*WARNING: MATURE CONTENT*
Ch. 13
AMBER
I remember everything about that day like it happened yesterday.
Freshman year had come and gone, and my sophomore year of college had begun. I'd spent that whole day with a group of people in my business class, finishing up this huge project that was worth a big chunk of our grade. There's four of us including me, two girls and two guys. After finishing, the other girl, Bailey, suggests going to get some pizza, and of course none of us say no. The project took over four months of work, so we figured we all earned it.
Around 8pm, my phone buzzes with a text from Charlie asking where I am.
I hesitate, staring at his text. Charlie's gotten more and more aggressive ever since his parent’s divorce, even lashing out at times. He’s constantly asking where I am, what I’m doing, who I’m with, why I’m not responding quick enough.
But, he’s just worried. That’s all. We also haven’t seen each other in a few days too, so it’s understandable. Having someone who cares, who wants to see me each day, who misses me when I’m not there even after four and a half years of being together…it’s beyond my wildest dreams. And things have been hard for him lately. So, I text him that I’m out with some friends and that I'll come by later, and I leave it at that.
My phone buzzes five more times, but Bailey argues that we should stay off our phones for the rest of dinner and enjoy finally finishing our project. Honestly, I pretty much forgot all about my phone as the pizza finally arrives at the table. The night ends up running way longer that I thought it would, and we don't end up leaving the place until around 1 in the morning. One of the guys in my group, Hayden, gave us a ride, so we all prepare to get back in his car and leave.
The other guy in the group, Josh, and Bailey head to the bathroom as we’re about to leave, which I always suspected meant that they went to have a quick make-out session before we left. Why they couldn't wait until we got to campus, I'll never know. So, Hayden and I go outside to wait in his car.
We haven’t been sitting there for more than 2 minutes before my phone rings. It’s Charlie.
"Hello?" I ask.
"Where the hell are you right now?"
Hayden blinks at me like he can hear Charlie, and I turn my head away from him to face the car window. "Lower your voice. Why do you sound so-"
That's when I really look outside the window. I can see him off in the distance down the sidewalk. Even though it’s dark, I know it’s him. My heart rate spikes.
"Get out of the car, Amber."
The call hangs up. I don’t say a word to Hayden as I push the car door open. He calls my name, but I ignore it as I walk towards Charlie. The cold wind bites at my face, but I can barely feel it. He doesn’t even live around here. Had he been on his way to campus to look for me?
It feels like my heart is going to tap dance out of my chest. My heart always spazzes when Charlie is around, but this time feels different. I can’t read his face. He says nothing as he grabs my wrist and begins to walk.
His car is parked crooked about a block away from the restaurant. He must’ve seen us walk out of the pizza place. It’s silent between us the entire car ride to his apartment, and he doesn't wait for me to get out of the car before going inside. I follow behind him, each footstep seeming to echo in the silence. His roommates must not be here.
The moment we walk into his room, he reaches behind me and shuts and locks the door. A second later, his lips are on mine, backing me further into the room. I can smell and taste the alcohol on him. He's been drinking. He's been drinking a lot more ever since the divorce.
We don’t even make it to the bed. He pins me to the wall, our kiss growing deeper. His tongue quickly finds mine.
"Charlie," I moan against his lips. "W-Wait. Let's talk, please-"
"Amber." He kisses me harder, completely cutting my sentence off. "Turn around."
Heart thundering, I turn to face the wall, my palms pressed against it.
"Take your bra off."
With shaking fingers, I reach back under my shirt and unclip my bra. It falls to the ground in slow motion.
Charlie nudges my ankle with his foot, and I spread my legs farther. His arms slip around my waist, and he whispers in my ear, "Good girl."
Using two fingers, he walks them up and up my shirt to my chin. Then, with a thrust, he sticks them in my mouth.
“Amber, when I open your lips like this," he says slowly, his other hand reaching up under my shirt to my stomach, making dizzying circles against my bare skin, "and touch you here like this, doesn't it make you feel good?"
I try to speak around his fingers, but it comes out as a muffled groan. His fingers pump rapidly in my mouth as his other hand roams up and up, stopping firmly on my breast. My breath hitches at his touch.
"Hmmm. You're so sensitive." He’s slurring his sounds. How much did he have to drink? "I know you love it when I touch you here. But I want to touch you somewhere else. Somewhere deep inside you, where no one else can see."
