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Chapter 3; Pt 1 A Broken Home.
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[Warning]
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This is the start of a more brutal theme of story writing. A lot of dark elements will be coming and this is just a start.
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/Astra high school/
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Most kid's wake up to the smell of breakfast in the morning or to a mother waking them. Most kid's can enjoy family dinners after school and banter with a sibling. Most homes are warm and caring without much thought put into it. Most kid's enjoy getting into high school so they can make friends and find love. But for me high school was the worst part of my life by far.
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My parents normally came home back in middle school and earlier. The house was warmer back then and not as empty. But now that I am old enough to care for myself and to get ready to learn self sufficient life styles. The house is no longer warm and the cold has set in nicely with me. The light is no longer the first or last thing I see in the morning and at night. It's the darkness that greets me every second I am here.
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I no longer have parent's who pretend they care about me while they go on with life. And a half brother who neither loves me or hates me, do I even exist to him would be a better way to put it. My thoughts won't let me rest lately no matter how many time's everything gets recited to me. I really need to get ready and head to school.
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I have friend's who see me and speak but I don't think they really care. But that's fine because everyday I go to school I am just as fake as them. None of them will see what it's like to be me nor will they see who I really am. My friends always arrived early and gathered at the entrance, I don't think they really waited for me. But I could be wrong I don't think I have the energy to care either way.
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When we finally got seated apparently someone was being transferred to our school a couple days late, Caitlyn Montgomery. At first look you really have to adjust your eyes. Shes really bright or is that just me, she knows how to smile for everyone. I wonder if she's just as fake as everyone else here. But I guess it doesn't matter we won't ever be friends or talk so it doesn't matter.
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Like I broke twelve mirrors she comes up to me so casually at lunch and starts talking. Shes still smiling but at me, no not me shes just smiling. She really is fake just like everyone else, no one has a reason to smile that much. Carrying on a friendly conversation was easy enough I couldn't tell what was truth or lie with her. But somehow we became friends and my eye's seem to betray me, I just can't stop looking at her smile. It's like a bright flame drawing me in could she actually be smiling at me. I guess I don't have to worry since I have to go to track so maybe she will find other friend's and forget me.
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Joy wasn't a friend exactly but she liked talking to me. But she was definitely sleeping with whoever she could find to take her charming personality at face value. She's not just fake but a user and enjoys playing the game. But she keeps having awkward small talks with me every time we run track together. Am I missing something the only thing I seem to be able to think of is Cait and that smile. After running a few set's I ended up showering before the last class for the day.
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Cait didn't forget me and she's still smiling at me but that's not possible. She's just really friendly I'm sure and that's when I saw it. The girl next to us dropped something and Cait picked it up and her smile became more alluring. She's like joy isn't she. How can people be so repulsive and throw themselves around without a care. Is it just me who doesn't understand this...oh that's the bell. Time to head home to my cage I suppose.
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But the reality is I never go home when I should. When I leave school I head to The District part of town. Gambling,Sex trafficking, any dream you desire happens here. But I come here for self satisfaction and it never takes long to attract the right attention when you are dressed like a school girl. Three males guide me down a nearby alleyway and I follow obediently. Because inside of me something's twisting and pushing me forward and then that echo inside of my head. I can hear it so clearly my adrenaline starts to flow through me and I can taste my excitement.
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They happen to be skinny then normal but it never mattered to me. Once a hand was placed on my shoulder that thing inside of me twisting just snaps. I learned to fight and i enjoy it from just picking fights without a care. That's the me no one know's and I love every second of it. Most nights I taste my blood more then enough times to keep my adrenaline pulsing through me. Running track makes me faster, Stronger and relentless. I swing and feel the impact the same as I take a punch and feel that impact. I either win or lose but I haven't lost yet because I live on this adrenaline that boils inside of me till the vary last drop.
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When it's over I just stare down at them out of breath and sore. I can always taste the blood and I love it surprisingly enough. That warm copper taste is exhilarating to me but when it's all over. I can finally say I feel alive because in that vary moment I am truly alive.
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But tonight just had to be different didn't it, Astra my name it rings clearly while I stand here. But I know the voice attached it's Cait's, the smiling pretender but we are not in school. I have no reason to pretend any longer if she wants to see me then I'll show her. I wanted to tear that smile off her face it felt so mocking but when i Walked up to her, her face was slowly changing. She was smiling when she saw who or what I am and her face no longer holds that smile. Why are you not smiling at me Cait, you are fake like them but why are you not smiling.
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She's crying and before long she's wrapping her arms around me. Is this what it feels like to be held and why is it so warm. Was it always so warm to be held by someone, oh I'm crying I think. God Astra what a mess you are becoming tonight your strong so why can't you show it. Instead I let her walk me home because I no longer feel strong. I didn't hesitate when she asked where I lived I just told her. I shouldn't have brought her here it's to cold for someone who smiles like she does.
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But it was mostly just silence because I lost my strength to speak. I couldn't find words and she was okay with that it seemed. She put ice on my hands and cleaned the blood from my face. I wanted to thank her but I couldn't speak instead I was just crying again. Why did she have to see the real me and why won't she smile again like at school. Oh she's crying to just silently while she tends to me, I caused her an inconvenience I guess. But why does it hurt me so much more to see her like this. So I choke out a few words, "please Cait smile again" . And she does even though she's still silently crying shes smiling at me again. What's wrong with me what happened to my cold home that I became familiar with.
