Matt
I closed the door behind Vanessa, chuckling softly to myself. She was so nervous and shy all the time but she didn’t need to be. She had a good personality and when she relaxed a little bit, it shone through. However, it was also very endearing when her cheeks would turn rosy pink anytime she spoke. All the boys probably thought she was adorable.
As for me, I wasn’t quite sure what had come over me to make me hug her like that. I figured that maybe subconsciously I was just trying to calm her nerves and put her at ease but it seemed to have the opposite effect on her. Instead of soothing her, it had only flustered her even more and I worried that I had crossed a line or worse, had weirded her out. Was this the part where she would confess to me that she knew all the other kids in school thought I was a loser and could I please not ever touch her again? Would she tell me that hugs were only meant to be exchanged between friends and I was delusional if I thought that I was hers? It was the first time that I had embraced her and now felt a little silly for doing it just then, especially after seeing her reaction.
I made a mental note to definitely not do that again; not that I had even planned on doing it in the first place. However, despite the awkwardness that had ensued over the whole thing, there was a part of me that still enjoyed it just the tiniest bit. She felt warm, soft and there was just the faintest hint of vanilla wafting from her hair. Maybe I wasn’t as uninterested in girls as I had originally led myself to believe because I was quite certain that boys who still thought females were gross didn’t notice the way they smelled.
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Sophomore Year
Vanessa
As I had predicted, by the time the fall came and Matt turned 16, he was starting to look less like a scrawny kid and more like a handsome young adult and it was glaringly obvious that I wasn’t the only girl that had noticed.
When I changed in the locker room after gym class, I would often overhear the giggles and gossip as they discussed crushes and the cutest boys in the sophomore class. I was dismayed to hear Matt’s name come up more than once with an overwhelming majority vote that he was the dreamiest.
In between classes, they would vie for his attention, seeking out help to unjam their lockers or asking him what that day’s homework from history was as if he actually did it. He would give them weird looks as he shrugged his shoulders. “Why are they asking me that? I dozed off for most of the class.” I would shrug my shoulders in return, pretending like I didn’t know the answer when in reality, I was seething that it somehow had turned into a competition to see who could score that coveted date with him first.
Of course, it only seemed to up his cool factor now that he had obtained his driver’s license a few short weeks after his birthday and already had his own car. It was slowly beginning to dawn on me that with all the pretty and popular girls he could have his pick from; there was no hope that a generic and basic girl such as me could ever stand a chance with someone as gorgeous as him. He was out of my league and I knew it.
The only solace I found was in the fact that while I wasn’t his girlfriend, at least I got to be his friend, which was something only a select few females got to gloat about. Well, ok, it was only me and Addison that had bragging rights but that was perfectly fine with me. The fewer short-skirt-wearing and long-hair twirling girls that hung around him the better. I relished being the one to ride alongside him in the passenger seat of his red Jetta as he drove Addison and me to the diner or the beach and sometimes even the lookout spot where the older kids would go to have their parties at night.
The only real letdown was finding out this school year that we no longer shared a class but at least, after our first night alone in the spring of freshman year, I had grown more comfortable going on solo outings with him. We slowly began hanging out more and more just the two of us. We often enjoyed going to the bookstore after school, something Addison always opted out of as she claimed it to be dreadfully boring, and we would peruse the shelves, reading each other passages from our favorite novels.
As our bond grew, so did my feelings for Matt. I was as hopelessly in love with him as any 16-year-old girl could be. I memorized every little detail about him such as the one dimple he had when he smiled, the way his hair would brush across his forehead when it was getting too long and gel could no longer keep it in place. But most of all, I memorized the feelings. The happiness I felt seeing him driving in his car with the windows down. In those moments he was always so carefree. He would throw his sunglasses on as he beamed from ear to ear, not even caring that the breeze was making a mess of his carefully styled hair, and trust me when I say, he always cared about his hair. We would sing at the top of our lungs and it never mattered that we missed most of the words and were horribly off-key; we were just happy to be doing what we loved.
I would spend my days with him, in awe of all he had to offer. He oftentimes sold himself short, thinking he was inferior because he came from a home that struggled to make ends meet. He had trouble in school as well, which caused teachers to give up on him, figuring he wasn’t worth their time and it only led to him falling even further behind in classes. Sometimes, when we sat around in the grass, plucking blades from the earth and titling our heads up to enjoy the sunshine, he let down his guard the tiniest bit and hinted at a past rife with teasing and emotional turmoil. It didn’t matter to me what others said about him though, because I saw the beauty in him, both inside and out.
