Graduation was fun, Mom. I flew the cap in the air and it was all finally over. I still feel relieved. I'm off to something.
I don't know where you are. Yes, you were deployed, but I don't even know where anymore. I just know you're far off, risking your life in some terrible way.
Life after high school should be nice. No more waking up early. Now, I start life and get a job I actually want. But I still miss my friends. I miss you. I miss the rhythm I felt each day at school. I even miss a bit of math class, if you could believe it. Just kidding.
Everytime I think about you I ache. I just want to hug you again. I feel deprived of your touch and warm grasp. I feel deprived of your words. It just feels so isolating. This is your longest deployment yet. Can't you just come home? Just to hug me for once and ask how my day was? I'd like that.
I don't know what I want to do without you. What I should do. Should I get a job? Take a gap year? Join Peacecorps? I feel lost. When I go by my daily business, I feel empty. I only feel happy when I watch tv or play video games. Dad tries to smile, but I see the sadness in his eyes. Why should I bother to give a fake smile?
I have a feeling my life will go downhill, despite the fact that it should go up. I'm not a kid anymore. Not really. I feel like I'll fail at life and I'll never reach the dream. What was the point of the last 12 years of education? I think I was taught nothing. I don't know how to go forward, and I'm too scared to take a step. Sure, I can always stay here even when things get hard, but you're not with me.
I wish you could read this letter. I honestly do. I needed an outlet to get my thoughts out. I don't want to stress you out when you're already out there somewhere fighting some big bad guy. I just want you back.
Maybe I need a therapist or something. Maybe I don't. I just feel like sea algae that's been disrooted and now flows to the tides of the beaches, landing on the flat, sandy surface and being dragged back into the ocean by the waves. It hurts, in a way.
Anyway. Its odd that I write out my feelings. I just want to be with you again. That'd be the dream life.
Love,
Your son
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