December is almost here and, with it, the preparations for Christmas, my favorite holiday.
Between Jessy and I, everything is going very well and if the shadow of AIDS did not constantly hover over our heads, I could describe our relationship as perfect.
— How would you like to go Christmas shopping at the end of school ? Jessy offers me at the corner of a high school corridor.
— Of course !
This is the first time a boy has offered me this. With Chad, I had to constantly struggle to drag him to the shops.
— I would like to have your opinion on buying a gift for my mother. Shopping isn't really my thing.
This makes me smile, because Elise also asked me if I knew what gift would please her son. As he speaks, Jessy puts his arm around my shoulders. This gesture has become a habit between us. A little further on, I see Chad hurrying into a classroom after seeing us.
— Don't worry, he'll be fine. He just needs a little time to digest the situation, says Jessy, who follows my gaze.
— You are probably right. (I sigh, then regain my enthusiasm.) So will we see you at the end of class ?
Jessy nods and places a kiss on my lips.
— See you later, he says, walking away towards his room.
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There are crowds at the shopping center as we suspected. Everyone dreams of finding the perfect gift. Hand in hand, we enter a clothing store.
— My mom liked this blouse the last time she dragged me here.
He shows me a pretty pastel pink silk blouse.
— Do you understand why I preferred that you come with me ?
— Oh yes !
I laugh, imagining his embarrassment at going to the checkout alone with such an item. Once the blouse is paid for, we find the wide aisles populated with buyers.
We browsed several stores and after buying a book for my mother, a cardigan for my father, a perfume for Nina and one for Elise, all I had to do was find the gift for Nicolas who was due back for the holidays.
— Remind me not to offer to go shopping again, Jessy said to me after two hours of going in and out of stores.
— Oh, you're exaggerating ! I only have my brother left, and I'm done. I can't wait for him to come home, I missed him so much at Thanksgiving. And I can’t wait to introduce it to you.
— Tell me you have any idea of his gift, he begs, lowering his shoulders.
— Well, it turns out so. He wanted a pen set so...
— Awesome ! Here's some stationery.
I quickly spot an ornament that I like, Nicolas will be happy. Jessy has moved away and is looking at wooden cases containing paints of all kinds. Next to it, blank canvases of all sizes are lined up, patiently waiting for the artist who will be able to bring them to life.
— You miss it, huh ? The drawing ?
He thought for a moment, stroking the tubes of paint lying in a velvety setting with his fingertips.
— Yes a lot.
I whisper in his ear :
— You should get back to it.
Jessy hesitates for a moment.
— Not today. We'll see that later. You're done ?
I don't insist, it's a journey he must take alone. I know he is consumed by anxiety, but, at least, through my contact, he found a smile again. I don't want to rush him with the rest.
— Finished ! We can get out of here !
— Hallelujah !
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A week later, I did my last Christmas shopping without Jessy so as not to reveal the gift I had in store for her. This year, the Christmas holidays promise to be magnificent. My parents invited Mrs. Sutter and her son to join us, giving me great pleasure. My parents and Jessy's mother haven't seen each other since the school reunion, this will be a good opportunity to get to know each other better and I have no doubt that they will get along very well. The day of classes ends, I can't wait to see Jessy again who isn't sharing my geography class, especially since I didn't find him in great shape today. When we met in the morning, he kissed me on the lips, which surprised me. When I pointed this out to him, he replied that he has a small sore on the inside of his cheek, probably a canker sore, and that he doesn't want to take any risks. At lunchtime, in the refectory, he simply tasted the dish of the day : salmon lasagne, and paid no attention to dessert. Now, I know he loves chocolate, so the mousse we were served should have pleased him, but he didn't even touch it.
The bell has barely sounded before I rush out into the hallway and wait for him outside his classroom door. He is one of the last to leave the room, again I don't find that normal.
However, he smiles when he sees me.
— Are you doing well ?
I find his features drawn.
— Yes, it's okay, I'm just a little tired, it will pass.
His eyelids are red, beads of sweat appear on his forehead and dampen his hair.
— What ? He gets annoyed.
— Jessy, are you sick ?
— Very funny, he said, heading towards his locker. As if you didn't know !
I am more and more worried.
— No, I'm not talking to you about that...
He opens the door to his locker, takes out a book and two notebooks which he slips into his backpack and turns to me. I apply my hand to his forehead, then to his cheeks which have a pinkish tint.
