A few days later, school starts again. I don't care about going back to class, but I'm sad to see Nicolas going back to university. I know I won't see him again for a long time, because he's thinking of going to Florida to party with his friends during spring break. I know a lot of siblings argue. Nick and I are no exception to the rule, but it's never mean, we bicker and make up straight away. My brother is truly the shoulder I can lean on.
When the bell rings, announcing the resumption of classes, I still haven't seen Jessy arrive, which worries me. He's never late usually. Half an hour later, I was relieved to see him enter the classroom. He hands the algebra teacher a note of apology, winks as he passes me and comes to sit at the desk behind mine. As soon as the teacher turns his attention to the big blackboard, I take the opportunity to turn around.
— How are you ? I was scared when I didn't see you this morning.
— Sorry, I was detained in the analysis laboratory.
I raise my eyebrows worriedly. Jessy pulls up the sleeve of his navy blue sweater and shows me the trace of a blood test. So today he went for a new examination to find out the status of the virus infection.
— I'm not bothering you too much, Miss Crawfords ? Mr. Stark suddenly asks me.
I turn around, the teacher is leaning over my desk and staring at me. I jump as the whole class bursts out laughing.
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— Hello, shame ! I say as we leave class.
— No, that made me laugh. The best student caught in the act of gossiping !
Jessy laughs again as I wish I would disappear underground. Sympathetically, he places his arm around my neck.
— Don’t worry, this isn’t going to stop you from going to college. It just shows that you're human.
He places a kiss on my forehead and, like a wounded child who is given a kiss to heal, I feel a little better.
— And it’s me who should be feeling bad, given the results I’m expecting, he said, seeing my sad face.
— It's not that. Nick is leaving again later, it's really killing me.
— You'll see him again this summer, don't worry, it will pass quickly, and then you'll call each other.
— Yes I know. I'm just a selfish bastard who loves her big brother so much that she wishes she could keep him close to her.
— Do you have this reaction with everyone you love ?
— All without exception.
I confirm, disappointed to admit one of my worst faults.
— It's very interesting.
I don't understand where he's going with this.
— Why do you say that ?
— Because you’re not ready to let me go !
This idea must please him because he makes a big smile. Generally, the people around me don't like this flaw that makes me keep them close to me, for Jessy, it's the opposite, he must think that in a certain way, I will connect him to the longest life possible.
— When will you have your test results ?
My boyfriend grimaces before responding :
— Tomorrow, in the morning.
— You stress ?
— It's ok for now. We will see tomorrow.
As I approach my house, I see Nick outside waiting to say goodbye to me, before heading back on the road. My parents and Nina are near him. This vision makes me want to cry, I have to fight to hold back.
— You didn’t bring your darling ? Ask my brother immediately.
Despite myself, a pang of jealousy pierces my heart. I wanted the two of them to get along well, and now Nicolas prefers Jessy to me.
It was a pleasure, I think, sighing.
As I don't respond, my brother leans towards me.
— I'm kidding, little head ! Come here !
He takes me in his arms. I feel tiny compared to him. I whisper in his ear :
— I will miss you so much.
— You too, but you're not alone and we'll see each other again soon. You'll talk about it with Jessy, but I suggested something to him... He'll tell you about it, he adds before casting a sideways glance at our father.
I remain speechless, I'm dying to question him, but we can't stay in each other's arms forever without arousing suspicion. So I don't say anything when he releases his grip. He hugs the rest of the family before getting into his old car, which he paid for while working as a waiter last summer. He rolls down the window, waves at us as he drives away, shouting : See you soon. Once the car turns right, it disappears from my view. I let the tears flow that I had held back until then.
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The next morning, I find Jessy in the main hallway of the school where our lockers are. He kisses me when I reach him, but although he seems healthy, I find him different. His eyes are darkened by a veil of trouble.
— Was it last night ? He asks.
— I cried like crazy, afterwards I felt better. Did you get your results ?
