Chapter 8
“ Yeah that’s right you pathetic idiots, have all the fun you want because you’re not going to have it for long.”, Dr. Gunderson evilly said as he watched what Sheldon, Matteron and Leonard were doing on a huge computer screen through the camera lens of Matteron’s iPod from where he was hiding out at in an underground warehouse after he had just escaped from his federal prison cell.
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“ You got that right, buddy.”, Dr. Brine evilly said as he stood next to his friend after he had been broken out of prison as well from Las Vegas. The two mad scientists then let out an evil laugh as they continued watching the computer screen together while hearing the Gits song playing somewhat loudly through the speakers as it echoed off the walls. The two of them began plotting their revenge after they had shut the computer screen off. Meanwhile after a few minutes of crazy dancing Sheldon, Matteron and Leonard decided to take a nap on the floor while watching tv. The program they had on was Babylon 5 even though Sheldon didn’t really like it but Leonard did. They ended up waking up a couple hours later at the end of one episode to catch the rest of it before they decided to go do something else. Leonard ended up finding his laser test results sheet again after he had forgotten that he somehow set it on his bed after he went into his room for something and they all decided to gather in the living room of 4A later that evening for some conversations when all of a sudden these thumping sounds were heard coming from outside and as they were approaching the apartment complex from the distance the ground as well as the whole apartment began to shake harder and harder with each thump as if it was an earthquake followed by this weird tornado siren sound.
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“ Oh what fresh hell is this?! What is going on here?!”, Sheldon shrieked as his body was jerking every which way from the shaking of the ground and the whole apartment.
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“ No one knows Dr. Whackadoodle! You guys feel that?!”, Penny shrieked.
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“ Yes!”, everybody screamed.
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“ Yeah Penny and what the freak is that sound?!”, Leonard shrieked as the weird siren sound went off again among the thumping and shaking.
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“ I don’t know Dr. Hofstadter! Are we under a tornado warning or something?!”, Matteron shrieked.
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“ I don’t think so Matteron! The ground wouldn’t shake like that if it was a tornado warning!”, Mr. Drillbit shouted.
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“ Well what on Earth could it be?!”, Bernadette, Amy, Raj, Howard, Stuart and Micah shrieked.
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*siren sounds again*
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“ SirenHead!”, Savannah shrieked as she bolted down the hallway to the bathroom almost stumbling over herself with all the shaking that was going on.
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“ Oh good Lord!”, Sheldon shrieked as he rolled his eyes at what the 16 year old girl just said.
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“ Savannah Irma Drillbit calm down, there’s no such thing as SirenHead! It’s a fictional entity!”, Mrs. Drillbit shouted at her younger daughter but the moment she said that was when a large mechanical tree-like arm came swinging in through the living room window causing everyone to jump up screaming, “ WHAT THE HELL?!”
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“ Surprise you pathetic morrons! I’M BACK FOR MY REVENGE! AHA HA HA HA HA HA!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly laughed as he sat in a platform chair strapped to what looked like a mechanical version of the legendary fictional SirenHead. The song Daddy’s Little Girl by Jesse McCartney began to play in the background.
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“ Oh my god, it’s Dr. Bryceton Gunderson! Everyone run for your lives! Savannah get back out here! We got to go now!”, Matteron screamed in terror as they all started running out the door screaming.
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“ Oh you don’t have to tell me twice sister! Ahhhh!”, Savannah screamed in terror as she came running back out of the bathroom and out the door after her family and friends just as Dr. Gunderson came walking through the wall with his mechanical monstrosity that was enough to put endless fear into the hearts and minds of everyone in the whole world.
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“ Come back here you idiots!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted as he started chasing them down the streets of Pasadena with his SirenHead.
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“ This is a nightmare! Somebody wake us up from this madness!”, Amy screamed in terror as she ran past Penny but as everyone was running their movements looked like they were stumbling because of the shaking that Dr. Gunderson’s SirenHead was making with each step towards them.
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“ Ames shut up! This is not the time for this!”, Penny screamed in terror at her best friend.
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“ Oh son of a bi*ch what do we do?! This is just like we’re being chased by Walker Drones from Star Wars!”, Raj shouted.
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“ Yeah but it’s not walker drones Raj! It’s a SirenHead!”, Leonard shouted.
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“ There’s no such thing as SirenHead, Leonard!”, Howard shouted.
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“ That’s the same thing I told Savannah!”, Mrs. Drillbit screamed.
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“ Yeah well apparently in this situation it’s proving to be FALSE SCIENCE!”, Sheldon shouted.
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“ Shut up Sheldon! This is not the time to be talking about science! We need to get somewhere safe so we can think about what we’re doing to save ourselves from this situation!”, Leonard shouted.
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“ Well I got an idea, let’s go to Caltech! Surely that monstrosity of Dr. Gunderson’s can’t follow us all the way there!”, Sheldon shouted.
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“ That’s what you think Dr. Sheldon Cooper but I’m much smarter than you creetins! You can’t defeat me!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted as he set off the siren again from his SirenHead.
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“ I highly doubt that you crazy psychopath! I have an IQ of 187!”, Sheldon shouted.
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“ SHELDON SHUT IT!”, his friends shouted at him.
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“ I got you now you pathetic fools! Prepare to meet your doom!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted as he let out an evil laugh while chasing them down the highway towards Caltech University. The song was still playing in the background as well.
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“ What do we do you idiots?! He’s gaining on us!”, Penny screamed.
