— The music stopped, I note with regret, a few moments later.
Jessy didn't seem to have noticed and continued to rock us in a gentle rhythm. Total silence reigns on the hill overlooking the town of Millisky. I feel Jessy slowly release his grip, but I don't make a move. I feel so good in his arms that I would never want to let go. With my head resting against his chest, I listen to the beat of his heart with the certainty that as long as it beats, I will be with this boy.
— Don’t let me go, I whisper before looking up at him.
— It's cold. Come on, let's get back in the car.
I take the hand he offers me and follow him. Now that the magic of the moment has passed, I worry that he will push me away again. He takes me into his old car before going around it to get behind the wheel. His gaze meets mine and attaches to it. I want to ask him if these kisses mean as much to him as they do to me, but I fear the answer so much that I don't dare. When I see him leaning towards me, I move closer and our lips meet again. Immediately, I find my place between my arms while our lips never leave each other and our tongues caress each other for several seconds.
When Jessy breaks our kiss, I hold his face in the palm of my hand and caress his cheek.
— What do you have ? I ask him.
His eyes lock on mine with a seriousness that makes me fear the worst.
— Are you sure you want to be with me ?
His question completely disconcerts me. We just kissed and he already regrets it. My hand falls on the seat, I step back slightly as he continues :
— I don't see what I could bring you other than some trouble. Living with this virus is already difficult, I don't want to drag you into this. Not to mention the fact that I would never take the slightest risk of infecting you like Haley did to me. There will be nothing more between us than what we have right now...
Through his words, I understand that he is simply afraid.
— Jessy, stop ! Do you think I never thought about all this?
I smile at him and lean towards him again to assure him :
— All I want is to be with you, the rest doesn't matter to me. It's been weeks since we met and as long as I hope I can feel you so close to me.
I grab his hand, he intertwines our fingers.
— Trust me, I whisper against his mouth before kissing him.
Immediately, he kisses me back as his body presses against mine. I savor his tenderness, his heart which beats in unison with mine, his tongue which explores my mouth. I don't know how much time passes like this but I don't want it to end. I would like to spend my life in his arms, breathing in his scent.
When our mouths separate, it’s to exchange little kisses that give me as many butterflies in my stomach as the previous ones. I had never felt this way with Chad. Since I met Jessy, I have the feeling of discovering the reality of life, of discovering myself. I feel happy, in my place, for the first time in my life.
Glancing towards the dashboard, I see him grimace and follow his gaze. It’s 11 : 15 p.m.
— Do you want to go home ? I ask him.
— No way. But it will be necessary. Tomorrow we have to go to school.
Sighing, he starts the car and heads back into town, heading towards my house. I know we're going to be separated for the night but I don't want to leave him. Unfortunately, there is little traffic and we quickly arrive in front of the house. Jessy turns off the engine as I lean over to peer out the windows. Only one light is still on upstairs, the one in my parents' bedroom, otherwise the whole house is plunged into darkness.
— My father is waiting for me, I grimace before turning towards him.
His hand slides to the back of my neck, he pulls me towards him.
— I don’t want to leave you, he says against my mouth.
I snuggled against his body, deepening our kiss. I feel his lips leave mine and move down my neck where they suck in the delicate skin. I hold back a groan.
— You are not afraid ? He asks me a few seconds later.
Thinking that he is talking about my father, I look again at the parental window in front of which my father's shadow has just passed. If he sees us, I fear the worst.
Turning my attention back to Jessy, I notice his furrowed brows and suddenly realize that this isn't about my father.
— Afraid of you ?
He nods in agreement.
— Of course not ! Why should I ? The only thing that's freaking me out right now is the soap my dad might throw at me.
— Are you planning to tell your parents about us ? He is surprised.
I kiss him furtively before opening the door.
— Obviously. I have no intention of hiding from you.
I'm about to leave when he grabs my hand and pulls me against him again.
— It’s not fair, I admit against his mouth. I don't want to part with you.
— See you again tomorrow morning, he smiled. If you haven't forgotten me by then.
— You're crazy ! I laugh, taking his face in my hands, saying: One last kiss and I'm going.