— But you have a fever ! You're hot.
— It's nothing, it will pass.
— Stop, you know perfectly well that the slightest infection considerably weakens your immune system.
Jessy raises a surprised eyebrow.
— Since when did you know so much about AIDS ?
— Since I found out, my boyfriend doesn't tell me anything.
In fact, Jessy never talks to me about the treatments he is following, the side effects that this entails, or even anything related to his HIV status. Also, instead of constantly fighting against it, I read medical magazines that cover the subject.
He rolls his eyes.
— It’s me you’re dating, not my virus !
— That's not the question ! You're sick, I'm taking you to see a doctor.
This time he looks down and sighs :
— I am scared. Imagine that AIDS had broken out... I don't want that to happen yet... Not yet.
I see his eyes water. I take his hand to reassure him.
— I'm sure that's not it. You must have just caught a cold, but at home it immediately becomes more serious. You have too much fever. You have to let me take you to the hospital.
— Pissing, Jessy murmurs, looking at a point above my head. OK, but I'll let myself be examined, we'll take some medicine and we'll get out of the way, okay ?
I nod, hoping that it turns out that way.
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When we enter the hospital emergency department, the waiting room is packed. Jessy's temperature seems to have risen even more from the winter cold, he struggles to stand up and I have to put my arm around his waist to make sure he doesn't fall. He, usually so proud, allows himself to be guided without complaining, which clearly proves his state of weakness. The emergency room is not the most modern department in the hospital; the walls, which must have been white, are now tarnished by the incessant comings and goings. Despite this, the staff keeps the room as clean as possible; the tiles in particular only have a few footprints, which, given the crowds, is an achievement. We move towards the reception desk, I feel Jessy tense as he glances around at the people waiting.
— Let’s get out of here, he murmurs, trying to turn around, but I hold him firmly.
— Out of the question ! We won't leave until a doctor has examined you.
At this moment, I know he is angry with me for forcing his hand like this, but I am too worried to give up. A woman in her forties welcomes the patients one after the other. Finally, it’s our turn, without letting go, Jessy approaches the counter.
— What can I do for you ? The woman asks, without looking up from the papers spread out in front of her.
— He has a fever, I said, pointing to my companion.
Surely surprised by the youthfulness of my voice, the secretary finally looks up at us. She hands us an information sheet, which I fill out as quickly as possible in place of Jessy who barely seems to know where he is. To the question : Is there any background we should know about ? I note that he is HIV positive and return the form to the hostess. She skims through it vaguely, then suddenly stops. She raises her head, stares at us in turn. It was at this moment that I truly understood what Jessy goes through every time someone learns of his HIV status. My God, it’s horrible to feel judged and condemned like this by people who know nothing about your story, your life.
— I will be back.
She gets up to go join doctors and nurses in a neighboring room whose door is wide open.
I thought Jessy hadn't noticed anything, I was wrong. He observes the small group that has formed around the secretary and who are whispering while staring at us, then suddenly announces in a tone without reply as he lets go of the counter.
— Meg, we’re going !
— No, just wait two minutes.
I speak into the void, Jessy is already moving away from me. I try to hold him back but despite his legs seeming about to give out, he continues towards the exit.
— Oh, everything’s spinning, he murmurs, placing his hands on his knees as he sways dangerously.
I wrap my arms around his waist, calling for help. I don't know how long I can hold him like this. Immediately a doctor who, a moment earlier, had been watching us from the next room, came running. She is a woman in her thirties with blonde hair cut into an impeccable bob.
— But he’s hot ! She said, touching his face.
— It’s okay, Jessy whispers as she helps me hold him up.
The female doctor gives orders for Jessy to be taken immediately to an examination room. The nurses lay him down on a stretcher to prevent him from falling and take him into a corridor. I follow them, grabbing his hand. There's no way I'm going to leave him alone.
— Meg, go away ! Jessy orders me, letting go of my hand.
Go home !
— But Jessy…
Seeing that I am not listening to him, he turns to the female doctor.
— Don't let her come ! I don't want her here !
His words pierce my heart, making me suffer so much that it feels like a stab in the middle of my chest.
The doctor stands between the stretcher, which is taking Jessy, and me.
— Are you family ?
— No. That's my boyfriend.
— I'm sorry, but you are not allowed in at the moment. We are going to do some tests on him. You can do me a favor and tell someone in his family.