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“ Oh for god sakes this is ridiculous! Flash run!”, Matteron screamed as she suddenly locked arms with Micah and Savannah running as fast as she could ahead of their parents and the others trying to run like a female version of DC Superheroes The Flash. The 3 Drillbit siblings were screaming their heads off in terror as they were trying to stay on their feet through the horrendous shaking of the entire ground beneath them.
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“ Yes you got the right idea Matteron! Run like the wind!”, Sheldon screamed at his girlfriend.
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“ Thanks for the tip Dr. Cooper!”, Matteron screamed back at her boyfriend.
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“ This is insane! It’s like we’re living in a horror film!”, Micah screamed.
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“ Yeah no joke Micah! Mom, Dad!”, Savannah screamed.
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“ We’re right behind you, Micah and Matteron! You don’t need to scream for us Savannah!”, Mr. and Mrs. Drillbit shouted.
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“ Well apparently we need to scream period because there’s literally a psycho a*shole chasing us with a robotic SirenHead!”, Howard shouted.
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“ Howie shut up! There’s Caltech University, everyone inside now!”, Bernadette screamed as she pointed at the university building that now had come into view.
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“ Oh thank god! Gangway!”, Matteron screamed as she ran inside with her siblings running down the hallway with their parents and the others following just as Dr. Gunderson reduced the size of his SirenHead and came stomping in after them.
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“ Give yourselves up! You got nowhere to go!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted.
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“ Oh not if we have anything to say about it you low down punk! Everyone in the cafeteria!”, Sheldon shouted as they were running and stumbling down the hallways to get to the university cafeteria. When they finally got there they ran inside shutting the door behind them while immediately taking notice to how dark it was in there due to the fact that all the lights were off and it was dark outside.
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“ Ok you guys I think we’re safe but why is it so dark in here?!”, Leonard shrieked.
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“ We don’t know you asthmatic dumb ass! Why are you asking us?!”, Penny shrieked but the second she did they all suddenly screamed in terror again when the lights were suddenly flipped on only for them to see another familiar face standing on the other side of the cafeteria with an evil smirk on his face.
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“ Surprise you pathetic fools! Aha ha ha ha ha ha!”, Dr. Brine evilly laughed as he stood in front of another door that lead into and out of the cafeteria.
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“ Dr. Desmond Brine?!”, Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, Raj, Stuart, Penny, Amy, Bernadette, Matteron, Savannah, Micah, Mr. and Mrs. Drillbit shouted.
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“ Yeah that’s right you idiots, I’m back! Remember me from Vegas?!”, Dr. Brine evilly shouted.
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“ How are you still alive?! You got shot with a sniper rifle in your back before the FBI arrested you!”, Matteron shouted.
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“ Shut up! That’s none of your business to know you little brat! Your little play time is over!”, Dr. Brine evilly shouted.
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“ I don’t think so buddy! Everyone out now!”, Howard shouted but the second they tried to turn around and leave through the door that they just came in from Dr. Gunderson suddenly came in behind them with his SirenHead and evilly shouted, “ I don’t think so you idiots! You’re not going anywhere!” which made the geeks and the Drillbits start backing up into each other towards the middle of the cafeteria with the two evil scientists closing in on them from both sides.
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“ Oh shit, it’s a trap! What do we do?!”, Raj shouted as his back hit Howard’s.
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“ We don’t know Raj! We’ve never been in a situation like this before! This is like a real life version of Dungeons and Dragons!”, Leonard shouted as he sucked on his inhaler.
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“ This ain’t D&D Leonard! We’re being attacked for real!”, Howard shouted.
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“ That’s not helping Wolowitz!”, Sheldon shouted.
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“ Shut it Cooper, you’re not helping either!”, Howard shouted at his friend.
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“ That’s Dr. Cooper to you! Get my title right!”, Sheldon shouted.
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“ Ok everyone just shut up! The only way we’re going to get out of this situation is if we remain calm!”, Mrs. Drillbit screamed.
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“ Maren do you really think that’s going to help right now?!”, Mr. Drillbit screamed at his wife.
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“ William can it, yes! If we remain calm everything will be fine!”, Mrs. Drillbit screamed at her husband.
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“ Well I guess you want to sign your own death warrant is that it Mrs. Maren Drillbit?!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted.
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“ You will not touch my wife ever you jerk! You’ve already ruined our family for the last 16 years when you kidnapped our daughter! When is this madness gonna end with you?!”, Mr. Drillbit shouted in anger as he threw a finger at Dr. Gunderson.
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“ Silence, that’s none of your business Lt. William Drillbit and she’s my daughter!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted.
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“ No I’m not! I never was and I never will be Dr. Gun Dumb!”, Matteron shouted.
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“ That’s Dr. Gunderson, Turtle! Do not disrespect me like that! I am your father!”, Dr. Gunderson shouted.
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“ No you are not and I said to stop calling me that! It’s Matteron!”, Matteron shouted.
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“ Yes this is completely absurd! Stop calling her something that has nothing to do with her!”, Sheldon shouted as he suddenly grabbed his girlfriend’s hand, squeezing it tightly.
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“ Silence your stupid mouth Dr. Cooper before I silence it for you! This is for all the crap you and your pathetic friends have BEFALLEN ON ME!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted.
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“ You dare touch me, my family, my friends and my boyfriend and I will kick you out of that f*cking SirenHead of yours, you sick twisted scuzzbucket!”, Matteron shouted as she held her boyfriend’s hand in hers.
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“ Silence! If you’re not going to listen to me then I shall destroy you and your romantic relationship with that pathetic theoretical physicist once and for all, Matteron!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted with an evil smirk as he finally said her real name.