I'm dreading knowing what it is. It's an awful feeling to be aware that no matter what this damn blood test reveals, I can't change it. I also want to ask him about what my brother said to him, but I know now is not the right time for that.
— No, not yet.
He lowers his head.
I stroke his arm in a gesture of comfort, but at the thought of what we are going to tell him, I feel feverish.
— Are you scared ?
He looks around. Students crowd the corridors while others joke or tell each other the latest gossip. Chad passes by us, he greets us before leaning over his locker, not far from where we are standing. The Christmas holidays must have made him think so that he stopped running away from us.
— I especially want to get out of here !
Chad looks up, suddenly interested.
— Yes, but you have to go to class.
— For what ?
Jessy has a defiant tone in his voice.
— Well, because… that’s how it is.
— Excuse me, Chad intervenes, sliding between Jessy and me. But if you feel like skipping class today, with some friends, we're going to go to a games room as soon as the bell rings.
— That sounds great to me, my boyfriend says as I turn pale.
— Jessy, no, you're not going to skip class.
— And why not ?
— Well yes, why not ? Chad repeats with an innocent smile.
I answer him with a dark look, he doesn't insist.
— We'll all meet in the parking lot in five minutes if you want to come...
— I'm coming ! Thanks, Chad !
He walks away with a wave of his hand.
— But… you… you’re not going to go ? I stammered.
— Yes, I want to. Look, Meg, I won't be able to concentrate on class until I get my results. I don't intend to be in class like a zombie. I promise you that tomorrow I will be careful but for once... I need to decompress, to take my mind off things.
While talking, Jessy has moved away from the classes and is getting dangerously close to the high school parking lot. I follow him, wanting to put a little lead in his brain.
— How long have you been friends with Chad ?
He rolls his eyes. We are outside. The air remains cool, but a bright sun has appeared, melting the last traces of snow. In the distance, I see Chad's red car waiting next to another grey vehicle.
— I think it’s since you broke up. Tell me if I'm wrong, but since we fought for you, everything's been fine, right ?
— It wasn’t me who asked you to fight, I remind you !
However, my cheeks are on fire at the memory.
— Well then ! And now you're going to let me go alone, helpless, with your ex-boyfriend ? he mocks.
Inexorably, Jessy heads towards Chad's car.
— Aren't you going to go ?
He turns towards me, spreads his arms. his long black coat floats around his frail figure.
— If I go there. Just this once, please Meg, come with me ?
I hesitate before his outstretched hand. I have never skipped class and I don't feel capable of doing so. However, at the prospect of leaving Jessy alone with Chad, I am uneasy. Will they still fight when my back is turned ? And then if Jessy gets his results while I'm gone and they're bad, who will be there for him ?
— Oh my God ! But what am I doing ? I tell him, taking the step that separates us.
Jessy smiles and opens the car door for me.
I really have to love him to do that, my reflection makes me smile.
I squeeze into the back seat while he takes a seat in front, next to the driver. I see the grey car start after us. There are four students inside that I know by sight and name without ever having been part of their group. My ex-boyfriend starts laughing as he observes my crestfallen expression in the reflection of his rearview mirror.
— Breathe, Meg, it’s going to be okay ! He mocks.
— Oh you and your bright ideas !
I grumble, in a bad mood, which makes him laugh harder.
We drive for a few minutes before arriving at an old warehouse transformed into a games room on the station side.
— Are you sure you want to go ? I say to Jessy as we leave the vehicle.
Without a word, he takes my hand and guides me after the others who are already entering the building.
— There you have billiards, here you have darts and over there is the go kart track ! Announces Ethan, the student who was driving the second car, showing the different sections of the place. This is my parents' playroom, so do what you want, but don't break anything ! Have fun !
He leaves our group at the entrance and heads towards other people who arrived before us. Among them, I immediately recognize Amy, my heart sinks. Since Halloween night, I haven't spoken to him again, I spent my time avoiding him.
— That’s not true, I mutter to myself as she looks up at me.
Jessy, who followed my gaze, whispers to me :
— It could have been worse. Imagine if Haley had still been alive and present in this room, we would have all been together!