Still in shock from the rejection, I shake my head feverishly.
— Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.
She gently touches my shoulder before walking away. But that can't be enough to calm me down. Assailed by anxiety, I telephoned Elise, summarizing the situation. She sets off immediately. Then I call my parents, I need their support and above all to understand why Jessy suddenly rejects me. My mother is the first to arrive.
— How is he ? She asks me immediately, taking me in her arms.
I am seated in another waiting room, less dilapidated and
more comfortable than the reception room. Landscape paintings are hung on the walls to try to make this place pleasant. This room is adjacent to the department where Jessy was transferred: Infectious Diseases.
— I don't know, the doctors don't want to tell me anything. Oh ! Here’s Jessy’s mom !
I rush towards her.
— Megan, what happened ? He seemed fine this morning before leaving for school. Did he feel unwell ?
— No, actually, he seemed feverish to me all day and, at the end of class, I saw that he had a fever, but he really didn't want to worry you.
— As if I could stop worrying about my little boy...
My mother approaches us and tries to comfort us as best she can. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, I see the female doctor coming towards us.
— I am his mother, announces Elise. How is he ?
— We gave him a whole series of tests, but we don't have all the results yet. Your son being HIV positive, each small infection takes on another dimension because, because of the virus, his body immediately feels very attacked.
— Has AIDS broken out ? Mrs. Sutter asks feverishly.
My heart speeds up as my hands become sweaty.
— It's still too early to tell, but I don't think so. I would lean more towards an influenza virus, there is an epidemic currently, but we will have to wait a few weeks to be sure. With this virus which is still quite new, we learn about it every day. Right now our priority is to bring his fever down and stabilize him.
— We can see him ? I asked shyly.
— He said he only wanted to see his mother for the moment.
With a nod, the doctor greets us before returning to her department.
I feel disappointed, sad and also, I admit, angry that he doesn't want to see me. Understanding my dismay, Elise turns to me.
— Don't worry. I also had to fight him to get him to accept that I see him sick. It's been a long day for you both, you should go home. I'm going to stay with him for a bit and I'll call you as soon as I'm home, she adds, seeing that I'm going to protest. Don't worry, I'll let you know if anything happens.
I thank her and, with an arm around my neck, let my mother take me home.
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The next afternoon, I returned to the hospital. The night before, Mrs. Sutter kept her word and called me to reassure me. Jessy's fever had broken and he was sound asleep when she was forced by a nurse to leave at the end of visiting hours. I don't care about facing the snow that has been falling relentlessly since the middle of the night, softening the ambient air. I wonder too much about Jessy's reaction to really pay attention to the beautiful landscape that the white flakes have created, covering the forest and hillside that surround and overlook the town. The sidewalks have become slippery, I almost fall several times before reaching the entrance to the hospital. I tap my boots on the lobby carpet, then head to the infectious disease department. Elise is already there, sitting on one of the black sofas. She comes to kiss me before making a place for me next to her.
— Thanks for coming, Meg. I tried to talk to Jessy, but he wouldn't answer me.
I sigh, unhappy.
— Why doesn't he want to see me ? He's mad at me because I forced him to come here ?
This is the only reason I see for his sudden change of mood towards me. Mrs. Sutter shrugs, not knowing what to say to me to ease my sadness.
— You know, before becoming ill, he had already been faced
with abandonment. He was still a child when his father died, he experienced it very badly, even if he never talks about it.
— I know, he told me.
I think about his terrible reaction in the alley in Allentown, when he broke down and released all his hatred of life.
Mrs. Sutter looks at me in disbelief.
— Oh, did he tell you about it ?
I nod in agreement. She gives me an encouraging smile.
— This proves how much he trusts you because, to my knowledge, he had not yet spoken about it with anyone.
I lower my head and whisper :
— If he really trusted me, I would be with him right now.
— No not necessarily. As you know, everyone turned their backs on him when he became HIV positive. Since then I think that, even if he denies it, he has an uncontrolled fear that people will abandon him again. I think he fears that you too will let him down by finding yourself faced with this illness.
— But I will never do that ! I protest virulently.
Elise stares at me intensely, seeming to read the depth of my feelings in my eyes.
— He does not know it.
She speaks calmly, and has the gift of calming me down with a few words. Suddenly, she asks me a question that makes me blush from head to toe.