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“ Yeah that’s right Dr. Gunderson, you finally got my name right! It’s so on like Donkey Kong now! You too Dr. Brainless, bring it!”, Matteron shouted.
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“ Matteron Reese are you insane?! What on Earth are you thinking woman?! Those two scientists are going to kill us!”, Sheldon screamed.
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“ Relax Dr. Cooper just go along with it for a second! I know what I’m doing and that’s fighting for my life and our love! So come on Dr. Gunderson and Dr. Brainless, let’s go right now you psychopaths!”, Matteron shouted as her and Sheldon let go of each other’s hands.
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“ That’s Dr. Brine, Matteron! You’re dead for saying that and so is your boyfriend!”, Dr. Brine evilly shouted.
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“ I don’t think so! It’s a fight to the death now!”, Matteron shouted.
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“ Ridiculous but yeah what she said! It’s on you low down punks!”, Sheldon shouted as he pointed at Matteron.
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“ Sis, Dr. Cooper, what are you guys doing?!”, Micah shouted at his older sister and her boyfriend.
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“ Micah Jethro shut up! This is not the time for this! You and everybody else get out of here now!”, Sheldon shouted as him and Matteron began to separate themselves from the rest of the gang and Matteron’s family.
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“ Are you crazy Sheldon?! We are not leaving you and Matteron behind to deal with these two sickos yourselves!”, Leonard shouted.
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“ I don’t care Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested! So please all of y’all just get out now! Save yourselves and don’t worry about us!”, Sheldon shouted.
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“ Dude are you sure about this?!”, Raj shouted.
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“ Yes Koothrapalli! Just go!”, Sheldon shouted. They all reluctantly made a break for it out another door back into the hallway separating themselves from Sheldon and Matteron who have suddenly found themselves in a circle of certain doom. The Jesse McCartney song that had been playing in the background all of a sudden changed to the same Kelly Clarkson song that had been playing on the speakers at the gas station when Matteron was just a toddler just before she was kidnapped by Dr. Gunderson.
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“ You ready?”, Matteron asked in fear as she looked at Sheldon.
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“ I suppose we don’t have any other choice do we?”, Sheldon asked in fear as he stared at her.
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“ No. I love you.”, Matteron emotionally said with tears falling from her face as she kissed Sheldon for what she felt could be the last time she would get to do so.
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“ I love you too. Let’s get them!”, Sheldon emotionally said before he shouted at the top of his lungs.
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“ Yeah you stupid fools, bring it on! You’re finished!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted with an evil laugh.
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“ Yeah what he said! Come on, whatcha going to do?! We don’t have all night to destroy you two!”, Dr. Brine evilly shouted but the moment he said that was when Sheldon and Matteron suddenly grabbed two chairs and started whacking the two scientists with them, sparking a fight between them as Dr. Gunderson started swinging the arms of his robotic SirenHead at the two lovers. As he chased them around the cafeteria Matteron manages to make it in the kitchen area using the lunch line window wall as a barricade between herself and the mad scientist.
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“ Give the fuck up Drillbit! You can’t defeat us!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted.
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“ That’s what you think you morron! I’m going to finish what I started with you before we got arrested by the FBI!”, Matteron shouted.
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“ Oh please you think you can attack me with another weapon?! You’re crazy you majority teen!”, Dr. Gunderson evilly shouted.
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“ Oh yeah, why don’t you see for yourself! Incoming!”, Matteron shouted as she grabbed a butcher knife and flung it through the open lunch line window making it hit Dr. Gunderson’s shoulderblade causing him to scream bloody murder as he stumbled backwards a bit with his SirenHead but didn’t fall.
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“ Yes! Who’s worthless now! Ha ha!”, Matteron shouted with a smirk.
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“ Shut up Matteron Reese, you’re done!”, Dr. Brine evilly shouted as he suddenly came up behind her, grabbing her around the neck with one arm while pressing his other hand into her mouth to silence her.
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“ I don’t think so you jerk!”, Matteron shouted under Dr. Brine’s hand as she maneuvered his hand in a way where she could bite it to get him to release her.
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“ Ow! Why you little brat I’m gonna…!”, Dr. Brine evilly shouted after he let go of her but before he could do anything else Sheldon suddenly came up behind him with a handheld can opener shouting, “ Don’t you dare touch my girlfriend you whackbag!” as he swung it at his face and when Matteron went to make another move on Dr. Brine as well Leonard suddenly came back in and shouted, “ Oh for god sakes this is nuts! Matteron Reese move now!” just as Dr. Gunderson was coming at him with his SirenHead.
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“ Dr. Hofstadter! What the… Ahhh?!”, Matteron screamed as Leonard whacked the two scientists with an oven rack making them fatally fly into a window crash landing outside the building into the parking lot but not before Dr. Gunderson getting the last hit out which was swinging his mechanical SirenHead arm at a table on his and Dr. Brine’s descent out, knocking it over onto Matteron’s back pinning her to the floor. The impact of it made her lose control of her bladder, spewing urine all over the floor and herself.
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“ Yeah sayonara you morrons! Matteron!”, Leonard shouted as he then dropped the rack and ran over to his friend who was screaming in pain as she laid on the floor underneath the weight of the table.
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“ Oh dear Lord! No!”, Sheldon screamed as he ran over as well. The others ran in as well looking completely terrified and fearing the worst had happened to the one person that they were happy to have back in their lives again.
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“ Matteron Reese!”, everybody screamed.
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“ Ow!”, Matteron cried out in pain as she was trying to move herself out from under the table.
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“ Oh Lord, are you alright?!”, Sheldon shrieked in concern as him, Leonard, Howard, Raj and Stuart started lifting the table off of her.
