Hi. This letter is really meant for you. If by chance you are wondering why on earth is your girlfriend sending you a letter instead of just calling you or texting you, your girlfriend is crazy.. is what I'd like to say but it is because I hope you never read this letter.
And as much as I'd want to say, "Pretend you never read this", if you dare to do so, you would have the pleasure of reading more such letters from me, which assuming you really love me, would not be very pleasant for either of us.
Now, What I am about to do is something called emotional manipulation. I really am not fond of using this because it makes me feel like I am desperate which, maybe I am. I just hate this feeling of being a needy b*tch but never mind.
What I want you to understand from the above paragraph is that I LOVE YOU SO F*CKING MUCH that I am willing to resort to such dirty tricks. As to why it is even necessary to highlight the fact that I love you, my dear pessimistic love if you f*cking dare to say, "If it hurts you so much you can leave me. I don't want to hurt you." I will slaughter you using a lawn mower.
So let me begin.
My love,
I really, really love you. This is something I want you to be sure of. No matter what happens I will never be the one to betray you first. My love for you will never change, that I guarantee. So even if I never call first it just means that I am scared that I maybe annoying.
What I want you to infer from the above paragraph is not that I love you but I feel like I am a nuisance to you.
It is driving me insane. The simple emotion of missing you or maybe something more complex, darker like a mixture of jealousy, anxiety, fear? It is making my head go crazy. Why is it that you never have time for me? No, I get it. But why is it you can still talk to your parents, your siblings, your friends but when it comes to me you are busy? I mean why must I feel guilty to just call you but there are so many other people who can freely disturb you. Like why? Is it just a problem with my priorities? So it is my fault that I place you at the top of my priorities list? Or is it my fault that I expect you to do the same? But isn't a romantic partner supposed to be the top priority? Even if it is not the top most, atleast among the top ones?
You say I am important but you can spend time with someone who is not top priority but when it comes to the so called 'top priority' me you don't find time? Why?
You can spend so much time and effort on someone you aren't even interested in but cannot spend even a small part on me?
Like, What is even going on?!!
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The more I write, the stupider I feel?
Like why do you even maintain this relationship?
Because it is comfortable?
Because we have continued for so many years?
Because you are afraid of hurting me?
What kind of nonsense is that!!!
I keep telling myself that you are busy. You have a lot of things on your plate.
I must trust you.
But what? Like why am I expected to be understanding when you can put a single piece of effort for me? Is it so hard to call atleast once a day? What are we text buddies? What is with the "I'll try to call" text? How come I don't get a single one of them. And even when I do why is it so short. I know it is wrong to compare but these are facts. You can waste your time on unnecessary people but you won't when it is with me?
I don't understand. Why is it wrong for me to miss you? Why is it wrong for me to wish to spend more time with you? Am I the only one clinging on? If you don't want me please tell me to fuck off. Your kindness hurts me more. The tighter I hold on, the clearer the feeling of you, slipping away get.
It hurts.
The more I try to avert my eyes, the stronger these feelings grow.
My head hurts.
Why?
Why? Why?!!
ns 15.158.61.8da2