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I already know that I won't sleep much tonight, too many ideas are swirling in my head for that. I only want one thing : To talk to the person I love most in the world. So, after changing into my pajamas and making sure my father had turned off the light in his room, I slowly went back down to the kitchen to grab the phone.
— Hey Nick, I say when my brother answers after a few rings.
— Good evening Meg. Is there a problem for you to call me at this time ? Did something happen to the parents ?
I only notice the time : 1:25 a.m.
— Oops, I didn't realize it was so late. I'm sorry to wake you.
— Don't worry, I wasn't sleeping. In fact, here I am coming back from… a friend’s house.
His confidence hardly surprises me, my brother has always been successful.
— Nick, I didn't want to wait until the morning to tell you that I spent the evening with Jessy.
My brother sighs disappointedly.
— Yeah, you watched movies together, as usual...
— No, not this time...
In a few minutes, I tell him about the day we just had and especially how it ended.
— Finally you have decided ! It's not too early ! You've been telling me about the great love of your life for weeks without anything happening between you !
— Stop making fun of me, I moan softly.
— No ! It’s my privilege as a big brother to bother my little sisters.
— I miss you Nick. Such.
A silence follows my confession. I know my brother, I know that my words touch him more than he will ever admit.
— You don’t need me anymore now that you’re going to spend all your time with Jessy, he replies sarcastically.
— I will always need you Nick. I love you.
— Me too, little head. Well I guess the parents don't know that you spent the evening with your tongue in this guy's mouth?
— No, not yet. But I plan to tell them tomorrow morning.
— Well, good luck, especially with Dad !
My enthusiasm suddenly drops as anxiety invades me. Announcing to my brother that I'm going out with Jessy was a joy, announcing it to my parents won't be a cakewalk.
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The next morning, I got up in a very good mood. For weeks, I had been asking myself a thousand questions about Jessy and me, about my feelings for him, about the fact that he kept me at a distance and suddenly, there is nothing left of these questions, just the happiness of being with him.
Despite myself, I smile as I look in the mirror and giggle at the memory of the long kiss Jessy gave me on my neck that has now become a massive hickey. I like having his mark on me, it proves to me that I wasn’t dreaming. I grab a black silk scarf, determined to hide this hickey. I don't want my parents to find out about my history with Jessy like this. It's up to me to talk to them about it. Just then, I hear Nina giggling. I turn around as the scarf falls onto the carpet in my room.
— I knew it. (She points a finger at my neck.) You got back with Chad ! I was sure of it !
I remain stunned for a moment, wondering where she got such an idea.
— No, that's not it…
— Well, let’s see, my younger sister replies, hastily leaving my room with a big smile.
I give up chasing him and try to place the cloth correctly around my neck. When the result seems conclusive, I go down to join my family in the kitchen.
— Hello everyone !
— Hi ! You are in a very good mood this morning.
My father, seated in front of his coffee, looks at me suspiciously.
Before I can say anything, Nina speaks :
— Normal, she got back together with Chad !
— What ? my parents exclaim in unison, visibly surprised.
I remain speechless for a moment before replying quickly :
— But not at all !
Nina frowns.
— Well yes, otherwise who gave you the huge hickey you have on your neck ?
My eyes widen and I curse my sister for being so talkative. I see my parents' eyes rest on my scarf, as if they are trying to see through the thin fabric.
— I'm not with Chad.
— Um... Megan, can you take off that scarf, please ? Ask my father too politely.
Hesitantly, I undo the knot and the scarf slides down my skin revealing the purplish mark.
— Damn it ! My father swears, jumping up.
He turns away so he doesn't have to look at me anymore. My mother looks at me with a small smile which I return. She understood a long time ago how I really feel about Jessy.
— Calm down, John, it’s his age.
About his age ! But after all, she’s a child !
Clearly, my father will never see me as the woman I am becoming.
— She's sixteen years old ! My mother replies. She's not a kid anymore !
— And... And besides... Who... Who did this to you ? My father stammers as he walks in circles in front of me, barely daring to look up in my direction.
— It was late when I got home last night, but I was planning to tell you about it this morning, if a plague hadn't thrown everything away for me. (I glare at my sister.) Since yesterday, Jessy and I have been together.
