Jessy's screams come from the kitchen before I close the door.
— It was up to me to tell her, not you ! Stop meddling in my life ! You think it’s not difficult enough as it is !
All that comes to mind is that my lover is going far, far away from me. I always thought it would be his illness that would ultimately tear us apart, not a job on the west coast. I sit on the steps of his porch. I know him well enough to know that he's going to come out and get me, thinking that I've run away. He will go first to Nick's where we will be more likely than ever to be surprised. But I don't have the strength to run and hide in a corner and cry. Jessy represents my whole life, he is my whole life. Without him nothing makes sense. How am I going to live without seeing him every day ? Without being able to put my hands on his beautiful face ? Without the taste of his lips on mine ? This seems impossible to me. Just the idea of seeing him move away from me is unbearable. Shortly after, the door flies open and his hurried steps stop abruptly when he discovers me in front of his house.
— I thought you were gone, I was going to see you...
— I know.
— I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out like that.
He sits next to me.
— You'll go ?
Despite myself, my tears begin to roll down my cheeks again. He lowers his head as his shoulders slump in helplessness.
— I don't want to, but I have no choice.
He blows loudly then clenches his jaws.
— My mother sacrificed everything for me. Today, she has the opportunity to take back control of her life. I can't leave her alone, not after everything she's done.
— So it’s me you’re going to leave behind.
It's not a question, just an observation.
— I'm not leaving you. We will always see each other. You will come see me and I will come back for the holidays.
— It won't be the same.
— You think I don’t know ? Do you think I'm happy to get away from you ?
His voice betrays his anger. I see tears appear in his eyes, I place my hand on his knee. Immediately, he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.
— I don’t want us to get lost, I sob.
— It will not happen. You will come see me in August and I will come back for the fall vacation. We'll work it out like this, OK ?
I agree without enthusiasm.
— And then we have two weeks left to spend together, he continues.
I know he's doing his best to cheer me up, but it's not working. I feel disappointed.
— Prom ?
— I will go with you. My mom and I will be leaving right after, so for what we had planned for the night, that falls through. However I wanted to be there for the ball, it was one of my conditions if I agreed to follow her.
— What are the others ?
— That you can come whenever you want and that I come and visit you whenever I feel like it.
— So the ball will be our last evening together ?
With a closed face, he nods.
— To think that we thought only death would separate us. I never would have imagined that. Please, honey, I need a hug.
Jessy tightens his embrace.
— I love you, Megan.
— I love you too. But sometimes love doesn't seem to be enough.
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I would like to hold on to time, even more than usual, so that I never see it leave. Unfortunately, I don't have this power and the two weeks that separate us from his move pass far too quickly. We try to spend as much time together as possible, to make the most of it. However, the hours seem to slip through our fingers like grains of sand in an hourglass. his mother announced their move to the owner of their house, she will return the keys on the night of the ball. She also found a garage that agreed to take care of the sale of her car. As for Jessy's old car, it will stay with us, waiting like me for his return for a vacation which will always be too short. In the meantime, he will leave me the keys so that I can use them as I wish. It really demoralizes me to hear them planning all these projects. I understand the opportunity that Elise has, yet deep down, I can't help but blame her for taking Jessy away from me.
I live the last week as if in a thick fog. I busy myself finding an evening dress, as well as the shoes and accessories to go with it, but my mind dreads this Saturday evening so much that nothing seems real to me. Not wanting to make Jessy feel more guilty, I confided in my brother. With each of our calls, I pour out my sadness and my anger to him. Nicolas tries to find the words to comfort me but struggles to do so.
When the day of the prom arrives, I am extremely depressed.
I'm afraid I won't be able to make it through the evening without collapsing. I can't believe he's leaving, nothing seems real to me.
In the gymnasium, transformed into a ballroom for the occasion, the atmosphere is joyful (much too much for my taste). Silver garlands fall from the ceiling like waterfalls, multi-colored spotlights run through the room illuminating the dance floor. Our classmates laugh, joke, some dance while others chat while having a drink.
— You dance ? Jessy asks me.
— I don't know…
— Come on, we said we would make the most of this evening, he said, taking my hand.
— I know.
— Then stop making that funeral face. Please, dance with me.
I smile at my boyfriend's determination and accompany him among the other dancers. Several eyes fall on us. Word of Jessy leaving has spread through the school like wildfire over the past two weeks. I decide to ignore my comrades. It's my last evening with my boyfriend, only this moment counts. I hold myself against him, head on his shoulder, while the slow music carries us away.
— In case I forgot to tell you, you look great this evening.
I give a shy smile. I don't feel very comfortable in this knee length navy blue silk dress. Two thin straps open onto a draped neckline while the skirt is flared. Silk tends to hug my waist too closely, but if Jessy likes it then that's the most important thing. It's such a change from my usual jeans and casual tops.
— You don’t look bad either, I said, looking at him in his black suit with a white shirt.
