WEAKNESS: One powerful word that could split open the entire universe into half. And mostly that weakness could be spelled as L-O-V-E. But sometimes, it’s when you admit where you are weakest that’s where you become brave.445Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5h8WGCv68Z
I stood in front of Anna’s house like a guard dog. I kept looking back and forth to check if there are any roaming cops around. Since they haven’t checked this part of the area yet, I considered myself safe.
I admit; I can’t go to sleep that’s why I’m here to crash someone’s house. I’ve never done this before but since Anna refused to enter my dreams even my nightmares, the resolve is to come up here.
I watched her window as the light in her room vanished. That’s when I started climbing up the tree, crawled on the roof and knocked on her window. She opened her window after the third knock and her pale blue eyes glowed with curiosity and amusement.
“Hi,” I grinned at her.
She huffed. “I thought I told you not to be a Romeo.”
“You did.” I groaned as I tried to balance myself on the slanting roof.
“Then why didn’t you use the front door?”
I glanced down at their front porch. “I like to go in style?” I wish that didn’t go off with an exuberant question mark.
From my peripheral vision I could see the cops’ car coming. I think Anna had thought of that too but she’s still processing the idea whether to let me in or let me be caught by the roaming cops in their subdivision. She let out a heavy breath in defeat. “Come on in.”
She took a few steps backward as she made room for me. When I got on my feet, that’s when I took all of her in. She’s in her night gown and her dark hair ruffled down her shoulders. She hugged herself when she saw me looking at her. I cleared my throat to right myself.
She forced a smile up at me. “Hi.”
“I guess you’re already tired.” I gestured at her night gown.
“Dom, it’s already past nine o’clock.” She snickered. “Are you here to check on my memory again?”
I had to sigh. “Yes.”
“For the tenth time, yes, I can still remember you.”
“You’ve counted.” I said but then I gave in. “I kept on thinking about you.”
She chuckled. “I was thinking about you. I guess the thought of each other’s a hot line through airwaves."
“More like a Bluetooth.” I countered.
She bit her lower lip as she sat down on her bed. She tapped the space beside her—a motion inviting me to sit beside her. My heart cartwheeled immediately inside my chest that the impact had caught me off guard. It felt like it’s about to leap out of my mouth.
I acted on impulse that when I sat beside her, my weight made her bed creak and shake. I swallowed hard. She laughed at me and I felt mortified.
“Are you okay?” she held out her hand and she palmed my forehead. “You’re very cold. How long have you been outside?”
“Long enough to become a statue.” I answered. She let her hand fall on my cheek and her thumb brushed my skin gently. Her touch scorched my skin, it ignited in electric flames.
“Scott wanted me to de-virgin-ize you before I leave.”
One word: Scott’s name—sensation gone with the wind.
I flinched and her hand fell off my face.
“He said that?” that fowl git. “De-virgin-ize is not even a word.” I scowled at the open air.
She chuckled beside me. “I think he’s just concerned about you. You know… with the celibate thing.” She made quotation marks on top of celibate. “He’s a good friend. I can tell.”
“And now you’re into him?” I huffed. “I thought you hate him.”
“I never said I hated him.” she prompted.
I looked away. I don’t know why Scott had to be so intrusive and tenacious. I never asked him about his love life. He kept secrets from me. Yeah. He is a good friend. Now he is seducing my girlfriend.
“Are you jealous?” I turned to see her smiling at me.
I looked away immediately. “Of course not.”
“It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“Only if you tell me you like him.”
She barked out a laugh. “What? Dom…”
“And why wouldn’t you like him? All the girls in school does.” I started to mimic her. “He’s a very charismatic friend.”
She gaped at me. “You are jealous.”
I glared at her. “I said: I’m not. Okay—”
She grabbed my face and she pulled me towards her. Instantly, she kissed my cheek—I guess that was supposed to be her plan. But I moved my lips to meet hers. If she hated the idea she didn’t object. So I deepened the kiss. I caught her face and I pulled her towards me.
I never planned for an SPG momentum. But then I thought: when you’re at the moment kind of guy, passion just seems to excite you at all the places in your body. It’s a human thing. It’s not my fault, blame human nature for assault in human reproduction.
But then SPG moment stopped. Anna pushed me away. I was thinking maybe I smelled bad or maybe I had gone so far to touching her legs?
She gasped for air. “I think we should lock the door.”
Oh. My eyebrows creased and unwrinkled. “S-sure. Oh-kay.”
She nodded, dazed like me, she got off her bed and locked the door. When she turned back to me this time, she had her hands locked on each other.
I think the room’s swaying and time went gradually slow. I watched her cross the room towards me. As if a needle pricked my ass, I leaped to my feet in front of her. In my utter clumsiness, I almost bumped into her. But she doesn’t seem to mind the distractive gestures at all.
I would be a hypocrite if I say: I hate to tell you, when I know what I wanted to say is: the continuation of the SPG moment. Because it really is the continuation.
I tentatively leaned my head unto her. My eyes focused on her lips, I dropped mine down to capture them. I slowly kissed her like I never cared about the ticking time. Her arms moved up and they grasped my hair, drawing me in.
