By Friday, Melody completed another successful week. She, along with two other students, removed worn piston rings from a small block Chevrolet engine in Mister Shaddock’s class. She got a perfect score on her Spanish quiz, and her English literature assignment was noted as being the best in the class. Melody got off at her bus stop and walked home in a cheery mood. Becky still occupied the majority of her casual thoughts, but now she would occasionally catch herself smiling as her mind recalled a happy memory. Some thoughts triggered relapses, causing sadness to set in, but she taught herself to immediately think of something else every time this happened. Melody was healing.
Melody opened the door to her house, went straight to the refrigerator, and helped herself to an apple before going to her room. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard a familiar sound. Someone was in her rocking chair. The creaking was unmistakable. Not liking the thought of her sacred spot being used without her permission, Melody took the steps two at a time with a quickened pace. Her door was wide open as if someone had been waiting for her. She stepped quietly into her room and looked in the corner.
Her mother was in her chair, rocking gently, looking through the photo album Becky had sent. She turned the pages slowly and looked at each photo with more than just a casual glance. There were also a few she lingered over for an exceptional amount of time. Melody said nothing but knew her mother had sensed her presence. When Barbara reached the final page, she read what Becky had written on the inside back cover.
This is only the beginning. I’m so excited to share my life with you.
Barbara closed the album, stood up, walked across the room, and returned it to the nightstand. She then gazed at the framed photo on the dresser for a moment before facing her daughter.
“You truly loved that girl, didn’t you?” Barbara asked.
“Yes, Mother,” Melody answered softly.
Barbara interlocked her fingers and looked down into her hands for a moment before continuing. “Melody, your father and I had a long talk last night. We both agree you punished yourself more than we ever could, and we feel no further disciplinary action is necessary.”
Melody nodded calmly but rejoiced inside.
“You have our permission to use the car again. You are to drive straight to school and straight home. No passengers are allowed. Is that understood?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“We both assumed you will be wanting another job. Your father and I agreed that you may seek employment once summer begins. We both feel you need to concentrate on your grades for now. We will give you a reasonable allowance so you can buy whatever items you may need in the meantime.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Speaking of money, Becky sent you her savings. Have you spent any of it?”
Melody shook her head.
“Good. Deposit it into your savings account tomorrow after school. That’s too much money to leave lying around. Don’t take it with you, leave it here. You will have time to come home and get to the bank before it closes.
Melody nodded.
“Lastly, there is a new rule. You are not allowed to have any friends in your room from this moment on, male or female. You may have guests, but only when your father or I are home. No one is allowed upstairs. Is that perfectly clear?”
“Yes, Mother.”
Barbara’s face softened as she extended her arms out towards her daughter. “Melody, please come here.”
Melody rushed into her mother’s embrace and held her tightly. Barbara was thankful for this and hugged her back. “Oh, Melody, where has the time gone? You’re a woman.”
“I’m still here, Mama,” Melody answered as her head rested on her mother’s shoulder. “Please forgive me for the things I said to you. I’m sorry.”
“It was a heated moment. All is forgiven.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“I know I am not cool, and I’m not ‘with it’ like your Aunt Holly, but Melody, please talk to me. It broke my heart to find out you were planning to kill yourself as you sat up here day after day. Holly would not tell me what you were going to do, but it’s just as well, I could never bear to hear such a thing.”
“I’m sorry, Mama.”
“If there is anything you need, or if you need to talk, please come to me first before you call your aunt. I am not trying to separate you two, but I have my place too, and I’m not giving it up.”
“Mama, there is something you could do for me, if you want to,” Melody replied.
Barbara released her daughter and held her at arm’s length so she could look at her. “What is it, Melody? What can I do?”
“Can you find out what happened to Becky’s body? Where did they bury her?” Melody pleaded.
Barbara nodded her head. “Yes,” she said. “I can do that. I’ll have an answer for you as soon as I can.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“Dear, sit down for a moment,” Barbara said, changing her tone. Melody sat on the edge of the mattress as her mother sat beside her. Melody sensed her mother had more to say, but could not find the words, despite all the time she had to prepare.
“Melody,” she began. “I have so much to confess to you. My heart has been heavy, and I don’t know if I can find the words.”
Melody remained silent but placed her hand on top of her mother’s. Barbara’s lips trembled as deep lines ran across her forehead. “I don’t even know where to begin, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t get this out.”
“Just start anywhere, Mama,” Melody answered, trying to sound encouraging.
“I never liked Becky,” she admitted. “I am sorry, but I never liked her, and after witnessing what you went through, I hated her.”
Melody turned her head towards the floor but remained silent.
“I never wanted to hear her name again. I never wanted to see her again. So many times I was tempted to throw away everything in that box, but I knew you would never forgive me. I blamed her entirely for everything that happened between you two. I judged her harshly from the beginning and have thought terrible things about her. For that I am sorry.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“There’s more, Melody,” Barbara said as her body shivered. “I proved myself to be a poor Christian indeed while you were wallowing away up here. Despite your sadness, I was happy Becky was out of your life and gone forever. I prayed for you, but my heart was hard towards Becky. She was a lesbian and a murderer. Not only did she kill her stepfather, she killed her unborn child. I knew that by taking her own life, she committed the one unforgivable sin and would be eternally damned.”