I saw him for who he was. He was thoughtful, often scraping together a few dollars to surprise me and Addison with our favorite s’mores cookies at lunchtime and he was sweet, calling to check up on me whenever I stayed home sick from school. More than that, he was silly and could always make me laugh with impressions of our teachers or witty zingers that he always delivered back to Addison when she joked around with him.
I would lay awake at night and imagine what it would be like to be his girlfriend. To hold his hand while he was driving, to brush that hair out of his eyes when he needed a cut, to trace that dimple. He was slowly becoming my everything and I could only hope that I was becoming his. Sometimes, I would catch him staring at me for a second too long and dared to dream that maybe he just might feel the same way.
***
Matt
I pulled my red Jetta in front of Vanessa’s house and honked the horn. It was a Friday night and in place of watching our usual reality shows, we had all opted to go to a party at the lookout spot instead. Addison was in the backseat adjusting her sparkly, purple tube top muttering about how it wasn’t fair that she had to be uncomfortable in order to look good. She rolled down the window and shouted at Vanessa as she came down the walk “Let’s gooooo!”
Vanessa laughed, sliding into the front seat in the spot next to me. She was wearing her normal black, only this time; it was a mini skirt and a tank top. She had pulled her wavy hair into a high, half-up style. I supposed it was slightly possible I may have spent an extra second or two admiring the way she looked.
Even I had to admit that the girls were starting to grow up into stunners. I still didn’t have the desire to date because I saw all the drama that could come with it and no, thank you but was slowly beginning to realize that I was no longer as immune to girls as I had once been. I was starting to notice more and more the effect an eyelash bat or a casual hair flip could have on my nerves, which Addison and Vanessa always seemed to have in spades and also tended to use to get whatever they wanted from me. Well, mostly Addison did anyways. Vanessa was often still shy around me but she was quickly learning from her friend.
As if reading my thoughts, Addison leaned forward from her place in the back, propping her chin on my shoulder. “Mattie, I’m huuungry. Can you please stop at the drive-thru so I can get some fries?” I turned to eye her and she pouted her lips at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, alright.” She squealed in delight and I exchanged a smile with Vanessa. We knew that Addison had a weak spot when it came to her beloved fries but usually about ten minutes after scarfing them down, she would complain that the salt had made her bloated and swore she would never touch carbs again. That is, until the next time she had a craving.
Sure enough, tonight was no different. After parking behind a line of vehicles at the bottom of the hill, she dragged herself out of the car, clutching her stomach. “Remind me never to eat fries again. I feel huge right now. No guy is going to want to make out with me tonight.”
Vanessa tried to stifle a laugh as her gaze fell on me. Addison could really be so dramatic sometimes. Grinning, I reached out to place my palm on Addison’s very much so, flat belly. “Aw, when are you due?”
She punched me in the arm, narrowing her eyes at me. “Not funny, Matthew. I hate you.”
I slung my arm around her shoulder as we started walking up on the trail. “You love me though.” I looked over at her, as my arm got torn to shreds by the dozens of sequins on her top chafing against my skin. I could not comprehend her style of dress whatsoever. It was too loud and obnoxious for my taste and called unnecessary attention to itself as it shimmered in the gleam of the moonlight.
She stared back at me, a glower crossing over her face. “What?”
I pretended to squint in the dark. “I can hardly see out here. Anybody got a flashlight? Wait, never mind, Addie’s shirt will light the way for us.”
She responded by scratching her head in mock confusion. “It’s funny. I hear Matt’s voice and yet I can’t spot him anywhere.” She faked looking startled as her darting eyes landed on me. “Oh geez, I didn’t see you there. You must have blended into the night with all that black you’re wearing.” She grabbed at the chain hanging from my belt loop. “You may not be able to see him coming but you can hear him.”
I smirked at her. “No one can see you coming either. They’re too blinded by the reflection of your top. Good thing they can still smell you coming, though with the five gallons of perfume you’re wearing.”
“Yea…well…well…” Her mouth twitched and we both collapsed into laughter. That was usually how it went with us. We could keep going back and forth with our banter until eventually one of us would run out of comebacks.
Our laughter died out and I looked over to see Vanessa walking with her head down, her sights focused on the ground. She hadn’t said a word since we arrived and even though she veered on the quieter side; this level of silence was unusual for her. I removed my arm from Addison’s shoulder to sidle up next to her. “You ok,” I asked softly.
She looked up at me, her brown eyes solemn. “Yea, I’m fine.”
I wanted to believe her but her tone wasn’t very convincing. I reached up to clasp her on the shoulder. “If you want to talk, just let me know.” She tilted her head so that she was gazing up at the stars. I followed her sights, taking in the beauty of the night sky. I loved being out in the woods because the stars always shone the brightest out here. “Amazing, huh?”
She glanced over at me and slowly nodded her head. “Amazing, indeed.”
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