Vanessa
As I sat in first period, science class the next day, I realized that Addison was right and if I ever had any hope of being with Matt, I needed to do something instead of just sitting idly by. It didn’t help that the redheaded girl had me feeling even more on edge because I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody else expressed their interest in him first and I would find myself losing out to a tall blonde with a pretty smile.
However, there was no way I could ever get up the nerve to do as Addie suggested and plant a steamy kiss on his lips. As it was, I barely managed to make it through a conversation with him without getting tongue-tied and blushing from head to toe. And she just expected me to be that bold? I could never. No, I would have to think up another plan.
I tapped my pen against my notebook as I thought and it suddenly occurred to me that the answer was staring me right in the face. Yes! It was perfect. I glanced down at the blank paper in front of me. I could write him a note, telling him how I felt. I would be able to map out exactly what I wanted to say without having to worry about stumbling over my words and sounding like a complete idiot. If he wasn’t interested, he could just ignore it and that would be that. It would be a far less humiliating rejection than the one I had received from Aaron.
I put my pen on the paper, thinking about what I wanted to write. I would keep it short and simple. No confessions of how totally in love with him I was and how he was all I could think about. I wouldn’t even mention how adorable he looked when he furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion when he was trying to figure out a particularly tough math problem. I sighed dreamily, losing focus on the task at hand. Ok, think. I began scrawling out my words, the ink flowing easily now, and gave it a quick once over once I had drafted out what I had wanted to tell him.
Matt,
I have a huge crush on you. I think you’re really cute and sweet. I want to kiss that adorable dimple of yours and run my hands through your hair. Do you feel the same way?
I nodded. That would do. It was to the point with no question that I liked him. I ripped out the paper and folded it neatly into a square, carefully writing his name on the front. I smiled in satisfaction as I leaned back against my seat. This would be good.
When class was over, I tore my way through the hallway, finding his locker at the end. He wasn’t there so I quickly slipped the note through the vents and bolted off before he could catch me. I had made it about five feet before I stopped dead in my tracks as the reality of what I had just done sank in. Omg. I just admitted to Matt that I wanted to kiss his dimple. I slapped myself in the forehead. What had I been thinking? Stupid, stupid, stupid. My stomach started to feel queasy and I felt like I was going to puke in the nearest trashcan. I had to get it back before he could read it.
The bell for second period rang as I began formulating the plan to meet him at his locker after the next class. It would be fine. I would distract him with something in the opposite direction as he opened his locker and swoop in, grabbing the note before he ever even knew it existed. I took a deep breath as I headed to class. I totally had this.
My palms were a shaky, sweaty mess all throughout History and I could hardly concentrate on the fall of the Byzantine Empire as I rehearsed every step of what I would do in my head. When the bell sounded for the end of class, I sprinted out of my seat at lightning speed, booking it to Matt’s locker. Thankfully, he hadn’t yet arrived so I waited it out for him. A few minutes passed by and when he still didn’t show, I panicked that I had missed him but I couldn’t linger here any longer.
We had an assembly scheduled for third period so reluctantly; I trudged to the auditorium, figuring I could just follow him to his locker after that was over. I found Addison sitting in the back row, giggling with some guy from the basketball team. Their fingers were laced together as she rested her head on his shoulder. When she caught sight of me, she waved her free hand. “V, over here.”
I took a seat next to them, blowing out a breath as I scanned the room for Matt. Where was he? “Have you seen Matt,” I asked my voice shaky.
She shrugged. “No. Did you check the library? He’s probably off caressing some book and spouting love poems to it as he sniffs its pages.” I gave her a tight smile. Could she not mention confessions of love right now? She gave me a weird look. “What’s got you all wound up? I’m sure lover boy will pop up soon.” She smirked. “Or maybe he noticed a hair was out of place and will spend the next twenty minutes trying to get it back in just the perfect spot.”
I crossed my arms, slumping back in the chair as the principal took the podium to introduce our guest speaker who was giving a presentation on “Just Saying No to Drugs.” After 15 minutes of listening to the frail woman drone on about the effects of heroin, something I didn’t care about because I never had the intention of using, I glanced over at Addison. She had started making out with the boy, running her fingers through his shaggy hair that was highlighted in blonde.
I sighed as I shifted in my seat, my gaze sliding over to the door once more. I bit my fingernails. What if Matt had seen the note after all and decided to ditch the assembly so he could avoid me? Groaning, I dragged my hands down my face. I was an idiot for ever writing it. An absolute idiot.
