Haruka ramblings, because I need to talk about this child and his future
Idk about you all, but never has the lack of Haruka monologue and insight into his thought process hit me this hard (he is right there and yet I feel like I miss him; it’s weird). So this is me trying to make sense of my own thoughts regarding Haruka’s current disposition.
I may be biased, but I don’t quite think Haruka is truly indifferent to the possibility of swimming professionally. I don’t think that - despite what it may look like at first glance - he actually dismisses it, either. I think that this is the new elephant in the room; the equivalent to his feelings regarding Rin in S1. So I can’t help but think Haru is - for lack of a better word - being defensive.
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This did happen, after all:
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I feel that taking all of his “Not really” or apparent indifference at face value would be doing a big disservice to him; because during the episodes where Haru is trying to figure out what is it that he really wants, the core of his characterization is all about nuances and subtle gestures. The biggest example is S1’s episodes 1 to 9.
Just like before, I feel right now we’re on the arc leading precisely to Haru gaining understanding about his own feelings, facing them, and becoming stronger due to it.
Personally, I think that rather than being uninterested, at the core of it all Haru is… scared, perhaps.
I feel that there are mainly two things that fuel that fear and that keep Haru from honestly addressing the possibilities being presented to him; on one hand, it’s his own philosophy - aka “free”. On the other hand, it’s the future itself and more specifically: the change that the future brings.
I believe no one has missed how the meaning of ‘freedom’ to Haru has gone through a constant evolution. From High Speed! to Season 1. Even now - thanks to Rei’s words this episode - Kyoani is letting us know that it is a concept that will continue to evolve in order to gain a broader - but more palpable - definition.
Before this episode, I believe that - in the context of swimming - Haru only thought of himself as free if he was swimming for his friends and himself and without caring about times; without unnecessary burdens. Following that take, it’s easy to see why the possibility of swimming professionally - and his drive to win, because as far as I’m concerned he does have it; it’s just a matter of awakening it - would strike Haru as fundamentally incompatible with the philosophy he holds closest to his heart. In a way, I think he may unconsciously view it as a potential betrayal to himself of some sort.
Rei’s words this episode though open a different path for Haruka; a path that allows Haru to stay true to himself while allowing his philosophy to actually fit in with one of the aspects I mentioned above - and that has been constantly brought up whenever they needed to exemplify how Haru does not care about competing and the likes: caring about his times (which was even brought up in his fortune, so subtle kyoani is not).
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I can’t help but feel this sequence right here - and what it lead Haru to do - was big. Because Rei’s words seem to have resonated within Haru; enough for Haru to not sit idly - and ignore his fortune - but to actually pour his drive into fixing a regime in the hopes of winning against Samezuka.
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I repeat: Haru just analyzed their swimming. Haru just cared about times and did something about it. In the hopes to win. That right there is huge.
He is - of course - mainly doing it for his friends. Because this is happening due to a relay. But I believe that Sousuke (and later Rin, when the time is right) will give Haru a similar push when it comes to swimming and winning for himself as well (Haru does like to be the best in the water, after all).
And that takes me to my second point: Haru knows that with graduation, things are about to change. Rin delivered that reminder in the very first episode. But for the first time in so long, Haru is happy; and I feel that only makes it harder for him, because it’s like he has found a place he actually wants to belong to, and he might have to leave it this soon? It’s an unwanted truth and I feel that Haru is protecting himself against it by remaining dead-set on the present.
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^ Right now. The present moment, the here and now is - I believe - all Haru is allowing himself to think about.
Haru is not yet ready to face the changes tomorrow is going to bring; the goodbyes he may have to say, the decisions he will have to make. So he is finding solace in the happiness of today (and I think this is where Makoto’s own realizations and how he approaches them will play a role).
I feel that is a big reason why he did not pay attention to any scout. Because if he speaks to the scouts and listens to what they have to say, truly weights it, then it would mean that tomorrow is just one step closer; it would be acknowledging his fears and the fact that they’re real.
And Haru is not ready for that just yet. And this has to be something Haru wants for himself; so it has to happen in its own time.
… I think I rambled in circles, didn’t I? But I really wanted to try and put my thoughts about this down to better understand them myself haha granted though, all this is just my opinion! It could all be completely off, but adoring Haru makes it kinda hard to keep myself from speculating.
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