Vanessa
The night of the Winter Formal, I could hardly contain my excitement while I waited for Matt to come pick me up and bring me to the dance. Addison, of course, would be riding in her with date, Ben Alden. I paced back and forth in the front hall peering out the window every 30 seconds to see if he was here yet. “Vanessa, sweetie,” my mom called from the living room. “You’re going to wear a hole right through the carpet. Why don’t you have a seat and give that boy some time to get here?”
I looked at the grandfather clock clicking away at the end of the hallway. 7:01 pm. He said he would be here at 7:00 pm. What if he changed his mind and wasn’t coming? I started to bite my nails and then remembering that Addison had insisted I paint them silver to match my toenails, I stopped, not wanting to chip them. I perched on the edge of the couch, crossing and uncrossing my legs as I smoothed out my dress, afraid I would put wrinkles in it just by sitting on the cushions.
I had saved up every penny I received from doing chores around the house just to buy the black flowy dress I had been eyeing that was similar to the one I saw in the fashion magazine from last year. I wasn’t a heels kind of girl so I threw on my favorite pair of ankle boots instead. Even though I didn’t exactly feel like a Beauty Queen, I was still hoping that Matt would at least think I was pretty. Finally, at 7:06, a car horn honked from outside and I jumped off the sofa, giving my mom a quick peck on the cheek before flying out the door and down the sidewalk.
As I slid into the passenger seat, I ran my fingers through my hair and tousled my waves, trying to look somewhat ok. Matt could barely contain his wide smile as I hopped in and at first, I dared to dream it was because he appreciated the way I looked in my outfit but my hopes were quickly dashed. Silly me, of course, he wouldn’t give a plain girl like me a second glance.
He looked giddy as he reached into the backseat to grab a plastic container. “I figured since you were my date tonight, I would do the gentleman thing and buy you a corsage.” His smile didn’t wane as he handed me a hot pink flower, doused in silver glitter.
I tried not to grimace at the horrendous-looking thing as I took it from his hand but really? Pink and glitter? Did he not know me at all or was he just confusing me with Addison? I took it out of the box and gingerly slid it onto my wrist, telling myself it was the thought that counted and I should be touched by the attempt. And, wait a minute- did he just call me his date? Forget all negative thoughts from earlier. If he thought this was a date then I would happily wear whatever he brought me. He could have me wrapped up in a trash bag for all I cared if it meant getting to be by his side all evening.
I was reveling in the thought of hand-holding when Matt abruptly burst out into laughter, startling me. “V, you should have seen your face. You looked like you were holding a hot coal.” He mimicked my grimace, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “That was so worth the $10 I paid for it.”
I glanced over at him, taken aback. What was happening right now? Finally, it dawned on me that Matt was pranking me. He wasn’t trying to be romantic; he was trying to be funny. I knew he hadn’t meant to be hurtful but my heart still sank at the notion that this wasn’t actually a date after all. I rolled my eyes as I playfully punched him in the arm. “And here I thought you weren’t being a Neanderthal for once. Just drive you nut.”
Matt let out another laugh as he cranked up the stereo. So maybe this wasn’t going to be the night of my dreams but I’ll still admit that it was still just as much fun spending the rest of the ride to the dance belting out Maroon 5 and sounding like a couple of hyenas.
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When we arrived at the dance, Addison waved us over to the table she was already sitting at with Ben. She looked gorgeous as always wearing a white sequin dress with her jet black hair styled up tightly in a bun. The table, adorned with streamers around the edges, had silver confetti stars and fake snow scattered all over it. Icy blue balloons were tied to the back of the chairs. The gym looked breathtakingly beautiful. It would be the perfect setting for a first kiss with Matt.
“Hey, besties!” she greeted us as we sat down. “Wow V, you look hot! Matt, don’t you think she looks hot?” She nudged him in the side.
I shot Addison a murderous glare. A year and a half. That’s how long Addison could go before blurting out something so utterly embarrassing to Matt about me. I chanced a look in his direction, bracing myself for another Aaron situation. I was so sure he would throw his head back laughing about how Addison was insane to think that I could actually ever look pretty.
Instead, I thought I spied the faintest flush spread across his cheeks before he replied “Of course. You two lovely ladies always look beautiful.” He planted a loud smack on Addison’s cheek and she shoved him back with such force, she nearly sent him tumbling back into the table.
She elbowed him in the ribs. “Knock it off, weirdo.” She wiped her face, rubbing the back of her hand on his jeans. “Here, take your saliva back.” I glowered at the two of them, wondering if I was a beautiful girl would he have given me a kiss on the cheek instead of a joke corsage? I certainly wouldn’t have sent him flying like she had if he tried cozying up to me like that.
Sitting down at the seat beside her, I propped my head in my hands. Her eyes widened when she saw the flower on my wrist. She yanked my hand to her, exclaiming, “Oooh! How pretty!” Matt and I exchanged smirks as she fawned over it. She glanced up at him. “You brought her this? That’s so sweet of you. So you weren’t raised by a pack of wolves after all. I knew there were some manners inside of you.”
His face turned slightly red as he cleared his throat, “Uh, well, I was kind of, sort of messing around when I bought that.”
Her eyes widened and she swatted him on the arm. I knew she wanted to call him a jerk for doing that to me but how was he supposed to know that I had the world’s biggest crush on him unless Addison blew the whole thing up by reaming him out for pulling a stunt like that and having the audacity to get my hopes up? So instead, she just muttered something about him going off to howl at the moon with his pack before she stood and pulled Ben up out of his chair. “Well, we’re off to dance. You two stay out of trouble while I’m gone.” She blew us a kiss as she shimmied over towards where the DJ was playing some Halsey song and her date trailed behind her like some love-sick puppy.
Matt watched them disappear into the crowd before turning to me and wiggling his eyebrows. “Now that mom’s gone, how about we go stir up some mischief? I believe there’s a Saturday detention somewhere around here with my name on it.” He slid his gaze down over me, studying my outfit and growing serious. “That dress does look nice on you, though.”
My face was nearly as pink as the corsage on my wrist as I turned my attention towards the table, suddenly taking great interest in the napkin that was laid out in front of me. This whole thing was becoming more and more awkward. Up until now, Matt had never uttered a peep on the way I looked but then again, Addison had never opened her big mouth and put him on the spot like that before either. Suddenly feeling nervous that he would think this was all some sort of a setup put in place by my so-called best friend, I stood up, announcing that I was going to get some snacks. Why did I always have to run and hide from him whenever things took a turn for the slightly uncomfortable instead of being able to face it head-on? Is that why guys like him didn’t give girls like me kisses? Because I went cowering under a table before he could ever even get the chance to lean in?
***
Matt
I watched Vanessa leave, her black dress billowing behind her as she walked. I wasn’t sure what had just happened to make her demeanor suddenly change but could sense her reverting to her usual reserved self. I wondered if I had made her uncomfortable by complimenting her dress and looks. I never made mention before of how the girls looked because they were my friends and I didn’t really think of them in that way, even if they were pretty. I assumed that they didn’t see me in that way either and thought it was a given that we were all strictly friends so it didn’t seem like a big deal to toss a casual you look nice her way. It wasn’t like I had said “You look nice in that dress but I think it would look even nicer coming off of you.” She was so shy though, maybe that’s how she had interpreted it. I tried to recall the tone I had used with her to make sure I hadn’t been suggestive or given her any strange looks.
Crap, did Vanessa think I was hitting on her? Did she think I thought this was a date? I had called her my date and I had given her that corsage after all. It was supposed to be a joke but perhaps she didn’t take it that way. I dragged my hands down my face, now wishing I had never done that. Maybe my classmates had been right about me all along; maybe I was just a dumb idiot.
Panic started to rise in my chest as I started overthinking everything. I really valued her and Addison and didn’t want to lose the only friends I had ever known. The last thing I wanted to do was make either one of them uncomfortable by feeling like I was putting unwanted advances on them. When Vanessa came back to the table, I would make sure to set things straight.
***
Vanessa
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted anything so I got a little of everything.” I placed two plates of finger foods in front of Matt as I sat down. Leaving the table had given me a few moments to calm myself down and realize that I had been overanalyzing things.
Addison had put Matt on the spot so of course, he was going to say we looked nice. He might be a little clueless at times but he was never deliberately mean. I had to remind myself that he wasn’t Aaron. He was not the kind of guy to so casually and cruelly, I might add, toss around the word ugly. He actually cared about others’ feelings. He told me once that he knew what it was like to be called names and laughed at and vowed never to do the same to others.
I didn’t have to be so nervous. The compliment didn’t mean anything and it definitely was not something to freak out over. Feeling better already, I picked up a block of cheddar cheese and popped it into my mouth.
Matt plucked a BBQ chicken wing off one of the plates and bit into it. “Hey V,” he began through a mouthful of food, “You know the whole corsage thing was meant as a joke, right?”
Raising my eyebrow at him, I gave him a questioning look. What was he getting at? I forced out a laugh. “Yea. Duh. Of course. Everyone knows I only wear black.”
He picked at the chicken bone, not making eye contact with me. “And when I said you looked nice, you understood that I wasn’t hitting on you? I’m not like trying to get in your pants or anything.” He winced as he said the words, a flush spreading across his cheeks.
I nearly spit out the diet soda I was sipping on. Where in the world had that come from? “Well, I’m wearing a dress, not pants so no, I didn’t think that.” I cringed at how stupid I sounded. Addison needed to come back right now. This plane was crashing fast.
Matt looked at me strangely. “Ok…so we’re good then?”
“Of course.” I laughed nervously and perhaps a little too loud. “Why wouldn’t we be? “
He shrugged. “No reason. I…uh…mean, I like being your friend and I only think of you as one so, yea, you don’t have to worry. There will be no trying to date you on my end.” He covered his face, slightly banging his head against his hands, and even though he hadn’t said it in the most eloquent of manners, I had received his message loud and clear; he wasn’t interested. I had my doubts before but knew for certain now that Matt was definitely under the impression that this was a setup. I could kill Addison.
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I stormed over to where Addison was dancing on the floor without a care in the world as Ben held her hand with an expression of adoration on his face. What it would be like to be pretty and have all the boys fall at your feet, I wondered. “Addison! Bathroom! Now!” I hissed in her ear.
“Whoa girl, simmer down.” She stopped doing the Cotton Eyed Joe to stare at me “What’s got your panties in a twist?”
I grabbed her by the arm, dragging her across the gym and all the way into the restroom. “Why the hell did you ask Matt if I looked hot? Now he thinks I’m trying to get with him and he’s all weirded out.”
Addison pulled a paper towel out from the dispenser and blotted her glistening face because beautiful girls didn’t sweat, according to her. “First off, you are trying to get with him, and second, when does he ever not act weird?”
I put my hands on my hips, glaring at her. “Not the point, Addison. He told me he only thinks of me as a friend and to quit hanging on him all the time.”
Addison turned towards me, placing her hands on her hips in a gesture that mirrored mine. “He said that to you? Oh, hell no. What an asshole. I don’t care if he is our friend; I’m going to tell him where he can go stick it.” She shook her head. “Did the wolves he was raised by not teach him anything?”
She started towards the bathroom door but I grabbed her arm, stopping her. “Well, maybe he didn’t say those exact words,” I admitted.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Ok. So what exactly did he say then, V?”
I looked under the toilet stalls to make sure no one else was listening. “He told me he wasn’t trying to get in my pants,” I whispered.
She raised her eyebrows. “What the hell? Why would he say that?” She giggled. “He really is weird.” She tapped her chin with one finger. “Alright, let’s try to piece this together. Did he attempt to pull a fast one on the way over here or something and maybe you didn’t notice? Boys aren’t normal, V. They get weirdly sensitive when they feel like they’ve been rejected.”
I thought back to the car ride over. Nothing out of the ordinary happened that I could think of. “No. Not unless you count him singing She will be loved.”
Addison made a face. “He’s still listening to that CD? God, we really need to buy him something else.” She shuddered. “Ok, so that’s his typical behavior. What else?” She started pacing the bathroom floor. “I really want you to think hard, V. Did anything else happen?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Addie maybe you asking him if I looked hot?”
She winced. “Yea, sorry about that. I was only trying to move things along between you two since you’re literally moving at a snail’s pace. However, that is another thing about boys; they tend to get a little skittish when they feel cornered. So really, his freak out could be caused by anything.”
I gave her a long sigh. “Thanks, Addie, that was really helpful.” I bit my lip. “There is one more thing. He said he wasn’t trying to date me.”
She waved me off. “That doesn’t mean anything. You know how many guys have said that to me and then I find them at my locker the next day asking to hold my books? He probably thinks you don’t want to date him and is trying to make himself look more irresistible by getting you to want what you can’t have.”
I groaned. “Well, can he not? He already is irresistible and I already do want what I can’t have.” Sighing even louder this time, I leaned against the sinks. I knew Addison was trying to make me feel better by saying all those things to me but I couldn’t deny the truth; he didn’t want me as his girlfriend. I had been secretly hoping that underneath that dimpled smile and sideways glances that he felt what I was feeling too but he couldn’t have made it any more clear for me; he and I were not going to happen. I just wasn’t beautiful enough, funny enough, or confident enough. I wasn’t someone like Addison.
I knew I should be grateful that at least I knew where I stood with him without having to risk making our friendship awkward but that still didn’t stop the lump from forming in my throat and my eyes burning with the tears that threatened to spill over at any moment. I guess the only thing left for me to do was to move on from my all-consuming crush on Matt and accept that we would only ever be friends and nothing more.
***
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