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“ What do you think?! No, I’m hurt! Dr. Gunderson knocked a table on me and it hit my back! And I think I just lost control of my bladder too because I’m soaking wet!”, Matteron cried. Her leg was slightly twitching as she laid on the floor as well.
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“ Alright that’s it! We need to get to a hospital now!”, Mr. Drillbit said in concern.
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“ We’re already on it sir! Let’s move it people!”, EMT suddenly shouted out as him and several other EMTs came rushing in with medical equipment while the Pasadena Police and the FBI dragging Dr. Gunderson and Dr. Brine’s lifeless bodies away after they ripped Dr. Gunderson from his SirenHead monstrosity that he created. Matteron was then gently rolled onto a backboard, strapped to it and carted outside to a waiting ambulance to take her to the hospital. Her family, friends and boyfriend followed behind the ambulance as it sped out of the parking lot and down the street towards the direction of the hospital with sirens blaring loudly and lights flashing brightly. Once she was admitted doctors began to do a whole battery of tests on her and the results were devestating, not just to the Drillbit family but also to the geeks as well.
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“ Well there’s no easy way to say this but according to the tests that we ran, it appears that there’s been some very significant nerve damage to Matteron’s bladder sphincter due to the impact that she had received to her back.”, one of the doctors said as he looked at the test results chart on his clipboard.
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“ Oh my god!”, Mr. Drillbit, Savannah, Micah, Penny, Bernadette, Amy, Leonard , Sheldon, Howard, Raj and Stuart shrieked in concern as they gasped in horror.
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“ So what are you saying? Are you saying that it’s been regressed?!”, Mrs. Drillbit asked in concern on the verge of tears.
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“ Unfortunately yes Mrs. Drillbit and it’s very likely that due to the severity of it that she may possibly never regain function of it ever again. I’m very sorry.”, the doctor said in a stern voice as he placed a hand on her shoulder which instantly made her start crying.
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“ Oh William this is horrible! What are we going to do?! Our daughter’s going to be really upset when we tell her that her bladder functionality has been regressed back to infancy!”, Mrs. Drillbit cried into her husband’s shoulder.
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“ It’s alright Maren, we’ll figure something out!”, Mr. Drillbit cried as he held his wife against his chest.
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“ Shit! Fucking hell!”, Micah shouted in anger as he suddenly stormed down the hallway away from everyone.
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“ Micah get back here! You can’t just… ugh!”, Savannah hissed as she chased after her brother. The rest of the gang was really upset too and amongst the crying and Leonard kicking the wall in anger thinking that it was his fault for what happened to his friend Mr. Drillbit cried out, “ Ok everyone calm down! It’s going to be ok! We’ll get through this together! And Savannah get your brother back here now!”
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“ I’m trying to Dad but I can’t find him! He literally just disappeared down the hallway!”, Savannah hissed as she came running back to her father, pointing down the hallway in the direction that Micah just stormed off to.
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“ Crap! Somebody go with Savannah to find Micah please and bring him back here!”, Mr. Drillbit hissed.
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“ I’ll go with her! Come on Savannah, let’s go find your brother!”, Penny hissed as she ran down the hallway with Savannah.
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“ Micah!”, Savannah screamed.
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“ Micah Jethro where the freak did you go?!”, Penny screamed. The two of them searched for Micah for the next few minutes until they finally found him hiding out in a hospital wing storage closet as he was trying to collect his thoughts about the whole situation.
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“ Found Micah!”, Savannah interjected as her and Penny came walking back to the others with Micah.
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“ Oh thank god! Where was he?!”, Mr. Drillbit asked.
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“ He was hiding out in a storage closet.”, Penny said.
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“ Yes that’s because I was upset about what’s going on with my older sister! This sucks!”, Micah hissed.
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“ Yes we know it sucks but unfortunately this is the card we’re dealt with now and we’re just going have to deal with it whether we want to or not. We can’t do things like you just did Micah.”, Mrs. Drillbit sadly said.
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“ That guy is a freaking jackhat and I hate him!”, Micah hissed.
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“ We know you’re upset with this guy for doing what he did in first place, we all are but we need to just learn how to forget about him and move on with our lives. He’s dead now so we need to just focus on rebuilding our family from the 16 years of precious memories that we lost or that we could have had.”, Mrs. Drillbit sadly said.
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“ Yes I completely agree. Things may be different now but we should at least be happy that your sister is still ok because truth being told, we could’ve lost her tonight. Not just temporarily again but we could’ve lost her forever and that is not something your mother and I ever want to think about, ok?”, Mr. Drillbit sadly said.
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“ Ok, I get it Dad. I’m sorry I blew up like that, I was just really upset.”, Micah said with a sigh.
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“ Micah we get it, you’re not the only one in this family who’s upset about this. Me, Mom and even Dad are just as upset about it as you are. And like Dad said even if we…have to take care of Matteron much differently now for the rest of her life it doesn’t matter, she’s still a daughter and sister no matter what and we love her very much.”, Savannah sadly said as she pointed at herself and their parents.
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“ You’re right Savannah.”, Micah sadly said as he then hugged his sister.
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“ Is it ok if we see her now?”, Mr. Drillbit sadly asked the doctor.
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“ Yes of course Lt. Drillbit. Everyone follow me.”, the doctor said as he lead all of them down the hallway to an observation room where Matteron was laying in the hospital bed that was in there, hooked up to an IV and had a pulse reader on her finger. She had a bandage wrapped around her stomach and back underneath a hospital gown and the pants to match it covering up a disposable adult diaper that she had been given shortly after she was admitted into the hospital. When she saw the sad looks on the faces of her family, friends and boyfriend when they walked into the room the first thing she asked in a sad voice was, “ It’s bad isn’t it?”