— Jessy ? A part ? Chad calls, already in front of the pool tables.
— Long live the settling of scores ! He says, going to join my ex.
I follow suit, wanting to get as far away from Amy as possible. I take a seat on a bench covered in dark green velvet. Chad and Jessy play a game while I look around. What am I doing here while the teachers are waiting for us ?
The games room is simple and rustic with its exposed stone walls and raw wooden beams on the ceiling. In a corner, an all wooden bar offers a variety of drinks. Rectangular lamps are placed above the four billiards tables while, on the wall, a large whiteboard is hung to record the players' scores. In the space next door, separated by an exposed stone wall and a beam, two dart targets have been installed next to a jukebox which plays old hits from the seventies, round tables and chairs await customers. At the back of the room, the kart track is not very big, but it is successful. Opposite, a large cabinet contains helmets and other safety clothing that all drivers must put on before entering the circuit. A door next to the closet leads to the changing rooms.
— Do you take the winners ? Chad asks suddenly, snapping me out of my reverie.
I don't have time to respond when a voice rises behind me.
— Useless. You know she'll never have the guts ! Our little Megan has always been a coward !
I turn around quickly. Amy ! Obviously who, apart from her, can talk about me like that.
— It's strange. (I stand up and look around pointedly.) Don't you have any guys near you to jump into ?
My remark stings her. I see his face turn pale then turn purple.
— You’re the one who told me that, Miss Jessy. How does it feel to date someone with AIDS ? She cries. Do you find your pleasure there ?
With a quick movement, I jump onto the seat of the sofa, I'm going to climb over the backrest that separates me from her, ready to jump in her face to tear away that petty little smile she's displaying. I scream :
— Take that off right away !
Abruptly, I feel myself lifted from the sofa.
Stunned, I struggle to free myself from this embrace. Amy, facing me, gesticulates like a disjointed puppet in the arms of Ethan who heard the screams and came running before it escalated further.
— Calm down, girls ! He proclaims.
I glance behind me and realize that it's Jessy on one side and Chad on the other, each holding me by an arm.
— Let me go so I can beat the shit out of that dirty bitch !
— Bitch, my former best friend castigates me.
I hear Jessy growl in rage behind me. I feel the vice that holds me loosen a little. Chad lets go of me and slides between Amy and me, his hands raised in appeasement.
— That’s enough, girls ! Look at you, you are ridiculous !
Taking my eyes off Amy, I look around us : around ten people, mostly students, have gathered to watch us. I am suddenly ashamed of my behavior, but the words she said about Jessy are unforgivable to me. Just thinking about it makes me want to jump for her throat again, to punch her.
— If you want to settle this, do it without fighting, Chad says.
— I’ll take her to any game ! Amy protests.
I relax, ready to settle this in a more civilized manner.
— It's okay, darling, you can let me go, I say to Jessy who still holds me by the arms.
He loosens his grip, but keeps his hands ready to catch me in case fury takes over.
— Very well, I said to Amy. Would you like a kart race ?
— I accept the challenge !
— Perfect ! The loser will have to apologize to the winner, negotiates Chad who looks at us in turn.
Silently, Amy and I nod.
Ethan lets her go, and she quickly walks away towards the track. I turn towards my lover who is white as a sheet.
— When you get angry, you don’t pretend, he comments.
— Did you hear what she said about you ? On us ?
Jessy nods in agreement.
— And that doesn’t matter to you ?
His Olympian calm amazes me.
— Of course I do, but what do you want me to do ? It’s a girl… I’m not going to hit her !
— It's true. But I can handle it ! I'm going to do it !
I'm still pumped up as I walk towards the kart track. I grab a blue jumpsuit with red stripes and enter the locker room to put it on over my jeans and sweater. Amy is there, voluntarily, we turn our backs without exchanging a word.
When I come out, Jessy hands me a helmet that matches my outfit.
— Do you know how to drive that ? He worries.
— I've gone shopping with Nick before.
— I trust you, Jessy tells me.