My father suddenly stops walking and stares at me in disbelief.
— I was sure of it, my mother smiled. I know from the start that he likes you.
My father gives his wife a look of incomprehension.
— Am I dreaming or does this make you happy ?
— Jessy is a very good boy.
— I agree with you on this point and I'm sorry that he's sick, but actually... he's sick !
I roll my eyes. I will be treated to the sermon that I have been dreading since the day before.
— Dad, I know you're going to worry about me, but Jessy and I are grown up, and we know what we're doing. He will never do anything that could put me in danger. He was very clear on that. You have to trust me, trust us.
And it’s true, Jessy was very clear on this point, he would never take the slightest risk of doing to me what Haley did to him.
— I hope I can believe you, but when I see the state of your neck, I have serious doubts !
— It's just a hickey, nothing else. There is no risk in kissing, especially on the neck.
— Look at that, you look like you’ve passed into the hands of a vampire !
My father stares at the spot that stands out on my white skin.
Seeing his expression, I burst out laughing. Soon my mother joined me. Seeing our reactions, my father calms down and complies :
— I suppose I have to accept that you are growing, however I strongly encourage you not to exceed certain limits.
Which, for my dad, boils down to : You can date Jessy, but don’t sleep with him.
— Thank you dad.
— Meg, we trust you with Jessy, but promise to be careful.
— Promise, mom.
It was less complicated than I feared.
— And go wear a turtleneck to hide that mark !
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— Hey Jessy, I said happily as I join him in front of his locker before the first hour of class.
From the first glance, I am surprised to see him in such poor shape. I had expected him to kiss me, to hold me in his arms when he saw me, or at least smiles, but no, he looks at me, pinches his lips then looks away, visibly uncomfortable.
— I have to go to class, see you later ?
I feel my features freeze and I nod half heartedly.
What is happening to him ?
I feel totally lost. I've been so happy ever since yesterday and now I'm desperate. I need to talk to him, to see clearly in this situation.
Also, at the end of class, I go to see him under the pretext of the homework we have to do for the next day. He reacts as usual and invites me to study at his place.
We are seated at the dining room table, our books and notebooks spread out in front of us. The atmosphere is heavy between us.
— What do you want to drink ? He asks me as he heads towards the kitchen.
— Like you.
I get up and walk over to the kitchen counter as he pours orange juice into two glasses.
— Jessy ? Tell me honestly, do you regret what happened between us yesterday ?
Surprised by my question, he puts down the bottle of fruit juice too roughly and almost knocks over the two glasses.
— No, not at all.
I give a shy smile at this reborn hope.
— So why haven’t you kissed me or touched me all day ?
He lowers his face and pinches his lips. My heart beats maddeningly when I see him come out from behind the bar and walk towards me.
— I thought you were going to tell me you made a mistake yesterday, he admits. That you had thought about it and changed your mind.
I look at him, incredulous.
— Jessy, I thought you were sorry and that you didn't want to be with me anymore.
— Of course Meg. However, given my situation...
— I know what I'm doing. I know perfectly well what I want.
— Can I ask you what it is ?
— You.
Looking up at him, I watch his reaction. I feel like I can hear his heartbeat echoing mine. Feverishly, he leans down and grabs my mouth. I'm so happy he hasn't changed his mind.
— I’m scared, he whispers a few minutes later while we are still hugging in the middle of the living room.
— What ?
— To hold on to you and lose you.
I see the fear in the depths of his eyes, it capsizes my heart and fills me with happiness. With the back of my hand, I caress his cheek tenderly.
— I don't plan to leave you.
— Meg, I see the way the guys at school look at you since you broke up with Chad. The way your ex looks at you.
— You're much better than these guys. You're the only one I want to be with.
— For what ?
He walks away to lean against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He seems to genuinely wonder why I want to be with him, it confuses me.
— I care about you because you are beautiful, kind, intelligent, delicate, attentive…
I give him a long list, and the more I talk, the more emotional he seems. I guess I must be the first, apart from his mother, to compliment him since he found out he was HIV positive. So far, he has only received derogatory remarks, taunts and insults. Yet I am only stating truths, Jessy is all this and much more in my eyes.