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“ Yes it is sweetheart. The doctor said that you have received some very significant nerve damage to your bladder sphincter and unfortunately it’s bad enough to the point where he doesn’t think that you will ever be able to regain function of it again.”, Mrs. Drillbit sadly said with tears in her eyes as she sat down on the side of the bed holding Matteron’s hand.
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“ Are you saying that I’ve regressed?”, Matteron sadly asked as tears started to form in her eyes. Everybody gave her a sad nod with their heads and when they did that was when she lost it.
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“ F*ck, this is awful! I’m going to be wearing diapers for the rest of my life now! There goes my freaking relationship right out the window! Somebody just kill me now please!”, Matteron cried into hands when she sat up in the bed.
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“ Matteron…Matteron Reese, look at me.”, Sheldon said in a serious tone as he knelt down beside the bed.
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“ What Dr. Cooper?!”, Matteron cried as she looked up at her boyfriend who she was most certainly sure didn’t want to be with her anymore.
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“ Listen here woman, our relationship is not over because of this.”, Sheldon said in a serious tone as he looked at his girlfriend.
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“ What?! You still want to be with me?!”, Matteron cried in shock.
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“ Yes, very much so. I’m not going anywhere. I will gladly take care of you like this for the rest of my life if I have to. I love you and I always will.”, Sheldon said in a serious tone. Matteron’s face lit up somewhat as she leaned over and kissed him.
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“ Yeah none of us are going to go anywhere sweetie. We’re all friends for life, no matter what.”, Penny said as a soft smile began to spread across her face.
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“ Yeah totally.”, Amy, Bernadette, Leonard, Howard, Raj and Stuart said as they all nodded their heads.
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“ Thanks you guys, at least that makes me feel a little better about this. I still can’t believe Dr. Gunderson had the audacity to do this to me in the first place before he ended up dead along with stupid Dr. Brine.”, Matteron said as her crying subsided which instantly made her family, friends and boyfriend laugh their heads off in amusement.
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“ Yeah he’s a morron for that or you could say he’s Top of the Farkle to ya!”, Howard laughed in an Irish tone which instantly received more laughter from everyone including Matteron who started hammering her fist into the bed.
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“ That’s a good one Mr. Wolowitz!”, Mrs. Drillbit laughed.
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“ Thanks Mrs. Drillbit! I actually came up with that after the rest of us found out what Dr. Gunderson’s middle name was in the first place!”, Howard laughed.
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“ It’s true, we were all cracking up at it!”, Bernadette laughed.
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“ Yeah and this was during the time that Sheldon was taking a nap in his room and we were all out in the apartment living room! We were making fun of this guy’s middle name so much that it was utterly hilarious! I even came up with my own saying too!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Really?! What did you say Dr. Hofstadter?!”, Mr. Drillbit laughed.
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“ I said, “ It wasn’t me it was Farkle!”, Leonard laughed causing another wave of laughter among them.
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“ That’s a good one too Dr. Hofstadter!”, Matteron laughed as she threw her head back pressing her hands into her chest.
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“ Thanks Matteron Reese!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Oh just stop it you idiots, I can’t take this!”, Micah laughed.
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“ Me neither!”, Savannah laughed as her and Micah grabbed onto each other, hammering their fists into each other’s legs for a moment before they let go.
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“ Well you know what we’ve all spent enough time making fun of Dr. Gunderson but no one’s ever made fun of Dr. Brine yet!”, Stuart laughed.
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“ Actually I already have Stuart! I called him Dr. Brainless!”, Matteron laughed causing more laughter to ring out.
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“ Yeah it’s true! She called him that the first time we met this guy in Vegas!”, Penny laughed as she pointed at herself, Amy, Bernadette and Matteron.
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“ Ha Dr. Brainless, that’s perfect!”, Sheldon laughed.
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“ I know, right?! Oh thank you for the laughs you guys, I really feel better now about this regression I’m going through now for the rest of my life! I really needed this!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ So glad we could help sis!”, Micah laughed.
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“ Puckhead!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Hey! Matteron!”, Micah laughed.
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“ Ha! Yes I said something that caught on! Now she’s even calling you that too bro!”, Savannah laughed as she pointed at Micah.
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“ Oh shut up Savannah!”, Micah laughed as he tried to grab his sister’s arm to playfully twist it. As Savannah was trying to pull away while laughing her head off as the two siblings were screwing around with each other Sheldon laughed, “ Ok will you two Drillbits knock it off?! You’re going to hurt yourselves!”
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“ He started it Dr. Cooper! Not me!”, Savannah laughed as she pointed at Micah.
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“ Oh for cripes sake!”, Sheldon said as he rolled his eyes. Then 2 weeks later after Matteron came home from the hospital while Savannah and Micah were at school, Matteron was hanging out in the Drillbit living room with Leonard and Sheldon. The two physicists were working on their laptops while Matteron was spinning around in her desk chair that she brought down from her bedroom. Her iPod was playing the song Informer by Snow on the dock station speaker that it was plugged into as she was spinning around in amusement.
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“ What are you doing over there Matteron?”, Leonard asked when he looked up from his laptop at his friend.
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“ What does it look like I’m doing Dr. Leonard Hofstadter? I’m spinning around in my desk chair while listening to my iPod.”, Matteron said.
