Ch. 7
POV: KORI
"So where were you?"
I suck on my teeth. "I was...out."
Kansas narrows his eyes. "Try again."
"I was out!" I spread my arms out and shrug, walking in a slow circle around the living room. It's not a lie, just not the whole truth. "Something came up that I had to...take care of."
"Thanks, Kor. That wasn't ominous at all."
I sigh. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for running out right as dinner ended."
Kansas stares at me for a while without saying anything. He's sitting on the living room couch, his right leg crossed over his left and his arms crossed over his chest. He's looking at me in a This is the absolute last thing I need right now type of way. One of my least favorite Kansas looks.
"Kor," he finally says, his voice laced with annoyance, "you were gone for hours. Hours. I had to cover for you, and you know how I feel about lying."
"I know. You're horrible at it."
"That's not the point." Kansas closes his eyes for a moment. "Tonight was really, really important. This was the first time either of us see Dad in months, and you can't even stay for more than four hours? I mean, what were you even doing?"
I look down at my feet, muttering, "It was just a school project."
Kansas makes a noise in his throat. "And it couldn't wait?"
I don't have an answer for that. I could've postponed the meeting. I should've just texted Archer to tell Ryland to meet up tomorrow after school. But...I wanted the distraction. I wanted the reason to leave. To not have to stand under Dad's assessing gaze and feel like a piece of gum on the side of the road. I know he looks at me and sees Mom. I know he wishes I were a boy. He wishes I were somewhat useful to him, something that would profit the company even more. But I can't. I just don't have as much power as Kansas does, not in the business world.
"I’m getting a lot of inheritance money when I turn 18," Kansas continues, startling me from my thoughts. "That's a little of what we talked about. He wants me..." His voice trails off, and I look up at him. He's squinting at the wall, and he licks his lips before saying, "He wants me to come with him."
"What?" My voice raises a full octave.
"Dad wants me to come with him, Kor." His eyes find mine, and I can't read them. "He wants me to travel with him, to learn about the company and the world it's operating in. So that I can be successful when...when he's not around anymore, and I have to take over. And he said...that you're old enough to fend for yourself for a little. It'll be good for both of us."
Everything's tilting. My legs feel weak.
"We aren’t leaving until next weekend," Kansas continues, rubbing the back of his neck. "And I'm sure it won't be for too long. I-I mean, you're still 17, and there's still school, and I have to-"
"Kansas," I say, my throat raw.
He flinches. "Yeah?"
"Do you want to go?"
"What?"
"Do you want to go with Dad?" I repeat slowly.
Kansas opens his mouth, then shuts it. His eyes dart to the staircase leading upstairs, where Dad is probably asleep. His eyes linger.
I watch him. Ever since our parents divorced, Dad's been around less and less. He reminds me of Archer in that sense. With Dad gone more often than not, Kansas took up the parenting role. He was 10 years old, but he started taking care of me. We did have a nanny for a little, but she quit a few months after I turned 14. (Can you call her a nanny? She didn't do much but sit around the house, drink wine, and bring dudes over on the weekends.)
Kansas still won't look at me, and I feel something bloom in my chest. He's been stuck in a position no child should have, and though he'd technically be on a business trip, this is his chance to get out and do things for himself for once. For years, he's put everything else above his own needs, his own childish wants and desires. But he's resilient, and he's caring, and he deserves this chance to get out of this tiny town, even if it's only for a few months.
"It's okay, Kansas." I'm surprised at how calm I sound when I finally speak again. "I'll be okay."
He turns back to look at me, and we lock eyes. He's smiling softly, the silent thank you written clear as day in his eyes.
Kansas stands then, and he's only taken half a step forward before I've crossed the room and wrapped my arms around his neck. He squeezes me back firmly, and I bury my face into the crook of his neck.
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POV: RYLAND
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The sun set about 2 hours ago. It's cold. Colder than it should be, but it's also October so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I grip the steering wheel tighter as I drive, turning the corner onto the familiar road a little sharper than necessary. I slow to a stop in front of the little one-story house and step out of the car.
My steps are rushed as I walk towards the front door, but my hands are frozen at my sides. Sucking in a breath, I reach out and ring the doorbell. 1 second passes...5 seconds pass...10 seconds...15 seconds...
And then the door opens.
I stare at the woman. She stares back at me for a second.
And then she smiles softly. "Hello, Ryland," she says.
"Hey, Mom," I say hoarsely. Just the sound of her voice makes me want to sink into her arms and never leave. “Got a minute?”
