Mia
Warmth from the sun caresses my skin as the bees hum a soft melody, harmonizing with the call of the birds. Ma guides us through the elegant garden maze decorated with glittering leaves, roses, lillies, wildflowers, lavenders, and hydrangeas that produced a minty sweet perfume in the breeze.
"The garden was remodeled last year. I chose most of the flowers myself while Merida picked the layout. She argued with Peter about the strategic layout of the plan- something about it being better in case of an attack, but then I said.." Mother rambled.
I listen to Ma's soulful voice as it mixes with the overall tune of the garden. The airy and weightless peace that it brings reminds me of my childhood home. My fingertips move gently over the smooth yet papery leaves of the large walled bushes.
Tears sprung to my eyes again as she handed my a small handkerchief. For the past thirty minutes, we'd been like this, walking in peace while she talked about everything that happened as I would slowly tear up and then I would tell her about my life in the city while she'd begin to tear. Luckily, I was grateful she took us to a private area of the garden with an opening that exposed the dense terrain of the forest.
I'd completely underestimated the amount of wolves here. There had to be at least a hundred, if not more.
Once I finish wiping my tears, impulse I slip up about that night I ran away. All the words tumbling out of like vomit and with the bitter aftertaste they'd left as I continued, it almost felt like it.
"Peter was there the whole time. He's the reason I can't control her. I can't forgive him." I finished, tears streaming from my eyes once again, but they were from relief. For so long, I'd been holding this in. It felt good to finally open myself up.
My mother looked at me with tear stained eyes and held me close. "Mia, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I wish I could say her apology to my suffering freed me from the torture I'd endured over the last four years. I wish I could say all my anger and my pain vanished from inside me. And I wish her words took away this beast inside of me. But it didn't. Madness rose quickly, filled with a sudden rage, and I pushed Ma back on reflex.
"Mia, what's wrong?" She asked worried at the sight of me caging Madness in.
"Like I said before. I can't control her." I replied with a strained voice.
Her eyes softened. "Mia, would you allow me to help you?"
"I'll allow anything, as long as you can make her stop."
"Okay, but I need you to listen to me carefully. Take a few deep breaths." She begin and I complied. "Just listen for a moment. The night you left, Peter told me everything. Ever since then, I've spent years searching, crying, and angry. Not understanding why he would go against your wishes like that." I was beginning to see red but still I listened. "For a long time I hated him, however, if I were in his shoes and my daughter was dying before me, I would've made the same choice."
"What are you getting at?" Madness growled. I hugged myself tighter, torn between understanding and anger.
"What I'm getting at, is that while I may not understand Peter at times or why he makes the choices he does, I know Sorrow." She says this with her wolf behind her eyes. "And I know, that Sorrow can't force the change on any one unless even a small part of them wanted it. Or in your case wanted to live."
I shook my head once and then twice. But I couldn't shake the small feeling that creeped in my spine. I thought about it many times but I could never bring myself to acknowledge it.
"Ask yourself. The night of the accident. What were you thinking?"
I plummeted onto the cold earth, shearing pain ricocheted throughout my skin. Madness was pounding desperate to break out.
"Mia, what were you thinking as you bled?" She pushed.
Why? Why? Why is this even important?
"If you want the answer to figuring out how to calm down Madness, you need to say it. Not just to me but to yourself. This is the first step."
"I wanted to live." My voice trembled as I yelled. "I didn't want to die."
"Exactly, you wanted to live." Kneeling down by my side and stroking my hair, she continued. "And Madness appeared as a result of that, not because of Peter but because you needed her. But you cannot keep her locked inside of you. You've been living inside of yourself, the both of you have. You and the wolf are a reflection of one another. You can't command her or bound her in cage because that's not who you are."
"What should I do?" I cried, the pain becoming too much.
"She's here for a reason. Listen to her and figure out that reason, but to do so, you need to let her out. Completely."
"She'll hurt you."
"No." She shook her head. "She won't because you won't. You need to trust her and listen to what she wants."
I ponder my mother's words for a moment, still terrified of the beast and how she'll respond. It's too much but I know I can't hold her in. I close my eyes and look inward but all I can see is a raging wolf despite to get out. I decide to give in to her, allowing the shift to take place.
Ma gasps as an obsidian coated wolf takes form within moments in front of her, "I've never seen a wolf that can shift so fast." She whispers.
Madness turns away from her and takes off into the dense forest. It stuns me just how quickly she manuvers her way through thick grove of the shady forest. I let her run through the oak trees surrounded by brown leaves the layer the earth only taking the rein a few times to keep her from going too far.
