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309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTnbObWEIp
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52aerW9PLm
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqaBBvM26D
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrevMOhMaF
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBEhZJasRz
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGFlv3TP83
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1xZRQh11V
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZqhpcWTO8
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64r9nqAXie
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6cIqBUsyG
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0zaWyZCIt
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnhOdvxOAJ
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdG3Xrkhi1
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09t2leV2Af
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y3ch3rvHh
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIwlFRc1g5
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6ob9km809
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3Cd2ry9qE
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4U5pUjC7r
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwn0nxZgFe
「唉......」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobbNl0VQO2
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4Tq0aRxuZ
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhfYxzIZJe
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuU3OQTj4R
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw45nOTteAL
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8u0faWOzjG
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEHTXICIbk
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmvDqnFXoe
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIEEQfVRs8
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6XDaCCo6k
「唉......」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7fW5MX9s5
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJxdJxI2Yx
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4lzKM6MDv
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhdPc4u7RO
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQG3YQyEkU
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypJDyIsyN2
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTNrMF4sEP
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseT0j8J7pF
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgggAfXF1NX
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLfJtFzwHa
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVdxfnD06v
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZeohwEqdd
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZIDeg7mka
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfmY4CtZZC
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl7iMFhtPq
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr54oVcaPO
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB30gy4uPQt
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWE5nCI53n
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRCo9qhyUR
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqnCfBndlu
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCq6iUZmIf
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHs5fV4fGn
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdTwpI8vai
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBAldZQEql
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKpCNSELxt
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZu7g6EvrC
「真的沒發生什麼事。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvhoiHm65Z
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ220ECaWwvK
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEAIRKuHmF
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Uh3BjNPjd
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJWb7NNiwW
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgABjDcXHId
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdX2ksJ0k2a
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHC9gRGvxv
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUhBvE7TCP
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4C0ad8aRd
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUs5LXIPUE
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L72Grcp70
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQpgU0Zq4D
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucCGORsrKF
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7GkDTN0Tr
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbtE1Lddsi
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUCeR1aeJI
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0InloqDtq
「其他事情？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhUHjUEGeW
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDHwcvs9B1
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMqzVJAFjs
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yWJmQ3UvK
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3mwhFLS2W
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXuiw55i7d
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHP8w3TLru
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tO9bbmSj5
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoobPxs5J3
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpPsphKueL
「哪件事？」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6834oEoJi
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEoCWq4cYO
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohIE2owZvf
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSET65GaxtH
「妳難道是指——」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM9BzN0zPF
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC1KXOa8zT
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKRdUIjGYQ
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKfM2WBd0N
「打.苦.鞭。」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqrx6m5ryE
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMop8BqMIJb
＊＊＊309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCsYK1ruQl
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbjBd6g3m4
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGQwvyY74k
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85HuWfqDWw
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u459ACYIl
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRAxiCtVNb
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwibfYPHzW
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYbuq2ZnR1
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxSwFykoU5
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzXqkZZko1
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuZD5ZdhcO
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD8pjoLw4Q
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3TAaCdiu1
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbPv3jBvE5
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgMxDhb5ml
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEVPUzL9OM
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavU0rQVt2C
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZf8AGL25k
「哼嗯......」309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvynCmZi85T
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4U6st1jxw
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyPnIzOxbd
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3foFbKqFE
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTHy8Lpwiq
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu7ISUrTMM
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyEo6me6ig
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncAhBDikEf
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRbWqhWw71
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwC6z0a5lda
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2vp2nIHJA
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOMOvlJaSi
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20A6qKQDJN
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1MeeXHRfZ
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68KBQoLHdN
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWJKYfqMPZ
只要鞭打得更用力......309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9AK2p2EYx
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL8QccEuDI
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszc4A7Xuwi
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwsWJmT1xz
讓身體更痛......309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsDyXOYJna
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooEDUG2abZ
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xUYsRNyhD
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpiRfuL2eZ
就能夠忘卻一切......309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3amScBe1I
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfb5Wl4Nqh
咻——309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNufwcQaw6P
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvEqpqASCM
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvxJU3cUOy
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMuFe7AmLh
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALmXOD49yX
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilgHcO4WTC
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sDRwScC8G
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8lBrB6aQX
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwdgas0kra
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0H5O0annAx
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrVM36XdRz
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApEBzan0of
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV6yDomHcR
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgiLi4K4II
咻——劈啪！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqMAWquhIV
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrBPT2Xjnn
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjJbOvqchj
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBtDM99dE9
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
