Vanessa
By the time the last few weeks of summer had rolled around, I had just about come to terms with the fact that Matt and I were never going to happen. I had spent most of the past 3 months nursing my broken heart and putting as much distance between us as possible. I had avoided him for as long as I could before he coerced me into seeing a movie with him and when he met me outside the theater with a wide grin on his face and greeted me with a hug, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn’t rip my insides out or send a blush all the way up to my scalp. I actually felt ok. I was nearly over him and realized that even though I may never get to have him as my boyfriend, having him as my friend was almost just as good.
Even though it still hurt that in his eyes I wasn’t deemed pretty enough to kiss, I had received my answers as to where I stood with him and could finally accept it. I was no longer in denial. He just didn’t feel the same way. I would never know what his lips would feel like on mine or if he was a good kisser. I could only imagine if his breath smelled like mint and his tongue tasted like candy.
It was true that I didn’t have the answers to those questions but I did know the things that really mattered. I had the knowledge that tight spaces made him feel like he couldn’t breathe and that the gentle pattering of the rain against his bedroom window at night was his favorite sound. I knew the things that only got revealed through developing a close friendship with him such as the blaring of a car horn always made him jump even though the reasons as to why still eluded me.
I supposed that it was better this way; us just being friends. With it brought a sense of freeness and openness I hadn’t felt around him before. I stopped second-guessing my responses and triple-checking my appearance before seeing him. I was no longer intent on trying to win him over so what did it matter if I had spinach in my teeth or told a lame joke that no one laughed at?
I even started to notice the other boys at the parties we attended that summer. When did Tyler Mack get so cute? How long had Zach Philips had his braces off for? It was a whole different world for me now and it felt amazing. By letting go of Matt, I was slowly leaving behind all the insecurities that ran through my head like a freight train and kept me up at night.
I was nowhere near close to Addison’s level of confidence but I was no longer focused on all the traits I was lacking and picking myself apart for not being able to catch Matt’s eye. Perhaps, my momentary boost in self-esteem is the reason behind why I let Addison talk me into trading in my old, too-small tankini set for something a little bit more bold and flirtatious.
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Addison’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head as I emerged from the Target dressing room in an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow bikini. No polka dots, though.
“Vanessa Jane Adams!” She shrieked. “Where did those come from?” She marched me in front of the full-length mirror before pointing at my chest, her mouth hanging open.
As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I realized that I was standing in the middle of a public place, practically naked. My boobs were spilling out of the top and I self-consciously wrapped my arms around my not entirely flat stomach. “I don’t know about this one, Addie,” I said meekly. “Isn’t it a bit…provocative?”
She shook her head wildly. “Hell no! I hate to break it to you, V but it’s not the bikini that’s making you look so sexy. It’s your body. Holy curves, girl!”
“That’s it. Where are the one pieces?” I turned around to go back into the dressing room, smacking right into Addison.
She clasped me on the shoulders, looking me in the eyes. “Vanessa, if you ever want to get a boyfriend, I promise that this is the way to do it. You strut your stuff on the beach in this little get up and you will have all the guys wagging their tongues at you. You look hot!”
I pushed past her, heading into the stall where my clothes were piled into a drab little heap on the floor. Maybe she was right. My wardrobe was tired and could use some sprucing up. I looked into the mirror again while she also looked on, draping one slender arm over my shoulder. “V, you say I’m gorgeous but I would kill to have your body.” She gestured at her thin frame. “Look at me. Not a curve to be found. No dangerous zones on this girl.” She cupped her small boobs. “I’m running out of time here to grow these A cups into something that runneth over.”
I smiled at her in the mirror. “I don’t know. I think you’ve got a cute body.” I titled my head to study my reflection and sighed. “I just look…kind of chubby.”
She gasped loudly as if I had just called her mother some ungodly name. “You are not chubby. You’re developing a woman’s body. You’ve got boobs, hips, and a butt now. Deal with it.” She bent over to scoop my bra off the floor. “What size are you at?” I yanked it from her hand but it was too late; she had already read the tag. “Girl you’re a C cup? Damn. You wouldn’t know it because you always cover it up with those baggie hoodies and t-shirts of yours.”
My face burned as I covered my chest with my arms. “It didn’t happen until the last few months. Can we please talk about something else?”
She clapped her hands, a sparkle in her eye. “This is so exciting. My baby’s finally a woman.”
I pushed her until she was out of the dressing room. “Oh my god, you are so embarrassing.”
She rapped on the door as I hurriedly changed back into my jeans and graphic t-shirt. “V, has your mom had the sex talk with you yet because the boys are going to start looking at you differently now that you have breasts, sweetie. If you start having urges, don’t worry. It’s completely healthy.”
I rolled my eyes. “Addison, go away.” She stuck her head underneath the stall, startling me into stumbling against the wall as I tried to hop into my jeans. I grabbed my shirt off the floor, covering my naked top half with it. “Geesus, Addie. Boundaries.”
She stuck her hand out. “Give me that bikini. You are so getting it.”
I placed the teeny yellow two-piece into her hand before kicking her fingers away. “Matt’s right about you,” I said laughing. “You just don’t give up.”
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