He pulls his fingers from my mouth, and I gulp down air. He grasps my chin, turning my head firmly to meet his lips again. His hand massages my breast, sending pulses of pleasure through me. Charlie twirls his tongue in my mouth as his other hand slips into my pants now, stroking me through my underwear, and I moan at his touch. He pulls my jeans down to my ankles, and I step out of them in a daze. His hand floats back to my waist, and then farther down, tracing patterns on my bare thigh. He moves closer and closer, and my body begins heating up, anticipating his touch. And then his fingers dip under my waistband.
My back arches as he finally works a finger inside me, and I lean my head back against his shoulder with a groan.
"Look at you, opening to my every word and move." His voice comes out like a low growl, his breath warm against my neck. A second finger inside me. I feel dizzy and weak. "You're so obedient.”
Then, a third finger slips in.
"Ah! Ch-Charlie, wait, slow down!" I gasp, and he captures my mouth with his again. The thrusting of his fingers inside me, the flicking and pinching of my nipples, and the pressure of his mouth on mine makes me feel like I’m going to overheat. Tearing my mouth from his, I let out a cry and release. Panting, I fully lean back against him, shivers running through my body. So fast…I’ve never finished so quickly before.
Charlie kisses my neck hard, his teeth scraping my skin. "Tired already? We're nowhere near finished."
Charlie grips my shoulders and turns me around to face him. My eyes widen at the sight of him. His eyebrows are narrowed, and he’s gritting his teeth, his blonde hair matted to his forehead with sweat. The green in his eyes is gone, replaced with a bloodshot, wild, and crazed look as they scramble over every inch of my body hungrily.
"Charlie," I say through slow breaths, "Please...slow down. You’re upset-"
"Stop talking." He pulls my underwear down my ankles and to the ground.
"W-Wait!" I yelp, my face red from being exposed so suddenly. Why is he in such a rush?
His lips are on mine again, and his teeth catch my bottom lip. I moan as his tongue runs along my lips, and I move my mouth in time with his.
Charlie presses his mouth harder and harder against mine. It feels like a competition. I can barely keep up with the pace of his tongue. Suddenly, he pulls back from the kiss. Never breaking eye contact, he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a condom. He then strips off his pants, the full length of him popping out.
My eyes widen. "Ch-Charlie! What are you doing?!"
Ignoring me, Charlie grips my left thigh, hiking my leg up. He squirms in between my legs, and I grasp at his shirt, pound at his chest, yelling, "Wait, please! N-Not yet-"
He pulls my shirt up and sticks the bottom into my mouth. "I said stop talking."
The shirt muffles my scream, and I bite down hard on it as he pushes himself inside.
"God, fuck." He releases a breath, shivering. I gasp for air, holding onto him tightly. He feels hot, and I can't breathe.
Charlie begins to move, thrusting himself into me over and over and over. He pulls my leg up higher, moving deeper inside me. Too fast, he’s going too fast.
At some point, I begin to sob. I’m not sure why. He only grips my leg tighter and bucks his hips harder. He lifts my shirt fully up to my chin, his mouth meeting my breast. He sucks and licks my nipple in time with his movements. I feel like we're going to pound a hole right through the wall.
"Look at us. Look how deep inside of you I am. We're connected, you and I, in a way no one will ever understand." He withdraws himself almost to the tip, and then plunges back in. My mind scatters, and I’m unable to stop the throat-shattering moan that breaks from my throat. "I should chain you to me so no one else can ever see you like this."
"W-What are you saying?" I choke.
“Amber, hold onto me.”
He grabs my other leg and pulls it up, wrapping my legs fully around his waist. He slides in even more, deeper than I thought possible. I scramble to wrap my arms around him tighter, and he pushes me harder against the wall.
"Charlie, this...this position," I gasp through tears. "It hurts! S-Slow-"
"I said stop talking, didn't I? Just moan for me, Amber."
Clinging to him, I dig my nails into his back as he goes faster and faster and faster. I can’t breathe. It feels like he's going to come up my stomach to my throat. I’m overflowing with him filling me up, overtaking my own body. His lips cover mine again, his tongue meeting mine, and he hugs me tighter to him. I’m losing myself. He’s like fire, engulfing me. Surrounding me. Suffocating me.
The lamp sitting on the desk mere feet from us rattles back and forth before falling to the ground, shattering. The physics textbook next to the lamp follows, landing next to Charlie's foot. He doesn’t so much as glance at either.
"Don't run away from me. Don't run away, Amber."
My mind is a daze. Why is he constantly saying that? He growls it over and over and over until he finishes, spilling his load inside me with my name on his lips. As he slows, I finally collapse against him, shuttering. We're both breathing hard.
Charlie drops my legs to the ground. I’m visibly shaking, and not just from the sex. The tears are still steadily streaming down my face, and my vision is blurry. I reach down and grab my underwear and jeans off the floor, slipping back into them as he pulls his up.
