There are so many reasons to be happy. One of them can be just waking up the very next day. We all should be shallow because happiness comes for free.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I wore a black halter dress for Dominic’s recital. I’ve never worn anything so classy before since I don’t really go to parties. But then this night was an exception because this was a very special night to the one I love.
When I saw him up that stage, his hands playing the rhythm of my beating heart it seemed to me that his music brought me where I was supposed to be. This was gonna be his future and I won’t be a part of it. Dominic was so brilliant that I could not help myself from shedding some tears. I was happy for him. He deserved the applause and the standing ovation that was given to him. My man would go through incredible heights someday. But what saddened me was the fact that I won’t be able to see it happen.
Those made me wonder if Heaven would let me take a peek on him someday. To see if he had gone well or if he was happy with someone else. But then maybe when we die, we also forget so we won’t have that gnawing feeling in our chest that made us jealous while looking down the living.
I joined Dominic and his parents for dinner. His mom treated him like he’s not younger than seven years old. Maybe that’s the outcome when you’re an only child and your parents missed a lot of you while growing up. His parents were always at work—that I concluded. But I knew they love him. I saw how proud they were when Dominic told them about going to Julliard next year. I knew it was coming but still it hit me with thousands of razors. He was slipping away from me like my memories and I could not even do anything to stop it from not happening. I’d be selfish if I would.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked me as he walked me home. He told his parents to go ahead so that he could escort me home and spend a little time together.
I sighed deep inside. “No.” I told myself but my mouth said, “Yes.”
He nodded and we were silent for a bit. I hugged myself from the bitter cold and he draped his coat on my shoulders.
“Anna,”
“Hmm?”
“Aren’t you mad at God for your sickness?”
I frowned as I pulled his coat tighter to me. “No.”
“You think he forgets?”
“No.”
“Then why has he forsaken you?”
I smiled softly. “He didn’t. He just wants me to meet you. We can’t control things when they happen. We just try to live them and be positive about them. Some things happen for a reason. You’re my reason.”
He sighed heavily as he bore his sad blue eyes at me. “I don’t want to leave. What if you’re still here? Who would remind you of me?”
I stopped walking and I hugged him. I forced back the tears that were building in my eyes. He tried to pull away but I held him tighter.
“Just for a little longer.” I almost whispered.
He leaned his temple to mine and I buried my head on his shoulder.
“I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. But I believe that whenever there is hardship there is a lesson to be learned. That there’s always joy in every pain.” I said.
He pulled away to look at me. “I’m scared I’d go looking for that pain.”
I pinched the bridge of his nose and I ran to the front porch. I watched him walk towards me. He was in his white buttoned-up shirt, bow tie and slacks. He looked astonishing in the light of the front porch that it felt so impossible that he’s mine. His blue eyes sparkled with life and it kept my heart jumping inside my chest.
He took the stairs right up to me. I held my breath as he stood before me. He smiled down at me as if he could read my thoughts. I gripped the edge of his coat and his scent lingered on the fabric. My eyes met his blue ones and everything around me dissolved to another place.
“I’m glad you came, Anna.” He said as he moved closer to me. I felt heat rising up my cheeks and I flushed. He dipped his head down and my head tilted up in response.
There were a few more agonizing spaces between our lips. His lips brushed mine and the door opened. We split apart.
“Oh,” mama placed a hand to her chest as her face turned red. She looked at me and I bit my lower lip out of embarrassment.
“It’s late, Anna.” She told me then her eyes darted to Dominic then back to me. “Say your goodbyes.”
Mama went back inside. I squeezed my eyes shut as I turned to Dominic. We both looked at each other and we both laughed.
“Goodbye isn’t a very fascinating subject.” I said.
“I agree.” He countered.
“If goodbye’s a subject in school I’d get an “F”. I’m not good with goodbyes.”
“I don’t ever want to say goodbye.”
I wanted to kiss him. But then I heard mama coming so I wrapped my arms around him and I kissed his cheek. His hand lingered on the small of my back. I breathed.
“You can take your coat back up stairs.” I whispered and I got inside the house without turning back to look at him.
***
It’s hard to hold on to something that you know would never be yours permanently. Sometimes you just have to learn to let go and face the fact that while good things never last some don’t even start.
As I locked my door, my heart pounded so fast that it vibrated my entire body. My breathing ragged and I felt like running. I saw his silhouette by the window and I forced my feet towards him. I opened the window and there he was, my beautiful man. He smiled at me and I let him in. I took a step back as he entered, remembering the first time he came into my room.
“You can’t get enough of me?” he smirked at me.
I smiled although I don’t know if he sees it in the dark.
“I think it’s harder now to keep some distance from you.”
And then he moved so fast in front of me. He grabbed me by the waist and he closed the distance between our lips. They collided with the impact of clashing mountains and I kept him closer to me. My hand traveled up his neck, higher to grasp his hair.
His hands moved to my arms and up to his coat I was wearing. Slowly he slipped it off of me. He cupped my face and he kissed me harder. Every kiss he gave me sent ardor fire all over my body.
I felt myself smile and he opened his eyes to look at me.
“I love you.” his words traced my lips sending feathers that tickled my skin. I sent his lips down to me to taste those words. His hands boldly moved up my bare back and he unclasped the material that was holding my dress.
My thoughts had scattered immediately. With each kiss he was giving me it felt like reaching eternity. My hands had once again found the buttons on his shirt as he lay me down on my bed and they bravely skimmed up to release each tiny button from its hinges.
We were dreaming under the same moon. Even if I had a million reasons to leave, I’d still look for one to stay.
The world spun around us and time seemed to be in our favor. I will always think of his kisses. I will always think of his words on my skin. I will always think of him as long as my mind could remember.
Likewise they say the mind is a super computer inside our body. It’s a three pound mass that we carry in our head that controls everything that we do. It’s a structure that famous scientists once called “The most complex thing we have ever discovered in our universe.” (Info brought to you by Almanac Kids 2014.)
The mind may lie but the heart does not deny. The brain may delete the memories but the heart will always remember.
I sighed as silent tears fell down my cheeks. I looked at Dominic while he sleeps off the night serenely. I tried to savor the moments I have with him. I’ve treasured it inside a little box in my head. I’ve locked it to keep them safe.
I wonder until when I’d be able to call him by his name. I wonder until when I’d be able to tell him I love him. And I wonder until when I’d be able to call him mine.
Sometimes we’re given so little of time to say the things we mean. At least before I forget everything—the coherent blue of his eyes, the feel of his arms, the taste of his lips, the sound of his voice, the length of his smile…
I was able to meet a boy named Dominic Savio along the way…
Without Wax,
Anna 508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhadN6j5cBy