We fell on the bed. Wood or spring creaking and weight drowning on the mattress. I took my jacket off since the ambiance is getting hotter. I dropped it on the floor and I went back to kissing Anna. Her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her lips, her neck. I kissed her like I was drawing her. Her hands had found their way on my shirt and brazenly she started unbuttoning it. When all the buttons were free, she pulled me down to meet her lips.
My heart was pounding so loud in my chest that the static had set a buzz inside my head. I know this was supposed to be the moment. The girl I love here and my heart attempting to break even. But then I had the slightest moment of hesitation. And that smallest thing had wrung my distraction awake.
So I stopped. Maybe Scott was right. I might be celibate for stopping right at the middle. And tomorrow, I’ll be leaving for the seminary.
“Dom?” Anna asked, worry flashed on her face while her hands tensed on my neck.
“I—I’m sorry, Anna.” I squeezed my eyes shut at a painful—shameful moment. “I don’t know how to do this.”
I heard the smile on her face before I even saw it. “I’m not so sure myself if I can really do this.” I leaned my head down to hers and she pulled me down to rest beside her instead.
“I’m sorry.” I buried shame on her shoulder as I squeezed my eyes shut again.
Her shoulders shook as she laughed. “Dom, please don’t apologize.”
I groaned. Her smile blew some hair on top of my head.
“How old are you?”
I looked up at her face and she raised an eyebrow at me. “Seventeen.”
She snorted. “You’re a year younger than me.” I frowned at her. “I’m eighteen. I thought you know.”
“I don’t.” I sighed and she chuckled. “Maybe I’m too young and too celibate.”
“No, you’re not.”
I kissed her neck. “So… do you still want to continue?”
She caught me by surprise when she elbowed me and instead of hitting my arm, my rib cage caught it. “Ouch.”
She repositioned herself so that she’s looking at me. “I just want to be with you. That’s all I want. Nothing else matters.”
She leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose. I closed my eyes to relish her touch.
I sighed when I looked up the ceiling. It was decorated with calligraphic poetry. Dots glowed at the strokes like they’re constellations made out of letters. They were beautiful.
Anna wrapped her arms around my arm and she rested her head on my shoulder.
“You just found their hiding place.” She whispered.
“Who?”
“The stars.” She breathed. “They hide in the words above us.”
She closed her eyes and I started to freak out. “Anna,”
I felt her smile on my shoulder. “You’re afraid aren’t you?”
I leaned in to her just in time she opened her eyes. She smiled, wrinkled her nose and flopped up to face the ceiling.
“They’re amazing aren’t they?”
“Yes, it is.” She frowned as she found me looking at her. “I meant the calligraphic constellations, Dominic Savio.”
I snickered as I tear my eyes away from her and I brought them up to meet the ceiling.
“You wrote them?”
“By art, yes. But they’re poetry from people I know.”
“Who?”
“Michael Faudet, Lang Leav, Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare.”
I smiled with fascination as I linked my temple with hers. “Which one’s your favorite?”
She stole a glance at me before she turned back her attention to the poetry lines above us. The clouds in her room made it possible to make the calligraphies constellations in the sky. They hang in transparent strings in her bedroom.
She reached out her hand as if to touch the sky and she pointed right up, just above our feet. There were a lot of words in the sky and I don’t know which line she’s pointing at.
She took a deep breath and she started to recite the words like the gentle wave of the ocean floor.
You were the one I wanted most to stay,
But time could not be kept at bay.
The more it goes, the more it’s gone,
The more it takes away.
She turned back to me and smiled softly. “It’s by Lang Leav.”
“Time.” I realized as I say the word. The poem was like a riddle but the answer was quite expected. Rhetorical even.
“I’m like looming over countless of stars,” she said as her eyes reached up the ceiling once again. “wondering how in the world will I connect the dots.”
“The world is an illusion, you know. We live in the realities we cannot take but we endure.” I countered.
“Dom,”
“Yes?”
I heard the sheets ruffle as she turned to me.
“Do you think it’s possible to love someone even when they’re miles away?”
“Distance is just a space between us, Anna.” I scooted closer to her that our noses touched. “It’s only as far apart as our hearts will let it.”
“My best memories will be the ones we’ll make together. And if I forget, please remind me again. Lead me back to you.”
I leaned in and I planted a kiss on her forehead. “I will make my way back to you.”
She giggled. “Oh, I forgot how persistent you are.” but then at the middle of it, there’s a dark cloud hovering above her. Shading away that brief joy on her face. “Thank you, Dom. You brought me back. You’ve mended me from my shattered pieces. You’ve stitched every gaping hole in me. You’ve opened windows from locked doors. You’ve filled in the blank pages of my life and you made me your story… I don’t know why I was given so much so close to the end of the line. It’s like having a death sentence. I was given everything because I’m drying.”
“Anna—” she kissed me to shut me up.
“Thanks for being here tonight.” She whispered. Then I felt her frown. “Should we unlock the door?”445Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaNBOBa2KX