Amy walks past us and gives us an icy look. He returns his gaze before kissing me full on the mouth, his hand pressed to the back of my neck. I suspect he's doing it on purpose to annoy her, which makes me smile. My boyfriend's eyes shine with a strange light, anger brewing within him, although he remains calm.
— Smash it ! He adds, raising his voice.
Amy must see and hear us, because she heads to her vehicle without asking for her rest. Determined, I take a seat in the neighboring kart. Ethan sets them off before heading towards the checkered flag. He counts to five and lowers it. Immediately my little car speeds away, I leave Amy behind. I take a first turn, then a second. Amy is catching up with me. I accelerate harder, making the tires screech on the next curve. My ex-best friend tries to keep up with me, but I know she's never done a real race. Inwardly, I thank my brother for often convincing me to participate in his madness with his friends. I finished the first lap before continuing with the second, still in the lead. At the start of the third lap of the track, I overtake Amy, who is a bad player, gives a brutal turn of the wheel to send my kart into the straw bales which surround the course. I avoid her and burst out laughing when I see her miss her goal and go off the track herself. She gets stuck in the straw, straws of which rise up under the shock before scattering around her immobile kart. She gets up quickly, furious, while I finish the race alone. I stop the kart after passing the flag and throw myself into the arms of Jessy who is proudly waiting for me at the entrance to the track. He hugs me tightly while Chad, next to him, gives me a friendly pat on the back.
— Good game ! He rejoices.
Amy reaches us, her face is red with anger. People gathered around us again to hear his words live.
— I apologize for what I said to you earlier. I didn't think so, she said.
I wonder if there was truth in her words when I see her turn to Jessy. Nothing forces him to do so.
— To you too, I would like to apologize, I went too far and I am truly sorry.
We remain stunned as we watch her walk away, looking more dejected than ever.
— Well, who wants to beat me at darts ? Ask Chad to lighten the mood.
— I'm going to take this off, I point out my outfit to Jessy.
When I enter the locker room, I see Amy sitting on a bench with her head down, crying. Despite our differences, I feel a pang in my heart seeing her so fragile. She was my best friend for years; this kind of friendship is never forgotten. Hearing a noise, she raises her face.
— What I told you is true, she says. My excuses. I'm really sorry for everything I said about you. I don't know what happened to me.
She sobs harder. I'm not insensitive, but something has broken between us and I can't see myself going to console her. That would be hypocritical of me.
— I appreciate your apology, I said coolly. However, I would be even more grateful if you left Jessy out of our stories in the future. He already has enough to deal with without you adding to it. The term AIDS is not nice at all, we say HIV positive or AIDS sufferer. Try to remember it.
Amy nods as more tears roll down her cheeks.
— I think I'm actually jealous. Envious of you who have everything you want. You had Chad and now Jessy. Whereas with me, boys just pass through my life without wanting to stay there.
She sniffles loudly. I take a tissue from the pocket of my jeans and hand it to him.
— Amy, my boyfriend is HIV positive, he is doomed to have a short life, do you really think I have everything I want? (I ask him the question more coldly than I intended.) If I really had everything, he would be cured by now.
She looks at me and thinks about my words.
— It's true. But you see, despite AIDS, you love each other, it shows. Whereas me... Even Chad didn't want to stay with me and yet I've loved him for a long time.
— Maybe if you behaved a little better ?
I can't help but make this remark to him.
— You're right. I act like a bitch.
— You weren't like that before... You were a good girl that everyone loved.
She remains lost in her thoughts for a moment.
— I think I got lost along the way. It's up to me to try to find myself...
I can't think of anything to answer him, so in silence, we finish taking off our outfits before leaving the locker room together. Everyone joins their friends without exchanging any further words.
— You didn't kill each other ? Jessy asks me, arms crossed.
— No, in the end it might have allowed me to understand things...
I place my hands on my boyfriend's arms.
— Did you call the laboratory ?
— Not yet. He glances at the clock hanging above the bar. It's only 10 : 30 a.m., I'm going to wait a little longer.