She takes my hand and pulls me gently into the house, shutting the door behind her. I've got my arms wrapped around her an instant later, tugging her tightly against me.
"You've grown again." Mom leans her head back and looks at me. She's wearing a fluffy dark purple robe and black socks, and she's got her favorite red scarf wrapped around her head. My heart pounds in my chest as I run my hands along her back and waist. She's gotten skinnier since the last time I saw her.
I kiss the top of her head. "Have I?"
She nods rapidly. "You young boys never stop growing. I remember when you used to be shorter than me."
I pull back from the hug, studying her. She's frail, her arms and legs thin and trembling slightly. The cancer took a real toll on her body, and she's still recovering even years later. But the way she's looking at me now, her eyes bright and full of love and happiness, just about takes the breath from my lungs.
She turns and starts walking towards the kitchen. "It's late," she says over her shoulder. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no, I'm fine. Just wanted to come see you."
She frowns at me. "That’s sweet, but don't lie, Ryland."
I swallow hard, plopping down in a seat at the kitchen counter. The kitchen's bringing back a flood of childhood memories.
"Archer and I...we kind of fought. I yelled at him." The words leave an awful taste in my mouth. Archer hadn't put up a fight when I'd told him to leave, and I'd sat in my room alone for all of 3 minutes before the guilt took over. But I'm a coward, and instead of apologizing, I ran here without saying a word to him.
Mom's moving around the kitchen now, apparently deciding that what we need right now is hot chocolate. "A fight?" she repeats. "How bad was it?"
"It was...bad."
She turns to face me, leaning against the counter. From the look on her face, she knows exactly what the fight was about. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shake my head slowly. "No, not really. Please."
The word hangs between us for a moment, and her expression softens. "Of course, honey," she says, sliding one of the mugs towards me. I wrap my hands around it, welcoming the warmth. The simple feeling of it. I've felt numb for the past 3 hours.
I'd been too afraid to see my mom when I first got back in town in August. I hadn't gotten to properly say goodbye to her before my dad sent me away, and I'd been afraid she wouldn't want to see me after what happened. It had taken almost six weeks to work up the courage to come to her house. When she'd answered the door and saw it was me, she pulled me into a hug so fast, I'm not sure I didn't teleport into her arms.
That first meeting, we barely spoke. We pretty much just held each other. She cried a lot.
I take a sip of hot chocolate and have to resist letting out a sigh. It's good. Really good, and Mom can tell from the goofy look on my face as I keep drinking. Slow sips, letting the warmth fill my body. I lean back in my chair and let out a breath, feeling a calmness wash over me.
My thoughts float to Kori. Somehow, they always end up floating to her, especially when my guard is down, but this time I don't mind. Just this once, I let myself go and indulge in her memory. I like to consider it my life's consolation prize.
I'd tried to downplay it in the hallway at school, but seeing Kori in person for the first time in years had hit me like a punch to the gut. Her stupidly beautiful face, even more beautiful with age and maturity. She’d grown, but she was still the same girl I knew. Her eyebrows still bunch together when she's thinking hard. She’s still got that harsh, sexy glare when something annoys her, and the green hues of her eyes will flicker. (I get that glare a lot.) Her voice is a bit deeper now, and it sends enticing shivers down my spine with every word.
I miss her, damn her. I never knew you could miss someone who was within reach. And she is within reach now, more so than she's been in years. But that's all she’ll ever be. Just within reach.
But I’m okay with that. I'd come to terms with it years ago. I don't need anything from her. I don’t deserve anything from her. Just knowing she’s safe is enough. Being near her again feels like the answer to a question I've been asking myself for a decade. And that terrifies me.
I pause, my mouth hovering above the mug.
I wish I'd never realized it. That I love her. All it's done is make my life miserable.
Arms wrap around my neck, and I flinch. My mom says from behind me, "Honey, you're so tense."
"Yeah, I know."
"Do you...do you want to spend the night?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, and I hate the slight anxiety in her tone. “You could sleep in your bedroom, just like old times.”
My response comes a minute later. "I...should probably go back soon."
When she doesn't answer, I turn in my seat to face her. She drops her hands to her side, and now she's staring at the ground. I feel my heart break just looking at her expression. But I can't stay, and she knows it. I'm not allowed to. I'm risking a lot just being here right now, and I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I have to keep my mom safe.
I lean forward and kiss her cheek. "I'll be back, Mom. I promise."
She meets my eyes, smiling sadly. "I know you will."
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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Ryland's a momma's boy. Not like he really has a choice, but still cute.
-Zuffy <3
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