The man, who was supposed to be our new dad looked nice with a suit on. He seemed quiet and shy. I suppose I could understand him, as he was about to adopt two children that he never met before. He most also knew that the adoption was illegal and this must have worried him. He looked like a film star and I could see that he had a kind face.
The woman looked like John F. Kennedy's wife. She had a nice suit on and even gloves on her hand. I also noticed that she had teary eyes but had a nice smile. This woman was now my new mother. No one asked me if I wanted to be her daughter. Now I had no choice. Once again, I had to make the best of things. All I knew is that if I was negative, I would be having a bad time.
My new father lifted me up and put me in a stroller. I thought that this was strange but in a way, it was good as I could hardly walk and did not want to crawl all the way out of the warehouse.
We said goodbye to the general. This was also strange as he was the one person that inflicted so much pain on me and confused me at the same time. He was both evil with me and nice to me. He was a man I wanted to trust and yet could not trust. I said goodbye to him not out of politeness, but it was a way that I could convince myself that the general was gone from my life.
We went to the airport. Noah was so excited while I had some anxiety in me. Noah was delighted that he was free and back in the big world. I, on the other hand, kept on thinking that I was isolated and secluded in a warehouse for a long time. I was not used to being out in public and with so many people. I concentrated on the pacifier in my mouth.
The airport was full of people and my new dad was pushing me around in the stroller. I noticed that everyone stared as they saw me. I don't blame them, as it must be strange seeing a 12-year-old sitting in a stroller with a pacifier in her mouth. I was both embarrassed and defiant, as I kept on saying to myself that this was the way I now was. I was a baby in a big girl's body. The people at the airport did not know how I was changed. This made me wonder what they thought about me.
Our new home was in a small village on the other side of the country. We lived in a big house in the middle of nowhere. My new parents were not millionaires, but they had more than enough money. Dad was a lawyer and mom stayed at home.
The house was big and had fancy antique furniture. Noah had his own room and it was so cool. He had everything that he ever wanted. He had video games and all the toys he ever could use. He also had a new wardrobe of clothes. They were designer clothes and I guessed he would never be teased for the clothes he wore. It made me smile seeing Noah run around the bedroom excited at everything he saw. He gave our new mom and dad a hug and said that he was glad they adopted him.
I was taken to my room and it was no surprise that it was a baby's nursery. It was pink and had a crib and changing table as well as loads of toys. Like Noah, I had lots of new clothes. They were not anything a 12-year-old would wear but were so pretty and there were so many. I knew I would have lots of fun with the toys.
My new mother sat down next to me and said that she did not expect me to accept them as parents or even love them. This was all new for us and it would take time to adjust. I wanted to ask her if she felt bad that she bought me like someone would buy milk in a shop. However, I could see she was trying to be nice to me and not demanding that I love her. I smiled and promised I would do my best at being good and the daughter they expected.
“We do not expect you to be anything,” she said, “We want you to be yourself and we want you to be happy. We had a daughter that lived like a baby and the camp said so do you. Maybe this is one reason why we picked you. This does not mean we want you to be her or even replace her. She is now in heaven and cannot be replaced. You are here and have your own personality. So just be yourself.”
I found it hard to call them my parents and say mom and dad. The lady left me in the room and said that I could get settled in.
Noah came into the nursery and had a huge smile on his face. He told me that he was so excited about everything that was happening. He asked me if it was nice that at last someone wanted us. I just smiled. The fact was that I did not believe that I found happiness. I expected to be punished or tortured at any time or at worse sent back to the general. It was hard for me to accept that my life would finally be happy.
The lady came up to us and said we were not prisoners in the house. We could go out and play if we wanted. This was also something that we had to get used to, that we were not confined to a small room.
The first day at our new house was so fun. Noah and I played outside most of the day. I loved the fresh air and even though I could not really walk, I spent most of the time in the sand. It was also nice seeing Noah smile and run around. He was playing with a ball and was on a gocart speeding around the garden. I never saw him smile or laugh so much and this made me think that I only knew him when we experienced the worse things at camp. Now I could see another side of Noah and I liked it. I was so happy that he finally found happiness.
Dinner was great. We sat down as a family and even said prayers before we ate. The lady was a great cook. We talked a lot as we ate and I never smiled or laughed so much.
