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249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncR5KmNomK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEdLFDpQPO
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcTOA78FYE
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uPCJxgl7Y
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXveDO0iDkB
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSQhq7AFcC
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxILZvOMPk
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnv9OZd1BTJ
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfTUp7ClgK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ijFWULlmK
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5QJpFcgnF
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyypEWAutA
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq5uy9K0zW
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAPaKQKAqC
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCROLpfodO
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3XEMYZtQm
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0ARsOqjrr
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4sfDP5vjS
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetw1x80gmK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eUVhyWtjJ
「唉......」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKZ0DrbPBS
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9v16cxXuwJ
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW2N8QMGBU
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLg0pnfGJA
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgel7NQZvU
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirfosGjrpk
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7pOTQu0fO
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn8fYpbCFh
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNF0uOXXhIH
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVOMrOcRoX
「唉......」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VpvtPrpjA
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rMhuhPtLD
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOkOtLxzGZ
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsOmjY4CMD
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkHuzUoGNH
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheSHYydDRi
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxSwpvX1aK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfndPwP7Tp
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TApkXdIL4
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVNgGC1Kmg
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OD7eY0ZEP
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS06yo2o3pU
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF79MW8UuAf
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uXHfPnJLV
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABVvKiYLmk
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABzyR1Wy6D
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BpluoapKV
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLGPTnhPbf
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJB67rJv8Y
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlx75I5L4a
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmYExH05mo
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSo1SqX3tA
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTfg8xALuF
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTEQyM89dW
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBfhNQLSYf
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjjiPs4xuH
「真的沒發生什麼事。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O2bzFhoFd
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ485XptpHzc
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1pOjgQhaD
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsqNwIn19I
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIQOKmSxWR
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBHGAmQFxx
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOxi63I9OZ
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajaWx6JRTJ
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnWAyfbtZI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ825nR1S3BA
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9G1D7U2RLK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEksfMRtSUv
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULwGj7y1Gc
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5Jxw9rX3Y
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSN7IInCOh
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4KUQ2F37y
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡle9oWFHmTM
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBsi1lC9FD
「其他事情？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrnDsNiE4o
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRrmqEfus5
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAdBzZeYFc
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDzO72wSuS
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzt1ZVqCD9s
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08Ot0tokYl
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0bxrI2URx
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaemdwI5Gyq
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfgeDABS5N
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOyvXZ3hdA
「哪件事？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZR5Cr1Fffs
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mxyWLbwie
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE758knsYq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZSyeRjsRC
「妳難道是指——」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdzw1FRVja
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gedp1Q4UJ
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wggpPbaMs
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAwSj1emEX
「打.苦.鞭。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMyDZ5WsPU
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zB1cIsqII
＊＊＊249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4tpnky9Oh
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8t8jqSztO
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXmJ0ttvlW
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaabhgW1nI6
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTIYUc1dOa
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuVlQw1vsy
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9afuzHJlM
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTFj6bENuz
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuah276jtR
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueNYQOr5ih
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUm85xNo2m
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLgR8mty2m
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnq8U0Dn1gV
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDyYrhEbmf
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtJKIYL5R3
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXRHXynr3m
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFsLSknI5p
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MYtJMqnmz
「哼嗯......」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5RpgUGw5w
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYtBAURNC6
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmHaI03YI3
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSci4cpsVb
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHWjpqGjll
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHXBWgoaQB
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfq4pPAMZI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43eRAThC1r
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF8Ouyc0Tq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjs6rT5Dg3v
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1OpbcaWG4
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyCc1tTqcJ
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzHwCknfZO
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07JU6CSxCZ
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztAVRklWXr
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oqM69RI75
只要鞭打得更用力......249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmiMjfAwSP
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzA2lLtSA69
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9S0OrSZR3D
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlBBl6aWTW
讓身體更痛......249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuS69lSBe9
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06VADnTaGf
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJuJrlesvp
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSQ25AuLZc
就能夠忘卻一切......249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJwAp9N4so
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oS3OWA9dw
咻——249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimO8i0o522
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURronY8FKU
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliLRS0uuni
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp0I7cMFNU
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhyduTmUND
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5nfJHxDcz
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgON3bnWEZ
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLl04BtJ7oJ
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeJvcAdYuN
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc08HPSPAtI
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9vhQVTu6G
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnf90X5CZD
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6G8v4VUYI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGGiC1F1xN
咻——劈啪！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BfOSwkOPh
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4gqhS1BD3
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8b1xkV0qs
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubTPj6whC7
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
