With a jolt, Sheldon woke up from his sleep, his eyes wide and his breathing erratic. He was sweating through the sheets and it was not a comfortable feeling. Immediately, he jumped out of his sheets as if he was in a panic and headed straight for the bathroom. It was unbelievably hot.
Quickly taking off his clothes, he jumped in the shower and turned on the water.
"Gah!" it was cold! Well, it was to be expected... he really wanted to cool down after all.
If you were wondering, no, he didn't have a nightmare. Sheldon looked down, letting the water hit straight on his head, the water flowing down to his back and down his black hair. In fact, Sheldon didn't remember dreaming anything at all. The heat was getting to him.
Which was strange since it has been raining the whole time and the temperature was slowly dropping as summer was almost ending. If there was one thing that he didn't like about this house, it was that there wasn't any air con, but he guessed it couldn't be helped. Just think about the electricity bills.
Sheldon combed his hair back with his fingers and sighed, the water from the shower was like a makeshift rain. Speaking of rain, the next time it rained he had to remember to apologize to ginger. The sooner he said sorry the lesser chances there would be a rock hitting his head resulting in his death.
Turning off the shower, he stepped out and grabbed a towel.
Or so, that's what he thought.
Because of the excessive raining, it seems like the sky had finally run out of droplets to cry. Usually, it would rain at least once a day, but it has already been three days. Of course, that shouldn't seem like something long, but considering him and ginger have been seeing each other every day it was a sudden break in their routine.
Sheldon curled up on his bed, staring at the sky through his window, not a single cloud in sight. He glanced down his hand where he held his phone, just the usual gray lock screen.
Maybe... maybe he should've gotten out of bed that day when he saw the rain. Maybe he should've taken the effort to go through the forest once again to see her again.
He... because... he m-might not see her again. He would spend the rest of his life wondering what would have happened if he saw her one more time... he-!
No. He was overreacting. It has only been 3 days, there was nothing to worry about. He was here for the rest of his life, and it would be completely irrational to think that it wouldn't again in that span of time.
But what if she stops coming?
NO! Sheldon, no! Stop thinking about these things. Deep breaths. In and out. Sheldon inhaled slowly and exhaled. He was trying to get his mind to calm down for once.
It was just her, after all. A random girl that he met one night and continued to talk to once every raining weather. Heck, he didn't even know her name.
Sheldon gripped his shirt at the area where his heart should be and took in another breath. He took off his glasses and closed his eyes shut. These kinds of thoughts were foreign to him.
Not once had he cared about if he would be able to see another person again. Friends... that word was foreign to him. Sure, there were the occasional playmates that he came across at the park or at a mall, but never again had he seen them again. There was no point in expecting them to come back.
There had even come a time when he had thought that the only reason that there were such thing as 'friends' is because in the future... they would come of use to him in terms of business. "Connections" is what his father called it.
It's not like anyone would be friends with someone like you...
Remember what father said... you can't do anything by yourself.
You are useless.
Sheldon's hands quivered. He needed something warm to drink. He went out of his room, thankful for the first time that the kitchen was on the same floor as his room, and entered. His Aunt was outside taking care of some things on their little farm, and his uncle... well, he was probably doing the same.
17, that's how old you are, and yet you can't take care of yourself.
You'd think by now you would know how to do such a simple thing.
You know, maybe mother was happy when you left.
Chamomile tea. Perfect. Sheldon made a batch for himself to drink. After he finished, he took a big gulp, coughing when the water was too hot for him.
What was wrong with him? Why was he suffering in such a way when there was nothing wrong? His family is safe, he has a loving mother and a home where he is welcomed, he had a beautiful and vast space filled with nature to run around in, he had warm food, he had an education. He has so many things that other children could only dream of...
Why was it still the same?
You are so selfish.
Is all of this not enough for you?
Going to ask for more things like a spoiled brat?
Sheldon shook his head. No. His mother's happiness was his happiness, as long as his mother was happy, he would be happy. Sheldon already had everything that he could ask for. The least that he could do now in order to repay his debt to his mother's kindness and love is to give her the family she deserved without any disturbance.