He tightens his embrace and we move along, lulled until rock music succeeds the soft music. I take the rest of the evening upon myself so as not to burst into tears. Some students come to say goodbye to my companion. In these moments, I see his lips purse and his jaw tense along with his shoulders. This reassures me somewhat, I am not the only one to take it upon myself, even if he displays great confidence. Several times, I see Jessy looking at the face of the clock that hangs in the room, next to the basketball hoop that is camouflaged behind a large banner in our red and gold school colors.
— I’m going to have to go, he finally told me.
— Already ?
He nods his head.
— But wait. (I cling to his hand as if my life depended on it.) They haven't announced the kings and queens of the evening yet.
— I know but…
— Stay two more minutes, please.
— OK, but then I should really leave before my mother comes here to throw a tantrum because we missed our plane, he adds, smiling.
For my part, I have no desire to smile. I count the seconds I have left to spend with him and when I see the presenter take the microphone as he goes on stage, I know that the countdown has started. The host is a man in his twenties, frail in appearance, but with a friendly face.
— Good evening, I’m Steve, I have the honor of accompanying you this evening. I am all the more touched that this ball will be an exception. Indeed, it was decided by all of this year's students that no king and no queen would be elected. Instead, the school wanted to honor the memory of Amy Braund who, as you know, passed away a few months ago. Amy, if you look at us from up there, know that we have not forgotten you and that we miss you.
This time, it's too much. My tears flow despite myself. I glance over at Jessy and am surprised to see his blurred eyes. He puts his arm around my neck, I snuggle into him. This is our last hug before our goodbyes, I know it. He looks at the clock again and tells me :
— I've got to go.
We agreed that I would let him go without looking back, that I would stay at the party and pretend to have fun a little longer before going home to cry.
He kisses me passionately. I keep wondering how I will live from now on without his arms, his mouth and his gaze. His lips leave mine to rest on my forehead.
— We're not really leaving each other. It’s just goodbye, he whispers. We'll see each other again very soon, in a few weeks.
Taking it upon myself, I nod my head.
— Yes, you're right. Goodbye, I stammered, my cheeks wet with tears.
He lets go of me, walks away a few steps without looking back.
I break down and quickly turn around to catch him.
— Honey, wait !
— Megan, I have to go !
I take him in my arms.
— Just a second. I love you with all my heart, Jessy, don't forget it.
— I love you so much.
He releases my grip before rushing out of the gym. I turn my attention back to the ballroom, biting my lower lip until it bleeds to hold back more tears. Then, raising my head, I make an effort to concentrate on the evening. Jessy is gone, I have to cope, my crying would be of no use. I wish Nick was here, then I could snuggle into his arms and let out my distress. He would understand what I feel at this moment, this desire to collapse
which overwhelms me. Swallowing my despair, I take a deep breath when, suddenly, I feel myself being pulled backwards. I almost fall when I turn around to see who dares to grab me by the shoulders.
— Jessy ? !
He is there, in front of me, out of breath, but with a determined look.
— But…
He takes my face in his hands, crushes his lips on mine before saying :
— I can not do that. I can't leave you.
I hug his neck before seeing behind him, in the doorway, Mrs. Sutter watching us. I can't tell if she's upset or happy to see us so close.
— And your mother ?
— We will find a solution. You are my family too. Do you remember what we said to each other in New York ? You are my wife... If you still want me ?
— Oh, Jessy ! I don't want you to leave, ever.
We kiss again. And this time, I no longer have any doubts about Elise's reaction when I see her leaning against the door, the back of her head tapping the doorframe in despair.
— That’s all well and good, but what are we going to do now? She asks when we join her. The plane is going to leave without us and I no longer have the keys to the house, I remind you that I returned them to the owner. So I'm listening to you !
She is not angry, but seems tired of this situation. I can't blame her, she bet everything on this promotion and now she finds herself stuck in Millisky, all her projects blocked because of Jessy and me.
— We'll start by going to my house.
— Meg, you saw what time it is, we’re not going to wake your parents.
It's a little after 11 p.m. I smiled at Elise’s remark.
— Do you really think my father is sleeping when he knows I'm out with boys ?
And indeed, when we arrive at the house, the lights on the ground floor are on and a happy surprise awaits us : Nicolas' car is parked in the driveway.
— I'm sorry we have to disturb you at such an hour, Mrs. Sutter announces as she enters the living room where my whole family is gathered.
— We thought you were gone, my father said, looking at Elise, then at Jessy, who was holding my hand.
— I would have liked to, but we have a problem, Elise laments as my mother invites her to sit down. They refuse to separate !
My father looks at us and gives a grunt of disapproval. For our part, Jessy and I approached Nicolas who is having a lively discussion with Nina.
— Hello, little sister, he said, hugging me. I came home early to cheer you up, but I see I won't need it. Are you okay, old brother ? He continues, giving Jessy a hug.