— Tell me, you didn’t want to come here to avoid calling ?
Jessy searches my eyes intently.
— And yes...
— I’ll be there, I interrupt.
He nods and pinches his lips, his face pale.
— Hey, Jessy ! I want my revenge ! Says Chad, showing him the darts.
— I'm coming ! He shouts, then taking my hand, he adds : I beat him at billiards. We were about to play the second part when we heard you talking with Amy.
Arriving in the darts corner of the room, I sit at a table to watch them compete for the target.
— I’ll take the winner, I told them.
It makes me happy to see these two boys talking and joking as if they had always been friends. Maybe one day I'll be able to act the same way with Amy. I glance at her, she is sitting a little further away, away from the others. From her stoic face, I see that she is lost in thought. Despite myself, I feel sorry for her. Being so jealous of other people's happiness must be a feeling that literally consumes her life.
— Meg ? Are you coming ?
Chad's voice brings me out of my thoughts.
— So who won ?
— It's me ! Proudly announce my ex.
— Stroke of luck, comments Jessy with a teasing smile.
— As much as you at billiards !
— Very good in that case for both of us, old man !
I grab the darts.
— Please, honor to the ladies.
Chad steps aside to let me pass and, after adjusting my shot, I launch my first arrow which goes straight… into the wall above the target. Chad bursts out laughing.
— Ah ah ah ! It’s very funny, I grumbled in bad faith.
I turn around and notice that Jessy is no longer there. I look around the room and see him near the bar. He talks with Ethan. I smile, happy that he’s making friends.
— You worry about him all the time, Chad commented, following my gaze.
I return my attention to the target.
— Yeah, that’s true.
— You didn’t have this problem when you were with me. He throws his arrow which lands right in the center of the target.
— Things were different with you. Simpler, but less…, I can’t find the right word.
— Fusional ?
— Yes… I think that’s the term that corresponds.
Chad looks down, I feel like I just hurt him.
— In any case, I'm glad to see that you two are able to get along.
— He's nice in the end, but I have to admit that I take it upon myself every time I see you together.
I stare at him, incredulous.
— I thought you were over our break-up.
— Not really, I always want to hit him when I see him kiss you.
— I remind you that it was you who broke up ! We were too different from what you said.
— That wasn’t the real reason and you know it very well ! The truth is that you were already in love with him and you were going to dump me any day. I just went ahead and found a false excuse.
— I’m sorry, I whispered. I'm sorry you had to worry, but I can't control my feelings.
— I know, but the worst part of this story is that one day he won't be here anymore. However, even when he is dead, you will always love him, you will forever think of him while you will have forgotten me a long time ago. And to know that, it pisses me off !
He runs a hand through his hair, as if, by this gesture, he could erase what he had just said to me. Suddenly his gaze falls on the heart hanging from my neck, I see him make a small face as he reads the words engraved on it.
— Does he at least make you happy ?
I glance over at Jessy who is laughing with Ethan. Another boy, whom I don't know, joined them.
— Yes very.
— So I just have to console myself by winning this game !
— You can still believe it !
I throw a new dart which, this time, lands right in the middle of the target.
Conquering for victory is difficult, but in the end, it is Chad who wins. Satisfied, he goes to join Ethan who is alone drinking fruit juice. Suddenly a hand lands on my shoulder, I jump.
— I was looking for you.
I smiled as I recognized Jessy.
— You won ? He asks me, very pale.
I nod my head negatively.
— Do you want to play a game ?
— No... I called the lab... I need to get some fresh air.
My heart accelerates its pace to a maddening rhythm. I try to read Jessy's eyes but can't decipher the sparkle in his pupils.
— Bad news ?
— Not here, he whispers in my ear.
Without a word, we grab our coats before going out. It feels good to feel the freshness of winter on my skin. Jessy walks along the wall of the establishment, his back to me. He looks so tall, thin and fragile in his knee length black coat. I watch his every move, trying to guess what the doctor might have said to him. My hands are shaking, but it's not from the cold. He remains silent, caressing the wall dirty with exhaust fumes with his fingertips, in a delicate gesture without even paying attention to it.