“Mother, please stop. I won’t listen to this.”
Barbara faced her daughter and put her hand on her shoulder.
“Melody, please, you must let me finish.”
Melody faced her mother with suspicion. Barbara’s sorrowful eyes implored for her to understand what she was trying to say. Melody did not want to fight but was not going to be preached to. She knew she had to help rebuild their damaged relationship, but her mother was treading on thin ice. Melody was still questioning her own faith and Becky’s eternal fate was still a great concern of hers. Melody nodded and allowed her mother to continue.
“I was wrong, Melody. I was wrong,” Barbara admitted. “I must share this with you. I had an experience, it was a feeling unlike anything I’ve ever known before, not even at my baptism. Melody, I have been unforgiving, and for Becky, I have carried hatred in my heart. I was even jealous of your relationship with Aunt Holly. Every time I came into this room and saw what Becky had sent you, I was angry. I hated the photographs, the T-shirts, the cassettes, her camera, and even the silver heart pendant. Melody, today I stared at this bed, knowing what you two did on it, and I wanted it out of the house. I was about to drag your mattress out the door, when suddenly, it hit me.”
“What hit you?” Melody asked.
“The Spirit, Melody. The Holy Spirit,” Barbara answered. “I stood here in your room, rather confused. Then, I sat in your rocking chair and felt a great peace, as if I was a child.”
Melody gave her mother a wry look but said nothing.
“Melody, please don’t look at me like that. I have not lost my mind.”
“What do you want me to say, Mama?”
“You don’t have to say anything, Dear,” Barbara stated. “You are not the only one who has been suffering. I felt like I was losing control of my own life as you kept slipping further away. Being your mother has always been the most important thing I have ever been, and I felt like a failure. Having Aunt Holly in this house caused me more grief than I will ever admit to. I should have been grateful. Melody, I never even thanked her for coming.”
“I’m sorry, Mama. We didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“It’s my fault, Melody, not yours, and not your aunt’s. I want to put this all behind us. I need your forgiveness. I judged you and your relationship with Becky. It was not my place to do so. God is our only judge. What you did with Becky is between you and her.”
“Mama, you hate what we did.” Melody replied. “I never wanted you to know my secret because I knew you’d hate me too!”
“That’s not true, Melody. I could never hate you,” Barbara answered.
“Mama, you need to understand,” Melody said. “I didn’t choose to be this way. I don’t think anyone would choose to put themselves through this. I didn’t choose to be a homosexual anymore than I chose to be a girl. I was just born this way.”
“Point taken, but you have to see this through my eyes also,” Barbara answered. “You have struggled with this for years. To me, this is all very new. Yes, I had my suspicions at times, but in my heart, I never truly believed you were a lesbian. Now that I know you are, I need time. I am now questioning everything I’ve ever believed in. I love you with all my heart, but please understand I cannot accept this overnight.”
“I’m sorry, Mama,” Melody said. “I tried. You have to believe me. I really tried to be normal.”
“It’s not your fault, child. I will not allow this family to be torn apart over this, so I will say no more about it. As far as Becky is concerned, my hatred for her is gone. I can tell you with confidence she is at peace and in a place of great joy. Sitting in your chair, it was revealed to me. During her last moments, Jesus was in that car with her and they clung to each other as she passed away. I believe that as surely as I am sitting here.”
Melody put her head on her mother’s shoulder. “I hope so, Mama.”
“God is not vengeance, wrath, and punishment,” Barbara explained. “You are a good girl. He loves you and He will bring you comfort and strength. Open your heart to Him and accept His love again. My faith is renewed, and I am so blessed for all I have. Let us be troubled no more.”
“I’m trying, Mama. Some days are better than others.” Melody admitted.
“I know that, Dear,” Barbara said with sympathy. “I just want you to know I am here for you and I will listen, even if I don’t understand everything.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
Barbara stood up, kissed Melody on the forehead, and departed. Melody remained still for a while, then turned her head toward her old rocking chair. Perplexed, she stood up and walked over to it. Melody ran her fingertips over the damaged arm someone had carelessly whittled on long ago. She knew this chair had a story before she owned it, and the mysterious gouges had always fascinated her. Even as a young girl, she had wondered about the chair’s history. It was an ugly old chair, but like a good friend, it comforted her in times of need. Melody loved her chair for the simple fact that she was the only one in the world who wanted it. She sat down and rocked, smiling as the old familiar creaking began, as if the chair was saying hello. Melody closed her eyes and reflected on what she had just been told. Perhaps God had sent an angel to comfort her mother because she did not have an Aunt Holly of her own. As Melody continued to rock, she found some happiness in her faith again. Although she still had many questions, she believed once again that God cared.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
