Backstory- For a Criminal Investigation Class, someone tasked me (as a bonus) to come up with a STUPID backstory to our mock investigation. This was back in 10th Grade? So early into my career. Likely full of errors and all that, it probably sucks. But as they say, keep a catalogue of your oldest work to look back on.
Names HAVE been changed.
Originally published to Wattpad March 9, 2015.
This is the story of the epic Fish People: Steve, Bob, Joe, Billy, and Phil. This is not only for fun or laughs, it is fast and creative with ridiculousness. This story is about stealing the Oreo making gun and the Milk Machine, two powerful machines that can destroy the world when used together. This is that story.
Staring
Phil- the epic white trooper
Steve- the epic red trooper
Billy- the epic purple trooper
Bob- the epic yellow trooper
Joe- the epic blue trooper
(NOTE: these guys are like fish people, depending on their trooper color, that is their fish color)
Co-staring
Luna- Analyst
Allahna- Sketch
Sarah- Lead Investigator
Sarah 2- Analyst
Daven- Note Taker
CHAPTER ONE: ENTER THE FISH PEOPLE OF FISHTOPIA
“I AM A FISH, I AM A FISH, I AM A FISH PEOPLE, I AM A FISH PEOPLE, LALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Phil shouted. “Red solo cup, I blew you up, I threw a party! I threw a party!” Steve sang. “PAIN IS THE WAKE OF A LAIN ON PARTY SANE ALONG AVENUE PLAIN!!!!” Joe shouted. Bob was head banging to his music which no one knows about. “Billy, I am Billy, I am Billy,” Billy sang.
A random guy named Roger stared in awe as a “chocolate cream puff pies and cakes truck”, made out of what it is, drove right into him, ker-splat! Roger was covered in chocolate cream puff pies and cakes, and what was left of the edible truck of chocolatey goodness. “Good eats, HAHAHA!” Billy laughed.
“Like, where is Rex?” Phil asked sassily.
Meanwhile at the mountain of peril and boxes!!!
A pile of dirt stood unmoving. “YOU BLOODY PIG HOPPERS!!!!!!” Rex yelled from underneath the pile.
“I don't know,” Bob replied. “Hey guys! I beat the level nine wizard of the dragon forest of Z-non-4! But I lost my dice after I won it and I need a new pair. Will you not help me find the dice of the magical ork of the mine of ork,” Joe commented.
“Shut up fool!” Steve spat. “We is the coolest! Time for bed I think.”
LATER THAT NEXT MOURNING!!! GET IT? Mourning as in I mourn for the dead? Whatever.....
“OH NO, SOMEONE MURDERED STEVE!!!” everyone shouted. “I bet it was Phil! Phil always was jealous of Steve! Lets kill him!” Bob yelled. “Stop right there! I am Sarah and we are the detective squad 1!” Sarah said as she kicked the door down. Awkward silence filled the room.
“Detective Squad 1? Are your cereal?!” Allahna laughed. “Nope but the one that did this was a cereal killer!” Sarah said as she pointed to a box of cereal.
Notes
By Daven
Luna- Analyst
Allahna- Sketch
Sarah- Lead Investigator
Sarah 2- Analyst
9/12/12 Wednesday
10:20-We began, it is raining slightly, picks up as heavier and lighter constantly, it is cloudy
10:23-Allahna is measuring, 37 ft, 7 inches up, left right 35 ft
10:25-Everyone is looking for evidence, shoulder to shoulder, going up, Luna found a bug
10:27-Found garbage
10:29-I got the bag, everyone got a flag
10:30-Still searching but stopped
10:31-Undid the garbage flag
10:32- Allahna found a piece of cloth and marked it
10:33-I started walking and occasionally searching
10:35-Sarah found another bug
10:36-Sarah found a feather
10:38-New row for everyone but Luna
10:39-Wood chip found, or so they thought
10:41-Luna joined the new row
10:44-Done for the day
9/13/12 Thursday
10:13- HEADING OUTSIDE
10:16- Began searching again
10:17- I am now helping out
10:18- Caterpillar was found
10:21- Sarah 2 found a film top
10:22- I found string
10:31- Sarah found the knife
10:32- Allahna started measuring
10:40- Done measuring
10:45- Done, but coming out again later
3:18- Arrived back out with Sarah and Allahna to begin search
3:20- Sarah begins collecting evidence
3:26- Allahna found key and freaked out and so did Sarah,
3:27- Sarah is measuring it
Knife is 5ft 5 inches from the west side, 10 ft, 8 inches from the south side
Film cap is 15 ft 9 in from the west side, 15 ft, 2 in from the north side
String is- 9 ft 7 inches from the north side, 7 ft 11 inches from the west side
Piece of cloth is 8ft 10 inches from the east side, 14 ft 6 in from the south side
key is 5 ft 2 inches from the north side, 9 ft 1 inch from the east side
Crime scene is Northeast of the baseball field and Northwest of the Softball field.
“This all points to one thing!” Sarah 2 shouted. “I know, the killer is not human.” “No... it means that I can fly...” “Rex is the killer! And as it says on the back of this cereal box, he did it because Steve killed him.”
Luna put handcuffs on the ghost of Rex. The team walked away. Phil, Billy, Bob, and Joe starred in silence until finally Joe shouted, “This adventure sucked worse than the time I lost to the level 3 ogre of the sugarcane forest of pixie land 10598.”
THE END
ns 15.158.61.38da2