At that point, the speaker began opening up the floor for questions. A brunette with glasses slowly raised her hand. The woman nodded at her. “Go ahead.”
“Um…what do you do if one of your friends gets involved with drugs?”
“Excellent question...”
I tuned the rest out as I elbowed Addison in the ribs. “Hey,”
She pried her lips away from sucking on the guy’s neck and I could already see the purple bruising of a hickey forming. She turned to look at me, her eyes half-closed. “Huh?”
“Are you even paying attention,” I asked her?
She waved her hand. “Yea, sure. Friends on drugs.” She looked me up and down. “Do you plan on getting involved with any of that?” I shook my head. “Ok, then we’re good here. I don’t need to know what to do then.” She shifted her attention back to her conquest and I pulled her arm. “Matt’s still not here. I’m worried.”
She let out a long sigh. “Then go look for him.” She returned her sights back to running her fingers over the guy’s tanned skin as I put my sights on the door.
A wave of relief washed over me as Matt slipped through the door to the auditorium, a book tucked underneath his arm. He hung back as he surveyed the room for a spot to sit. “Matt,” I called out in a whisper. He turned his head in my direction, a grin lighting up his face when he spotted me. Ugh, that dimple. That dimple that I told him I wanted to kiss. Stupid, stupid. His grin instantly changed to disgust as he noticed Addison making out heavily with the boy next to her.
I stared down at my lap, the awkwardness of the whole situation flooding through my body. What if he had seen the note and now knew that I was wishing that could be me and him right now? He slid one final glance in their direction before shuddering and opening up his book to the first page. So he had been at the library. How did Addison know him better than I did?
I bit my lip as I snuck peeks in his direction, looking for any indication that he had read my letter but his expression remained stoic as he focused on the novel. After about ten minutes of casual glances in his direction, or so I thought, he looked up at me. “What?”
The tips of my ears burned red and my pulse quickened. “Uh…nothing,” I squeaked. “I was just wondering what you were reading.”
He held the book up to me, showing me the cover but the picture of a darkened, empty elevator hardly gave any indication of what it was about. “Cool,” I muttered, my cheeks still feeling warm.
When the assembly was finally over, my heart slammed against my chest. It was time. I could not fumble this. I walked with Matt back to his locker, trying to make small talk about our plans for after school but my thoughts were more focused on getting that note back. We had almost made it to his locker when Alex Banks cut in front of me, blocking my path.
“Vanessa, you’re looking quite fine today. Mmm.”
I tried stepping around him but he kept moving in my way. “Yea, thanks,” I mumbled. I peered over his shoulder, my heart rate picking up as Matt started to spin the combination lock.
He reached out to grab my textbooks from me. “Let me hold those for you. A pretty lady shouldn’t have to strain her delicate hands on carrying heavy books. She should save her strength for holding other things.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I pushed past him, thoroughly grossed out.
“I’m all set.” I kept walking towards Matt but instantly froze as the note came tumbling out of his locker as he opened the door. What followed, unfolded in slow motion and I watched in horror as he bent over to pick it up. The blood running through my veins turned to ice and I could feel all color draining from my face. I wanted to turn back around and run down the hallway, knocking everyone and everything out of my way but my feet remained chained to the floor.
Sheer panic arose in my chest as he slowly unfolded the paper and began reading. His eyebrows shot up in surprise before he quickly furrowed them, chewing on his lip. What was going through his head right now? I thought I was going to be sick as he stood there for another minute just staring at the note. Finally, he shook his head before folding it up again and sliding it into his back pocket.
At that, I actually did take off running down the hallway, bumping into a tall boy with dark hair and sending his books flying out of his hands and scattering across the tile floor. “Hey, watch it,” he said, shooting me a dirty look.
I didn’t even stop to apologize. I just kept going until I reached the bathroom, bursting through the door and expelling my breakfast into the first stall I could reach. My hands shook as I grabbed a wad of toilet paper to wipe my mouth. Maybe I would go to the nurses’ office and say I was sick so I could go home. But then what? I would still have to face him at some point. Or would I? Cave living was sounding pretty good right about now. I imagined making a cozy home out of leaves, sticks, and whatever else I could find in the wild. Who needed school anyways?
The bell for the next class rang and I knew that I did. I cared about my grades and getting into a reputable college so reluctantly, I peeled myself off the cold floor, accepting my fate of learning about obtuse and acute angles while the boy I loved carried my burning desire for him around in his back pocket.
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