How you made me feel.
After our music class interaction, we became closer and I was getting to know more about you. I no longer get shy around you, even though my heart still pounds like thunder when we are together.
I wanted to ask you out, but I was nervous, no, not nervous, scared. I thought you wouldn't feel the same way and then I'll lose what little like you had for me, it was a risk I wasn't ready to take. It was a really big hole that I was too scared to cross because I thought I would fall. I didn't know how you felt.
After our music class, I suddenly started feeling something for her. I couldn't resist the temptation of speaking to her, or sitting next to her during lunch, even if we don't talk about anything. I would have said yes if she had asked me.
I held my chest and bite the inner part of my lips. The pain I felt was nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling in my heart right now. I just can't stop thinking about her, my every thought is about her now, maybe if I don't read, no, I need to know, I have to know it.
Then everyone's dream girl, Agathe Hubert announced she will host a party. I was expecting you to ask me so we could go together. I was dying for you to ask me.
The party was in a week. Every night until the night of the party, I lie in my bed making up scenarios where you ask me and we go together. But you never did. I know we weren't dating, but I was hurt. My heart felt too heavy for my chest to contain.
I'm sorry Karen, honestly I didn't plan to go. Blake was the one who dragged me out to the party.
I gave up. Until Susan told me that you were going to the party. It pained me, knowing that you were going without asking me to go with you. I was genuinely angry at you. Even though it wasn't your fault. You probably just thought we were friends, you didn't know that the weirdo you call friend is making up scenarios in her head on how we would have been lovable together.
I'm sure she will be shocked to know I also make scenarios in my head. Like when I imagined us with our children.
In my house, my parents banned me from leaving the house after 9, but the party was at 11. Surely I wouldn't miss it, I snuck out through the window in my room, I had made up my mind, I'm finally going to ask you to be my boyfriend, I didn't care if you were going to say no, I just couldn't anymore. I want to be able to shout to the world that you are mine. You made me feel, strong.
I didn't know where Agathe lived so I had to ride in the same car with some crazy kids from our class: Jimmy Stone, and some other kids I didn't recognize.
That bastard. The thought of knowing he was in the same car as Karen made me angry. He did a lot of inappropriate things and got away with it because his father is the owner of the school and many other renowned schools. He once asked the principal of the school out in public and she accepted.
Turned out he threatened to get her fired if she doesn't accept. She did get fired. And everyone still drools and waggles their tail for him.
I graphically recall the party and everything that happened. All of it still haunts me to this moment. Makes me want to skip this part, but I feel inclined to read it all.
I let out a soft sigh and flipped to the next page to continue reading.
When you're Jimmy Stone, it is implausible to hide who you are. The guy is an infamous star. I've had a lot of rumors about him that I didn't believe until I got in the same car with him. There wasn't a single ounce of decorum in that car, I'm not going to get into details, I'm sure you already know what transpired, but long story short, I got out of the car with my dignity.
I quickly ran into Hubert's residence, leaving Jimmy with his crazy friends. Susan didn't like parties so she wasn't with me. The music was loud and suffocating, and the house reeks of alcohol.
I got lost in the mansion looking for you. I searched every room in the mansion, well maybe not all.
My heart start to race faster, it was as if I was reliving the moment. Every second of it.
My head started to feel heavy and I was getting dizzy, it was probably the alcohol that was getting to me. I strolled up to the roof to clear my head, and that was when it happened
My lips were parted and the hot air from my nose slaps my upper lips. I was shivering.
That was where I found you. My vision was blurry, but I saw it. You were making out with Agathe. I don't know how the hell it happened, but you were lying on the ground with Agathe over you.
I may have kissed her, but I never liked Agathe, never.
I know it is silly that I'm writing this since you later explained everything to me, but I just want you to know how I felt.
It felt as if my entire world came crumbling down. I was… Cole, I was deeply hurt. I blinked, and a drop of tears streamed down my eyes. You both heard my low cry and you looked up.
But before any of you could do anything, I disappeared.
Blake left me alone and I thought it'd be nice if I head to the roof and enjoy the night breeze, and drunk Agathe happened to be there. We were just having a normal conversation and she started talking about her ex who dumped her. And then she was kissing me.
I know I already did, but I wish I could tell her again that I feel nothing for Agathe, it just happened.
End of chapter.