— Jessy, talk to me, what’s going on ?
He turns to me and I see anger shining in his eyes, his face is closed. My hands start to shake with fear.
— Is it that serious ?
He comes closer to me before speaking to me with disdain :
— The doctor told me that AIDS has not occurred. In fact, I am in perfect health and I can live completely normally, like anyone else !
— But it’s great !
I let out a long sigh of relief. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close. There's still some ice left.
— Isn’t that great ?
I release my grip. He raises his arms and starts pacing again.
— Yes !
— You don't seem to be happy, though. Would you have preferred the doctor to tell you that you were going to die in two months ?
He looks at me, speechless.
— How dare you say that to me ? He said, turning his anger on me.
— That’s the impression you give me. Do you find it easier to get depressed while counting the days ? I watched you today. You had a good time with the people in this room. You joked, you laughed and, within a few hours, you forgot about this damn disease ! I said to him in the same tone. But apparently you can't wait to leave me, to leave me alone. Is this your plan for the future ? Abandon me ?
— I watched you too, were things okay with Chad ? Don't you miss him too much ? You looked very close ! He will surely be able to console you when the time comes !
— Because it’s wrong to stay friends with your ex ?
My voice trembles with anger. I don't understand him, he should be happy, yet he is furious to be in good health, that's the worst ! And now he’s accusing me of I don’t know what with Chad ! Yet I thought I had shown him how much I love him !
— I've heard enough. I'm getting out of here, he said, walking away quickly.
Usually, I would have run after him, but now I've had enough. I want to calm down on my side. I know very well that we will eventually reconcile, once the storm is over. Jessy is impulsive, but when the tension drops, he knows how to explain himself perfectly.
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However, when evening came, my certainty crumbled. I haven't heard from him since midday. I spent the rest of the day with the others in the games room and when class officially ended, I went home as if nothing had happened. To my great relief, the school did not notify my parents. I got through it this time, but, uncomfortable with the mere idea of lying to those close to me, I promised myself not to repeat this experience again.
It's late, I'm lying in bed staring at the lights of the street lamps projecting onto the ceiling of my room, unable to sleep. Arms crossed under my head, I try to understand why Jessy reacted the way he did. All of a sudden, I hear a little click on my window, I look up, the noise repeats. I get up to look out the window. Jessy is in the garden, throwing small stones to get my attention. I wave to him and, grabbing my dressing gown, I go downstairs as discreetly as possible to join him. He waits for me sitting on the swing, his sneakers slipping carelessly on the damp grass.
— Come in, it’s freezing outside.
I tighten the sides of my bathrobe over my pajamas.
— And your parents ?
— They’re sleeping.
Reassured, he follows me into the living room where we take a seat on the sofa, facing each other, after having carefully closed the door.
— I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier.
— I have a hard time understanding your reaction...
— I know, he interrupts me calmly. I'm sick of being in great shape, it's the height of irony !
Unable to sit still, he gets up to face me.
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— I don't understand anything !
He comes closer and takes my hand.
— It's been a little over a year since I learned that I have this filth in my blood. When I found out, everything stopped for me. I gave up sports, painting, everything I loved doing. I was rejected, but I also cut myself off from the world. And today, I am told that I can live like anyone. I feel like I wasted a year of my life. A year that I will never be able to make up for.
— But you can start doing whatever you want right now.
He lets go of my hand and slips his into the pockets of his jeans.
— When I meet the eyes of young people our age, I know perfectly well what they are thinking. They think I must be terrified of dying... That's not the case. Living scares me more than dying. Dying is easy, you just have to let yourself die, but living... How do you move forward day after day with a sword of Damocles hanging over your head ?
His face is lowered, he stares at a small defect on a floorboard. I walk closer to him and slide my arms around his waist.
— We move forward one step at a time, looking toward the future. You will learn to redo projects, because that’s what keeps us all moving forward.