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“ Be careful that you don’t hit your head. You’re going to give yourself brain damage if you’re not careful.”, Sheldon said as he looked up for a brief second from his laptop before he turned back to it.
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“ I’m not going to give myself brain damage Dr. Sheldon Cooper just from doing this! I’m just trying to have some harmless fun! Is that so wrong?!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ You are so amusing sometimes, even more amusing than the day that we first met you.”, Leonard said with a laugh.
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“ Oh yeah?! Well how about now?!”, Matteron laughed as she suddenly jumped up from her chair, walked over to Leonard and grabbed his glasses off his face as a joke while he was in middle of working on his laptop.
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“ Oh you so really started it now Drillbit! Give me my glasses back! I can’t see anything!”, Leonard laughed as he was trying to swipe his glasses back from his female best friend who was trying to play keep away with him.
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“ If you want them back buddy, come and chase me for them! I got all day!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Yeah well I don’t, come here!”, Leonard laughed as he shut his laptop and proceeded to chase her around the living room for a brief moment before Matteron jumped back into her chair with Leonard still coming up behind her as she began spinning around in it again with his glasses still in her grasp.
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“ Ah ah can’t touch me! I’m in my spaceship!”, Matteron laughed as she kept spinning around, kicking her legs at Leonard in a playful way as he kept trying to grab his glasses back from her.
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“ Yeah well that’s not going to help you if it’s just a spinning chair!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ I beg to differ!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Come on for God sakes, Matteron Reese!”, Leonard laughed as he kept trying to grab his glasses back from his friend who was still spinning in her desk chair kicking her legs at him and laughing her head off in amusement.
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“ Good Lord Leonard, Matteron, what are you two doing with each other?!”, Sheldon exclaimed as he shut his laptop and looked over his shoulder at his best friend and his girlfriend who were still acting like childish idiots.
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“ Don’t yell at me for this Sheldon! Your girlfriend’s the one that’s being childish right now! She won’t give me my glasses!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Yeah well you were the one who said I was amusing in the first place so no takebacks buddy! And oh crap, curse the laws of gravity! Ahhhh!”, Matteron laughed as she was knocked out of her chair and onto the floor.
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“ Oh my god are you ok?!”, Leonard laughed as he helped her up and took his glasses back.
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“ Yeah I’m fine but you’re going to get it for knocking me out of my chair you crazy experimental physicist!”, Matteron laughed as she suddenly started to wrestle around with him.
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“ Oh yeah well I’m going to kick you in the butt for taking my glasses in the first place!”, Leonard laughed as he playfully started kicking his legs at her. The Informer song was still playing on the speaker.
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“ Well then go ahead I won’t feel it! I’m wearing an adult diaper anyway!”, Matteron laughed as she was kicking him back.
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“ Oh dear Lord.”, Sheldon said as he rolled his eyes.
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“ Excuse me but what is going on in here?! Matteron, Dr. Hofstadter, what are you two doing?!”, Mrs. Drillbit asked when she came in from the kitchen to see what all the laughter and noise was about.
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“ Your daughter’s the one that started it Mrs. Drillbit! She took my glasses and wouldn’t give them back!”, Leonard laughed as he pointed at Matteron.
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“ That’s a lie! He started it when he called me amusing and then he knocked me out of my desk chair!”, Matteron laughed as she pointed at Leonard.
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“ That’s because you called it a spaceship!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Yeah well I’m about to make you blast off for saying that, physicist!”, Matteron laughed as she kept wrestling around him in the living room with the music still playing.
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“ Oh yeah?! We’ll see about that Drillbit, here comes my foot!”, Leonard laughed as he swung his leg to playfully kick her in the butt, but because of the diaper she was wearing underneath her shorts she barely felt it.
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“ Ha! I barely felt that you dork!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ You’re a dork Drillbit!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ No I’m not! Tornado!”, Matteron laughed as she started spin kicking him.
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“ No tornadoes you guys! You’re going to hurt yourselves!”, Sheldon said with a gaspy laugh.
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“ Shut up Sheldon! You call that a tornado Matteron?! I’ll show you what a tornado is!”, Leonard laughed as he started showing off.
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“ Oh please, no that’s not!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Yes it so is!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Ok I don’t mean to interrupt your tornadoes but someone’s going to get hurt in this house if you don’t calm down. In fact, I think it’s been a few hours since you last had your diaper changed and I think it’s time to change it again.”, Mrs. Drillbit said as she stared at her daughter.
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“ Aww come on Mom, I don’t want this right now! I just want to listen to my music!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Well then I have a solution for this, why don’t we just set her up on the couch so that she can still listen to the music?”, Sheldon asked as he sat on the couch.
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“ That works for me Dr. Cooper. Micah and Savannah are at school and my husband’s out in the garage doing God knows what so I’ll be right back.”, Mrs. Drillbit said as she walked away for a moment. Then she came back few moments later with all the supplies that the hospital had given them and set them down on the coffee table in front of the couch.
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“ Alright I got everything out. I’m just going to move your laptop out of the way for a second, is that ok?”, Mrs. Drillbit said as she went to go pick up Sheldon’s laptop to move it.
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“ Yes that’s fine.”, Sheldon said as Mrs. Drillbit moved his laptop.
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“ Alright well I’m going back into the kitchen. Knock yourself out.”, Mrs. Drillbit said as she headed back to the kitchen.
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“ Alright thank you. Leonard follow her into the kitchen for the moment please.”, Sheldon said as he pointed towards the kitchen.
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“ Sure whatever you say Sheldon.”, Leonard said as he followed Mrs. Drillbit into the kitchen to give Sheldon and Matteron some privacy.