Our new dad helped us get ready for bed and he even read a goodnight story. I do not know when the last time that this happened. We also prayed before we slept which gave me a nice feeling.
The next few weeks were the best in my life so far. It was like we were at a holiday camp. The lady and her husband were nice and had a lot of time to be with us. We did a lot of things as a family. I loved when we ate candy every Friday when we saw cartoons. I could see that they really care for us and I felt wanted for the first time in a long time. Noah made things perfect. He was a great big brother and did his best to make me feel happy and feel secure.
I was still not ready to call them mom and Dad
I still had a fear in me that I could not get rid of. Where they really nice or was it just an act. Would they send me back to the camp?
I had nightmares about the camp and the general. He would continue to torture me in the camp dungeons and I would be crying and screaming about the pain. While I would be in pain, he would also be nice to me which just screwed with my mind even more. I would wake up finding it hard to breathe. When I fell back asleep the nightmare would continue. The general would tease me that I allowed him to regress me to a baby.
The lady asked me what the nightmares were about. I refused to tell her. I remember when I first went to the camp, that the general told us that if we ever told anyone, we would be sent back to the camp. The lady hugged me and told me that I was safe and no one would ever hurt me again.
One day she asked me if I liked being a baby. I admitted that I did, but I also missed being a big girl. I missed being able to walk and do things that Noah did. I even missed my cell phone, that I once had. The lady smiled and suggested I should train myself again. She would support me if I tried to get out of diapers and be a big girl again. She would also support me if wanted to stay as a baby.
I agreed that I should try and grow up. For the second time in my life, I tried to potty train. This was not that easy. It meant that I had to retrain my bladder and its muscles. I had exercises that I did and I did them when I could. Getting out of diapers would be the hardest thing I ever have done. I had so many accidents that it's embarrassing to tell about them.
My new parents also had this lady that came around. Her job was to strengthen my muscles so I could walk again. The exercises were hard, but unlike the potty training, I could see that I was getting better. The pain that the lady put me through was for my own good. I found new happiness as I could do more and more. The physical therapy meant that I could soon play with Noah and not watch him from a sandbox.
I was now used to my new family and they were the nicest people that you could ever meet. Of course, sometimes we got in trouble or Noah and I had a fight. We were not hit or tortured. We got a long speech and then given a time out. It was a relief in a way to see the new parents get mad when we deserved it. It convinced me that they were not just acting all nice. They really wanted to be our parents.
Noah accepted this and told me I should not be afraid. We were happy at our new home. Not only this, but we also met our aunts and uncles, as well as grandparents. The whole family seemed happy and it was easy to see that they loved being together. Noah and I were accepted as the new son and daughter. Grandmom even said that it was hard to believe that we were adopted.
One of the things I liked the best was helping the lady cook. We would spend hours in the kitchen while she told me how to cook hot meals and even cakes. She was a good cook and praised me for learning so fast and being good at it. I liked creating things and I liked it when others enjoyed the food that we made. It also gave me time with the lady, so we became very good friends.
After a month, I no longer needed the diapers during the day. I was now a big girl once again. The only problem I had was that I still wet the bed. The lady told me that many children wet the bed so it was not strange. I was rewarded with a new bedroom and new toys. I no longer slept in a crib! I had a canopy bed as a princess would have. I still had some old habits. I still used the pacifier at times.
I was delighted that I had clothes that girls my age wore. I remember when I first tried on a belly top. At first, I thought I was in trouble when the lady saw me with a belly top. She said that she had belly tops as well and then gave me a speech that I should respect my body, and if I ever had a boyfriend, he should also respect my body.
I thought about when my mom seen me in belly tops. She thought I was bad and just looking for trouble. I wondered did she think about me anymore or did she think I was dead. Did she miss me or did she not love me?
One day, I picked up the telephone and tried to ring to my birth mom. I could hear her voice when she answered the telephone. I had a tear rolling down my cheek. I did not say anything and hung the telephone up. She already made up my mind and decided that she did not want me.
The lady came in shortly afterward and said she had a surprise for me. She dragged me to the back of the house to a small shed. There were new garden tools. She told me they were now mine and I could have my own garden.
I gave her a hug and said, “Thanks, mom!”
I found happiness!
To be continued
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