[s1] Haru, rin and how it wasn’t about guilt
Slowpoke here, but I just found out that we’re in the middle of S2 and there are people who still think Haru’s actions in S1 in regards to Rin were mainly motivated by guilt. That… I am not sure how is it even possible, to be honest. So, being the predictable nerd that I am, I’m going to use this as an excuse to indulge myself and my never-ending need to ramble about these two idiots run away while you can.
I have to start by saying that IMO, Kyoani literally had prince Rei addressing that perspective in episode 10.
Makoto: Haru stopped swimming competitively because he felt guilty about hurting Rin.293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDtVIXAtUw
Rei: But didn’t your race the other day put an end to all that [the guilt]? You’re free now. You can swim any way you want. So why are you upset about losing? And why is he entering the relay? I don’t understand!
What Rei was basically telling Haru was: Rin got what he wanted. He won against you fair and square. He is swimming again. He can overcome his emotional hurdle. Your past is settled now. You no longer have to feel guilty about it. So, why aren’t you free? Why can’t you move on?
I don’t understand.
In other words: lacking the full picture as he was, Rei was taking the guilt as the main motivator for Haru’s actions - and it simply did not add up.
If everything up to that point was about guilt, then why is it that every single time something that should have ‘released’ Haru from said guilt - be it the guilt of emotionally hurting Rin, be it the guilt of thinking that Rin had quit swimming because of their race, or the guilt of believing that Rin wants nothing to do with Iwatobi because of him - happened, Haru was not satisfied, nor was he any freer than he was in the first episode? Despite remembering what it was like to swim with his friends, despite having Iwatobi’s support?
Why? At that point, Haru himself did not know the answer - yet.
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I’m looking forward to racing Rin again.
But the viewer should have known better by then - especially after Haru said that he was looking forward to racing Rin again “for some reason” with that smile on his face.
Granted, as we all know, with help from Rei I-am-a-miracle-of-the-universe Ryugazaki, Haru finally realized the reason in episode 12.
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But the point is: that right there was the reason all along. That is the reason why none of Haru’s focus on Rin, or his reactions to everything Rin makes any sense if someone were to write them off as a mere side-effect of his guilt.
Because what Haru truly wanted to do all along was to swim with Rin.
Rei: “Haruka-senpai, you’re the same, aren’t you? You don’t care about who wins. You have someone you want to swim with too, don’t you?!”293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwswxyP93cf
(Rei’s words open the firmly shut door to Haruka’s heart.)
Haru: “I want to swim with Rin!”293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCqyrvQMbX
(By hearing Haruka’s true feelings, he [Rei] feels at ease.) [x]
It’s stated right there, in non-ambiguous terms.
But since in S1: “There is still a part of Rin that was easy to understand, but Haruka really doesn’t say anything” (Yokotani). Kyoani made sure to show Haru’s true feelings through Haru’s actions.
(Warning: The RinHaru shamelessly intensifies below the cut)
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That is why he spent the whole season doing what can (IMO) be basically described as a longing for Rin.
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[Haruka staring at Rin’s training menu. -> He’s unable to take his eyes off the menu.
When Gou asks him “Are you that interested?” -> Haruka turns to look at her. He didn’t realize he was staring at it.” (x)]
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[Makoto sees Haruka look around once they enter the stadium->He knows that Haruka is looking forward to swimming with Rin.
Makoto says “He’ll come soon,” and Haruka answers “Yeah.” -> He’s [Haru] looking forward to it. (x)]
And no, the sheer weight that Haru gives to swimming with Rin wasn’t born out of guilt, either.
To even imply that Haru went as far as he did for Rin out of guilt rather than due to how much he values him is to downplay the role of the person who changed Haru’s life.
Haruka rarely shows emotion and uses water as his reason to live. However, when Rin appears in his life, his entire world changes. [x]
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[x]
If you ask me, all along, Haru had been unknowingly misplacing the source of his hurt. He honestly thought that giving Rin the race he wanted would free him from that bitter and fateful day. But that was never it, because what Haru truly hoped to get out of those races with Rin was Rin himself. He hoped that by racing Rin again, Rin would be able to overcome the pain Haru thought he had caused him.
I believe that without realizing it, what Haru had been hoping for was to regain his friendship with Rin back. That is why Rin basically stating that he is moving on does nothing to free Haru.
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Because he is also basically stating that he plans to walk out of Haru’s life. That he is never going to swim with him again. Which literally makes Haru fall into a pitch-black pit of despair.
That is the moment when the viewer should have - by all means, if they hadn’t yet - understood what Haru himself had yet to realize.
But just in case - we also have Haru crumbling when even the possibility of at least sharing the water with Rin through racing in opposite relays gets taken away from him.
[x]
So to summarize: when Haru smiles in the last episode, finally free and at peace with himself and the world -
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It isn’t because he just went through 11 episodes of suffering and character growth trying to redeem himself and absolve himself from his guilt.
The reason is the very same reason why this happened:
The scene when Haruka opens his eyes after hearing Rin call out “Haru!” -> Light appears in the dark color of Haruka’s eyes. [x]
The reason is that swimming with Rin makes Haru happy.
Because it’s this place, because it’s you, these feelings are sincere293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJgCSQ0SyK
In the future, we will show that with our smiles I feel so (x)
That being Rin's friend makes Haru happy.
The feelings brought back so clearly were someday’s joy293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0MthjB2Y6
Pretending to have forgotten, I somehow really forgot them293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8jeMtR0Mt
The time when I was with him who laughed so much293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEUNTjcbs0
Won’t pass as just the result of childishness293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKiZb1Z5Sd
They were genuinely full of joy (x)
That Rin being Rin makes Haru happy.
I thought that things were different now, but nothing had changed at all293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYZR5ATTC9
Even getting worked up over something strangely has a sense of worth to it293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifw6BUEtlG
By meeting each other back then, it’s something that could have only been done because it’s us293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg43drpfcFI
I will not forget it [x]
Haru’s actions had everything to do with wanting Rin happy and back in his, their life. Because as Nobunaga put it, Rin is “an irreplaceable friend”.
Hence why Haru does not consider himself 'saved’ until Rin himself is.
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Lastly, it’s worth saying that Haru being hyper-aware to everything Rin is something innate. It was there before their fateful race and it is still there after Rin went back to being a part of Haru’s life. So it’s not something that can or should be chalked up to guilt or anything remotely similar, either.
(there is so much more that can be said but the post was already getting long and I’m sure people have already worded all this much more eloquently, so these are just my two cents!)
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