He has his head down towards the tiles. I place my hands on his pelvis while my forehead presses against his.
— I know these last few months have been difficult for you. But they belong to the past. You're not alone anymore, I'm here... Do you still want me ?
His eyes brimming with tears, he raises his face to scrutinize me.
— Meg… (He breathes deeply as if to give himself courage.)… Since we’ve known each other, not a day has gone by without me dreaming of holding you in my arms.
My face lights up as I wipe the salt water from his cheeks. Clasping my waist, he pulls me against him.
— Oh ! In the list of your qualities, I forgot sexy !
He bursts out laughing into my neck. This is the Jessy I want to see, a Jessy who laughs, who is happy and I promise myself to do everything to see him smile as often as possible.
He tightens his arms around my body to kiss me again. Like the day before, he can no longer let go of me. I hold myself against him, feeling the same way. Suddenly, someone coughs nearby, startling us. Our two faces turn at the same time towards the kitchen where his mother is watching us while placing a shopping bag on the bar.
— Toasted, Jessy murmurs, turning his attention to me.
I feel my face suddenly turn very red as I still stare at Elise.
— Mrs. Sutter…I’m sorry… I stammered.
Jessy still holds me against him, I try to escape his embrace, but he holds me gently.
— Well, you know, he said simply to his mother.
Elise gives us a big smile which immediately relaxes me.
— I knew you were hiding something from me, she accuses him. I'm happy for you both.
I leave my boyfriend's arms to go help Elise, while he gathers our school things scattered on the table.
— So you have no objection to us being together ?
— None, on the contrary. And your parents ?
— They have nothing against it, either.
— Perfect ! (Then her mother lowers her voice to speak to me, but I'm sure Jessy hears what she's saying.) I've noticed for a long time that you two are in love with each other.
I turn my head and see Jessy's face flushing red, mirroring mine. His light green eyes don't leave mine.
— Are you staying to eat with us, Meg ?
I turn back to his mother.
Jessy walks over and puts an arm around my neck before kissing my forehead.
— With pleasure.
I'm so happy that Elise accepts our relationship even if, from time to time, I catch her looking at us worriedly. I think she's worried about how Jessy would react if things didn't work out between us. After everything he has had to endure in recent months, I have breathed new life into his life and, as a mother, Elise cares about what would become of her son if I left his life, which I understand. perfectly.
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The next morning, I found Jessy in front of the school. Arms crossed on his chest, he watches the other students pass by with a concerned look that means nothing to me.
— Hello, slept better ? I ask him, placing my hands on his arms.
— Yeah, and you ?
He leans down and places a light kiss on my forehead. I immediately freeze and lock my gaze on his.
— What is happening ? I question him with concern.
— Nothing. For what ?
— Because last night you couldn't separate yourself from me and this morning, I'm just entitled to a friend's kiss. Do you want me to tell you again how certain I am that I want to be with you ? I smile but my heart, this traitor, skips a beat as I fear his mood swings.
— Last night, we were at my house. Not in front of the school.
With my hands still placed on his arms, I turn towards our classmates whose migratory flow towards the establishment never seems to want to dry up and shrug my shoulders ?
— So what ?
— Meg, I put up with the stares from some of them every day. I know what they think of me and how hard it is sometimes to keep my head up. I don't want to put you through this.
— So you prefer to avoid me in front of others ?
He responds to me with an evasive gesture.
I know that Jessy lacks a lot of self confidence and also that he wants to protect me, but I don't plan to live our relationship in secret. I don't want him to think, even for a second, that I'm ashamed to be with him.
— Can I tell you what I think of your reasoning ? I asked.
— Of course, but I have the impression that I won't like it.
I smile and uncross his arms, he lets himself do so without resistance. I lean against his chest and caress his cheek.
— Jessy, I don't care what idiots say or think about us. I'm not going to stop myself from touching you or kissing you just because gossip will spread. It’s you who fills my life, not them, I certify when I see students observing us.
— I just wanted to protect you, he whispers.
— I know, but I don't need it. Everything is fine. Except that I would like to have a real kiss, I smile mischievously as my hands slide up the back of his neck.
