Ch. 12
POV: KORI
Dad actually came home tonight. Two hours later than Kansas said he'd be, but I'll overlook that because of the fact that he's actually here. Though he missed dinner.
My room's right above the garage, and when I heard it going up, I sat up so fast in my bed I almost fell off it. And then, like a stalker, I crept down the stairs and watched him come inside. And only after staring at him for what felt like a millennium did he say, "Hello, Koraline."
I manage a weak smile. "Welcome home."
He nods. "Thank you, sweetheart."
The term of endearment takes me aback, and I blink. He moves away from the door, and I feel my heart start to pound wildly at the sight of him leaving. Against my better judgement, I follow him into his office. I watch as he sets down his bags and shifts out of his suit jacket.
He turns to face me, setting his jacket lightly against the back of his office chair. "Did you need something, Koraline?"
I hesitate. My dad's always been a busy man, even back before the divorce. But he used to make time for me and Kansas. But as him and mom started growing apart, he slowly slipped farther and farther away. And now I don't know how to get through to him. "It's been...I don't know. A while, Dad. "
He sighs. "What did you expect, Koraline? You know how things are."
I expect you to make time for your children and stop making us raise ourselves.
I look past him, over at the stack of papers on top of his desk. "What are you doing, anyways?"
He sighs again, running a hand through his short hair. That's his tell for when he's trying to avoid a subject. Without answering, he reaches into his bag and takes his laptop out. I watch as he continues unpacking his bag, and I feel something burn in my chest at the blatant disregard.
"Dad," I say slowly, "you promised last time you were here that it wouldn't...be so long this time. You were supposed to be around more."
"I am." He states it like we're talking about a business proposal. He's got his back to me now, arranging things on his desk.
"No, no you're not." My hands are shaking. "You're everywhere else but here."
My dad freezes then, turning to face me. Mild annoyance flashes across his face, and it feels like I can't breathe.
There was a time when I thought my father was everything a person should be. Me and Kansas would follow him everywhere, do everything with him. I'd sit with my mom sometimes, and she'd tell me stories from when they were dating. How he used to go above and beyond to impress her, make her smile or laugh. Now he can't even be bothered to show his face around us.
I don't think he's a bad guy. Truly. I can’t think that. I just think his priorities got mixed up as he rose up in power. His thirst to prove himself overshadowed his need for a family until he eventually forgot he had one at all.
"I just...we just miss you," I mumble dumbly.
His eyes soften then, and that simple look drowns out all the resentment in me, hope flooding in. He steps towards me, and I go rigid as his arms wrap around me. I breathe in the smell of his cologne, the feel of him underneath my hands. That scent...that scent...
I'm hit with an old memory. A Father's Day memory, from 3 years before the divorce. Kansas and I had pooled our allowance money together and bought my dad a new cologne. When he'd unwrapped the box, his smile was brighter than I'd ever seen it. He'd showered me in kisses, and then picked Kansas up and hugged him tight, spinning him in a circle. My mother filmed the whole thing on her cell phone, laughing brightly. My dad had raved about the cologne for weeks afterwards, wearing it every day. It was one of my favorite memories of us as a whole family.
As he started coming home less and less, every gift we'd ever given him began collecting dust on his shelf. And eventually, they'd gone in the trash.
And now, that scent is so familiar that I have to bite my lip to keep from sobbing.
"I hear you, sweetheart, I do," he says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
"Sometimes it feels like you've forgotten we exist." My voice shakes as I speak, and I finally squeeze him back. Does he realize what it means for him to be wearing that cologne? God, he's warm and reassuring and everything I always remembered he was, and I curl into him farther. "But...I'm glad you're taking Kansas for a little. It'll be good for him, and you. He misses you a lot."
My dad says nothing, his quiet surprise obvious.
I keep talking. "You missed dinner tonight. It was really good. Kansas is like a little Gordan Ramsey. But it's alright, because he always makes breakfast on weekends. We went to the store earlier, so he'll have enough to make food for three. You'll be here, yeah?"
He nods against me. "Of course."
I release a breath, relief swallowing up the last of my sadness and anger. For a little, at least. He lets go of me then, cupping my face in his hands. My eyes flutter shut as he presses a kiss to my forehead. When he pulls back, our eyes lock. I took after my mom for most of my features, but Kansas and I both have green eyes like our dad. And looking into his eyes, our eyes, I let that bubble of hope and relief fill me up, until I'm grinning softly and he's ruffling my hair. I walk out of his office feeling lighter than I have in weeks.
But in the morning, when I follow the smell of bacon down to the kitchen, I'm greeted by only Kansas. My dad is gone.
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"Ooh ooh! How about this one?" Grace gestures to the mannequin.
Nevaeh frowns. "Seems a bit generic, no? Every other girl is gonna be dressed as a nurse."
"But I'll be a sexy nurse." Grace raises an eyebrow, as if begging us to challenge that statement. "Ergo, I'll be the best-looking nurse at that fucking bonfire, and Archer's gonna shit his pants and propose on one knee."
“In that order?" I ask.
Nevaeh leans against a rack of clothes. "Whatever you say. But maybe go try it on before you start talking all that smack."
Grace pulls one of the nurse costumes off the rack and starts backing towards the dressing room, shooting off twin middle fingers at us. When Grace is gone, Nevaeh turns towards me. "We need to keep Archer 500 feet away from her at all times on Saturday."
I nod. "I'll take the first shift."
Nevaeh makes a humming noise in her throat, her brown eyes squinted and calculating as she looks at me. "Hey," she says, "what's wrong?"
I shake my head. "Nothing."