She calms down minutes later and I take the time to finally tell her. "Madness, I'm listening." Those three words stop her mid search and for the first time I can feel her grief.
A wave of emotions and colors wash over me and I slowly realize that this is her way of communicating. Pain and a dark blue for grief and sadness. Orange and a warm feeling for understanding. Red and overwhelming rage for anger. I take the time to decipher the ones sent to me.
From what I put together, she's upset and angry that I kept her bound, but she understands what I'm trying to do now.
Many questions rise within me but I know her answers are limited, so I decide to settle on one. "If Peter's not the reason I can't control you, what is?"
Our mind is blank for a moment. Then, a stark white overflows my mind along with feeling of security.
Protection.
She wants to protect me but since she doesn't know what to protect me from, she decided to protect me from everything. Suddenly, all the times I've been easily riled or tense started to make sense.
As I process her responses to me, Ma comes besides us, Madness recognizes her before I did. I've only seen Patience a few times before I left but her golden warm coat and well built frame never cease to amaze me. She nudges Madness before sticking her nose to the dry earth—searching.
I hang back as I allow them to continue on, grateful since I'll be able to skip dinner after this hunt. They move from tree to tree sniffing each one and moving on to the next. I happily wonder what they're tracking. A few rabbits or maybe a deer.
Madness lifts her head sharply catching on a scent and Patience looks over her way tense. In a moment, she takes off and I don't tug the reigns this time, leaving her free to hunt as she likes.
Instantly, a deep red color comes to mind and as we get closer to whatever we were hunting, a sharp metallic taste tingles in my mouth sending me on high alert.
Danger and blood.
Patience lets us led as we move quickly, winding in and out of the trees. I step forward for a moment asking Madness what's she's running to but I continue to get the same answer back.
Danger.
"Yes, I'm aware, but why are we running towards it?"
Pain.
They keep running through the forest, across the rushing river, and over a small cliff covered with fern and moss that leads to a dead wheat pasture below before they finally stop.
The blood stained sticks were the first thing I noticed as the red drops led a trial straight to an injured wolf. Patience steps forward and Madness guarded, her nose in the crisp air searching as Patience came upon the wolf.
As we stepped closer, the deep gashes on the wolf's underside looked like it'd been attacked by a bear but along with it were strange triangle like burn marks on the arms and legs. Madness communicates a dark purple color with the burning smell of sulfur, but I couldn't decipher the meaning.
"Misery's still alive, if we can get her back to my clinic in time, we can save her." Ma picked the wolf up as if she weighted nothing as I noticed she'd shifted back and begin to walk briskly, Misery's oak brown coat covered the front of Ma's torso leaving her legs bare.
She leads the way and we manage to make it back in twenty minutes. Immediately, people swarm her as she's given a wrap around robe by one person and another takes Misery in their arms taking her to the clinic. "Tell Peter she was attacked out in the pasture. It's the same as the others." She calls to one of them. He nods and sprints back into the pack house.
I continue to follow Ma as my wolf, not wanting to shift back yet and we enter a medical faculty with three others who are already in scrubs and setting up the room for an emergency operation. Ma turns to me before she enters the room.
"There's room with spare clothing five doors down. Let Melody know what happened." She pauses for a moment studying Madness. "I'm proud of you today, and they'll be fine. Kristen and Misery are one of the strongest pairs I know. She'll pull through." She disappears into the room and shuts the door behind her.
I enter the room five doors down and begin to shift back, pondering over what Madness's last message to me was. Dark purple and the smell of sulfur. But, unfortunately, nothing comes to mind. I think back to the marks on Misery's skin as I pull on a plain gray shirt and sweats. Who would burn triangles into someone's flesh?
Merida bursts into the room, Melody behind her eyes. I'm pulled from my thoughts as she rushes over to me grabbing my face and moving it from side to side.
"Merida, what the hell!" I shout, trying to move her off but she won't budge and Merida continues to search me.
After a minute, her blue eyes study me and I notice her tense expression filled with stress and fear. "Are you hurt anywhere? What happened?"
"I'm fine. Ma and I just found an injured wolf named Misery out in the pasture. We carried her back. That's all Merida. I swear I'm okay." I try to calm her down, knowing she's probably worried about the wolf we found.
Melody retreats and Merida takes a step back from me. Her blue eyes hardening as she waits for information. "Tell me everything." She demands softly.
We don't take offense at her command, finding an equilibrium within ourselves and decide to remain calm due to the severity of the situation. I search my mind and focused solely on the parts when Madness started her search with Patience.
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtJyVJjpNV