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After that moment I slowly understood that i was attracted to her. We spent a lot of time together at school and i learned she dated a few people technically but it was just for fun nothing serious. That's when i found myself asking would we be serious if i asked you right now. Could i even make you mine Cait if i had the courage to speak. I just never had the courage to speak those words to her, she was my bestfriend who saw my worse and stayed by my side. I slowly stopped fighting in The District because i only needed her smile to truly feel alive.
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One day while running track Cait visited and i couldn't help but be distracted. Then after our run joy decided to take an early break to talk to Cait. So i kept running while inside i felt disgusted and conflicting emotions. I wanted Joy to stay away from her but Cait seemed to enjoy it so what do i do. Before my thoughts could consume me The whistle blew signaling an end to my laps. I finally went over to Cait as joy went to finish her laps, whatever happens Cait will have a one time thing and that's it. I still have time I just have to get my courage.
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After a couple of days me and Cait decided to go out since we didn't have school today. I finally have my courage to ask but first I wanna enjoy the day with her. Which we did from one store to the next we even got some food it was perfect. We ended up going to a park instead of our usual Rec center spot. That's when I asked her out and every drop of courage I had was shattered. She was seriously trying to date joy but instead of letting her finish and answering i just lashed out. I told her everything I knew about joy I tried so hard to convince her not to commit to this but she just smiled. God Cait why her of all people, I just lost my courage before the conversation happened. Because her smile just disarms me completely, what do I do now how do I protect you.
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We went to school and talked a lot apparently she really likes joy. She even told me how she stopped messing around with others. I just faked my best smile and humored her because I don't wanna lose that smile. But it didn't take long before she called me one night.
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" Hello ?"
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Oh no she's crying no Cait please smile....Please stop crying.
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" Cait are you okay what happened..?"
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Please Cait talk to me god be okay Cait.
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"It will be okay......Cry it out I'm here Cait."
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She's really crying what did she do to you Cait. Why can't I stop shaking I feel so much I think I'm drowning. God I can't cry not now breath Astra.
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" Why did you answer...."
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" Because you are a light in a dark place....for me that matters more then being rejected ."
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"I did not exactly reject you....I did not even give you an answer..you went into a rant about j...."
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"Yeah I guess I did......so what's the answer.?"
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I heard the phone drop before it shut off leaving me to a dial tone. I heard Joy's voice in the background oh god Cait what's happening. Why can't I move please legs move. Oh please be okay Cait.
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The next day when i went to school Cait wasn't waiting for me. But my half brother was he said Cait called out of school I wanted to ask him why he's telling me but my mind was trapped. Last night replayed like a horror film and I just ran to her praying for anything but the worse. I knocked as calmly as I could hoping she was just sick caught a cold but god I wasn't ready. I spoke casually to her and helped her clean up I stared at that mark on her skin. I saw her face without a smile she was hurting deeply and I couldn't prevent this. So I took care of her the best I could and when she fell asleep I left quietly.
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My body felt cold and numb my feet carried me through the district once more. I was outside of a karaoke bar that joy always frequented and then she was coming out as I was star struck at where I ended up. I don't remember seeing anything my vision was so blurry but I could feel everything. One punch hard enough to knock a grown man down I felt adrenaline pulse through me. But it was filed by a rage I never felt before and my body just focused on whoever was at the end of my first. I couldn't hear anything but when each punch connected and I couldnt stop I just kept going fueled by whatever snapped inside of me.
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Then someone grabbed me by the shoulders pulling me off. I didn't know who but I didn't care i just hit and that's when i slowly got my vision back. The adrenaline was dying but the rage was burning hot inside of me. Oh god Percy I hit my brother what happened to me why did i . But I didn't need to finish because I saw joy and I thought I killed her I just stood frozen by the sight I left her in. Police sirens filled this place but I blocked out all the noise around me as I looked down at her.
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Coldness was creeping inside of my skin again. And then I felt the cuffs wrap around my wrists but I was frozen unable to move. The last thing I remember saying was a whisper, "why did you take away her smile" . And soon I was in the back of a police car dazed by my actions. Was something like that always inside of me god Cait I'm sorry. I couldn't stand that look on your face Cait I'm so sorry for everything. God what did I do and where did I go so wrong.
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I ended up sitting on a hard bed behind bars, and all I could think was Cait will hate me. I am a real monster but I can't hurt her now because whatever is inside of me will be out of reach from her. I won't ever hurt her.
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Olivia; " You know I was heading out after turning in some reports. And then I heard the officers talk about you. You destroyed a womans face pretty much, she could have brain damage at the least. You are a fascinating creature I can't wait to see that beast inside of you Astra....My name is Olivia Rothford and I am a Doctor who runs the ward. You will fit in perfectly, oh I can't wait to have you transferred to my ward."
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I was trying not to listen but her words sent chills through my body, I was petrified of this woman just from the way she spoke. I had no idea that it was much worse then I thought.
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