Immediately, he puts his arms around my waist and tightens our embrace before kissing me full on the mouth.
— I’m dying to do it, he confesses when, still smiling, I detach myself from him.
Murmurs are already rising around us. Before long our story will have toured the school and then the town.
— Here we go ? He asks me, holding out a hand which I hasten to grab.
Heads turn at us as we walk down the halls. Stanley, a friend of my brother, passes by us and, immediately, his attention is drawn to our entwined hands.
— Hi Meg, Jessy. So are you both there ?
His index finger points to our couple.
— Uh…Yeah, Jessy stammers.
For my part, I roll my eyes. I've always liked Stan, he's always been very nice to me, but I'm not going to ask his permission to go out with Jessy.
Do you have a problem with this, Stan ? I question coldly.
— Not at all, on the contrary. I am happy for you.
He pats Jessy on the shoulder before heading to his classroom.
— He’s nice, Jessy comments.
— Yes, he’s a friend of my brother, I say as if it were obvious.
— Oops, he mutters, seeing Chad give us an angry look before disappearing into a classroom. Doesn't it bother you that he saw us ?
I shrug. I don't plan to ask him for permission either.
— He would have found out eventually anyway. Do you want to go to the movies this evening ?
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A few hours after classes ended, Jessy and I found ourselves at the shopping center waiting in front of one of the two cinemas for the doors to open for a new session. Among the crowd, many young people from high school. We had barely arrived when the comments about our couple multiplied. If some people were not yet aware of our relationship, now the whole world seems to know. At my side, I feel Jessy getting angry as snatches of conversation reach us:
— She must have AIDS too, that’s why she’s been defending him from the start.
I see Jessy stiffen as I glare at the girl who said that stupidity.
— That’s what I wanted to prevent you from this morning. I knew it would be like this, Jessy whispers, lowering his head and slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
I put my hands on his wrists to reassure him.
— Do you know that one ? I ask, raising my voice so that this bitch can hear me.
— Just by sight.
I decide to fill Jessy's gaps by speaking loudly in order to also fill those of others around us.
— It’s Ronny Charp. She lost her virginity at the age of 14 to a colleague of her father. Obviously, he ignores it. Since then she goes from guy to guy without the slightest embarrassment. Right now I think she's just jealous because you're hot and she can never have you !
Jessy raises an eyebrow accompanied by an amused smile while Ronny's mouth hangs open in shock. Even if it means setting the record straight, I continue on my path :
— And you see the big dark guy a few steps from us who has been saying for a while how low I fell by leaving Chad for you? It is…
— Yeah, it’s true, I say it and I mean it ! The person concerned cuts me off by locking his evil gaze with mine, which has nothing to envy.
Since arriving in Millisky, I believe the person most aggressive towards Jessy is Tyler. Even if my boyfriend did everything to hide it, I am not fooled and know perfectly well the slander this idiot is telling. Unfortunately, until now, he has always acted when I was not present. This evening, he finally seems decided to confront me.
— Tyler, finally you dare to say it to my face ! And I guess your reaction has nothing to do with the fact that I sent you away when you asked me out a fortnight ago ?
— Fortunately you refused because, looking back, I realize that you are just a bitch ! Tyler replies coldly, staring at me in horror.
At my side, with clenched fists and pursed lips, Jessy takes a step towards him, determined to fight.
— Jessy, no ! I immediately step between the two boys, pressing my hands on his chest to hold him back. Don't do that, that's what he's looking for. Don't let him win.
— Well then, an AIDS patient lets himself be dictated by a slut ? Tyler mocks.
Immediately other students around him laugh. Tyler spins around while parading, hands in the air to be cheered.
With a sudden movement, Jessy pushes me aside and rushes towards Tyler to punch him in the stomach. I hold my breath, Tyler is taller than Jessy and thin built and I don't know if he knows how to fight. In shock, he doubled over, holding his stomach.
— Don’t ever attack my girlfriend again, is that clear ? Shouts Jessy before he comes back to me.
I hold myself back from throwing my arms around him because I'm so proud of him. I don't like violence, far from it, but seeing Jessy defend me like this reassures me in my certainty that he is a wonderful boy. Other students are grouped around us and observe the scene with curiosity.