— It’s been a long time since I planned anything for my future.
— Just get back to it. Aren’t there things you’d like to do ?
— Paint, he says. This is what I wanted to do with my life before all this.
— Well, you see, you already have a goal. Something else ?
He takes his hands out of his pockets and hugs my waist in turn, his body pressing against mine. A pleasant shiver runs down my spine.
— Kiss you.
— Very good idea.
I smile.
His lips take possession of mine with infinite tenderness, but also a passion that we strive to contain.
— Why didn’t I meet you before all this shit ? he asks, his forehead against mine.
— I don't know, but I was waiting for you, I was hoping for you.
— Everything would have been so different.
— Don't think about the past, focus on the future. And regarding this, I was waiting for you to have your results to talk about it with you, but what did my brother tell you ?
Jessy gives a mischievous smile.
— I too was waiting to know to tell you. He asked me if I felt fit enough to drive to New York. He would like us both to go and spend a few days with him. I saw that there was a long weekend in February. Maybe we could go there then. What do you think ?
Like a child, I jump up and down because I'm so happy.
— Oh yes ! But… doesn’t it fall at the same time as your birthday ?
— My birthday is the Wednesday just before. But what good does it do anyway ?
— Jessy, you won’t turn eighteen every day. Your mother will want to be with you that day.
He raises his eyebrows as if to say that it’s really a girl’s thing to worry about this kind of thing. However, I have gotten to know Elise well enough to know that she will want to attend all of her son's birthdays, as she fears that there will not be many of them. But of course, I refrain from explaining this to Jessy.
— We would leave on Friday, as soon as classes were over. Do you think your parents will agree ?
I pout, I imagine in advance the face my father will make knowing me alone with my boyfriend for a whole weekend.
— I think I'll let Nick talk to them about it, I suggest, brushing back a strand of his hair that's strayed from his forehead.
— Indeed, it might be better, smiled Jessy, who thought the same thing as me.
— You know, I continue seriously, I don't want you to believe that I still love Chad...
— I was stupid to tell you that this afternoon, he cuts in.
— No, actually, I wanted to talk to you about it... When you saw us talking together during the darts game, we were discussing you.
Jessy releases his grip and takes a seat on the armrest of the sofa with a very interested look.
— Ah good ?
— Yes. Basically, he asked me if you made me happy.
— May I know what you replied to him ?
— I told him… (I sit on his lap and put my arms around his neck.)… that I am very happy with you.
He lets his fingers run down my back, making me shiver again. He stares at me intensely.
— And yet, sometimes I wonder if you wouldn't be happier with him.
— You know that sometimes I hate your frankness.
I suddenly get up.
— Excuse me, I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that, when I analyze the situation, I tell myself that he could offer you everything that I never could. He could marry you, give you children... all the things you can't hope to experience with me.
— I already told you that it’s not important to me. All I care about is being with you.
Jessy gets up and puts his hands on my hips, he pulls me
towards him. Our two bodies are so tight together that it feels like they are one. I feel his manhood awaken and a moan escapes me. He looks at me with a satisfied smile, as if to tell me he's right.
— Stop lying to yourself. Don't tell me you don't want me.
— You no, perhaps ?
I raise a curious eyebrow.
— Of course yes, but I have already explained to you that I would never put your life in danger for a simple desire. I know how to control myself.
— What do I have to do to prove to you that the most important thing for me is to be with you, Jessy ? Of course I want you. Is this what you wanted to hear me tell you ? But if we can never make love, it's not so bad, it's not the main thing in our relationship. I won't leave you for that.
His face is only a few centimeters from mine, I feel his warm breath caress my lips. Delicately, I place my hands on his cheeks and, in turn, I pull him towards me. His lips part and meet mine in a kiss that leaves us both breathless.
— I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but in the games room this morning you called me darling, he smiled.
— I remember it very well, it escaped me. You don't like ?
I brush his cheek with my fingertips.
— On the contrary, I love it !
— You are my love, I whispered before kissing him again.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