Taking another sip of his tea, Sheldon stood up with the mug in his hands and left the kitchen into his room. Nowadays, the only reasons why he would even leave his room is when he wanted to help out with the chores. His relatives were too old to be doing these things by themselves, sure, there was the occasional helper, but they always insisted on doing the big parts.
Now, Sheldon wouldn't call himself a strong boy, but he wasn't exactly scrawny either, so he was able to do some things.
Help? What can you do?
You're probably just annoying them with you there.
You can't do anything right.
Sheldon... Sheldon wanted to go back to bed.
Another day has passed and yet there hasn't been a single sign of rain.
"Sheldon, honey, why don't you go help with the table?" said his Auntie Josie who was stirring a mix of macaroni soup in her pot.
It took him some force to will himself not to show his grimace. Macaroni... he didn't know why but he really didn't like it. Growing up, Sheldon and forced himself to eat everything that was on the table, but macaroni had been something that made him bite his tongue in order to swallow.
Spreading out the plates and placing the silverware, Sheldon sat down on his place and watched as his aunt placed the food in the center.
"Time to eat!" his uncle burst into the kitchen and sat in his place.
"Not without washing your hands you don't!" Josie pulled him out and shoo-ed him. "Go!" with a grin, she took his seat.
"M-may... may I be excused?" Sheldon asked in the quietest of voices, his eyes not meeting theirs.
"What was that, dear?"
Sheldon's breath hitched, and a little louder, he said, "May I be e-excused?"
Josie furrowed her brows, "Why?"
What should he say? Should he lie? No. Lying was bad. He couldn't lie. Maybe a white lie? No! He should tell the truth.
They'd think you're a picky eater.
They'd think that your mother didn't raise you right.
They'd start thinking badly of mother.
Suddenly, Sheldon abruptly stood up from his seat, his eyes glued to the table. "Sheldon?" his auntie was a little alarmed, surprised by his movements. Even uncle John was facing him now.
"I-I... I just want to go to my room... for a while. Please, um, may I?" Sheldon asked as he nervously pushed his glasses back in place.
"Of course..." his aunt said softly, although her eyes showed hints of worry.
"Thank you." with that, he left the kitchen and retreated.
Sheldon felt frustrated with himself. He was getting overdramatic over a little macaroni soup. He slapped his hand over his head and groaned. Stupid. Sheldon was stupid. He should be happy that his aunt had actually made him dinner, he was being disrespectful.
Why did he do that.
What was mother doing, Sheldon wondered. She knew that Sheldon didn't like macaroni soup. She used to laugh at his subtle behavior towards the dish and would wink as she went back inside of their kitchen to fix him up something else.
Back when he was younger, she would sing him lullabies but it disappeared as he grew older. Sheldon missed those times. Other teenagers his age would gag at the thought of their mother tucking them back in bed, or giving them a kiss on the forehead, but Sheldon missed those times. He wished that he had savored those moments better because now he was too old for it.
Sheldon couldn't complain because he was loved. Asking for more would be bad.
Curled up beneath his blankets, Sheldon's eyes blankly glanced at the window seeing the dark skies sparkling with stars not at single cloud blocking the way.
He guessed today was a no show either.
Pitter patter. Sounded like horses running through the field... thousands of thousands of hooves thumping on the ground at the same time.
A split second later, Sheldon's eyes snapped open, their gaze immediately moving onto the window where he saw a sudden downpour that banged onto the ground like waterfalls.
His heart started beating faster within his chest. He needed to go.
With a loud bang that resounded throughout the house, he shut the front door and ran as he struggled to put on his raincoat and tripped as he slipped in his rain boots. He didn't know when the rain had started and he didn't know when it would end, the best thing he could do is reach there as fast as he could.
His harsh breaths were blocked by the deafening sound of the rain, but that was okay. He had a flashlight with him this time, he knew the way.
Sheldon ran, and ran, and ran, occasionally bumping violently into a tree or two, but nonetheless, he kept on going. Until he slipped on mud.
Time seemed to slow down around him, his eyes widening as he realized that he didn't have time to maneuver his body away. In one second, his head came in contact with the rocky ground... with a sickening crack.
Sheldon breathed in and out, his eyes blinking open. His flashlight was just an arm's length away. He groaned and rubbed his forehead, but flinched when he saw a stain of red on his fingers. Glasses... where were his glasses? He forced himself to stand up, and saw a flash of blue reflect light.