— Do you really love him ?
My gaze still fixed on him, I respond without a shadow of a doubt, despite my cheeks which seem to be on fire.
— I am totally in love with your son.
Elise gives me a big smile.
— That is what I thought. So you shouldn't give in. It is by insisting that you will convince him of your feelings, then he will understand that you are not going to reject him.
— Yesterday, you told me that you had to fight so that he wouldn't push you away again. What did you do to make him give in ?
— I just stayed in his room until he realized I wasn't leaving.
— I go ! I said, determined, getting up.
Without looking back, I push open the door to the infectious diseases department. I'm not very reassured. At sixteen, I physically opened the door to illness. This universe was unknown to me until then, and the more I advance down the corridor, the more I feel like I'm maturing, the more I'm becoming an adult with all the responsibilities that entails. As I pass by the rooms, some of which have open doors, I take a look, both frightened and resolute, at what awaits me. It is certain that by staying with Jessy, I will have to spend time in hospitals. In one of the rooms, I see a woman leaning over a bedridden man, holding his neck, trying to make him drink water from a glass that is shaking slightly.
This is what awaits me, I tell myself.
Yet far from terrifying me, this vision reassures me, the love that unites these two people is stronger than the illness. There is something romantic and fragile at the same time that brings me back to my current situation. This time, happy or not, Jessy won't make me leave, it's out of the question. Reaching the end of the corridor, I feverishly push the door to his room which is the last one on the left. He is alone, lying in a medical bed. A white sheet borders the pastel blue blanket that reaches chest height. He put on the coat that patients must wear, white with small blue polka dots. His features are drawn, his pale face barely stands out against the white pillow that supports him. His eyes rest on me, I read a gentleness there that gives me hope. But very quickly his face displays the same hardness as the evening when he played the acrobat hanging from the bridge.
— I forbade you to come !
His tone is so cold that for a second I'm tempted to walk out right away.
— And I decided that I would come all the same.
I speak in a calm voice, trying to control myself so as not to not let my anger explode. I know him well enough to know that if I yell, he will lash out more and that won't lead to anything constructive.
— For what ? Do you like seeing me with an IV in my arm?
Until then I had been looking at him, and not paying attention to the needle in his arm, which is connected to an antibiotic bag hanging from a pole next to the bed.
— No ! I came to see my boyfriend, but I don't recognize the one in this bed ! So this is what you would do if tomorrow I were hospitalized ? Would you turn your back on me ?
I see Jessy's face turn even paler. He stares at an invisible point in front of him, avoiding my gaze. Knowing that he won't be able to be at my house for Christmas, I brought him a card made with a photo of the two of us, that we took at the lake, so that he knows that even if he is held in the hospital , I don't forget it. I approach him and place the envelope on his bed then turn around, determined to come out of the room while I let him think a little.
— Wait… Meg… Stay, please.
I turn around quickly.
— To do what ? Do you want to send me for a walk again ?
Jessy sighs. The austerity leaves his features, replaced by the gentleness to which he has accustomed me in recent weeks.
— I'm really stupid at times ! He asks me as he opens my Christmas card. If the situation were reversed, I would be there for you at all times.
I don't answer and stay at a distance to see his reaction. He reads the simple words I wrote on the back of the photo, before looking at me with a mixture of disbelief and happiness.
— I'm sorry for behaving like that with you.
— May I know why you push me away like that ?
He swallows, searching for words.
— I don't want AIDS to be a part of your life. It's already too much for my mother to bear. The virus is my life. You didn't ask for anything.
— I’m with you Jessy, with or without AIDS. You read what I wrote to you, right ? I asked, feeling my cheeks turn pink again.
Jessy nods and extends his hand in my direction.
— You don't want to come near me ?
My heart pounding, I walk over and put my hand in his. He draws me to him. I find myself sitting on the bed, leaning over him. He slides his hands onto my hips as I snuggle into his arms. How good it feels to find the warmth of your body, the softness of your skin.
I whisper to him :
— I missed you.
He hugs me even tighter.
— You too. Remember what I told you about being in love? That it is the first step before unconditional love.
I stand up to observe him.
— I remember it perfectly.
— So what you wrote to me... Is it true ? He questions seriously.
I feel his heart beating fast under my fingers, echoing mine. With a feverish hand, I caress his cheek and answer :
— Of course it's true.
He breaks into a big smile as he pulls me against him.
