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Chapter 2; Shedding light on Shadows
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/Gina/
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That night I held her close and didn't let her go. She just clung to me and curled up inside my arms, I didn't speak to afraid to shatter this moment. I knew why she wasn't speaking and it saddens me knowing she just wanted to rebuild her walls. But I didn't know what was my place to speak and to be silent I just wanted to make it easier for her. So we sat like that for some hours into the night. And then she spoke finally and through all the silence I didn't dare speak I just listened to her while comforting her as best I could.
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"Back in highschool was how this all started I use to be strong you know... I wasn't afraid of anything I got into fights a lot. Guys or girls I took my hits and I hit back so fearless and reckless ...ha ..... One day when I met Cait at school she just had such a bright smile..I found myself adjusting to the light after so long In the darkness. We talked we laughed...We spent time after school together. Every moment with her just lit something inside of me and I didn't know what it was but....I wanted more. She slept around I knew that but nothing serious she was just looking for that special someone I'm sure. She never got sad or hurt at a break up because it was just fun and she tried to make them understand that before anything happened... And when it ended she just moved on with life and would call me and we would talk till she fell asleep... She met Joy from track when she was visiting me... And I felt an intense disgust. I felt anger just boiling up inside me when I saw them together talking because I know what came next.....except I really had no idea. I have known what Joy is like and that's why I was so angry but I didn't think Cait would be so serious you know?....I thought one day fling like the rest and done but no...She never mentioned joy so I just assumed I was right that's when I finally had my courage to tell her how I feel... That moment of acting before I lose her....But I just wasn't fast enough. She told me her and joy where gonna actually date...and I just lashed out at her trying to convince her with every fiber of my being. I told her she was bad news I told her don't do this... I even manage to forgrt that I confessed to her while they where dating..... I just didn't wanna hear her being serious about joy and it took all my attention..I wanted her to accept my warning even if she hated me. I heard the rumors why didn't she........God I can't believe I'm still angry about this...I don't remember how many days had passed but...Cait called me and my stomach dropped and I felt sick when I heard her crying...everything inside of me was doing a hundred different things and I felt like my world was breaking apart....it was so painful hearing her crying so much. But I was strong enough I thought to bear it so I did....I sat and I listened till she was ready to talk while trying so hard to contain my own emotions....But she hung up so abruptly I was so lost I didn't know what to do. I should have gone to her but I couldn't I just sat in that spot unable to move......I was so terrified because I didn't know what happened you know. I wanted to call her again but I was so scared...When I went to school my brother....Step brother told me Cait called out sick from school....I thought last night was the worse it could get you know.?...but God I wasn't ready. I left school and went to her my body just moved like someone.....Something else was controlling it. I had no control anymore I didn't even feel emotions.....I just watched everything like it was a movie you know.......when she opened the door something inside of me snapped and I felt pure fear of what that meant.....I took care of her and didn't speak much afraid that my anger would harm her...when I left her house I didn't have any control I just moved......That night after working so hard to be a good person it no longer mattered.... Since we ran track together I knew where she was.....I didn't speak to her or see those around her I just...my hand just flew and I couldn't stop I just kept hitting her..... Till someone pulled me off her I was in such a rage that the one who touched me also got hit..... I hit my own step brother I didn't even know he was with her.......when I hit him I just snapped back to reality I was mortified by what I had done....Im just so scared I don't wanna be that person, but I can feel it inside me like poison....it has been eating at me for so long. I'm so scared to go back.........please I don't wanna go back.."
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I couldn't help but silently cry at her story, and soon I felt her crying once more. She just kept saying how scared she is to go back. What do I do with that, how can I help her. Cait was something she latched on to as a anchor and now she doesn't even have that so....What do I do.. she's shaking so much I never met someone so afraid of themselves before...I just held her till she cried herself asleep again.. when she did I laid her down on the couch again... And went outside I just needed air and help.
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"Hello this is Rita."
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Im still crying yet I didn't even notice.
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"Gina honey is that you.?"
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" Yeah ma'ma I just had to call you."
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" What's wrong honey, is everything ok.?"
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"I don't know.....I found someone like Daddy today and... She's really scared you know. I just don't know what I can do."
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" Oh hun...That's a hard road to walk your step dad didn't survive it...Are you sure you want this journey .?"
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" I think so she's really nice.....and I wanna see who she really is you know. But I don't think I have the strength she needs."
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" Love sweetie it's not always the strength you need to help someone...Why don't you bring her home I would like to meet her."
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"Yeah that sounds great Ma'ma sorry to call so late."
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"Nonsense I miss my baby that town stole her away after all. So I'll see you tomorrow then .?"
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" Yeah ma'ma I'll be home soon goodnight I love you."
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"Love you to Gina night."
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My mother always gave me strength just by the sound of her voice. She was wise so advice always helped and she always knew what to say. So tomorrow I think will be my first big commitment in a long time. Heading back inside she was still fast asleep on the couch so i settled down next to her resting my hand on her side.
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"Don't worry Astra I'm gonna show you a really bright world so you won't have to be afraid again.."
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