Tyler stands up painfully, glaring at our couple. I'm afraid he's going to attack Jessy, whose jacket sleeve I'm holding while trembling.
— You can keep Meg ! Anyway, now that she's touched you, she no longer has any interest !
Is Tyler suicidal or something ?
— Jessy, no, please let it go, I beg him, standing in front of him to hold him back.
Fear brings tears to my eyes. I remember his fight with Chad all too well. I absolutely don't want to go through that again.
After a few seconds of hesitation, he nods and takes my hand before we walk away.
— You're right, free the condemned man ! You stink of death! Tyler shouts, strutting in front of the others who start laughing again.
This time it's too much for me ! I let go of Jessy's hand and rush towards Tyler. He looks at me briefly with a smirk just before I give him a big kick in his manhood. With a cry of pain, Tyler falls to his knees holding his crotch. There is no more laughter, only shocked silence.
— Oh and the reason I didn’t want to go out with you is because compared to Jessy, you’re just a dark moron ! But if you persist in mistreating my boyfriend and me, don't forget that I have a thick file on you. I'm sure many would like to know some of your dirty secrets, I threaten angrily.
When I join Jessy, he observes me with admiration.
— You didn’t lie to me, your brother taught you how to defend yourself, Jessy laughed.
I smile and take his hand again.
— I don’t really want to go to the movies anymore.
— Me neither. We're going to my house ? He suggests.
— Let's go home instead. It's high time my parents got to know you better.
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Jessy looks pale as he parks his car in front of my house.
— Do you think it’s necessary ? I already know your parents, he sighs.
— I know, but apart from hello and goodbye, we don't can't say you took the time to chat. You haven't seen them since we've been together.
— That’s exactly what worries me.
His grimace of apprehension makes me smile but his lack of self confidence tightens my heart, I squeeze his hand, assuring him :
— You don't have to worry. They know everything and have nothing against it. I just wish you got along as well with them as I do with Elise.
He nods before following me.
— It's us ! I announce as I enter.
We go to join my parents in the living room where, each in an armchair, they chat while absent mindedly watching an entertainment program on television.
— Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Crawfords, he said in a trembling voice.
— Good evening Jessy. There you are already, we thought you were at the cinema, said Ashley, scrutinizing us.
I invite Jessy to take a seat on the sofa and sit next to him before telling them about our shortened evening. My parents are shocked by Tyler's words. Jessy only opens his mouth a little and lowers his head in front of my father who keeps staring at him. When I place my hand on his knee, John seems on the verge of strangling him. But I don't have time to react as my father is already dragging my boyfriend into the kitchen.
— Daddy's not going to kill Jessy ? I ask my mother worriedly.
— No, don’t worry. But in your father's eyes, you are his little girl, he is worried about you. You know, it's not easy for him to know you in the arms of a man other than him.
— Yes, but it’s Jessy.
I can't think of anything else to answer. For me, Jessy isn't just any boy I could have brought home, he is so much more. In the space of a few weeks, he took a central place in my life.
— You care about him a lot, don’t you ? My mother asks me in her usual soft voice while her eyes shine with a strange glow.
— Yes, a lot.
— Then you should go join him before your dad scares him away, Ashley laughed.
As I approach the kitchen, I hear my father say :
— Very well, then I will trust you both despite...
Suspecting the end of the sentence, I decide to interrupt them, startling Jessy who turns his back to me.
— Ah, you are there ! Dad, don't tell me you did the interrogation again, like you did with Chad ?
John nods.
— We were talking among men.
But of course !
— You come ? I would like to show you my room.
Without waiting for my boyfriend's response, I grab his hand and lead him up the stairs.
— Megan, leave your door open ! My father shouts, making me roll my eyes.
My room is simple but I like it with its pastel pink wallpaper, its beige carpet, its large white wrought iron bed matched with a wardrobe. An imposing mirror is placed in a corner of the room, near the window. My old stuffed animals are lying around on shelves between my countless books. My desk is covered with school textbooks, notebooks and pens of all kinds. Jessy walks around the room, curious to discover my world.
— I recognize you there, he smiled, showing me the math book.
