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221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2vg3t52oh
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絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpIuu1HKSX
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLGT0qQ7RD
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEx49ZqZTl
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我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7cBW5YjGB
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaAIA26azb
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp1stj2vHD
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9Q0gtZmQb
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGqvol2ci3
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhayyiLmUm
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7HgR6QTVq
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wPmm1lvBL
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM1U329H7z
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBU1wiQWjt
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6A7yOp981
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSrLeKESOt
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZd5rYsekE
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSYpR7f4c7
「唉......」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhs0VNEzOyJ
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZZ9VELaLa
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIv7ARsl6rQ
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pdAyI7g2w
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVz759Mzsc
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJYrrY3lUE
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGmbHuX2Hk
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FkLsMEz6a
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzYf0ema5A
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oKQGkI4W6
「唉......」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuUbIlNAN0
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8ATde7WYN
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjwI8HB06A
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYDTWNhziv
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDThZnogPd
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhQ8czoApD
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipazXqTwB4
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQhxbRQ03O
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FeC8IX0ic
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkjeeevqVX
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Uk6DUQApe
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QX9nxJKGX
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHYB8rzbN9
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnWJJhPXiD
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtCubOt1kp
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLUMCpUJAE
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbzgZL7Ncp
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ72ovdOkzm
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTOI9lgc9h
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wBGQuTltN
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTttyGVBlfD
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXNukcEQQZ
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ycDx6blyW
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuVRQn4rz5
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQniJdAvHfG
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwd1aSNG7k0
「真的沒發生什麼事。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAm3Fq4FrF
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4h1hjvhCQ
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqlEPNKb7B
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFRLgo1aaj
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhyNAxrRV3
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUYmt8SHLp
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhonBXpGMc
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoHdimxXba
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmqjXwPDWR
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB0NJHStN9
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlHGsJptNv
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMcFurC1Du
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi2IlmS5zE
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTdUgqbEyL
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCG8eUiig7
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3Ibe2Fbsb
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jZo5Ex2cD
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsMz5GvU8K
「其他事情？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8yotDGhyX
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1ILVWM3Be
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2uYmbiebb
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡro4nhvKu3n
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38tUtBS7MV
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlFkeiERwh
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTGhWJUHVP
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF03cSVguP0
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxKhROuGwm
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzIU0TDXrx
「哪件事？」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy11enOFhr4
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm81h2ltzv
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J6ZgwQgCY
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAk51Jt9dzI
「妳難道是指——」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEvcSDWrVW
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskLHU1qYV1
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpaaLDgHze
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rDF1NaiDI
「打.苦.鞭。」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtikxmYoTUh
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9O3H6fYmH
＊＊＊221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFmg5OcvWs
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLmtIkUfSe
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj4JgRdrQD
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIldSVIUog
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8HRW1NHmo
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJIf1qIX3e
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaKk9x6FMm
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49YQzT2XW0
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim1bgXkHMN
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmf7pIhgWGI
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUmLcnc7cd
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyH923XtV1I
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8L3YzAZlV
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeUgotCfMg
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEijuVSix5
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrJoJUJrSY
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG1DRyRrcd
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQYvV6R3j2
「哼嗯......」221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uZn3qWUak
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluere3HTyu
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbsSrJvUEi
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex9h1JwR1j
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMexLKCAeO4
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcV7VeXpM8
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFMXmkKRjS
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFedtNhguaC
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPf7Oa1OPXc
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILtziLvqvY
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt32nHB38n1
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQo5JtMbTb
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJEJal6kk8
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BcfSqFg9C
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qRgXnYGbt
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKv4SbbgHL
只要鞭打得更用力......221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KoBhPeUjb
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsqudC9bcQ
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzTKFVP7zs
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9V8tbJAYgU
讓身體更痛......221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOTom9kJt7
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmUVaOSZ3P
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7s9vQq67L
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eYYHpY0XN
就能夠忘卻一切......221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SHpwEccnH
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzc4mrewvb
咻——221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaFPAvuU4f
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjkmvTX0SD
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq96oRVchPr
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMidNSdKon5
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBA71aLMo5
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjYcrrnCXy
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpchq9Z1Ir
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvKv5KvWbH
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cYUAbsIzr
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYXBc78QCb
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjAvgONgAf
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35VWSJ9ijZ
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGkm8okqrV
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPyWDIssur
咻——劈啪！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLGxGN9ZPG
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUA8ZBdeZN
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxERApP1R6
221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHbOxkXzFJ
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