"You've been ignoring me lately,” he says flatly, and I flinch.
I glance up at him. He’s got his arms stretched out, and he’s staring at me. It's not a request. Slowly, I wrap shaky hands around him, gripping his shirt in my hands. He cradles my head to his chest, and I breathe in his familiar scent.
"I'm sorry." It’s all I can think to say, mostly because he’s half right and I hate it. My voice is trembling. Why am I so shaken? This is normal. I’ll just explain everything to him, and we’ll work things out, and everything will be okay again. All couples go through rough spots. This is fine. Charlie is safe.
"I get class can be rough, but they can't be so rough that you can't make time for me anymore, right?" His hand is on top of my head, slowly stroking my hair. "I mean, it feels like you don't want to see me."
I tighten my grip on him. "I'm-I'm sorry. That's not it."
He leans back, his eyes boring into me. "You should just live here with me, Amber. Then we can be together like before without any problems.”
“Well, I-“
“Don't you want that?"
I can barely get myself to say the words. He asked me that same question a year ago, about a week after his parent’s divorce. He had this whole speech about moving out of the place with his roommates and having our own place to live and be together. I declined, saying he was making a big decision in an emotional state. I was more than head over heels for him then, but I hadn’t wanted him to make a decision he’d regret. Looking back, I’d been looking out for him when I made that choice.
Now feels different. I love Charlie, but recently there’s something holding me back whenever he asks me to move into his apartment with him. Moving in with him means taking another step toward a future together. That’s everything I've ever dreamed about since my junior year of high school, but I was also afraid that if we took that one step closer, he’d finally see all the hideous things wrong with me. He’d finally see what everyone else had seen, and he would leave. I wanted to hold off until I was worthy. But now…
The thought of living with him completely terrifies me.
He’s changed. I don’t know what to do with our feelings anymore. I haven't for a while. It feels like we’re suffocating each other. And yet, I can’t let him go. Not completely. He loves me, I know he does. He’s just in pain right now, and he’s lashing out. I need to be there for him more. I want to help him. I want to help him so bad.
But I can’t do it. I can't move forward in our relationship. I'm afraid of moving forward. I can’t give him what he wants, not the way he is right now. He terrifies me now, and I’m ashamed of it. I can’t even look him in the eye anymore.
"God, how long are you going to keep saying no?" His voice rises, eyes narrowing. He slams his palms against the wall, pining me between his arms. "You're drifting away from me. I can feel it.”
I shake my head wildly. "No, that's crazy!"
"You used to come at my beck and call." It's like he's talking to himself now. "I had all your attention. You've changed since college. I’m not enough for you anymore, huh?"
"Charlie, you're getting worked up over nothing." It takes everything to keep my voice steady. “If you'd just calm down-"
"Shut up! Don't tell me to fucking calm down, Amber!" He pounds his fists against the wall, and my mouth clamps shut. "You think I'm stupid, huh? You think I'm some idiot? I know what you're out doing every day, you fucking slut."
My entire argument flies out of my mind as his last sentence sinks in. "What?"
"After everything I've done for you. I've given you nothing but love these past years, and this is how you treat me. You’re just like my dad. But I caught you, just like I fucking caught him." His hands move from the walls to my shoulders, and he shakes me wildly as he speaks. “You want to leave me, don't you? Don't you, Amber?"
"Charlie, stop!" I’m crying again, and I hate it. "What the hell is wrong with you? That hurts!"
"Oh, everything's always about you, isn't it?" he sneers. “You're driving me out of my fucking mind, Amber! What is it about you? You think you're hot shit now? Running around fucking anything with a dick, huh? After everything I've done for you. You were NOTHING before you had me. I made you into something! And you think you can just drop me?"
His hands move to my throat. I gag, clawing at them.
"Just say you'll stay by my side. You need me. What can anyone else do for you?" His voice is laced with drunken anger, his beautiful green eyes hauntingly dead. "I'm not the bad person here, Amber. That guy you were in the car with just now. It's him, isn't it? Are you fucking him, too? How many others are there? Is that why you keep saying no to me? You said-"
His head whips to the side as my palm streaks across his face. He stumbles backwards in shock, releasing my neck. I gasp for air, staggering against the wall.
Charlie regains his balance and slowly reaches up, touching his cheek. Then, his eyes land on me. I couldn’t put the expression that crosses his face into words even if I tried. And everything, everything becomes so clear in that instant as he stalks towards me.
And punches me straight across the face.
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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I actually planned on writing this memory way later in the story. But then I thought hard about it and eventually decided to move some events around and so now here it is.
-Zuffy <3
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