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“ Thank you.”, Sheldon said. Then he walked over to Matteron, picked her up and said, “ Ok come here you, let’s change your diaper.”
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“ Oh fracking fudgeballs!”, Matteron laughed as her boyfriend carried her over to the couch, laying her down on her back with her head resting against one of the pillows.
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“ Ok that’s not appropriate right now, calm down.”, Sheldon said as he sat next to Matteron on the couch, placing her legs across his lap before he rubbed Purell on his hands and slipped a set of latex gloves on. Once he was done he cleaned up the mess, sat her up and said, “ There you go, all done. Does that feel better?”
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“ Yes it does, thank you.”, Matteron said with a smile as she kissed him.
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“ My pleasure. Leonard you can come back in now.”, Sheldon said.
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“ Thanks for letting me know buddy.”, Leonard said when he came back into the living room.
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“ Yeah well in that case, I still have some unfinished business with you mister!”, Matteron laughed as she jumped up from the couch tearing after Leonard.
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“ Oh you want to start that up again sister! I don’t think so!”, Leonard laughed as he was running away from her throughout the house.
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“ Yeah that’s what you think! Come here Dr. Hofstadter!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ In your dreams Matteron Reese!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ What is going on in this house?”, Mr. Drillbit asked his wife when he came in from the garage.
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“ Matteron and Dr. Hofstadter are fooling around with each other William.”, Mrs. Drillbit said to her husband as she rolled her eyes.
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“ Well that makes total sense, they’re best friends anyway.”, Mr. Drillbit said.
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“ Yes they most definitely are.”, Mrs. Drillbit said.
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“ Did you change Matteron yet?”, Mr. Drillbit asked.
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“ No but Dr. Cooper did in the living room just a few minutes ago. Matteron wanted to continue listening to her iPod so I allowed it considering the fact that you were out in the garage and Savannah and Micah are at school.”, Mrs. Drillbit said.
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“ Well good. I’m going to go start the laundry.”, Mr. Drillbit said as he headed to the laundry room.
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“ Ok have fun with that honey. I’m just going to be cleaning up the kitchen.”, Mrs. Drillbit said as she started wiping down the stove.
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“ Hi Dad, bye Dad!”, Matteron laughed as she ran past her father to run after Leonard.
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“ Yeah hi Lt. Drillbit!”, Leonard laughed as he continued running away from Matteron.
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“ Hi! Please don’t hurt yourselves in this house!”, Mr. Drillbit called out as he was starting the washing machine up. Matteron’s iPod had switched to the song Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield in the living room while Matteron and Leonard were chasing each around the house, laughing in amusement while Sheldon was working on his laptop again.
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“ This so beats federal prison!”, Matteron laughed.
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At some point the craziness got to be a little too much between his best friend and his girlfriend for Sheldon to handle that he suddenly interjected over the music, “ Ok that’s it! Leonard, Matteron, you two need to calm yourselves down right now! In fact, come here you wacky hyenas!” before he shut his laptop, grabbed a set of handcuffs out of his messenger bag and ran off to find them.
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“ Ok come here! You two are getting handcuffed together for this insanity!”
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“ Oh sh*t run Dr. Hofstadter!”
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“ You don’t have to tell me twice Matteron! See ya Sheldon!”
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“ Yeah you ain’t taking us alive!”
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“ Oh so you’re going to turn this into a little game of Law Enforcement chase now I presume?! Well then y’all asked for it! Here comes Texas Sheriff Dr. Cooper coming to get his man and woman for the crime of not shutting up!”
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“ Oh buckwheats! Run Matteron Reese Drillbit!”
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SNAP-CLICK! “ Got ya!” The two friends continued laughing their heads off as Sheldon was dragging them back to the living room after he handcuffed the two of them together and forced them to sit down on the floor in front of the couch by his feet.
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“ Oh man that was awesome!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Yeah you said it buddy!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ You are seriously one of the bestest friends I’ve ever had in my life!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Same with you to me!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Yes well you two need to calm down now. You two are getting a little too obnoxious. We are adults and yet you two are acting like children.”, Sheldon said.
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“ We’re just trying to have fun with each other Dr. Cooper! We’re basically best friends with each other now just like the two of you are best friends!”, Matteron laughed as she pointed at herself and Leonard before she pointed at Leonard and Sheldon.
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“ Well, I suppose that makes sense.”, Sheldon said.
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“ Exactly!”, Matteron laughed. Things settled down for a few minutes but shortly after Sheldon started working on his laptop again Matteron’s iPod switched to the song I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas.
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“ Shut up! I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas?! Are you kidding me?! I love this song!”, Leonard laughed in amusement.
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“ I know! It rocks!”, Matteron laughed in amusement.
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“ Oh good Lord, please do not sing this! This literally made my ears bleed the last time you played this in your car Leonard!”, Sheldon said as he rolled his eyes.
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“ Oh just shut up Sheldon! You’re just over exaggerating! I was not that bad!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ You continue to underestimate me my good man!”, Sheldon said. Leonard then just ignored him before him and Matteron started singing the song together only this time Leonard surprisingly sounded on-key which ended up shocking Sheldon.
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“ Oh what fresh hell is this? How is it that you sound on-key this time?”, Sheldon asked in shock as he stared at his best friend.
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“ I don’t know, I think it’s Matteron keeping my key!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Woman what are you?! A magical music witch?!”, Sheldon asked as he stared at his girlfriend.
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“ Oh please! That didn’t even make any sense Dr. Cooper!”, Matteron laughed in amusement at her boyfriend as the song Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas came on next. Matteron and Leonard then started singing this song too, singing the chorus as well as the part of, “ People in the place, if you want to get down! Put your hands in the air, Will. I. AM drop the beat now!”.