— In fact, I especially wanted to get you out of my father’s clutches, I admit, joining him.
— It was, don’t worry.
He places his hands on my hips, I look up at him.
— So much the better. And then also, I really want to kiss you.
Without hesitation, he leans down and captures my mouth in a kiss that leaves me speechless in his arms.
When we separate, I guide him to my bed, I have to sit down before my legs give out.
— Thank you Jessy for defending me against Tyler. I've known him for a long time, he's always been a jerk.
— I'm sorry that you have to endure these kinds of remarks because of me, he whispers, caressing my cheek.
— You have nothing to do with people having limited minds. It doesn't affect me, I know who you are. You're worth it a thousand times over. Besides, I don't think there will be any more problems with Tyler.
— Do you have any hidden information about him ?
— Oh yes, I laugh. As children, we had the same babysitter. If one day he annoys you, remind him that he wet the bed until he was 13, that should calm him down. And I still have others in the same taste, that's why I think he will keep quiet. And you know, if I didn't want to go out with him or anyone else, it's because I hoped you would decide. It's only you who matters to me.
With a smile, he kisses me tenderly.
— In any case, he’s not ready to forget what you did to him! You hit hard… For a girl ! He jokes.
Mischievously, I push him to lay him down on my bed and sit next to him, leaning over his face.
— Do you want to test ? I ask him, laughing.
Jessy smiled at me while studying my every feature as if deep in thought. I had never seen this expression on him which I cannot decipher.
— You look very serious all of a sudden, what’s wrong with you ?
His hands delicately frame my face.
— I have something important to tell you, Meg, something I’ve never told anyone before.
Fearing the worst, I place my fingers on his wrist to quickly move away if he has to tell me bad news. I know how I feel about him, what he means to me, the problem is that Jessy sometimes has such contradictory reactions that I never know what to expect. I hope this will change over time but the last few days have already made me doubt his feelings. His illness occupies an important place in our relationship and his relationship with other people. After thinking about it, will he tell me again that this situation will be too hard for me to bear?
No, please don't break my heart when I'm happy for the first time in my life.
Far from my anxieties, Jessy takes a deep breath before saying :
— My mother told me that my father often said that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Until now, I didn't understand what he meant, but today I know. We can love anyone while mistakenly believing that it is a real feeling of love. But that’s not what being in love is. Being in love is the first step before total love for another. To be truly in love is to never stop thinking about the other, to want to be with this person all the time, even if it is just to observe them, to want to do everything to see them smile. Today, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I’m in love with you, Megan.
What relief, what happiness ! My smile must be huge. I lean towards him and kiss him passionately.
— I’m in love with you too, Jessy, I whisper, pulling away slightly.
His smile must mirror mine. He hugs me and confesses :
— I've never felt this way about anyone.
— You know, I also understand what your father meant. Before I met you, I thought I loved Chad but when you came along, I realized that what I felt for him was just friendship. A form of brotherly love. The way I care about you, I shake my head negatively, I've never felt that way about anyone either.
— At first, I tried to fight my feelings. I told myself that it was a doomed love, that you would never want me, but it is stronger than anything.
— I have never really repressed what I feel. Even when I was still with Chad, I thought about you all the time.
— It's true ? He is surprised.
His reaction makes me laugh. I sit down and explain to him the words he so badly needs to hear to regain faith in himself.
— I assure you, it drove me crazy ! You were the last person I thought of when I went to sleep at night and the first when I woke up every morning. Then, I met you in high school and you were so distant with me at that time. Then Chad came to me and I felt guilty for not feeling anything for him. Besides, when he broke up, he told me that I was no longer in love with him. He realized that everything has changed since I’ve known you. That's why he threw fits of jealousy.
Looking totally taken aback, he sits down next to me.
— At the beginning, I realized that I wasn't insensitive to you, but I didn't imagine that you felt all that, he whispers. You should have told me about it.
— I was afraid you would send me away, I confess. As if to reassure me, he places a hand on my cheek.
— Every time I got angry with you, you can't imagine how much I blamed myself afterwards. It wasn't at you that I was angry but at myself and this damn virus. Will you forgive me?
— It's been done for a long time, I smiled at him, bringing my lips closer to his.
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