Nevaeh glances behind me, where Kansas and Milo are shuffling through different costumes. I don't have to turn to know that Milo's got a smile the size of Jupiter on his face right now, and my brother's got his own soft smile, an easy light in his eyes. Besides me, Milo's just about the only bright spot in Kansas's life. I hope the months apart won't be too hard on them.
Nevaeh glances back at me. "I know I haven't known you as long as Grace and Zack and everyone else, but I'd like to think you'd tell me if something was up."
Oh boy. "I'm not...of course I would. I tell you stuff."
Nevaeh shakes her head, her curls framing her face. "You tell me minor stuff. Surface things." She pauses for a moment. "Do you remember when Zack and I broke up for a little?"
That gets my attention. "Yeah, of course."
"I was a wreck for days, and you and Grace were there the whole time." Nevaeh stares at me as she talks softly. "You know, I never had close friends growing up. I always ended up with acquaintances who thought they knew me because I was the star of the track team, which they figured meant all I thought about 24/7 was track and dicks. And then I moved here, and I met all of you. Grace, in all her dramatics, who'll call you an asshole and then a sweetheart in the same sentence. Archer, in all his sweetness, who always offered to help when I was struggling in school. And you, in all your stubbornness. You never let anything go, never let a thing go unnoticed, and I love you for it. All of you felt so real, so alive. So unlike the robots I’d surrounded myself with before. You guys actually cared about me. You knew something was wrong with me the day it happened."
I shift my weight to my other foot. "It wasn't hard to piece together. Zack was, like, a millimeter away from shaving his head and starting his Miley Cyrus era. Plus, you wear your heart on your sleeve."
She raises an eyebrow at me. "No one's ever told me that before, you know? I think you're just good at reading people."
I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't. I instinctively start tugging at the ends of my hair. "Yes, well, when you grow up with an ice block for a dad, it's easy to start noticing little ticks."
Both her eyebrows raise now. "Well, there's something I never knew about you. Now tell me something else, like what's bothering you right now."
I huff. "That's...it's not the same."
"Isn't it?" she shoots back. "Look, I'd rather not have this conversation in the middle of a store, but here we are."
I bite my lip, and we stare at each other in silence for a moment. Then, a rush of air comes out of me as I say, "It's nothing major. Just a bunch of little stuff piling up onto each other. I, uh..." I'm unsure of what I'm allowed to mention and not mention, so I go right for the bullseye. "I kissed Ryland Park on Friday."
"Deadass?" Nevaeh nods appreciatively. "Nice."
I stare at her. "I don't think you heard what I said."
"No, no, I did." She shrugs. "Did you like it?"
"Did I-what?" I stumbled backwards into the mannequin and scramble to set it back upright.
Nevaeh smirks at me. "Look, Kor, I've only known Ryland for about 2 and a half months. Even then, I wouldn't say I actually know him, more like I've seen him around school and around you. And supposedly he's, like, a murderer, but no one knows for sure? I'm definitely not going to get into my thoughts on that here. But I get that he's supposed to be this cocky asshole who only cares about himself, and on the surface, he sort of comes off like that. But I do know you, and I know Grace, and I know that the way you two talk about him is very, very different. Whenever Grace mentions him, there's always this cocky challenge to her words, like he's a younger brother to her. And I think she only half believes all the rumors about him."
I blink at Nevaeh. She's not completely off. Growing up, Ryland and Grace had an odd sibling-like dynamic, and she was just about the only person he ever tolerated as a kid. It was always weird.
"But when you talk about him, there's something else. And I never really got it, until I got it. The way you always look at him, the way you always know where he is. The things you say about him seem hateful, but the look in your eyes doesn't match what you say. And God, you should see the way he looks at you in class." Nevaeh pauses, letting out a long breath. "So, the only thing I'm surprised about right now is that you guys haven't kissed before."
I stare at her, trying to process what she's just said.
"What else?" Nevaeh asks.
I blink once. Twice.
And, for a small moment, I feel shaky on my feet. I'm not sure what I'd been expecting, but to hear her so calm helps me relax. I stare at her for a moment, and she stares back. Quiet now, giving me the option to keep talking or not. And, I think in that moment, I could just die for this friendship. A friendship I need to do a better job at maintaining.
"My...father's in town. But he's leaving soon. And he's taking Kansas to work with him. And I don't know how long they'll be gone. And it feels like every word out of his mouth is a lie. I thought he was starting to try by taking Kansas with him, but now I don't know." The words rush out of me so fast that I don't even realize I've said them until Nevaeh's eyebrows raise again. "And Ryland being back in town is confusing me, Nev. I'm so, so confused. God, we used to be at each other’s throats as kids. But…but then everyone kept saying he murdered Austin, and I didn’t know what to think anymore because I’d never thought of him like that. And then he came back this year and wouldn't get within 15 feet of me! It took being forced to be partners on some fucking school project for him to speak to me! And it just, I don't know! I'm going insane. It makes me want to hurl myself down a flight of stairs."
Nevaeh's got this amused look on her face, and Grace chooses that exact moment to pop out of the dressing room. She twirls around as she walks towards us, grinning wildly. "See! Sexy, huh? I might rip the skirt a little, down the side of my leg, you know? Give myself some more leg room."
I'm barely listening. Everything I just voiced out loud is clanging through me as I realize the weight of it.
Nevaeh claps like Grace is strutting down the Broadway stage, saying, "Stunning. Gorgeous. Unparalleled. Archer will indeed shit his pants at the sight." She winks over at me, and then turns her attention back to Grace, showering her with more praise.
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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I redid the scene between Kori and her father about sixty times. It took a little to figure out exactly how I wanted him to be.
-Zuffy <3
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