— I love you, Meg. I love you so much, he whispers in my ear.
Right now, I am the happiest in the world. It’s the first time he’s said these words to me that I feel myself without ever daring to say to his face.
Lying on the bed next to Jessy, I see my card where I simply wrote : Get well soon, I love you. Meg
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The next morning, I arrived at the hospital with my brother, Nicolas. He returned from his university in New York the day before, for Christmas Eve, and will stay with our family for two weeks. He has never met Jessy, but knows everything there is to know about him. I love my brother very much who has always been a support for me, perhaps because we are only three years apart in age. For years, he listened to me lament about Chad's indifference towards me without ever getting discouraged. When I met Jessy, he had left for college, but I telephoned him discreetly, without our parents knowing, to tell him how I felt, and again, unlike others, he assured of his support whatever my choice. I miss him a lot since he left his studio above our garage to study in the Big Apple, so I'm very happy for his arrival. When, taking me aside during the evening, he asked me how my relationship with Jessy was and I explained the latest developments to him, he immediately asked me if he could accompany me to meet him . Also, I proudly walk next to my big brother in the hallway of the infectious diseases department this Christmas morning. I brought the gift I had for my lover and Nicolas, not wanting to come empty handed, bought him a box of chocolates. In addition to being kindness itself, Nick is a handsome boy, tall, with an athletic look, his brown hair cut in a crew cut refines his face with regular features. His hazel eyes with golden highlights attract a lot of girls, as I notice once again when we pass a young caregiver, before reaching Jessy's room. The young woman turns on him, literally devouring him with her eyes. It must be said that in addition to being handsome, my brother has crazy charisma that leaves no one indifferent.
— Ah ! It’s there, I said, pointing to the bedroom door. Ready ?
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Nicolas nods before I knock.
— Come in, says a woman’s voice that I immediately recognize as Mrs. Sutter’s.
— Merry Christmas ! … Nice, you’re up !
Jessy stands in the middle of the room facing his mother who is sitting in a comfortable chair. The IV has been taken off him, he looks much better. He abandoned the hospital gown in favor of jeans and a long sleeved black T-shirt, with angel wings printed in white on the back. He remains stunned for a moment when he sees me enter with a boy. He knows I was supposed to come, but I didn't tell him about my brother's presence. I walk towards him.
— Merry Christmas, he replies.
He kisses me on the lips, touching my waist, then leans over to look at Nick.
— Have you already replaced me ? He asks me quietly, smiling, but I see a hint of jealousy shining in his eyes.
— Don't say anything stupid. Jessy, let me introduce you to my brother, Nicolas.
I walk towards Elise to kiss her while, out of the corner of my eye, I see my lover and my brother shaking hands in a friendly way.
— You see, he is much better. He managed to put on the clothes I gave him in addition to the rest…, said Mrs. Sutter enigmatically.
Surprised to see Jessy out of bed, I forgot my present. I move closer to him and hand him the large bag I am holding. Delicately, Jessy opens it on the bed and discovers one of the paint cases that he had looked at for a long time with me during our visit to the shopping center. Without telling him anything, I went back with his mother in the days that followed and together we bought everything he would need.
— Wow, he admires the tubes of paint in multiple colors. Thank you so much !
— Meg insisted on giving you the paintings, and I got you blank canvases of all sizes. They are waiting for you at home, says Elise before kissing my brother.
— I don't know what to say. It's too much.
He is visibly moved. He sits sideways on his bed, contemplating the accessories contained in the case, I sit next to him and place my chin on his shoulder, whispering in his ear :
— We're not forcing you to do it again, but now you know you can and frankly, I'd like to see what you do.
He turns his face towards me and his mouth meets mine. Nicolas coughs to remind us that we are not alone.
— It's not as precious, but I also have a little present.
He hands Jessy his box of chocolates.
— So, it’s perfect ! Thanks ! Who wants some ?
An hour later, Nicolas and Jessy are chatting and laughing like two old friends who have just found each other again after many years of absence. Suddenly my brother looks at his watch before quickly getting up from his seat, startling me.
— Meg, did you see the time ? Parents are going to kill us !
Indeed, we received the order to return by noon and it is already half past twelve. I quickly put on my coat, then, with my brother, we say goodbye.
— Meg, I know it’s Christmas, but could you come back later ? Jessy asks me, his eyes pleading.