— It'll be better when we sort this out, he replies, turning his attention back to his mother. I want you to go to San Diego. This advancement is a great opportunity for you, you must not miss it.
— But what about you ? I'm not going to leave without you.
— Of course yes. Mom, I'm an adult now and you know as well as I do that I have no time to waste. I have to live the way I feel, the way I want to, I can't allow myself to have regrets.
Elise lowers her head in resignation.
They and my parents talk until 2 a.m. It turns out that Jessy will spend part of the summer with her and Jason, his brother, as soon as he finds an apartment to rent in Millisky. At the end of the holidays, he will come back to live here. Everyone agrees that Jessy is a responsible boy, capable of living alone.
Additionally, I give my word that if there is anything concerning my boyfriend's health, I will notify Mrs. Sutter immediately. During the year, he will sometimes go to see his mother for the holidays. Furthermore, by doing so, there is no longer any reason for the judge to reject Jason's request for custody of Elise. As Jessy says :
— In the end everything works out for the best.
— Yeah, except for one detail, Nick intervenes. Mrs. Sutter, you are going to take the plane tomorrow morning, but for tonight, I suggest that you both stay here.
I immediately see my father's gaze move from Jessy to me and I think to myself that I was right to keep quiet about our relationship.
— If Nicolas lends me his sofa, I'll leave my room to Elise, I replied with common sense, because I know that Jessy will stay in Nick's apartment until he leaves for California.
— Perfect ! My brother concluded just as quickly, giving our father no chance to think.
After getting my belongings for the night, I join the two boys in the apartment above the garage.
— When we arrived, you seemed angry with Nina.
— Oh, Megan, I think my sisters are going to drive me crazy! She was telling me about Chad. I told him that she's only fourteen, she can't be madly in love with him, but apparently I was speaking into a vacuum.
— And how did the discussion end ? Jessy questions.
I notice that he grabs a glass of water to swallow some tablets in front of us, which is a first since I have known him.
— I have to take him to see him tomorrow. When I tell you that you two are going to drive me crazy.
— Come on, admit that you prefer Jessy to Chad.
I smile as I lean towards him.
— Let us not compare what is not comparable. Chad is a friend, I like him, but that's it. Jessy…(He looks at him to see his reaction.)… Jess is like my brother.
This makes me happy, because I know that my boyfriend, so often rejected, needs to know people's feelings towards him in order to have full confidence in himself.
— I love you too, buddy.
— Yeah, well, my brother continues with embarrassment. Now that we're all a big family, maybe it's time to go to bed. Everything is turned off at home. (He looks between the blinds.) I leave my room to you, lovers. I'll lock the front door, lower the curtain so no one can see in, and sleep on the couch.
— Thank you, Nick.
I give him a sound kiss on the cheek.
— Thanks, man, Jessy said before following me into the bedroom.
I'm exhausted. I hardly slept a wink these last few nights, too consumed by the anxiety of separation. As soon as I lay down, Jessy pulled me against him and feeling safe, I quickly fell asleep.
The following morning, Elise took the plane to San Diego. Before leaving, she takes me away from the others and asks me as a favor to watch over Jessy. I know at this moment that the roles have reversed and that it is she, now, who is angry with me for taking her son away. But this resentment is a small price to pay compared to his presence at my side. In the afternoon we will visit Chad. This is the third time we're going to see him since he left for Philadelphia. His rehabilitation is bearing fruit. His gait has returned to normal and his language has clearly improved. He still stumbles over certain words, but, compared to what it was just after the accident, the progress is obvious. He is happy to see us. We talk about life at Millisky for a long time, then Jessy and I slip away to go for a walk in the rehabilitation center's grounds. I can't realize that he's close to me and can't let go of his hand because I'm so afraid of seeing
him slip away. When we leave, Chad accompanies us to the door and I am surprised to see that a real bond has developed between my little sister and my ex-boyfriend. They laugh about the same things and talk to each other like they're best friends. This is quite confusing.
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The following week, Jessy spends his time going through the classified ads looking for the apartment of his dreams. We visited several until he settled on a pretty furnished two room apartment, on the ground floor of a small modern residence. We enter through a large living room followed by an open kitchen with a counter on the right, while on the left a small corridor leads to a bedroom of modest but comfortable proportions and a bathroom with shower. The walls are off white and the floor is parquet.
The apartment is very bright and it is this last element that finally convinces Jessy to sign. The place will be perfect for him to work on his painting. Elise will see that the rent is not very high, because she wants to pay it so that her son does not spend all of his inheritance on rental costs. For me, I especially see that it is located two streets from my house.
At the end of the week, Jessy takes the plane to join her mother. He will stay in California until the end of the summer vacation. It's difficult to see him go, even though I know he will definitely come back soon. Our goodbyes are endless and when we finally have to go our separate ways, we both cry.
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