Dear Myself,
This week was… An educational one to say the least. Somehow, something got into my brain that I needed a part-time job. The College course that I would like to do comes with a paid work placement anyway but after that moment with Michelle, I just looked at myself and realised that there is a thousand things I want to do and places to visit with this girl. But having next to no money, that wouldn't be possible unless I worked. At first, I didn't tell her or my family that I was on job sites looking around to see what was being offered. Some jobs would clash with lessons should I get into the City College and others needed a driving license for travelling around in your own transport. But my attempts eventually stumbled onto two adverts that were newly posted.
The first one was at a local garden centre just down the road for a Saturday sales assistant. The salary I felt was generous and the progression roles looked interesting, more hours around holidays such as during Christmas and even in the middle of the summer holidays. The second one was for a new store opening in town that sold vintage homeware items and clothing. It was for both days at the weekend and was easy to get to. On deciding that I should give the whole applying for jobs thing a go, I filled out two application forms with my CV (newly polished) and then clicked on send and waited…
A few days later, I get home from walking dogs for a neighbour and Mum is standing over the phone with a worried expression on her face. On spotting me, she quickly hands the speaker over and mouths that it's from the garden centre. I reply quickly saying I can be there for an interview later on in the day and quickly hang up to go and get changed. After digging around in my wardrobe, I find one of my old school blouses and a skirt with tights that I've never worn and in an instant, the posh looking clothes are on.
At the foot of the stairs, Mum is on to me in an instant. She's concerned about why I've applied for jobs when there's a new course coming up. I tell her it's just for the experience and wanting to try something new but she replies back angrily that I'm making a very bad move and to cancel the job interview, wait until the City College interview and see what they say regarding having an extra job. I tell her to stop controlling my life and stomp out with my things, towards the garden centre. Even more with my fit of rage, I block her number so that she can't contact me and walk quickly to avoid being spotted by bad people.
I have to say that the garden centre had definitely changed around the layout since I was last there. It looked bigger and easier to move heavy things around. I asked at the welcome desk for the manager and nervously waited to see what they would look like. I let Michelle know about my job interview and she said that she was on her way to support me. At least someone understands Diary. After a short while, I was shown into an office and met Bea who I found incredibly friendly and made me feel comfortable. The questions I was asked ranged from my education and health to the writing and love of books. After half an hour, I thanked her and she promised to email me with the result in a few days since she had others to interview.
On walking out, I sensed that Mum was around close by so on meeting Michelle, we raced each other up to a viewing point which overlooked the city. In the bright sunshine, the backdrop was pretty and grabbing her hands and staring into her eyes, I felt unstoppable. At this moment, I didn't care who was watching from the road or the houses nearby, I slowly pulled her into my embrace. Our noses touched as we cuddled and whispered some cute words to each other, forgetting the world around us. This was like the perfect dream from the other day in which I took Michelle and told her I loved her. Breathless with excitement, we both managed to find somewhere dry to sit down and do nothing but stay close and warm to each other.
I think by then we both knew that love truly did lie in the air for us and that's what I wanted. A nice, beautiful and happy romance away from the horrors of the bullies who said that I was too ugly to ever be in a relationship. It was time to come clean so I asked her if she was in love with me which she smiled, then asked if I was in love with her. Yes! We both screamed at the same time which startled a cat nearby that charged into a bush. My sexuality I have questioned sometime but have never really known how to connect with someone about it. I'm an awkward turtle so they say but all for the thing of love, I will reveal to you that I love guys and that I love girls equally. Diary, reader, I Morwenna am bisexual. And that self-discovery will let me open up more about myself not just through writing but also through chatting to others and taking part in pride events.
Telling Michelle that I was bisexual made her eyes mist up with emotional tears. She was proud of me and funnily enough, I was proud of myself. She isn't bisexual but admitted that even though one of her closest friends is a guy, she only feels romantically attracted to girls. My hand trembled as I kissed her hand and then, very slowly, I reached up and kissed her slowly on the lips. That quick action made my heart and hers melt but on pulling away, she started to cry and the tears fell. We were up by the viewing point for hours, just kissing and cuddling, the only time in life that I felt on top of the world.
She is mine, the girl is mine and that's all I could ever ask for.
Yours,
Morwenna.
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