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/Astra/
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I just stared out the window watching her drive off, guess I was lost in thought till Rita called out to me.
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"Come over here and have a seat child, I wanna tell you a story."
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I didn't know what she meant but I felt like she was gonna change my whole world with this story. So I sat and listened.
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"I raised Gina as a single mother, my Tyler was my highschool sweetheart. I really loved that man but when he turned 18 he was sent overseas. We never really made anything official so I went on with my life and had Gina. I wasn't always a good mother I thought what I was doing was right but I was losing my Gina along the way. One day Tyler just walked up my driveway like a gift from God. I could never forget that man but like a dream he was just walking up my driveway. He and Gina got along so well he even helped me fix my relationship with her, which to this day I am eternally grateful to him for. I realized what was important and what I was doing wrong because of him. He taught Gina sports and got her into that fitness stuff you know, she was so happy with him around. But my Tyler had his demons and that place they sent him to did something to him. Even though I asked him he wouldn't tell me, I remember sleepless nights where he cried in my arms. In front of Gina he was happy you would never have guessed he had something inside of him. But in front of me I saw it all and tried my best to help him get through it. They made Tyler feel weak but he was so strong, unfortunately he left us after three years. Gina took it so hard and blamed herself for not seeing his struggle that's why she left to the town. You and Tyler are so much a like I can't help but wonder what I did to get two gifts from God. He brought me and Gina back together and opened my eyes to what I was sacrificing while trying to be the best mother. You brought my baby home to me I know it wasn't by choice but something guided you both here and because she met you she came home. I wanna thank you for that Astra. I know you have demons inside of you child I see them, but you are strong and just like I told my Tyler I believe in you. I see a strength inside of you Astra so fight because you have people that believe in you."
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I was crying I didn't know what to say I just know that....Hearing someone clearly say they believe in you made a lot of difference. I felt like I was seeing the sunshine again because of Miss Rita. She was right and I know I have people believe in me but to finally hear it was....Like a really heavy weight was lifted from me. I felt my strength come back but this was just the start. I have a long road ahead of me and I think I know where I need to start... Just like that Gina was driving up so I went out to greet her. I let my heart guide me instead of my head and I kissed her without hesitation.
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"Wow ...That was amazing and surprising again."
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"We really should have a redo date."
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" That sounds perfect.."
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We ended up kissing again for awhile till Rita called out to us. We forgot about the groceries but that dinner was great. I know that I have a lot of recovery ahead of me but I wanna find out where this light will lead me.
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Waking up beside her was one of the highlights of my day so far. Last night I told her I would take care of the redo date which still has me nervous but excited. Staring at her sleeping face was really entrancing especially with the sun dancing across her skin. I really have a lot to do today, I won't say I don't feel a little guilty. Cait still holds a place deep inside my heart but this is how I keep to the line of devotion. I will probably always love her no matter how much we been through we had each other through it all in the end.
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Gina will bring me a certain happiness of that I am sure
Because it's sometimes hard for me to be so open, but she's patient. With her I just feel light and happy which feels so good, She really believes in me doesn't she. After I was released from rehabilitation the world around me was so dark and everything was colorless. I know that I grew up in a lonely home surrounded by darkness but that was different. Cait was the only person who had color in my vision, everyone we met was colorless. Then we met Jean and Dan later on life and they had a warm color to them as well. This caused me to open up to Jean I couldn't stop the words from flowing but he listened, held me to comfort me as I was holding back so many tears.
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Then you came Gina god you had so much color I couldn't look away. You had a map to me and I still don't know how but you walked through my walls and defenses. That night in your apartment you stopped me from running after her and you held me. That was the first time in a long time I cried so hard, but you just held me close. That map lead you to the me inside of walls and defenses surrounded by loneliness. You had no fear at all coming for me did you, where did you get so much strength..
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"I really don't like when you get that look, it means you are thinking too much... That scares me."
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I was so lost in thought I didn't notice her waking up, her hand trailed tips along my flesh. This just made me smile at her, soon following her lead with my own hand.
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"Sorry...but I was just thinking of some things in my life."
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" Was I apart of your thoughts.?"
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" Of course...I was just thinking of where you got a map to me at."
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"Map to you?"
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" Yeah you may not have noticed but....You made a path through everything I built around myself. Found the me hidden behind it all and I just don't know how you did it. But I am thankful you did."
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" Even super heros need a side kick Astra I don't think I had a map. I just took a leap of faith and followed my heart."
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"I couldn't ask for a better side kick."
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With that I leaned in for a morning kiss greeted by her lips in turn. After a few moments I got up to get a shower and to get ready I had plans to make for our day. I told her I was heading out to get somethings for our date, she looked a little sad and I had an idea why. So I kissed her and told her a super hero never leaves the side kick behind. That got a smile and a giggle from her which made me smile before heading out. The jog to the small community stores wasn't terrible for sure. This date was gonna be simple since we didn't need something big to make it special so the selections didn't matter to much. The first store I went into had a few things I could use, so I started collecting bits and pieces.
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The next stop was to a little cafe across the way Rita told me they had really good bagel's and donuts. So I decided we could do this for food, since Rita planned to make dinner tonight. The moment I stepped inside I nearly lost my mind but she was looking better then when I last seen her. I felt that flight or fight urge inside of me, yeah I was angry so angry and yet happy that she's okay. I finally found my courage to move forward since she didn't notice me yet.
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"Cait.."
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Her head spun in my direction so fast and I could just see all the emotions behind her eyes. But I just smiled and asked if she could take a break so we can talk. She told her boss that she needed ten minutes and then I saw it. It has been almost two weeks since she went missing so I'm glad she wasn't alone. When we headed outside it was awkward at first but I had some courage inside of me to speak up.
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" You have no idea how angry I am....God Cait....I mean I am happy but angry to..
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" I know I am sorry.. But I didn't wanna hurt anyone. Every time I got drunk like that you always came after me... And yeah I remember everything that was said or happened each time. You hit joy again and that made me realize..... If I continued like I was you would be hurt by me again you know... So I made the stupid decision to hurt you by vanishing.... I was never smart you know this."
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" Cait I would always protect you but I couldn't protect you from yourself....that was the most painful thing I had to accept. I do regret everything that happened between me and joy, but a part of me kept remembering what she did to you. I shouldn't have let my anger out on her.."
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" If I had just listened maybe you wouldn't have that anger to begin with....You know when you came back to me from rehabilitation....I was praying everyday that maybe she will ask for my answer...But it never came."
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"Yeah I wanted to hear the answer for so long but I wasn't the same person... I lost my courage to speak afraid of to many things happening. But I know that I was dangerous even after rehabilitation because I never dealt with any of it you know. I just settled for keeping you safe, I could guarantee you would always be next to me that way...."
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" I would have came back but I wanted to make sure I had the right words to apologise properly... But I am terrible with words, even with Victoria's help I couldn't put it together."
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" She treats you good right .?"
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" Yeah....Ash look I'm"
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" That's good...I have always loved you Cait and I still do. But you and I are the best of friends and to be honest I found someone to. I think we both have been damaged to the point we needed someone who could heal us. Because you and I just couldn't heal the other you know so it's ok....You will always be the closest to me though Cait."
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With that we hugged for a while and she was crying happily. I finally had my best friend back and I had someone who was able to love me. I know it will take time for us to reach that point where we can say I love you but I feel the love she has for me. And now that I have Cait back I feel whole again. We finally parted and I told Cait that I wanted to meet her girlfriend in better circumstances and she gave me the same speech. We agreed to have a double date later on and then I had an idea which she thought would be great.. Can't wait for the triple date I was finally gonna have my family back together.
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