I promise him. It must not be easy for him to stay in the hospital on a holiday.
As we leave the hospital, I ask Nick :
— So ?
White smoke, due to the cold, comes out of my mouth. The snow started to fall again, covering everything in its path. It’s the ideal decor for the end of year celebrations.
— Then what ?
— Oh, don’t act innocent with me ! How do you find him ?
— Too skinny.
It’s true that Jessy, already thin, has lost even more weight since he had this fever.
— You're going to stop, yes ! You know very well what I mean !
I see my brother in profile cracking a smile. As usual he teases me and it always works. I want to pat him on the back, but at the same time I slip, almost falling into the snow. Fortunately, Nick seeing me slipping holds me by one arm
— Phew, thank you ! Damn shoes !
He releases me before planting his beautiful eyes on mine.
— You’ve matured, he finally told me, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.
His gaze rests on the white establishment that we have just left and, seriously, he continues :
— What I think is that Jessy is a great guy, really, he's the kind of man I see you living your life with. But, little sister, I'm afraid you're preparing for difficult times.
— I know, I said in a whisper, tears in my eyes.
I think this is the first time my brother has spoken to me so sincerely, the worry I see in his eyes touches me as much as his words.
— But you know what ? If you stay with him, you can always count on me to support you.
I wrap my arms around his neck before smacking him a sound kiss on the cheek.
— Thanks !
— Come on, let’s go home before we turn into a snowman.
He dusts the shoulders of my coat which the white powder begins to cover.
We reach Nick's car. He opens the doors while starting to tease me again.
— I think this is the first time I’ve seen you so addicted to a guy ! It’s Dad who will be happy when I tell him how Jessy kissed you greedily in front of me !
— But you will keep quiet, yes !
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In the early evening, I returned to the hospital alone. The meal went well despite our parents' admonitions when we returned. My father frowned a little when Nicolas praised the qualities of heart that he discovered in my boyfriend in such a short time.
— Good evening, I stick my head through the opening of the door. You were sleeping?
— No, I thought, Jessy smiled, sitting cross legged on his bed.
I'm going to sit in front of him.
— You’re alone ?
— Yes, I sent my mother home. I only wanted to see you this evening.
I am surprised. Jessy gets up and goes to open his closet, he comes back to me with a small red velvet box which he hands to me.
— I didn't want to give you your Christmas present in front of everyone this morning.
— With all that, I thought...
— That I had forgotten ?
I nod.
— Well no, I bought it two weeks ago.
I hope you'll like it.
He gives me a big, charming smile.
— So you already had it when you asked me what I wanted?
— I plead guilty, he laughed.
I gently open the box and discover a silver chain at the end of which hangs a pendant, of the same metal, in the shape of a heart on which is engraved : I love you.
— That's wonderful ! I exclaim as I stand up.
— Return it.
On the back of the pendant is engraved : Jessy, 12/25/1991.
I rush into his arms, he staggers for a second before regaining his stability, and I whisper to him, remembering that he is not yet completely recovered :
— Sorry.
— Don't be.
He tightens the pressure around my waist. I breathe in the scent of his skin, a mixture of flowers and captivating aftershave, as my lips land on his in a soft kiss.
— Let's take advantage of this moment before your father discovers your gift and comes to finish me off !
— If it reassures you, he would react the same way no matter who I was with. He's just super protective.
— I know, I don't blame him.
Jessy ties the pendant around my neck. He kisses my forehead before taking my hand.
— I’m going out the day after tomorrow, he informs me. My doctor told me before you arrived.
— Awesome ! For New Year's Day, you will be at home !
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And in fact, we are spending New Year’s Day together, at Mrs. Sutter’s house. My mother and she got along at the hospital, they saw each other again between parties. My father joined them, everyone gets along very well. It’s a great moment to see our families so happy, sharing a good meal and bursts of laughter. Jessy left the hospital on schedule; anyway, I don’t think anything, and no one, could have convinced him to stay there another day. I find that he is back in shape, his features are no longer tired, even if we still have to wait for additional tests to find out if AIDS has broken out. I remain relatively confident as I observe him joking with Nicolas like two old friends. My parents, Nina and Elise are chatting happily while I look at this table and tell myself that I was really lucky this year to cross paths with Jessy. When the twelve strokes of midnight ring, I wish that the year 1992 would be beneficial to the health of the boy I love.
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