His glasses were broken.
His head hurt beyond comprehension.
And the rain was still pouring down on him.
His hands weakly reached out for the flashlight and tried to stand up, but the pain was too much!
"Ungh...!" he gasped and trying to touch the area in pain, but it only made him flash with even more of the horrible feeling.
He was suddenly feeling a sense of deja vu. No. No... he needed to get out of here. If he stayed here, nothing good would come to him.
Sheldon was suddenly bombarded with a flood of adrenaline. He guessed it was because his body was acting as if it was in a life or death situation. He forced himself to stand up, and with a firmer grip, he relied on the flashlight to light up his path. At least this time he wasn't drowning in darkness.
He left his glasses, after all, they would be of no use to him now.
Sheldon was suddenly starting to feel stupid for running all the way through the forest even though it was clear that is wasn't safe to do so in midst of strong rain. It was only a few more meters until he would be able to see the road.
He just had to keep on moving.
Sheldon... Sheldon was stupid.
He fell onto his knees, his mouth agape and his eyes horrified at the... scene that lacked one glowing ginger-haired girl.
His hands went slack, and the flashlight fell from his grip, falling to the ground. Its light flickered before it suddenly went completely dark. The sudden blackness covering him like a blanket of surprise.
She wasn't there.
Nobody was there.
Sheldon was alone.
Why?
Of course, you're alone.
You always are.
It's because everyone else has already found their own happiness.
"Th-that's not true..." Sheldon whispered to himself.
You overreact too much, that's why you end up messing up.
You can't change that because you're so scared.
You're a coward.
"What you're saying... it isn't real. I know better." Sheldon whispered as he looked down, his eyes blinking away the rain that was fogging up his vision.
Huh? Was it rain?
Crying? Really? That's funny. I guess you're a crybaby too.
Why do you keep trying?
Every time you try you always end up failing. You can't be happy.
"I'm happy... I'm happy because mother is happy. I'm happy because I'm not causing any trouble. I'm happy because I can take care of myself." Sheldon wiped his eyes, but it didn't do much help since every inch of him was already wet. Raincoats were overrated.
You made your mother cry coming here. Did she look happy then?
You broke down like an idiot and embarrassed auntie Josie.
All you do is stay in your room all day. You're a bother.
"...Just shut up." Sheldon said, his eyes becoming glazed. He couldn't feel anything anymore, not even the gash that was starting to bleed out on his head.
He was fine.
All of this is nothing compared to what other people have experienced, he didn't have any right to complain. He has so much. So many blessings. What more can he ask for? Any more and he would be selfish.
Out there, there were children starving without a home, somewhere there was a child dying of cancer, in another country they were being engulfed in war and death. There were many other people who had it worse.
He had no right to feel sad because his pain couldn't even come close to what other people were going through.
Auntie Josie didn't act like it, but she missed Sheldon's mother. She would feel sad every day at thought of her sister so far and out of reach. She was sad because her family had been ripped apart... she was sad because she was unable to have a child for uncle John.
Uncle John was sad because auntie Josie's smile wasn't bright as always. He was sad because Sheldon was reminded him of what he couldn't have. He was sad because he was hating himself for wanting something that Josie wasn't able to give him.
Mother was sad. Mother was sad because of Sheldon. Mother can't go back to Auntie Josie because she was the first one to leave. She was sad because the man she had loved since had lost his love for her. She was sad because her family was broken apart. She was sad because she hated herself for being happy with a new family.
Sheldon didn't have the right to be sad, and that's why Sheldon was happy.
Ah... he would be happier... if he fell asleep. He was tired. The rain... the rain sounded nice. It was so cold... so cold that he couldn't feel his skin anymore. Was that... was that alright? Did that mean he was okay?
Sheldon fell to his knees and collapsed onto the ground. His vision was foggy... where were his glasses? Oh right... he chuckled... he broke them because he tripped and landed on his face.
Ginger probably wouldn't be happy with him either. He was always horrible with making friends. It would make sense if that's the reason why she wasn't here.
Slowly, his vision was starting to fade into pure, pure black.
With one breath, he said in a hushed tone, "I'm... I'm such an-"
"IDIOT!"
ns 15.158.61.48da2
