things changed, drastically. I started only seeing her as a good fuck, and someone I could talk to, and maybe even potentially love. Things got serious and I choked, her father told me to break things off with her, knowing that I didn't want to do more with his daughter, also, I wanted to end things before they got too serious, but I was too late because we'd already cross that line. Now, she hates me and I want her back, but don't know how."
Topolski thinks about all this, "Why can't you give yourself to her?"
"Because... I'm scared to get hurt by her, with what happened in my past."
"What happened, if you don't want to answer that then-"
"No, I'll tell you. When I was in high school, my girlfriend at the time cheated on me with my best friend. I caught them in the act. It ruined me, more than anything else in the world. It was traumatic and haunting. For the rest of the year, it was dark. I was drinking, staying out late, not caring about anything. I soon got myself together, was granted a football scholarship, and came here. When I settled in, I made a vow to myself: to never fall in love again, so I wouldn't have to feel that type of pain again."
"And you're still not over the girl." It's not a question, but a statement.
I shake my head, "No, I'm over her. It's just my mind can't seem to let the traumatic event go, to let the festering pain inside of me go. And if it doesn't leave, I can't fully give myself to Elizabeth, and I want to, so fucking much it's killing me inside."
It's quiet for a moment. I turn on Ollie's road to her dorm room. I park the car on the street, but before getting out, Topolski and I resume talking, "I think you need to go to her."
I just stare at him, as he told me to jump out of the car.
"No, seriously, you need to go talk to her. When people are in traumatic events, whether that be a car accident, war, or a person that's close to them dying, they go back to the scene to soak in what happened, let out their anger and move on. The only way you're going to get past this is to go see this girl, tell her everything you felt and how she hurt you. Ask her why she did it, and you'll feel better. You've been harboring all this pain, but there hasn't been any release, she could be the release."
Before I'm able to say anything, Jasmine comes out of the car, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, with an enraged look on her face. I unlock the backdoor so she could access Ollie.
"Thanks for bringing her, Andreas."
I wave her off, "No problem. Anything for my favorite girl."
The corner of her mouth quirks into a smile, "Ollie, wake up."
Ollie stirs, "Jasmine, is that you? Oh, don't be mad at me."
"I am mad at you, Olixander Lopez. I can't believe you would get plastered again, what if something happened to you, and I wasn't there to protect you? Just, get your ass out of the car, I've got work early in the morning." She loops an arm around her waist, bringing her to her feet. "Goodnight, Andreas, and the other guy." She shuts the door.
"You too." Then, I drive off.
I drop Topolski at his dorm, thanking him for listening to me and for the advice.
As I drove myself home, I realize that Topolski is right. I should go see Jessie, even though it will be hard, I need to face my fear, and she is my fear. The bane of my existence. I need to move on, and only I will be talking to her, understanding why she did what she did, and trying to forgive her.
It's the only way I can fully surrender myself to Elizabeth. I need to close the door of my past once and for all.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwEenBNRbM
