Vanessa
It was the day after the BBQ at Kat’s house and Addison and I were outside in her backyard, baking in the sun on lounge chairs, trying to get our tan on. I had stayed up late the night before and between my exhaustion and the toasty rays of the sun, I was near dozing off.
“You know,” I began sleepily, “Sometimes, I wonder if I read way too much into what happened with Matt at Winter Formal.”
Addison rolled over onto her stomach, glancing over at me. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe I gave up on him too easily. He neveractually said he didn’t like me just that he didn’t want to get into my pants. Two totally different things if you ask me. It just means that he’s respectful.” I had been on this constant loop of back and forth with my feelings for Matt for the past several months and Addison was no doubt growing tired of hearing about it. Maybe part of me was in denial and didn’t want to accept that he only saw me as a friend but there was also the part that needed to hear him actually admit it.
Addison lowered her sunglasses and raised her eyebrows at me. “I’m sorry but did I black out into a coma and miss the part where you did give up on him?”
I fiddled with my fingers as I stared down at my lap. “There were a couple of evenings where I didn’t let myself think about him,” I mumbled.
She scoffed. “Which ones were those, V? My phone is full of late-night texts from you gushing about how you just remembered that you both like mint chocolate chip ice cream or that you discovered the color of his toothbrush is blue.” She sat up and began applying more tanning oil to her legs. “You know how many tidbits about Matt I have unwillingly learned?”
I glanced over at her as she massaged the oil onto her chest. She looked like a goddess with her glistening bronze skin, long legs, and form-fitting emerald bikini. I looked down at what I was wearing, feeling more like a 12-year-old than Aphrodite in my too-tight, black tankini top, and matching boy shorts. God, even my swimwear was boring. Could I be any more hopeless?
Addison sighed. “I think it’s in your best interest to just move on, V.”
“Why should I,” I whined, presenting even more like a prepubescent girl. “Don’t you think I need a bit more concrete proof than just some off-handed comment that he made one time?”
She slid to the edge of her lounger, taking my hands in between hers and letting out another long sigh. “It’s not just that though. I think I may have your concrete proof.” Before she could continue her sights flicked up to something over my shoulder, catching her attention. “Uh…Code Red…or Code Black I should say.”
I glanced behind me to follow her gaze and saw Matt come jogging up the sidewalk, sweat beading on his forehead. I frowned at him as he approached. Even though the temperature was in the high 70’s and he was wearing shorts, he had a sweatshirt on with the hood pulled up over his head, which was odd given the warm weather and the fact that he hated to have anything touching his hair. Ever. Ugh, even still, he looked incredibly gorgeous.
He came over to the lounger that Addison was sprawled on, nudging her legs aside so he could sit down. He made a face as his fingers made contact with her slick skin and he wiped his palm on his shorts. “Were you swimming in an oil spill or something? Why are you so greasy?”
She shot him a dirty look. “And why are you so bundled up? Have you decided to start fully embracing the grim reaper look with that hooded cloak of yours?”
He rolled his eyes before glancing over at me, nodding his head. “Hey, V. How’s it going?”
“Hey,” I replied, my voice soft. I pulled on the elastic wrapped around my wrist, sliding it off and sticking it between my teeth as I combed my fingers through my hair. I gathered my waves together, securing them into a ponytail with the band. “So what are you up to today?”
He sighed as he leaned against the back of the chair, sliding one arm around Addison. “I’m so damn bored. I will deny ever admitting this but I’m starting to think that maybe school is actually good for something. It’s a decent time filler.”
Addison laughed. “Matt, you sleep through most of your classes. You can just as easily do that at your house.”
He shook his head. “I tried but it’s too hot. My dad refuses to turn on the AC until July 1st.” He rolled his eyes. “He’ll do anything to save money where he can even if it means letting his son suffer.”
She slid her sunglasses onto her head as she looked at him. “You sound really spoiled and ungrateful right now. It’s your dad’s penny pinching that allowed him to surprise you with a car on your 16th birthday. Even if it’s an old beater, it’s more than most parents would do for their children.”
He glared at her. “Addie, your parents are rich. You have a pool and they give you a generous allowance every week. What do you know about making sacrifices?”
Sensing the tension growing between them that was a little more than their usual banter, I racked my brain to change the subject. “Do you guys want to catch a movie later? There’s this new comedy out that’s supposed to be really funny.”
Matt nodded his head at the same time Addison shook hers. “No,” she said. “Let’s go see that new horror film. I heard it’s really scary.”
Matt scoffed. “Addie, nobody wants to see your lame movies. The acting is always bad, the special effects are unrealistic and the storyline is so predictable.”
“You’re really annoying today,” she said nudging him off of her. “Can you give me some space? You’re like 100 degrees.” She reached for the hood of his sweatshirt as he tilted his head away from her grasp. “And take this thing off. You look ridiculous.” She managed to grab a hold of the thick material, yanking it off his head as he continued to try and dodge her touch.
My whole world tilted on its axis as his hood fell away, leaving his neck exposed and the deep purple hickey adorning it on full display. I instantly felt sick to my stomach as hot tears burned behind my eyelids. Addison’s eyes widened as she gasped, “Matthew, you little slut!”
His face reddened as he yanked his hood back over his head. “I don’t want to hear your judgment, Addie,” he mumbled. “You’ve made out with over half the football team.”
Not wanting to hear another word about it and feeling like I had just been pierced through the heart, I jumped up, tearing my way across the lawn and into Addison’s house, not caring if they thought I had lost my mind. I needed to get away so he wouldn’t see the tears that had begun streaming down my cheeks. Thundering up the stairs and into her bedroom, I threw myself onto her pink fuzzy sheets as the hiccupping sobs came in full force now.
It could have been minutes or it could have been hours; I wasn’t sure how long I had been curled up into the comforting cocoon of my best friend’s bed before I felt a body plop down at the foot of the mattress where my head was resting. Fingers stroked their way through my hair as I sniffled. “That’s what I tried to tell you before Matt came over,” Addison’s voice consoled. “He was looking rather cozy with some girl at the barbeque yesterday. I’m really sorry, V. I know it sucks right now that he has feelings for someone else but you deserve to be with somebody that loves you just as much as you love them.”
My blood turned ice-cold as my heart shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Didn’t want to believe it. I felt faint. “Who is she?” I whispered through sobs.
Addison’s hand froze in my hair. “Vanessa, don’t do this to yourself.”
“Who is she?” I repeated through gritted teeth.
“I…I don’t know,” she stammered. “I couldn’t get a good look at her face for obvious reasons but she looked to have about my build and her hair…her hair was red.”
I scoffed. “So nothing like me is what you’re saying, right?” My sadness was slowly turning into rage as I balled my hands into fists, ready to hit something or more specifically, someone. Someone with a leather jacket, dimpled smile, and a rather large hickey on their neck.
Addison squeezed my hand. “V, stop comparing yourself to every other girl. You’re beautiful.”
“Right,” I said sarcastically. “That’s why Matt is making out with everybody except for me.” I sat up in bed, throwing my arms around my best friend and nuzzling into her shoulder. “I just want to feel pretty for once, Addie. I want to know what it feels like to be you and have my pick of whichever guy I want.”
“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” She hugged me tightly, rocking me back and forth. “You’re beautiful, smart, and fun. Way better than any girl that Matt will ever date. Now, repeat after me. ‘I’m Vanessa and I’m beautiful, smart, fun and Matt doesn’t deserve me.’ Go ahead. Your turn.”
“I’m Vanessa. I’m beautiful, smart, and fun,” I mumbled begrudgingly, and then with a bit more fire in my tone, I continued. “That little dirt bag Matt doesn’t deserve me.” Even though I was saying the words, none of it felt true.
“That’s my girl,” Addison praised as she pulled away, wiping my tears with the pads of her thumbs before handing me a tissue.
I blew my nose musing that I must look like a snotty mess with my ruddy cheeks and swollen eyelids. No wonder nobody wanted to date me. I raised my gaze to Addison’s. “Teach me, Addie. Show me how to be as confident and girly as you are.”
She cocked her head to one side as she studied me. “V, you don’t need to change a single thing about you, especially for some dumb boy but if you really want to then I’ll show you every tip and trick I know.” She nodded in the direction of the downstairs. “Starting by showing Matt that no man is worth your tears. Now get down there and tell him how he can be his own date to the movies tonight. Let him know what it feels like to lose the best thing he’s never had.”
I slid off the bed, reluctant to do as Addison instructed but I took a deep breath and decided to face him. She smacked me on the butt as we headed down the stairs and into the kitchen where Matt was raiding the cabinets for something to eat. He pulled out a bag of Doritos as he looked over, grinning at us. “You two hens finished with your clucking?”
Addison grabbed the chips from him. “That’s not for you.”
He looked taken aback but didn’t say anything, instead sliding his gaze over to me. “Did you still want to see that movie? I looked up the times and they have a showing starting in an hour.”
I bit my lip as I exchanged a look with Addison. I cleared my throat. “Actually, I think I’d rather not go.” I shrugged a shoulder. “Sorr-“ I caught Addison’s eye and she shook her head.
Matt furrowed his eyebrows as he looked from me to Addison, taking in our icy cold stares. “Ok...” he said slowly. “Did I do something wrong?” He shook his head. “Never mind, forget it,” he mumbled. “It was only a matter of time before you two edged me out.” He crossed the kitchen to the backdoor, pausing to look at us, one hand on the doorknob. “Hope you both have a great summer.”
He slammed the door behind him as he left and I made a move to follow him but Addison grabbed my arm, stopping me. “Addison,” I exclaimed. “I don’t want to make him feel like shit and believe that we hate him.”
She hopped up onto the counter, opening the bag of Doritos she had snatched from Matt and scarfing them down. “Right now, we kind of do hate him,” she said through a mouthful of chips.
I placed my hands on my hips as I narrowed my eyes at her. “He’s our friend, Addison. We can’t crucify him for hooking up with somebody.” I let out a long sigh, dragging my hands down my face. “Yea, it sucks that it’s not with me but if we both cared about him then wouldn’t we want him to be happy?”
She rolled her eyes. “You are way too smart and kind for your own good.” She licked the cheese dust off her fingers. “Fine, go chase down lover boy, and let him know we’re just PMSing or something and we’ll watch his dumb movie.”
There was no hesitation as I sprinted out the back door to catch up with Matt, vowing that this was the last time I was ever going to chase him.
***
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