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“ Yeah drop it real good Will. I. AM!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Oh just shut up Dr. Hofstadter! You crack me up so much!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Of course! What are best friends for?!”, Leonard laughed.
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“ Idiots maybe?!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Yeah let’s go with that! Why not!”, Leonard laughed. The song switched again to The Motto by Drake feat. Lil Wayne which caused more laughter among the two friends.
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“ What in the name of Sir Issac Newton’s Law is this obnoxious song woman?!”, Sheldon asked as he stared down at his girlfriend who was still sitting at his feet in front of the couch handcuffed to his best friend Leonard.
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“ It’s The Motto by Drake feat. Lil Wayne! It’s one of my brother Micah’s songs from his laptop music playlist Dr. Cooper that I thought was cool so I downloaded it!”, Matteron laughed as she started shaking her shoulders to the music.
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“ Yeah you’re right it does sound kind of cool Matteron!”, Leonard laughed as he started nodding his head to the beat too.
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“ Well considering the fact that you think an obnoxious rap song is cool it’s not really my taste but I suppose I can learn to tolerate it.”, Sheldon said.
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“ Thanks baby!”, Matteron laughed as she kissed his leg.
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“ Did you just kiss my leg Matteron?!”, Sheldon asked in shock.
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“ Yes I did Dr. Cooper! Do you have a problem with that?!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ Yes I do!”, Sheldon exclaimed before he leaned all the way forward bending his head down in between Leonard and Matteron’s heads and said with a soft smile, “ Because that’s supposed to be up here.”
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“ I f*cking love you!”, Matteron laughed as she then kissed her boyfriend’s lips.
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“ I love you too.”, Sheldon said.
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“ What’s going on in here now?”, Mrs. Drillbit asked as she came back into the living room.
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“ Yeah what’s up with this?”, Mr. Drillbit asked when he joined his wife.
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“ Oh hi Mom, hi Dad! Dr. Hofstadter and I got a little too obnoxious so Dr. Cooper decided to handcuff the two of us together and now we’re just sitting on the floor listening to music!”, Matteron laughed as her and Leonard held up their handcuffed wrists.
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“ Well I guess that’s what you two get for acting a bit out of line.”, Mr. Drillbit said with a slight laugh.
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“ Only you would know a thing about that Dad considering the fact that you’re an Air Force Lieutenant!”, Matteron said.
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“ Yeah that’s true and did I just hear you say a minute ago that this song that’s playing on your iPod is on Micah’s playlist?!”, Mr. Drillbit asked.
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“ Yeah it is! You didn’t know about that?!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ No I did not. Oh boy I’m going to have to have a serious talk with your brother about that when he gets home from school today.”, Mr. Drillbit said before him and his wife walked back into the kitchen.
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“ Oh crap, I think I just got my brother in trouble!”, Matteron laughed.
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“ No you didn’t Matteron, you actually did the right thing. Your brother really shouldn’t be listening to swear words right now anyway, he’s a child.”, Sheldon said.
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“ Yeah that’s true.”, Matteron said.
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“ Of course it is and ow, these handcuffs are really starting to hurt my wrist right now.”, Leonard said as he ran his hand over the metal cuff that was around his wrist connected by a short metal chain that linked the other cuff to his which was around Matteron’s wrist.
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“ Yeah me too.”, Matteron said as she did the same thing.
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“ Well if I take them off are you two going to be calm now?”, Sheldon asked.
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“ Yes we’re done.”, Matteron and Leonard said.
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“ Very well, give me your wrists.”, Sheldon said as Matteron and Leonard then lifted their wrists up so that Sheldon could use a key to unlock the cuffs.
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“ Oh that feels so much better but what doesn’t is the fact that I think I just went to the bathroom again and I…”, Matteron said before she let out a yawn.
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“ Well then I guess it sounds like you need your diaper changed again and to go lay down for a while.”, Sheldon said as he stood up from the couch.
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“ Mmm…”, Matteron moaned in response as her eyes were beginning to slide shut. She was so tired from chasing Leonard around the house.
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“ Yeah I agree, let’s just turn off the music and get her upstairs so she can take a nap.”, Leonard said as he stood up, turned the music off and walked back over to Matteron before he picked her up and said, “ Ok come here buddy, nap time.” He carried her up the stairs with Sheldon following him after he grabbed all the necessary supplies again from the closet. They changed her diaper again before tucking her into her bed. They then walked back downstairs to continue working on their laptops.
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“ Oh I was wondering why it got so quiet in here. Where’s Matteron?”, Mrs. Drillbit asked when she walked back into the living room with her husband following her.
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“ She got tired so Leonard and I just put her down for a nap in her room after changing her diaper again.”, Sheldon said as he looked up from his laptop for a brief period before looking back at it.
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“ Oh really? You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for helping us out.”, Mr. Drillbit said with a smile.
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“ No problem Lt. Drillbit. Your daughter’s a great friend to us anyway.”, Leonard said as he did the same thing.
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“ Well to Maren and I that’s great news to hear.”, Mr. Drillbit said.
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“ Yes it very much is William.”, Mrs. Drillbit said.
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Wow what did you think of that?! Please don’t think I ruined the story by implementing a SirenHead scenario. I just thought it seemed cool when I wrote it that I wanted to put it in for pure entertainment. What do you think will happen next when Micah and Savannah come home from school? Will Micah get in trouble for the Drake song or will he just get off easy with a parental lecture? Let me know in the comments. To be continued…
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