After he gets dressed, he sits on the mattress and eats lunch. I gave him some of mine too because he was so hungry.
“Alex.” He gets out through a mouthful of food.
I look up from my book, “Hm?”
“How long have you been here for?”
“A year, I came when I was 13.”
“You got used to it?”
“You never really get used to it, you just kinda numb your feelings and it just works.”
“So, you don’t feel anything while you do this... business?”
“No, no attachments to anyone no matter how nice they are to you, because here in this line of work... so many of us getting kidnapped, killed, or both. Attachments aren’t that good in the long run.”
“Do you remember your parents?”
“I try not to.”
About a week later, he was discharged, and was brought into my care. I stopped working all the time so I could be home more, and I still make a decent salary, just not as much as I usually do. Currently, I’m doing my homework and studying for finals and it is 11pm, because sleep is for the weak. I mean I’m joking, but seriously I want to pass my finals in 3 weeks. There is a soft knock on my bedroom door, and I get up to open it. I see Aidan, shaking slightly, his eyes swollen from crying.
“What happened?” I ask gently, inviting him in.
“I’ll be fine... I just had a bad dream and I just wanted to talk for a bit and then I’ll leave you alone I swear...”
“Don’t worry about that, what can I do to help?”
“I don’t know… can you just be here?” Aidan asks.
“Yes, happily. “
He sits there and looks at me for a moment, “You remember that night, don’t you? Our last night together.”
“How could I forget?”
“I’m sorry, that I didn’t stay with you, and I didn’t make sure you were okay.”
“You don’t need to be sorry for that.”
I get up and go to my small shoe box of things I had in my possession that night. My ring that matched his, and a small teddy bear, that looks beyond worn from his years of sleeping with it. I’ve washed it since then, sterilized it too, so it is safe. I walk back over to him and hand him the bear.
“You left this with me that night, I figured you might want it back. The bear always did comfort you.” I smile weakly.
He leans his head on my shoulder, and I see the burns. The little red spots going down his neck, and then finally the barcode tattoo on his collarbone. We all had one, even I still do, I don’t know why... I probably didn’t want to get rid of it.
“You still care? I was horrible to you, and yet you are still here, why?”
“Because you deserve better than the things you were handed, all of us do. Throughout all these years that I have spent with you, this is the one thing that I could never understand about you. You never think you deserve better, which is false.”
“I don’t even know at this point though. I am so over everything, I don’t even know where to start...”
“Well... there is a thing called time.”
“I know... I just...”
I gently wrap my arms around his waist. Letting him cry, his sharp hiccups and sobs enough to make me understand. He was lonely, so he became dissociated like I did. Finally, things are hitting him. Honestly, I don't want him to feel pain, but he has to cope with his past. We sat in silence, which spoke more than words ever could.
“You know why I stayed with you even when you were high on coke?”
He looks up at me and shakes his head in response.
“Because I saw that you were still the same man I had fallen in love with 3 years ago.”
“Aidan!” I call out in a panic.
I hear footsteps running towards me and I see him, pale as a ghost in the light. His clothes are still intact, so it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but he is still late.
“I’m sorry I’m late.. I just.. I got overwhelmed and I didn’t want you to see me… like this.” He mumbles, looking down at the ground.
“It's alright, come on, we’ve got to go… it's 6 am and we need to get dressed and go to sleep.”
I begin to walk, and he stops, “Do we have to go back?”
I freeze, not exactly knowing how to answer that question, “Yes, but we have off for 16 hours on the bright side. Maybe some day we will not have to go back.”
“Okay.” He trails at my side, his eyes glued to the ground.
“What's wrong?” I asked gently.
“Why do you even care? You are my partner in this sick business, that's it. Like you told me when I first got here, no attachments, it's for the better.” He snaps.
Aidan does have a point, and then I think back to the day when he was covered in his own vomit, while being beyond loopy, and I cleaned him up, got him dressed, and stayed by his side as he had the stomach virus. He probably doesn’t remember that.. or maybe he does, I don’t know. I remember, the look of defeat on his face as I cleaned him and made him drink water so he didn’t get dehydrated. I went against my own rules, no attachments, for him. Why?
“I like you, Aidan.. I really do. I’ve sat there and heard you cry in the bathroom when you thought I was asleep, I cleaned you up and helped you when you were sick, and I was there on your first day.. yes, I told you no attachments, but I’m also very...very afraid of what this could be. I don’t want to lose you.”
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